by Tiana Laveen
We have degrees and pedigrees…
But we are not too proud, to drop to our knees.
My prayer is that within one another, we find a bit of what we need…
Sovereignty and control, wildness and to be free.
I can’t fight this; it’s a soul’s bloodthirst…
But in order to love a man like Vangelis, I have to love myself first.
Some say, for love, you should never be too proud to beg.
I say love found me, but first, it broke my heart, then my leg.
As we rebuild, we discover new unhealed wounds.
Some were hidden by the glare of the sun, some were outshined by the full moon.
Being a doctor can make some feel like a God, standing tall in our ivory tower.
But there are many problems we can’t solve, and must call on a higher power.
It’s not a weakness to discard delusions of protection. Shut that shit down…
So that we can make a true connection, enjoy this new love that we’ve found…”
She leaned forward and kissed him, wiping his tears away with a gentle glide of her hand.
“That was beautiful. When did you write that?”
“Just now in my head…”
He hugged her tight in his arms as she kissed the bridge of his nose. It didn’t take long for him to find himself inside her once more, making love slow and sure, needing her so desperately that the thought of her ever leaving would surely send him into a panic. He closed his eyes and swallowed his fears.
She’s here with me… I can overthink this, as I do most things. I should enjoy each moment and cherish it.
He kissed her with feverish passion and refused to let go.
I choose to be free. I choose love…
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Oil Fantasies…
Leonard stood in his jeans and oversized white shirt smeared with lubricants and grease.
“I could have just as well taken it to the place down the way for the oil change, Leonard.” Sahara handed her brother a chilled bottle of water.
“Why spend that money when I can just do it for free?” he barked as he grabbed the bottle from her hand, downed half of it, then went back to working on her oil change. Meanwhile, she debated breaking the news…
Despite them both being full grown adults, Leonard had become leery of anyone who crossed her path in the dating arena. She couldn’t completely blame him; her dating life had been a disaster as of late and the pain caused by Damien had to be the straw that broke the camel’s back. Damien had been disrespectful a time or two to their parents as well, claiming they were interfering and other nonsense that was far from true.
How in the hell am I going to tell him that not only I and Vangelis are dating, but we are a committed couple now? He’d never understand…
With the hood of her car up, her brother was partially blocked from view. She repeatedly mumbled ‘yes’ and ‘no’ along the way as he rattled on about work and some new Mexican restaurant that had opened up and served the best steak chimichangas he’d ever had.
“Leonard, let me ask you something.” She pulled up a lawn chair in her garage and plopped down in it.
“Yeah.”
“Remember that guy Roger you told me about at your job? What was your biggest issue with him? I’m asking because someone I saw reminded me of how you described him.”
“Shiiiid, where should I start?” He chuckled. “This mothafucka was a fuckin’ know it all for starters, Sahara. He was one of those White guys that, you know, stand around in suits they can’t afford tryna look down on everyone else. He was livin’ paycheck to paycheck just like the rest of us back then. He was lazy too but took all the credit for shit he ain’t have nothin’ to do with. I can’t stand mothafuckas like that. I knew waaaay more than he did, but he was the one promoted. Racism at its finest.” He chortled dismally before swiping the back of his hand against his forehead, mopping up the sweat.
“So, do you think you and he couldn’t work past differences because he was White and therefore had privilege, or was it because of his personality?”
“Both.” Leonard shut the hood of the car, stepped back, and pulled a stick of gum out of his pocket. After giving it a few hearty chews, he elaborated. “You can’t trust these White people out here, Sahara. I know you’re like the rainbow girl and shit, but us here in the real world, down here on the frontline and in the trenches know the truth.”
“Children aren’t born racist, Leonard. That’s taught. I see children every day. They don’t care that I’m a Black doctor. All they care about is if they are getting a shot and a sucker.”
“You’re right, racism is taught, but I’m talkin’ about grown folk shit right now. I don’t work wit’ kids Sahara so your point really doesn’t matter. Kids ain’t runnin’ the government, alright? They ain’t payin’ my bills, they aren’t making laws and regulations that affect me and runnin’ ’round here with tiki sticks ’nd shit. They ain’t pulling me over and shootin’ and killing me, then lyin’ and sayin’ I had a gun. They ain’t out here makin’ monkey jokes about my culture or talkin’ about, ‘Go back to Africa.’ But these adults? That’s a whole ’nother animal. They’ll sell their own mama to the highest bidder if they believe it’ll help them, and Roger was no different.”
“But don’t you think it’s unfair to stereotype an entire group of people based on a few acting badly? I mean, the same is done to us as Black people, Leonard.” The man regarded her with a raised brow. He chewed louder and louder, like some cow with curd.
“I don’t trust them. The last time we trusted them we ended up on a one-way cruise of Hell to America so nah.” He waved his hand. “Those people aren’t about family or working together as a unit. It’s all about self.”
“There are self-absorbed and selfish Black people too, Leonard.”
“And they learned it from the White man!” She rolled her eyes as the man went on and on about the evils of the ‘pale skins.’
And this is why I refuse to even tell him about me and Vangelis… It would start a war and would get absolutely nowhere.
“And we shouldn’t be getting in bed with them either. I mean, yeah, there’s some cool White people but you best believe if a race war broke out, they’d be right over there wit’ the Tea Party, the Nazis, the KKK and all of them other pieces of shit! When the rubber hits tha road, there they go!”
“So, all of your best experiences in life were only with Black people? You never had a Black person stab you in the back, lie on you, do something that they had no business doing?” She put her hand on her hip and smirked. “Give me a piece of gum.”
He reached into his pocket, pulled out a silver colored wrapper, and tossed it to her.
“Yeah, you need that… ’cause you’re talkin’ shit, Sahara.”
“That’s your best comeback?” She laughed. “Come on, for real. You know what I’m saying to you.” She unwrapped the gum and popped it into her mouth. “We have to stop repeating the same things we’ve said for years and start to use critical thinking. The world is changing whether we like it or not.”
“Ain’t nothing changed! These racist pigs are the same as their parents, grandparents, and great grandparents. The only difference now is they drive Volvos and munch on Granola Bars versus sportin’ a white robe with holes cut in for the eyes. Ain’t nothing changed and you are a fool if you believe that, Sahara.” The man went on and on into another rant.
…Yup. Not saying a word to him about Vangelis…
Leonard had always had something to say when she’d dated outside of her race and this perhaps would be even worse, since he’d served as the inadvertent gate of entry for their union. All he’d see was Vangelis’ skin color versus his character, despite what a wonderful doctor he was to him, how personable and helpful.
“And coonin’ is a way of life for some people! If coonin’ was a job, they’d be millionaires!” Her brother went on and on, not even coming up
for air. She sat there listening and nodding a time or two. It was somewhat entertaining.
On top of it all, Leonard was a hypocrite and though she knew it didn’t mean a damn bit of difference at this juncture, she couldn’t help but bring it up one more time for the people in the nosebleed seats.
“What about Danielle, Leonard?” Leonard smacked the gum a bit harder, his expression tight and angry. “And Sara? You’re talking all this mess and I haven’t forgotten about your two White ex-girlfriends.”
“What about ’em? That’s different.”
“It’s not different. You just stood here and told me that we should have little to do with White people because they are cold hearted snakes, basically, and you had long term relationships with at least two that I know of. You were even thinking about marrying Sara! Mom and Dad didn’t give you any grief about it. All Mom said was that she wished you could have found a Black woman, but she never treated Sara badly and in fact, they were very nice and accommodating to her.”
“I was younger back then, didn’t know any better.”
“Bullshit, Leonard!” She chuckled. “You ran around here singing NWA lyrics, wearing a ‘Fuck the Police’ hat and all of this other militant shit. You had an African flag in your room and yet you would sneak Danielle through the window late at night and have sex with her right under Mom and Dad’s nose! In fact, you went through a stage where all you seemed to date was White women. It’s a miracle that my sister-in-law is Black,” she teased.
“Please! I love me some Black women! Black women have the best bodies. The asses! Damn! I’ll fuck a Black woman into another damn dimension! Welcome to the Twilight Zone, mothafucka!” Sahara rolled her eyes once again and sighed loudly as Leonard went on and on, declaring his love, respect and affinity for ‘the sistas.’ Not once did he address his love for Danielle and Sara, and the others she hadn’t known about. But it was real… her brother had swirled. He’d played in the snow. He’d messed with Becky with the ‘good hair.’ No one gave him shit for it; it was what it was. It was his right to love whoever he wished but regardless of that, she knew her brother wasn’t ready. She’d tested the waters and they both had drowned in a mere puddle.
Hopefully there was a lifeguard on deck…
Vangelis sat on Sahara’s living room couch, his stomach full from their night on the town. She was upstairs changing into something more comfortable, while he sat there like a stewed tomato, replaying his phone call with his mother moments prior.
The conversation had been dryer than stale toast left out on the kitchen counter for two weeks. Mom had called to inquire about some new medication she’d received and once her question was answered, she hung up. There was no gossip, no affirmations, no bad mouthing him and his brothers for the sheer joy of it, no joking around, laughter or love. She’d stated that she was waiting for an apology, and he’d replied that she’d receive one when Dad became President and she, the first lady. Naturally, his response didn’t go over well.
“Hey, baby,” Sahara said lazily as she approached him holding an open laptop. Her hair was wrapped up in a towel and she had on a light blue robe. Her bare feet sank into the plush white carpet as she came closer. “You want to watch a movie or something?” She sat next to him, her focus on the computer screen. The smell of the lavender and white sage Yankee Candles filled the room, making him feel quite amorous. He drew closer to her and wrapped his arm around her waist, then looked down at her computer screen.
“Yeah, that’s fine. Hey, what are you working on?”
“I was updating my bucket list.” She slowly closed her computer and looked at him, a sly grin on her face. “Do you have one?”
“Have a what? A bucket list?”
“Yes.”
“Uh, I don’t believe so.” He shrugged, not certain what to say.
“I find that hard to believe, Van.” Her eyes hooded in disbelief. “You’re one of the most organized and OCD people I know. Surely you have a plan, at least in your mind, for all of the things you want to accomplish in life? Okay, maybe not all… but some.”
He contemplated her words.
“Yes, I suppose I do. Like, uh, I want to go back to Greece. I haven’t been there since I was a child. I would like to visit all sorts of places, actually.”
“What are some of your fantasies? Like things that don’t seem plausible but if you could do them, you would?”
He smiled at her… he liked this question.
“I would be an instrumental person in finding the cure for cancer… all cancers.”
“Now that would be amazing.” She placed her hand on his thigh and looked him up and down.
“Or measles… the creator of a magazine about measles.”
She burst out laughing and playfully slapped his shoulder.
“You’re never going to let me live that down, are you?!”
“Nope.”
He shoved the computer off her lap, grinning. She squealed when he caught her in his arms and carefully carried her away, up the steps to her bedroom. Moments later, the robe covering her body had fallen to the floor and she lay in the bed while he ogled her, admiring his gorgeous prize from various angles. He took his time undoing the buttons on his crisp white shirt. It wasn’t long before he was completely naked, his hard on throbbing with need.
“Tell me one of your fantasies…” she purred.
“I already did. You asked me about—”
“No,” She shook her head. “Not that. A sexual fantasy… a secret. A kink.” She bit down into her lower lip as she slowly opened her legs, exposing her glistening nature. His eyes landed on the sweet pussy pot of gold, and he swallowed in appreciation.
He deliberated on coming clean or playing coy…
I don’t know if she can handle the truth.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, he removed his shoes, one at a time. He felt the warm pads of her palms caressing his back, then her kiss seasoning the sensitive parts of his neck.
“Come on,” she whispered as she wrapped her arm around his stomach and ran her hand dangerously close to his dick. “Tell me…”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Iron Out the Kinks…
Sahara’s heart beat fast as she slid her finger against her baby’s rock-hard cock then gently cupped his large balls. Vangelis sighed he leaned his head against her shoulder, causing his dark, thick hair to tumble. The beautiful waves of his tresses felt soft against her skin as she watched him, coaxed him to tell his hidden secrets… to be open like a present on Christmas morning.
“You want to know my kinks?” He smirked as he closed his eyes and thrust his hips against her delicate touch.
“Yes… tell me.”
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea.” He smiled wide, though she knew he was actually telling her the truth.
“Vangelis, a man like you who has it all put together on the outside has to have secrets. You are so reserved regarding your private life—so protective of it. I understand… it’s just your nature. But, since we’re together now, and we’re doing this… commitment at its finest, you have to open up to me. You have to—”
“Be transparent.” He finished her thoughts. “Just as I promised I’d be.” She nodded in agreement. “This is so hard for me, baby…”
“I know, but you can do it.” She layered the side of his face with sweet, slow kisses.
He sighed as she massaged his dick and kissed his shoulders and neck.
“I like… I like to be in control.”
“Yeah…” She administered more pecks of love to his tattooed flesh.
“I’d like to… tie you up.”
“Mmm hmmm…”
“And I like to fuck… hard and deep.”
“Yeah… keep going, baby.” His Adam’s apple moved as he swallowed, as if he got off simply by speaking the words aloud. She was certainly revved up and ready to go from his confessions…
“And uh… I like to watch.”
“Watch what, hone
y?”
“I keep it to myself but uh… I like porn.”
“Yeah… what kind of porn?”
“My favorite is to watch women play with themselves. I want to watch you… I wanna watch you finger fuck yourself… It really turns me on…”
Without hesitation, she drifted to the headboard and leaned down on the pillow. Opening her thighs, she ran the tip of her index finger against the folds of her pussy. He gave her his full attention, barely blinking as she brought herself joy. Sliding her finger all along her clit, she went around and around, slow then fast.
“Do you like that, Van? You like watching me toy with my pussy?” She smiled big as she filled with delight at his expression.
“Mmm hmmm… keep doing it.”
He inched closer on his knees and began to stroke his veiny cock. His lips parted and his chest rose up and down as she slid her finger within her hole. Each thrust of her digit inspired him to stroke himself with greater speed. His groans and grunts echoed in the room, intertwining with her own. As she neared her orgasm, he hovered above her with one arm close to her waist and the other moving at lightning speed as he rubbed one out. She twisted and moaned until she exploded, the orgasm going straight to her head, her back arching off the bed while a feeling of wonder and sexual possession took her asunder.
“I’m going to cum, baby!” he blurted.
Bringing the tip of his cock close to her entrance, he kept jerking until the white creamy love she’d anticipated shot and poured out of the slit of the head of his dick. The thick liquid dripped all over her pussy, some sliding inside. She kept rubbing herself, massaging his cum into her wet folds.
Spent, he fell upon her, shaking and vibrating until he settled. After a short while, she stroked his hair and then he rose to go to the bathroom. When he came back out, he sported a smirk and looked absolutely delicious. She lightly laughed at his expression as he approached her and climbed back into the bed.
“Do you have any long scarves or anything?”
