LUCA
It was true then. How else would she know my wife’s name? “Tell me about that night.” She looked down at the kids meaningfully and I got the point. The kids-my kids were busy talking to each other and not really paying us much mind. But their little ears were still too close. I didn’t really need her to tell me what I could see with my own two eyes-what I already knew in my heart. But I wanted to hear the words all the same.
“Right, we need to go somewhere quiet and talk. Where do you live?” Her look of surprised panic was almost comical. I could’ve told her that it didn’t matter to me one way or the other because the second I realized these kids were mine, I’d already started rearranging her life. Shit, did she have some other man raising my kids? I’ll kill ‘er.
“Are you married?” The words pissed me off even farther but I’ll have to examine why later.
“No, not many takers for single women with twins these days.” I could’ve told her that most men would overlook all that for a chance to be with someone who looked like her, but now was not the time.
Just beneath the surface of the more obvious issue on the table, was the constant throbbing pain of an erection. The last time I’d had one of those induced by something more than the dream, was the night we’d spent together. The night that was becoming clearer the longer we sat there and with that clarity came a sense of peace. I’d found her.
“Is there some place you need to be? Someone waiting for you?”
“No, just my mom and that’s tomorrow.”
“Good let’s go.” I got to my feet and picked up both my son and daughter giving her no choice but to follow.
The mall was in full swing now as people took advantage of the late hours for the holiday season.
There was laughter and holiday cheer all around us. So amazing that no one here knew how life changing this moment was for us. That others were going about their lives while we were on the precipice of something that will change ours forever.
8
Luca
Once outside and the cold air hit me, and the magic of lights and decorations faded, all that was left was the reality. Was this really happening? And how was I so calm about it? I think I was still processing. There was too much still to put together for me to go off on one of my rages. Plus my kids were seeing me for the first time even though they didn’t know who I was, and I wouldn’t do anything to scare them, not for the world.
I followed her to her car with the intention of following her home, but one look at the vehicle and something inside me seized in revulsion. “You’re not driving my kids anywhere in that.” It was a piece of crap. There was rust on the doors and the tires didn’t even look remotely new. All I saw as I stood there looking down at that travesty was my wife and son wrapped around a tree.
“I’m sorry? This is the only car I have. It’s been getting us around pretty good until now.” My anger came back full force. While I was dining on the best steaks and finest wine, driving the best cars on the market and enjoying the best life had to offer, my kids were driving around in this piece of shit facing certain death.
I don’t know all the particulars of what had happened, why she’d ran and not tried to find me once she found out that she was having my kids, but there was no excuse.
I turned and headed in the opposite direction looking for my truck. “Where are you going? You can’t just take my kids.” She followed behind me pulling at my arm and almost fell. “Be careful you little fool.” I waited until she righted herself and kept going.
We had one problem when we reached my truck. “We’ll have to go back and get the seats from that death trap. You sit in back and hold them.” I kissed both my kids’ hair and put them in the backseat before climbing into the driver’s side.
I drove slowly across the snow-covered lot, taking constant peeks in the rearview mirror at the two little heads in the backseat. There was so much going on inside me at once it was hard to hold onto any one thought.
I wanted to call ma and tell her the news, wanted to take them home with me and never let them out of my sight again. And what’s stopping me? Their mother maybe. My eyes went to her. There was still a lot missing from that night, but it was all coming back now in bits and pieces.
We reached her junk heap and I got out to get the seats. She didn’t have much to say after I shut down her first try to stop me. She’d learn soon enough that once I was set on a course nothing could stop me. Once I had transferred the seats and got the kids settled with me again, I just sat there.
“Where do you live?” She took her time answering but she finally did and I put the address in my GPS before heading out of the lot. I’ll have to call ma soon so that she didn’t worry, but right now my only focus was on getting to the bottom of this.
There was only one thing I was sure of. I had two babies. What had their lives been like without me there to protect them? And the woman who now occupied the seat next to me? What kind of mother was she to my kids?
They looked healthy enough but what did I know? My son hadn’t even made it to a month before he was taken from me, and before him I hadn’t had much to do with kids. Luca and Luna, she’d named my kids after me.
“If you knew who I was why didn’t you tell me about them?”
“I didn’t know who you were.”
“Don’t lie to me. How the fu…how did you name them after me if you didn’t know?”
She went quiet and I think she was blushing but wasn’t sure. “You told me to call you Luca.” No, that wasn’t exactly right. I saw it as plain as if it were now happening. I was inside her, I told her to beg me to fuck her. Why did I call her by my wife’s name? How had we ended up in bed together? That part was still a little hazy. The only thing I could remember is being inside her. Everything else was still blurry, the memories spread all over the place.
I needed to concentrate on the road so I’d have to hold the questions for later, but before the night was over I will know everything. The GPS alerted me that we had reached our destination and I almost turned the car around and left.
“Here, you raise my children here.” I looked over at her and saw the look of shame on her face. Maybe I was being too hard, but I was beyond pissed that this was my kids’ life. I could offer them so much more. Why had she done this to them, to me? What was her fucking game anyway?
I got out and opened the door to get my son. She followed suit and grabbed our daughter. Our daughter, I had children with this woman, this total stranger. What kind of woman had sex with a stranger in a hotel room? That was unfair I know, but I was too pissed to give a damn about what was fair and what wasn’t.
I still had too many unanswered questions, and I hated being at her mercy for all the answers, since it seemed my mind could only recall our lovemaking. I followed her around the side of the little bungalow looking building with the chipped paint and hanging shutters.
I looked at my watch and it was already late. “Pack some things for you and the kids, they’re not staying here.” I guess that was the wrong thing to say because it seemed to get her back up.
“Listen, I appreciate that this has come as a shock to you. Trust me, it’s no picnic for me either, but you can’t just expect to come into our lives and turn everything upside down. It’s late, the kids are tired and they need to go to bed.”
“And they will, just not here.” She wasn’t too pleased but that was to be expected. This was hard for both of us, but I couldn’t think about her feelings or mine. All that mattered was the safety and comfort of my kids.
There was no textbook manual for this situation, no guidelines for me to follow. I’m sure the reality hadn’t quite set in yet, but I knew one thing for certain. I’m not letting them out of my sight… none of them.
I don’t know why or how this happened. Well that’s not entirely true, the little flashes of memory were telling me how, but for whatever reason this…miracle was taking place, it was mine and I’m not about to let go.
<
br /> “I’m sorry but you have no say in this.” And shit like this was not helping the situation. She obviously honestly didn’t know anything about me.
“You wanna bet?” I walked through the little rundown dump in search of the children’s room. I knew there could only be one because the place was too small to have more than two bedrooms.
I must be coming across as a real asshole to her, but she had them for three years. Three years when I didn’t even know they were out there, needing me. The thought hurt my heart and sadness overpowered the anger. Three years without me in their lives and the looks of this place and that thing she calls a car told me all I needed to know about what those three years were like. Was I to blame for this?
I can’t think about that now though, I can only make things right. And I knew just where to start.
It never entered my mind that they weren’t mine. All I had to do was look at them to see the evidence. Not even my siblings resembled me that closely. I knew what I was doing as I put one foot in front of the other going down that hallway. I wasn’t allowing myself to think. The last time I didn’t pay attention I ended up standing over my family’s grave. Fuck if I’ll let that shit happen again.
She followed behind me with the little ones toddling along. I did notice one thing; they were very well behaved kids. They’d been quiet all the way here except for some kind of language they shared between each other. But there hadn’t been any screaming matches no whining. Nothing that you’d expect from two kids who’d just been hijacked by a complete stranger. Or were they used to mommy bringing home strange men?
I looked at her over my shoulder and was surprised that the thought made me feel murderous. “Do you do this a lot?” The words barely made it past gritted teeth.
“Do what?” She looked genuinely surprised by my question.
“Bring men home around my kids.” Her face heated up but along with the embarrassment there was a hint of anger. “No, I haven’t been with anyone since…” She cut herself off and now it was I looking at her quizzically. What had she been about to say?
Luna pulled on my leg to get my attention and broke the spell. “Yes princess?”
“Wanna see my toys?” She did some cute little girl thing twirling around as she asked with my smile on her face. Geez, how could the emotion be there already?
Would it be clichéd to say I was already in love with them? That the moment I saw my son’s little face, my daughter’s, it’s as if I knew. Even before she admitted that they were mine, something inside of me knew. Outwardly three years stood between us, but inside I was already their dad. I took my little girl’s hand. “Sure princess.
I came to the first room and guessed it was theirs from the cartoon characters on the door. Pushing the door open only solidified my plans to take them out of there. The room was tidy enough but the window had a crack and the room was cold, the whole place was cold.
I looked back at her, not accusingly, but I was sure she saw the anger and disdain. “Get their stuff and yours you’re coming home with me. Don’t argue, not in front of the children.” I picked them both up and left the room giving her space to do what she had to.
Ma will be going out of her mind right about now so I sat on the ratty old couch and called her while I bounced my kids on my knees. “Luca where are you? I’ve been worried sick.”
“Ma, I’m okay, something happened.” I didn’t know how to tell her, what words to say. “I’m coming home and I’m bringing someone with me, someone I need you to meet.” That wasn’t accurate either but it was the best I could do.
I grew impatient after I hung up the phone and she was still not back, but just as I was about to say fuck it and head out the door with my kids she came into the room with a little cloth bag. It didn’t take a genius to see how they were living, and that pissed me off no end. I held my tongue for now though and headed back to my truck.
“I need to get my car.”
“Not tonight, I’ll have someone go after it in the morning.”
“What if someone takes it?” I looked at her incredulously as I got the kids settled in their seats.
“You can’t be serious.” That bolt of nuts was good only for scrap.
I didn’t say anything more since she seemed to take offence. But there was no way my kids were ever getting in that thing again. I was aware that I hadn’t let myself think of her, but was focused solely on the kids. That night we’d been together, hadn’t been long after I’d buried my wife. Somehow now that she was here in the flesh it felt like a betrayal.
I had questions of course, but I had to wait until we were alone. The kids might be little but I wasn’t about to have this conversation in front of them. I did notice though that my body was still responding to her nearness. It felt the way it does when I wake up from one of those dreams, only now I had a face to go with it, and the memory of what we did that night. Shit!
9
Bella
What am I doing? I didn’t even put up much of a fight. He hadn’t yelled or done anything threatening to get his way, but somehow I sensed something in him. It was there just beneath the surface. That same forceful manner, like the one he’d used when he’d got me to stay with him that night.
It wasn’t overt, there was no menace in him, but somehow you knew not to say no, not to cross him. I wasn’t used to dealing with anyone like that. He was nothing like my boss the crab. He was just a sleaze. Luca on the other hand was, masterful. That’s the only way I can describe him.
I sat in the car holding onto the seat with white knuckles as he drove carefully through town and took the turnoff to the highway. “Where do you live?”
“New Castle. My family lives there, I’m just home for the holidays.” Figures, New Castle is the ritziest town in New Hampshire, he looked like he belonged there.
I suddenly felt out of place and gauche. Looking down at mom’s coat that I’d been wearing for the last two winters, I wished for something more stylish. At least the kids were clean even if their clothes were bargain basement.
I felt tears prick my eyes and wiped them away before he could notice my weakness. Why did I suddenly feel like a failure? Was he looking at the way we lived and making assumptions?
Outside the car window the lights and Christmas gaiety had faded. “Momma juice please?” I looked back at the kids who had been so good this whole time. What were they thinking? Why had they seemingly accepted this stranger so easily? I reached in the bag at my feet and grabbed two juice boxes. It was going on eight o’clock, way past their bedtime and I could see that they were about to droop, but the day’s excitement was keeping them going.
“Here you go baby.” I leaned over the seat and gave them each a juice. “Why did you stop?” I sat back in my seat to see that he had pulled over to the side of the road. “Nothing; put your seat belt back on.” I did as he asked wondering about the tightness in his voice and the way he seemed to be gritting his teeth? Did he not want me to give the kids their juice in his fancy car?
“They’re very tidy they won’t spill.”
“I don’t care if they tear this shit apart with their bare hands.” He looked back at the kids before pulling back out onto the street. He turned on the radio and a Christmas carol blasted into the car. He reached as if to change the station but Luna heard her favorite song and started to sing, stopping him in his tracks.
He got the strangest look on his face and I could swear his face turned sheet white before he composed himself. I didn’t miss the slight tremble in his hand when he replaced it on the steering wheel and put it down to the events of the evening finally hitting home.
He must be feeling just as out of it as I am. I felt as if I hadn’t been able to think clearly since seeing him again for the first time. Everything seemed to be moving so fast, like a movie on fast forward.
“Does she always sing that song?” Strange question.
“Yes, it’s her favorite, sometimes she makes me play it in April.” The strai
n eased from his face and his body relaxed. “It used to be mine too. A long time ago.”
We drove for another hour no one saying anything since the kids had fallen asleep half an hour ago. It was very uncomfortable and I could imagine he was feeling the same. Where was this all going to end? I was afraid to think about it.
When he pulled into the gates of an estate I knew I was sorely out of my depths. If the kids weren’t fast asleep in the back I would’ve opened the door and ran all the way back home but it was too late for that now.
The driveway seemed to go on forever until we came upon a house that looked like a picture out of house beautiful. The place was lit up for the holidays. I could see the ten-foot tall tree through the window and with the snow backdrop the whole place looked like a winter wonderland.
Out front the yard was decorated with reindeer and snowmen, the hedges beneath the windows covered in twinkling lights. I focused on the mundane so I didn’t freak out by the sheer enormity of the place. It was massive.
“You…you live here?” my voice sounded like Luna’s. Before he could answer the massive front door opened and a man and woman came out on the landing. There was no need to guess who they were, since the man had Luca’s face.
They were both beaming at the sight of us and the man put his arm around his wife’s shoulders. I sat like a lump while he got out and went to the back door. The movement awakened Luna who started to fuss when she awakened in strange surroundings.
“It’s okay sweetheart, daddy’s got you.” My heart melted in my chest. It was the first time he’d called himself that. And when I looked back and saw him kiss Luna’s little head I felt stupid tears forming again.
I only moved and got out of the car when he headed towards the steps with my daughter bundled up in his arms. I couldn’t hear what was being said, but I heard his mother’s scream when he pulled the hood back from Luna’s face.
A Family For Christmas Page 5
