“Good evening, I’m Pastor—”
“God bless you!” Pastor Jackson didn’t have a chance to finish introducing himself before Lula grabbed his hand and shook it vigorously. “I know who you are; Helen looked just like you.” Lula then turned to Micah. “Baby, you look as good as your pictures.” Lula grabbed Micah’s hand. “Come on inside. I told Pastor Lewis y’all were coming by for dinner, and he stopped by to help you arrange the home going celebration. He’s in the kitchen.”
Pastor Jackson and Micah exchanged glances before following Lula through the moderate-sized living room and into the kitchen. Richard Lewis and a much-younger male were already seated at the table. Lula made the introductions.
“Pastor,” she began, “this is Sister Helen’s brother, Pastor Jackson, from California.” She then pointed to Micah. “And this is her son, Micah. I’m sure you remember him from the pictures.” She then introduced the young man. “Pastor Jackson, Micah, this is David. He’s one of the students in the mentoring program at the church.”
Richard hadn’t changed at all, Micah thought. He dressed the same way as he did years ago: in dress slacks and designer sweaters. Micah always thought the sweaters Richard wore resembled those worn by Cliff Huxtable from The Cosby Show. His hair and mustache were the same, except now the wavy black hair was also sprinkled with gray strands. Richard’s right index finger was adorned with the same twenty-four-carat ring Micah helped him select over five years ago. He’d purchased a similar one for Micah and said the jewelry was a symbol of their commitment to one another.
Micah studied the young man seated beside his former mentor. Richard still liked younger men. The kid didn’t look a day over eighteen, if that. The smile on Richard’s face was all the evidence Micah needed. This kid was his next victim.
Richard stood to his full six foot three inch height and greeted them. “Welcome to Chicago, Pastor Jackson. Sorry your trip couldn’t have been under better circumstances,” Richard said, then addressed Micah. “I’ve heard a lot about you. Sister Helen talked about you all the time.” Richard then extended his hand to the out of town guests.
Pastor Jackson lightly shook his hand, but Micah sat down without acknowledging him.
The surprised look on Richard’s face gave Micah some satisfaction. Richard was caught off guard. The old Micah would have never disrespected him openly. When Richard smirked at him, it occurred to Micah that Richard thought he was jealous of David. He sat down next to David and wondered if he should tell the young boy to head for the river and don’t look back. His thoughts were interrupted when Lula asked Pastor Jackson to say grace since he was from out of town.
During grace, which sounded more like a plea for peace, Micah opened his eyes and found Richard staring hard at him. Richard had that very same look in his eyes right before every sexual encounter. In times past, Richard’s burning gaze would have melted Micah’s resolve, and he would have lowered his head and surrendered. Today, Micah returned Richard’s intent look with one of his own. Richard’s lips moved to mouth something to Micah just as Pastor Jackson said, “Amen.”
“I know y’all hungry, so eat up,” Lula stated. “I made plenty of food.”
“Thank you, Ms. Lula,” Micah responded, although he doubted he’d eat much. He hadn’t eaten anything since Pamela fed him soup over twenty-four hours ago. Being in Richard’s presence made his stomach uneasy. That and just having viewed his mother’s lifeless body practically tarnished his appetite.
Pastor Jackson, Richard, and David busied themselves with piling their plates with cabbage, yams, rice, and pot roast.
“So, Micah, what part of California are you from?” David asked excitedly, much to Richard’s dislike.
Richard attempted to run interference. “David, I’m sure Micah doesn’t feel like talking right now.”
Micah ignored Richard. “San Francisco Bay Area,” he answered.
“Really? I want to attend Cal Berkeley, and then Stanford for medical school. Pastor Lewis is going to help me get in after I finish undergrad.” The smile on David’s face confirmed to Micah that this kid didn’t have a clue as to what he was getting into.
“Is that right?” Pastor Jackson asked. “How do your parents feel about you going so far away for school?”
David swallowed his food before answering. “My father’s in jail, and I haven’t seen my mother in years. Next month, I’ll be eighteen and out of foster care. Pastor Lewis said I can go wherever I want and be whatever I want and that he will help me.” By his smile, Micah could tell David really believed in Pastor Lewis the same way he had.
Pastor Jackson and Micah exchanged glances and Richard shifted in his seat.
“If there is anything I can help you with, let me know. I’ll leave you my number,” Micah offered to David.
“Cool.” David helped himself to a second serving of yams. “Hey, do you know Beyoncé or Ciara? I would love to meet them. Those sisters are F-I-N-E!”
Micah smiled in agreement. “Sorry, but I haven’t had the privilege of meeting either of those beautiful women. But if I do, you’ll be the first to know.”
Micah didn’t look in his direction, but he could feel Richard’s dark eyes penetrating his skin. In the past, Richard became irate to the extreme of yelling and screaming, when Micah expressed interest in women.
“Have you made any funeral plans yet?” Lula’s question brought the reason for his trip to Chicago back to the forefront of Micah’s mind.
“The funeral will be Friday,” Micah answered, then lifted his glass of iced tea. “At the mortuary,” he added after he took a long swig.
“You’re more than welcome to have the service at the church,” Richard offered. “Your mother was a member. She may have only been with us a short while, but I’d still be happy to officiate her home going.”
Micah addressed Richard for the first time. “That won’t be necessary.”
“I will be giving my sister’s eulogy,” Pastor Jackson spoke up.
“I can understand that, but you’re still welcome to use the church.”
“I don’t think so,” Micah responded abruptly.
Richard pressed harder. “If you’re concerned about money, I don’t charge the members for use of the facility. In fact, I’m personally prepared to help with the cost of Sister Stevenson’s final arrangements.” Richard set his fork down and continued talking after Micah stopped chewing, and he interpreted Micah’s smirk for a smile. “I’m sure the unexpected cost of this trip has set you back some. I’d like to help you.”
Pastor Jackson cleared his throat, prompting Micah to be careful of what he said in front of Ms. Lula and David.
Micah shook his head. It amazed him that Richard still thought he could use money to control people. “No, thank you. I am well able to handle my mother’s final arrangements.” That was true. In addition to the unexpected insurance policy, Micah had the money he’d been saving for a house. Now that he wouldn’t be getting married anytime soon, he could use that money and save the money from the policy. “I don’t need your kind of help.”
Richard’s gaze hardened on Micah. “The offer is on the table just in case things change,” Richard said, then continued eating.
Not wanting to be in the same room with Richard any longer than he had to, Micah directed his next comment to his mother’s friend. “Ms. Lula, dinner is wonderful, but I really can’t eat right now. I’d like to hear what happened to my mother.”
“Well, baby,” Lula started after she finished off her cabbage, “your mother was so happy that she was on her way to California. That’s all she talked about; you and her big brother, Robert. She liked your fiancée too, and she was already making plans for grandchildren.”
Micah ignored her reference to Pamela. “What happened yesterday? How did my mother die?”
“Baby, I tell you, it was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.” Lula paused to grab a clean paper towel for her eyes. “I helped her finish moving out of her
apartment on Saturday. She stayed the night with me so I could take her straight to the train station after service. That’s how I ended up with her luggage. There we were waiting for service to start, and she was carrying on as usual about you and how happy she was for the chance to be part of your life. Then praise service started, and Helen just went crazy.” Lula smiled and cried as she told them how Helen danced and danced. “I thought she was slain in the Spirit, but she wasn’t; she was with the Lord. Strange as this is, before she started dancing, Helen said this was her last day here. I thought she meant in Chicago, not her last day on earth.”
Micah lowered his head, and Pastor Jackson rubbed his back.
“Baby,” Lula continued, “from what Helen told me, she wasn’t a very good mother to you, but I’ll tell you one thing. Helen loved you, and she was very proud of you. Her main goal in life was to make up for being a drunk for most of your life. She didn’t get a chance to do that, but she did leave here happy.”
“How did my mother end up at your church?” Micah wanted to know.
“That’s the funny part.” Lula laughed. “I was in Jewel Osco’s one day picking up a few items when I overheard your mother arguing with the store manager because the store didn’t carry the patch to help you stop drinking. The middle-aged man tried to explain to Helen that no such thing existed, and she cursed him out.”
Micah chuckled. “That sounds like my mother.”
“The security guard jumped in and tried to tell her that the patch was to help you stop smoking, not drinking. She didn’t like that and cursed him out too. It took your mother all of five minutes to curse out everyone in store, including me, and I was an innocent bystander! When Helen finished calling me things I can’t even spell, let alone pronounce, I told her I knew who could help her with her drinking problem. She told me it better work or else she was going to curse me out again, right before she beat my behind up and down State Street!”
“That’s my baby sister, always ready to fight,” Pastor Jackson laughed. “She was good at it too.”
“I could tell she was; that’s why I prayed so hard for the Lord to help her. I prayed until I was dripping with sweat, right in the middle of State Street. I didn’t care who was laughing at me, my life was at stake. I called on the God of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Daniel, the three Hebrew boys, and a few other folks that may not even be in the Bible. After that, I invited her to church, and we were inseparable.”
Micah allowed himself to relax a little; hearing about his mother this way was therapeutic for him.
“Baby,” Lula said and gently touched Micah’s hand,“Helen was saved when she left here, but she would have passed up heaven in a minute, if anybody ever tried to mess over you. Of that, I am certain.” Lula looked over at Richard. “Isn’t that right, Pastor?”
Richard nodded, but didn’t verbally respond.
Lula continued. “When she first showed them pictures to us, she said, ‘That’s my only child, and I’ll cut a Negro, a Mexican, a Chinese, a Filipino, a Jamaican, and a white man’s throat if they ever hurt my baby!Tell them, Pastor; she sure did say that, and she meant it too.”
Again, Richard didn’t voice a word, but he did nod his head in agreement.
“It seems as though I just saved someone’s life.” Micah looked over at Richard.
Before leaving, Micah gave David his cell number. He didn’t know what he was going to say to the young man. He just knew he had to do something to keep him from making the same mistakes he had. Micah also knew there was a good chance of Richard manipulating the unsuspecting child into giving him his number. That was a chance Micah was willing to take. David didn’t deserve the kind of manipulation and human degradation that came along with Pastor Richard Lewis. David deserved a chance to live his life free from the control of a hypocritical preacher with a fetish for young men.
Except for Pastor Jackson’s snoring, the hotel room was quiet. Micah sat up on his bed and stared amazingly at his sleeping uncle. He couldn’t understand how such horrific sounds could come from a human being. His uncle gave new meaning to the term “calling the hogs.” He was calling the hogs, cows, chickens, and the goats.
The noise and thoughts of his mother prevented Micah from falling asleep. Finally, he gave up and pressed the light switch on the lamp next to the bed. He stretched and walked over to the table that contained the bag from the morgue. With caution, he went through his mother’s belongings. He wanted to hold on to a little piece of her forever.
The only items in her purse were five twenty dollar bills, her ID, some mints, her unused train ticket, and the pictures he’d sent her. He could tell by the worn envelope that Helen looked at those pictures often. Micah’s eyes watered and his heart ached as he looked at his favorite picture. It was the one with him, Pamela, and Matthew at his birthday party. He remembered the first time he saw that photo, and he referred to them as his family. He traced Pamela’s smile with his fingertip. “How do I stop loving you?” he whispered. “And how do I get you out of my heart?” The pictures weren’t offering any solutions to his dilemma, so Micah put them away. The longer he gazed her image, the more he wanted to hold her. The more he wanted to hear her laugh.
Micah turned his cell phone on and checked his voice mail. AC had called and so had Jessica and his aunt. The message that touched him the most was the one left by Matthew. He said he was sorry that his mother had died and that he would pray for him when he said his prayers. Micah waited for Pamela’s voice, but it never came. At first he was disappointed, but then decided it was best that he didn’t hear her voice or talk to her. The breakup would be easier that way.
Micah climbed back into bed, closed his eyes, and just as he began to finally doze off, his cell phone rang.
“What do you want?” Micah said after he recognized Richard’s voice.
“You,” Richard answered frankly.
Micah responded with frankness. “You can’t have me. You can never have me.”
“I’ve already had you, remember?” Richard gloated. “I know being with a woman hasn’t made you forget about me.”
Micah’s jaws flinched, and he fought to keep from yelling and waking his uncle.
“Richard, I haven’t forgotten at all. I remember everything. That’s exactly why I don’t want anything to do with you.”
There was a brief silence before Richard replied. “Micah, I really would like to talk to you. I need to talk to you. I want to know why you left without telling me. Did you know that I spent nearly a year looking for you? I didn’t know if you were dead or alive until your mother showed me those pictures. How do you think I felt learning you were alive and well and hadn’t bothered to contact me after all we’d shared?”
Micah was familiar with the game now, and he knew better than to enter into a conversation with Richard. “We don’t have anything to talk about,” Micah replied, then pushed the red END CALL button.
Chapter 24
Pamela sat on her bed with pen and pad in hand. She’d been in that same position for nearly thirty minutes thinking about what to write. “Where should I start?” she mumbled to herself. “Where do I start to heal?” She set the pad and pen down and walked over to her bedroom window. From her second-level sanctuary, she had an unobstructed view of the miniplayground in the middle of the complex. She eyed her son playing with Tyson. He looked so happy. She looked over to the right at what used to be Steve Larson’s unit. He was back in jail and would be locked away for a long time under the three strikes rule.
A lone tear ran down Pamela’s cheek as she thought about how she allowed her unresolved feelings for her late husband to motivate her to make the decision that could have ruined her son’s life. But thanks to God and Micah, her son had recovered remarkably well and the bond between the two had grown even stronger, unbreakable.
Matthew prayed for Micah every night along with the rest of his family members. To Matthew, Micah was family; he was his father. Pamela had to admit that Micah, in their court
ship, had been better to her than Marlon had ever been, and she was crazy for pushing him away.
Pamela’s heart yearned and new tears flowed every time she thought of Micah. It had been only three days since the breakup, but the emptiness she felt inside made it feel more like an eternity. Every day, she fought the urge to call him. She figured he wouldn’t accept her calls if she did, so she didn’t bother. Pamela wondered if he were thinking of her, if he still loved her. She wanted to talk to him so badly, but she couldn’t, not until she freed herself from the bondage she’d allowed to hold her captive for far too long. She walked back to her bed and sat down. After staring at the silver urn on her dresser for a few moments, Pamela picked up the pen and began writing.
Dear Marlon,
I should have said these words to you a long time ago, while you were alive, but I couldn’t. I didn’t have the courage then to face the truth, but now I do. Marlon, you were a lot of things to me, but good wasn’t one of them. You were the first and only man I gave myself to. And I mean really gave myself to. I lost myself in you and allowed you to abuse me and take advantage of me. I lost sight of reality. The reality being, you never really loved me; you only loved yourself. You never truly cared about my well-being. All you cared about was self-gratification. To this day, I don’t understand why you married me. It certainly wasn’t to have sex, because you had plenty of that without me.
You stripped me of my self-esteem to keep me dependant on you and introduced me to marijuana. You watched me change from a free-spirited, trusting individual to a fearful and paranoid woman. You didn’t care if I or your son had food or shelter. All you cared about was what you wanted. What hurt most was when you questioned Matthew’s paternity. How could you do that? You knew I loved you and was always faithful to you, despite your unfaithfulness. Despite your selfishness, I always gave you all of me. I had this crazy idea that one day you would realize that I was the one who loved you, not the women you constantly played with. But you died before that happened. Looking back now, it wouldn’t have made a difference if you had lived. You wouldn t have changed because you didn t want to change. You liked the way you were; you told me so all the time. You did everything you wanted to do and didn t care who you hurt in the process, including me.
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