Christie let the words and horror drift away, escaping its confinement within her and now shared with someone else.
“My grandma didn’t have much money to send me to get help, so I only did a few sessions. Those taught me how to view the event from the outside. They taught me about not being a victim. I didn’t get any sessions about dealing with the pain, so it really didn’t help me, but at least I was able to help Sara.”
She filled her lungs. “I’ve always feared that I’d tell someone again, and they’d blame me. Half of me wonders if they were right. If it was my fault. If—”
“No. God, no, Christie.” Greg said in a pain soaked voice. “It wasn’t your fault, and the fact that no one believed you, or helped you…” He cut off, holding the back of her head to cocoon her in his body. “And you were so young. Not even an adult.”
“Now I realize I could’ve gotten him for statutory rape, because he was eighteen. That’s now, though. I never got the chance of revenge.”
She took another deep breath, feeling calmer than she ever had been. Greg’s belief in her innocence relieved a block that had been smothering her all this time. “I haven’t been intimate with anyone because of that. You were the first person I kissed since…” She shrugged uncomfortably. “I’ve lied about hooking up with people, just to keep people off my scent. I think I even told Sara that I have two parents. I mean, technically I do, but…” She bit her lip. “I’ve always been ashamed of my past so…I tell people what they expect to hear. I say things that won’t lead to questions about what happened. I’ll come clean to Sara eventually, but sometimes it’s just safer to be predictable.”
“What can I do, Christie? I’ll do anything. You just have to tell me how to help.”
“You are helping. You have helped. Apart from when you tried to push me off the cliff a while ago. That wasn’t helpful.” She pushed on his stomach. His arms relaxed slowly, clearly not wanting to release her. She smiled a little. “I’ve purged, and now I need to return to my happy place, Greg. Let me out.”
“So let’s get back to why I’m mad at you,” she said.
“Christie, I can’t…” He shook his head, his fingers constricting. “I can’t move on that fast. I can’t be light and joking right now. I want to hold you. For me, if not for you.”
“You are so high-maintenance.” She gratefully accepted his arms around her, keeping her head in the now and letting go of the past until another day. She breathed in his smell and soaked in his comfort. “How did you find me?”
“I had Noah take me to the spot he lost you.”
“Then?”
“Then I let my intuition guide me. I saw you, on the cliff, and I thought you were going to jump. I thought—” His voice cracked. “I can’t lose you, Christie. You are everything to me. This past year, even though you’ve kept me at an arm’s distance, has been the most blessed year. I didn’t see that at first, I just saw what I couldn’t have. But when I had more distance, and when I thought about moving on, a friend reminded me of what’s really important. Of my dream. You are a part of that dream, Christie, and if I have to spend the rest of my life hovering around you like an eager child, I will. Just friendship is better than nothing.”
“What about Paige?”
“I didn’t…I wasn’t with her. I want you to know that. To be totally honest, it was Mike that backed me off. I haven’t been with anyone for a long time. Suddenly seeing real-life nudity after a year of…not seeing it can mess with a man’s head. But that’s why we have friends—to pull us way from the brink and show us the way.”
“Just so we’re on the same page—pun not intended—you have just admitted that you watch a lot of porn, and almost screwed Paige because she flashed her vagina at you, yes? Just so we’re clear…”
Greg’s touch delicately slid down her cheek. “If you want to split hairs…”
“You haven’t been with anyone for a year?”
“I had my eye on someone. No one else would do.”
Christie leaned back so she could see his face. It frustrated her that the shadows mostly obscured it. “You were waiting?”
“I was hoping. A wise woman once said that that’s sometimes all we have.”
Christie edged closer again before running her hand up his chest.
“That was the best kiss I’ve ever had in my life,” Greg said softly, his breath ruffling her eyelashes.
She slid her hands around his neck and applied the lightest of pressure. He bent, not lowering fully until she applied more pressure. He was allowing her to retain control. Just like his ability to always say the right thing, now he was showing that he always knew what to do. It meant everything.
Her lips touched his softly, hovering there for a moment. Slowly the pressure increased, the contact intensifying. Her eyes fluttered as a shock of pure electricity zinged through her body, lighting her up and spreading warmth through her like a hot drink on a cold winter’s day. The heat simmered in her body before pooling in a way that she had never experienced.
His tongue slid across her lower lip, asking admittance. She opened her mouth, moaning when he filled it slowly. Expertly. His wild, intoxicating taste filled her senses, reminding her of the plains in Montana where the wild mustangs ran free. She tightened her hold, plastered against his front and not wanting anything more than to stay like that forever; with his tongue delicately mingling with hers and his hands splayed across her back.
Time drifted away until it was just the moment. Him, her, and the kiss. The easiness of it, hiding the lust and longing behind it, made her heart race.
Her hold tightened around him. Her core started to throb, wanting something she’d never wanted in her life. Wanting to give herself to him, as her first.
Emotion cut into the moment. Her previous humiliation, and what had been stolen, clouded her thoughts.
She backed off as a tear rolled down her cheek.
“Are you okay?” Greg asked sincerely. She could barely hear the strain under his words, containing his own need so it didn’t muddy her moment.
She didn’t deserve a man like him. She’d never met someone who did. He was an entity all his own.
“I can’t give you my first time.” A sob choked her. She reeled it back in and forced it down. “I only have scars to give you.”
“That you would give me your scars is an act of trust. That you would try to overcome something that has been plaguing you your whole adult life, for me, is giving me more than most people give to anyone.”
Another tear rolled down, but for a different reason. “Why me? You could have any woman you want.”
“Of course you. It is a rare person who can laugh through her pain. You’ve made me a better person, Christie. The wait was essential, I think, for both of us. The time we spent without physical intimacy allowed us to get closer to each other in a way that normally isn’t normally possible. I mean…” he faltered. His body tensed up. “That is to say…will you do me the honor of going out with me?”
“Yes. But on one condition.”
“Anything,” he said seriously.
“I want to trade. I want you to take me on a date like you would take any girl. A first date, like I was a stranger. Pull out all the stops.”
His fingers ran across her cheek delicately. “And in return?”
“Let me do the same.”
“Deal.” He bent to her, gently pressing his lips to hers. Then, “When?”
“Do you normally ask a girl to tell you the date?”
“Would you like to go out tomorrow night?”
“Yes, sir, I would.”
Greg’s lips smiled against hers. “Women don’t usually call me sir.”
“I’m eccentric.”
“Pick you up at eight?”
“Make that seven-thirty.”
“I see, you’re one of them pushy broads. I’ll have to plan accordingly.”
Christie laughed, moving her hands around his waist. “What did Paige say?
Is she going to try and burn me alive tonight?”
Greg’s arms dropped low, draping over her. “Maybe. She tried to tell me you had sex with Richard.”
“Richard? Come on. She should know better than to use Richard in a rumor like that. No one would believe it.”
“She said Noah and Pete, as well. I think it was Pete, anyway.”
“Richard and Pete? What did you do to rile her up? Because clearly she wasn’t thinking. She broke the cardinal rule of rumor mongering. You have to use something believable that people would expect.”
“Is she like the girls you hung out with?”
The humor drained away somewhat. For once, she didn’t feel like moving to expel the uncomfortable feeling. Against Greg, in his arms, she was content to stay immobile. “Exactly like them, yes. Money, self-entitlement—I couldn’t set aside my prejudices to judge her fairly.”
“But you wanted me to get a job at her Daddy’s place.”
Christie huffed. “I have a feeling that whatever she told you probably wasn’t how it happened, but I did want you to be happy. I didn’t think that was with me. Still don’t…”
“Don’t be an idiot.” He kissed her softly.
After a moment, she took a step back.
“Sorry—did I do something wrong?” Greg asked, bending his arms to hug her more firmly.
“No, but I need to check on the dinner situation. I’m sure the jerk twins took off without cleaning up since I wasn’t there.”
Greg’s hands came away slowly.
Christie slipped her fingers into his hand. “This is a first you can have.”
“The hand holding, or is something horrible about to come at me?”
“Hilarious. I should call you Bobo.” Christie started walking, only to have Greg limp and half stagger to the side. “What’s wrong?”
“I… Ouch.” He bent and braced his hand on his knee with the other leg bent, the foot barely touching the ground. “I rolled my ankle on the way here. I wasn’t looking where I was going.”
“Oh my God, and you were standing that whole time on it? Didn’t that hurt?”
“Not as much as what you were saying hurt you. But walking isn’t that much fun.”
“You clown.” Christie took her hand away and grabbed out her phone. “Do you need a stretcher or…?”
“Call Mike or Jake, would you? I’d rather not walk back on it. It’ll make it worse.”
She pecked Mike’s name in her phone and listed the phone to her ear. “Noah stopped me from busting in on you and Paige, did he tell you?”
“No. Why, what were you going to do—”
“Christie, hi. How are you?” Mike said as he answered the phone.
“I’m good. Hey, Greg rolled his ankle and is being a huge pansy about it. Can you come and help out?”
“Just like him. He acts like a bigger girl than the girls.”
“Um, because girls are better,” she said with attitude. “He’s acting like a boy. Which is why he needs help.”
“Got it. You guys are in the same place?”
“Yeah.”
“Cool. Be right there.”
“1990 called—they want the word cool back.” Christie rubbed Greg’s back.
“Cool. See you in a minute.”
She smiled and hung up before lightly spreading herself across Greg’s broad back. His arm reached back and around her awkwardly, trying to hold her. “Why did you think I would jump? Surely that’s a bit extreme, especially since Mike always goes to the bluff down the way and no one has ever tried to push him off…”
“I grabbed you, not pushed you.”
“Uh huh.”
Greg sighed and then sat down, pulling her down with him. She snuggled against his side, sighing when he put his arm around her again, and pulled her tight. His heart beat, strong and sure, against her ear. “Honestly, you’ve been a little down lately. Jake said something about you…doing something extreme. He was pretty worried about it. And you were standing right on the edge. That’s not a good place to be. You might have fallen, which would turn out the same as jumping.”
“I don’t usually get so close, but I was struggling.”
“It’s always darkest before the dawn.”
“Jake is wise, but he doesn’t know everything.”
“Agreed. And I didn’t take his advice in the end. He told me to move on.”
“But you started to. Last night, when you didn’t text me…that made a statement. I don’t think I would’ve come around if I hadn’t had the fear of losing you.”
“I wanted to text you. I wrote it out, but…I was confused. I believed Paige when she said you wanted me to go. My head wasn’t in the right place. I’m sorry about that.”
“Obviously I was an ass. But in fairness, I wanted you to be happy. Want you to be happy, I should say. I didn’t think you’d want to leave, but she did have an attractive offer. And she’s a beautiful girl.”
“Meh. I’ve seen beautifuler.”
“Nice English.”
“I didn’t go to college for two years like you did. I’m just a dumb kid from the other side of the tracks.”
“My kinda guy.” Christie hugged him as two shadows stepped out of the trees. “Oh fuck we’re gonna die!” A rock flew through the air and conked off a skull. Christie patted the ground beside her for another rock, not even remembering grabbing the first, let alone throwing it.
“Ow! What the hell?” Mike grabbed his head.
“Oh. Sorry. But couldn’t you have announced your presence before stepping out at us like the freaking boogyman? I didn’t even hear you guys.” Christie closed her hand over another rock, just in case.
“I see that rock in your hand. Don’t throw that.” Mike gave her a wide berth in order to get to Greg’s side. Jake followed him.
“Just in case,” Christie murmured.
“Not just in case, Christie, don’t throw that. You have good aim.”
“I know. I throw like a girl. Call me Quick Draw McRock.”
Greg shook his head and started to get up. “We certainly can’t call you Quick Draw McGood-At-Nicknames.”
“Look who’s talking,” Christie muttered.
Mike pulled Greg to his feet, bracing Greg as he hopped on his good foot. “Hit a rock and rolled it hard. Then tried to keep running on it.”
“She good?” Jake’s voice was low and gruff.
“She’s had practice getting back on the horse after taking a fall. She’s good.” Greg looped an arm around Mike’s shoulders.
Jake crossed to Greg’s other side and took more of his weight. “The mustang finally found her herd.”
Christie followed along behind, feeling a softness and warmth in her middle. She’d opened up and trusted another with the truth that had been haunting her all this time. She’d shown him who she really was, and he stuck around. That said volumes.
Now she had to confront the next hurdle. Physical intimacy.
Chapter 14
Greg drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. He sat in the truck dressed in his panty dropper shirt with his snug and fashionable blue jeans. He’d polished his cowboy boots to a high shine and wore his best Stetson hat. Under it his hair was styled in a messy look that would hold up when he took the hat off and mussed the sides. His leather jacket lay on the clean seat at his side, ready to wow her.
He checked to make sure the gum was stocked and in its location, integral to chasing away the bad breath after a meal. If he got a kiss, he didn’t want to singe her eyebrows. Resisting the urge to check his stash of condoms, he checked his watch instead. Half an hour.
Knuckles rapped on his driver’s side window. He jumped and saw Noah stepping back from the door. Noah said, “What are you doing?”
Greg stepped out, leaving the door open. His ankle gave a twinge of discomfort, but it was mostly good. He’d iced it and laid low most of the day, having the guys cover his duties, and then wrapped it. He could walk with only a slight limp.
“I’ve got to pick Christie up in a while.”
“Lucky bastard.” Noah grinned and shoved his hands in his pockets.
“It’s the gun show. Mine are more impressive than yours.” Greg cocked his arm and flexed a bicep. “I got what pleases the ladies.”
“That right?” Noah shook his head and stepped, shifting his weight. “So she finally agreed to go on a date. And with you, the biggest douche in town.”
“What does that make you?”
“Single and horny. Did you hear about Paige?”
“No. What happened?”
“Sara fired her.”
Greg could feel the incredulous expression come over his face. “May and Dan were okay with that?”
“You know Sara—when she puts her foot down, the others listen. But yeah, Florence caught Paige dropping something into the stew. Paige probably thought it was Christie’s stew, because Christie gave Florence the recipe. But Florence had actually made it, so if shit went down, it would’ve been on her watch. Oooh doggie!” Noah whistled, delighted. “Florence isn’t one to mess with, boy. She went nuts. Stormed into May and Dan’s office, raising her voice…”
“I can’t see them taking Florence’s word. She’s said crap about Christie forever, and before that, Sara.”
“Well, right. So they asked Paige, who apparently can talk a good game. They let go of the whole thing. But she would’ve gone for Christie again, you know she would’ve.”
Greg leaned against his newly washed truck. “How did Sara talk them around?”
“Pulled footage of Paige using the visitor exits. It’s a rule that really irks Dan and May. Sara played that up, pulled up some bad visitor comments—she’s thorough. Then came the triple whammy. Jake backed her.”
Conquering Love Page 15
