by Diane Capri
“Sorry, I’m kidding. Look, if you don’t want to tell me your name, that’s fine. I’ll just keep calling you Clive until—”
“Nikolai.”
All at once she felt him surrounding her, his shoulder beneath the back of her head. A jolt—like the one she felt when she was five years old and stuck a hairpin into the electric wall socket, only not painful—passed through her body, from her heart out to the tips of her fingers.
She opened her eyes but couldn’t see a thing.
Utter darkness.
But she could feel his arms holding her tight, the way she’d held Chloe when she woke up with the night terrors.
“Shhhh...” Again his hot breath spread across her neck. It comforted and electrified her at the same time. “Knowing and speaking the name of an angel with whom you’ve had this much contact should not be taken lightly.”
Part of her thought she might cry. But not from fear. She wasn’t sure why.
“I-I don’t understand. Can I?”
“Can you what?”
“Say your name?”
Under the veil of the absolute gloom, his chest rose and fell. His arms tightened around her.
“Can’t believe I’m doing this again,” he said.
“May I?”
“Yes.” The vibrations from his chest resonated in her shoulders.
“Nikolai.”
All around her, the darkness melted away. She caught the briefest glimpse of what lay beneath them and buried her face in his chest.
“It’s all right,” he said, stroking her hair. “Don’t be afraid. Go ahead, look.”
Trembling, Hope lifted her face and peered over his arm.
Far below—she couldn’t tell how far—she saw a blue mass with green and brown patterns under a floating cottony patchwork. The earth and they were high above it. It was so beautiful she had to force herself to look and not hide her eyes.
“I’m dreaming.”
“You’re not.”
“Then I must be dead.”
“Definitely not.”
She looked up to him and thought he looked resigned. But to what?
“How can we be—how can I be here out in space and still alive?” she said.
“Because you’re not really in space. At least, not as you understand it.” He winced, suddenly. Touched the side of his head.
“What’s wrong?”
“Not sure. It takes a bit of effort to project a construct around you so you can experience this.”
“A what?”
“A construct.”
“I don’t understand any of this, Nikolai.” She wrapped her arms around him even tighter and gazed down at the planet. Though she didn’t sense herself falling hundreds of miles to the surface, everything within her felt that if she were to let go, that was exactly what would happen.
“May I ask a small favor?” he said.
“I’m not in a position to object.”
“Would you call me Nick? Nikolai is so...I don’t know nineteenth-century.”
“Nineteenth—okay, whatever you say.”
Any fear had given way to an odd euphoria. She was staring down at the earth! Not in an astronaut’s space suit but just as she was, wearing nothing but her hotel robe, the belt of which had floated up.
“How’s this possible?” she said.
“Welcome to my realm.” Nick was gazing down at the giant blue marble that was Hope’s home. “I don’t mean that as in my realm where I’m the owner or master, but the realm in which I’m indigenous.”
“So, you’re an alien?”
He shook his head and grinned. “I’ve brought you to the spiritual realm.”
“Not to sound skeptical, but you see that big globe down there, with the continents—North America, Africa, and all? That looks pretty physical to me.”
“Of course. The physical and spiritual realms aren’t mutually exclusive. They coexist, layered and woven together like a basket’s distinct ribbons. But here’s the part most humans don’t realize. Your realm, the physical, is merely a likeness, a dim reflection of reality—which is, of course, the spiritual realm.”
She thought of The Chronicles of Narnia, which her father used to read to her when she was a child.
“Like the Shadowlands.”
“Precisely.”
Just then, something massive overshadowed the moon’s reflected light. Hope turned around just in time to see the large pair of solar panels and a communications dish mounted to the center of a huge NASA-emblazoned satellite—coming straight at them.
“Nick!” She threw herself into his arms again.
“It’s okay, just relax.”
She braced for the impending impact.
“Do something!” she yelled.
“Why?”
She pounded his chest. “Hello? We’re going to die!”
“Get a grip, will you? Now watch. Wait for it...”
Hope turned around and looked on in horror as it careened straight at them.
“We’re going to die, we’re going to—Oh..My—!”
She was about to shut her eyes, but it was too late. She saw the whole thing happen, even as the satellite reached them.
She felt nothing.
In the course of a second—maybe less—the entire satellite passed through them. Or rather, they passed through it. Everything happened so fast Hope could barely make out what she saw inside the spacecraft the moment before it continued past them and cruised into the distance.
“What in the world?”
Nick winked at her. “Of the world, not in the world.”
“You said I wasn’t dead, but I just passed right through solid matter. Oh my God, I’m a ghost—what have you done with my body?”
“You’ve got it all wrong,” he said. “Most mortals do, so I can’t say I blame you. What was it C.S. Lewis said? ‘You don't have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body.’”
“Then what happened to it?”
“You’re still in it.” She loved the way his eyes fixed on hers. “Think of this as another dimension—though even that would be a gross oversimplification.”
“Humor me.”
“Here in the spiritual realm or layer, we’re free from the limitations of physical time and space. Hawking, Einstein, Sagan, all their mumbo-jumbo about quantum physics? At best, their theories are like a six-year-old’s explanation of how semiconductors work.”
“Well, they’re all a heck of a lot smarter than me.”
“Not necessarily.” He took her by both hands and they started moving toward the planet. Slowly, thank God. Since there was no wind nor any sense of motion as Hope knew it, it was astonishing but not really frightening that they were hovering over the Great Wall of China in seconds.
She touched her neck and frowned.
“What is it?” Nick said, floating closer.
“Looking down at the Great Wall reminds me of my father. Before he died, he gave me a jade pendant with a dragon and phoenix carved into it. He told me all kinds of stories about it, and after he died that pendant was the only thing I had from him besides my memories.”
“When did you lose it?”
“Last night, when I...” Hope lifted her eyes to meet Nick’s. “When you saved me.” She put on a brave face and changed the subject. “Anyway, you were telling me about the physical and spiritual realms?”
“I can tell you a lot more, but I think it’s best if I show you.” He pointed down.
“Okay, I guess. The laws of physics don’t apply, so I can’t get hurt, right?”
“Had you been in the physical layer just a few moments ago, you’d be abstract art, splattered over the hull of that satellite by now.” He took her hands and aimed headlong towards the surface of what looked like California.
“Nick?”
He turned and looked her in the eye: Trust me.
“Is any of this real?”
They were flying straight down as he replied.
“All of it.”
CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
LITO PICKED UP AN OLD PHOTO from his desk: Papi and him as a boy of eight on a fishing boat in Ensenada. He was holding a large halibut by the tail, Papi standing proudly next to him—proud because it was Lito’s fourth catch of the day and the only fish he’d kept. “Toss the little fish back and go for the big ones” was a lesson Lito had finally learned.
Had Alfonso been a little fish?
What had he done with the Suarezes? And had he ever so much as hinted to Maria about the secret? Perhaps the best thing to do was to get it out in the open, tell her himself lest she hear it elsewhere—she must have wondered all these years.
Lito set the picture down and sighed. Papi would know what to do. At least, not the old man who was drunk every hour of his final days but the handsome man everyone used to come to for advice, money, and—
A light rap on the door.
“Come in!”
In came Manuel, a tall and lanky twenty-year-old high school dropout with the remarkable ability to blend into any setting—the kid was practically invisible. He was second in line to Alfonso but nowhere near as close to the family.
Following Manuel in was Eduardo, an older man who used to shadow Papi and was now Lito’s advisor, since Papi had died. When he smiled he was like an abuelo, a grandpa, but when he scowled no one dared mistake him as anything but a vicious assassin, hence the very best protection, as well as counsel.
Back in the day, anyway.
Oh, Eduardo could still catch you by surprise and break your neck. But he just wasn’t as quick as he used to be. For now, Lito chose him because he was the only person he could trust—or rather, the person he mistrusted the least.
“Manuel has some information,” Eduardo said, making himself comfortable in the red leather chair at the back of the office. He lit up a cigar, just as he always had when Papi occupied this office. Lito hated the smoke, but the smell brought back the days when he read Superman comics while the two of them talked “business” here.
“What kind of information?”
Manuel looked over at Eduardo, who nodded.
Still standing, Manuel said, “It’s about Alfonso.” His eyes shifted to Eduardo, then back to Lito.
“Go on,” Lito said.
Eduardo got up and slapped the back of Manuel’s head. Hard.
“Estupido! Just tell him what you told me.”
Rubbing the back of his head and glaring back at the old man, Manuel took the spoke up.
“I’m only telling you what I heard, okay? I don’t really know anything and I don’t want to get in any trouble.”
“You will if you don’t stop wasting my time like this.”
“Okay, okay. Well, before Alfonso...died, he was telling me all kinds of crazy stuff. I thought he was just messing with me, being the new guy, you know? But then he starts telling me there’s something coming and I should decide what side I’m going to be on when it all hits the fan, you know?”
Lito glared at him. “Go on.”
“He was saying crap like, ‘When it all goes down I’ll own it all and Lito can kiss my hairy—’”
“When what goes down? Own what?”
“He said if you didn’t turn over the Hernandez branch—”
“Again with the Hernandez branch! Eduardo, why am I the last to know about this?”
“Your father told me never to talk to you about it.”
“How long has—” The conversation had just shifted into an entirely different gear. Lito shot the young man a sharp glance.
“Okay, Manuel?”
“Señor?”
“Get out.” As soon as he’d left, Lito turned to Eduardo. “Tell me.”
“I won’t betray your father.”
“You would betray me, then?” Lito walked over to the old man and took out his gun. He didn’t brandish it or point it, just held it. To threaten him was futile, unless he planned to follow through. But killing two of his top men in the same week would send the wrong message throughout the organization: The head grows weak, insecure.
Eduardo smiled. “I’m protecting you, Lito.”
“Let me decide whether or not I need protection, and from what.”
“That’s not what your father wanted in this case.”
The dance grew more complex. Of course he could force it out of the old man, but that would alter their relationship. Now more than ever he needed the support of the founding members, whoever was left of them.
“My father is dead. He doesn’t have to bear the burden of running this organization, doesn’t have to deal with the Alfonsos in it. He never foresaw any of this.”
Eduardo got out of his chair and walked right up to Lito, so close that the smell of cigar breath went straight into his face.
“He foresaw all of this, even how you are reacting now.”
“Don’t make me do this, Eduardo. You know how my family loves you.”
“And I am always the friend and protector of the Guzmans. Trust me as your Papi trusted me.”
Lito thought of all the times Papi talked down to him in front of men like Eduardo. He’s just a little runt, don’t mind him. Lito? Never going to amount to anything. I wish I had another son, or daughter even—can’t imagine Lito ever taking over for me.
All said in jest, before he even hit puberty, but humiliating just the same. Lito had laughed along with them every time, but when he was alone he sometimes cried. Papi would find him and say, “Come on! I was just joking, Lito!” And he had been, or he’d never have passed the mantel to his son before dying. But his last words about the organization had been, “Don’t screw this up, Lito.”
He lifted the gun and pressed it against Eduardo’s chest.
“Tell me about the Hernandez branch. What did it have to do with the Suarez family?”
The old man’s bushy white eyebrows lifted and fell in resignation. “Has it really come to this, Lito?”
“I’m sorry. I need to know.”
Eduardo pushed the muzzle of the gun aside, steepled his hands, and looked heavenward.
“Forgive me, Señor Guzman. He insisted, as you said he would.”
“You no longer answer to my father, Eduardo. You answer to me.”
“Yeah, well...I’m going to hell because you’re making me break my promise to a dead man.”
“You’re going to hell for a thousand other reasons, don’t worry so much about this one.”
“Ha!” The old man took another puff, sputtered, and slapped Lito’s back. “Now, that’s...funny.”
“So, the Hernandez branch?”
Eduardo sighed. “Okay, sit down. This isn’t going to be easy.”
CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
FOR THE ENTIRE DESCENT Hope clung to Nick with all her strength. Even though the wind passed right through her, she could still hear it. It made a deafening noise, louder than anything she’d ever heard in her life.
“Are we there yet?” she said.
“No need to shout, I can hear you just fine.”
It was like that awkward moment where you think you need to scream above the noise in order to be heard, and then the noise stops and you’re still hollering at the top of your lungs. Hope laughed, but when she saw the sandy grounds of what must have been the Mojave Desert getting alarmingly close, she buried her face in his shoulder.
“Don’t you want to look?” Nick said.
“Tell me when we’re there!”
“We are.”
“What?” She was wrapped around him like a bear cub clinging to a tree trunk. But there he stood, his feet firmly planted in sand that stretched all the way until it touched the horizon, into which the sun was sinking.
“Oh. We’re physical again.” She thumped his back with her fist.
“I see you’ve grown quite attached. But would you mind climbing down now?”
Hope unwound herself and set her feet on the ground. It was real all right, but her sense of reality had changed somehow.
“N
ow do you believe?” he said, giving her a dangerous smile.
“Not sure. This could all be a dream, or a near-death hallucination.” He had to be one or the other—or exactly what he said he was. Whatever the case, she wanted to experience more.
“What will it take, O ye of little faith?”
“I don’t know.” Deep down, she believed. But she wanted more to ground her in this reality. Her head felt light and her legs felt like they were made of linguine. She shut her eyes and sat down in the warm sand.
“Hope?” Nick came close. Without even touching her, she could feel his presence, his warmth.
“I’m just trying to wrap my head around this.”
His placed his fingertips on her forehead.
“Eyes shut, please.”
“Why?”
“I’m taking you somewhere.” He took her hand and helped her to her feet.
“Where?”
“Think of something really significant in your life. Try to remember how it looked, what it sounded like, how it felt, the smell...everything.”
When she opened her eyes, they were standing side by side. But she was now watching a younger version of herself sitting in a glider in that little apartment in Pacific Beach, singing a lullaby to the two-month-old baby in her arms.
“What is this, Nick? It’s so real, but it happened years ago.”
“It’s from your mind. The thoughts you open to me are like a thread from a piece of cloth I can pull—I’m drawing on your thoughts and memories and weaving a perceptual construct for you. Angels do this to help mortals see beyond their comprehension in a metaphorical way.”
“Sounds dangerous.”
“How so?”
“What if the thread is attached to something really dark and frightening? What if you kept pulling on that thread until the whole mind unravels?”
Nick’s eyes narrowed. “Why in heaven’s name would I do that?”
“I’m just saying.”
And then, in the utter nothingness, she heard it.
That doorbell. Her heart sank.
“Oh, Nick—I don’t want to see this.”
“What’s the matter?”
“I don’t know why I chose this memory.” She turned away. “Make it stop.”
“Are you certain?”
The fear in her muffled cry was enough. Nick was just about to end the construct when she grasped his hand.
