The dream of hope in his voice pinged at my heart, and I wished I had better news for him. “No. All it means is that you’re in love with me.” I couldn’t look at him, but instead stared at the edge of my towel. I clutched the terrycloth like it was my saving grace, though we both knew I was beyond salvation. “When we kissed before, we weren’t in love. That’s why it was all abstract. Colors and music, but no images. You’re in love now, so you saw things that kissing me makes you want.” My eyes slowly climbed to his as I swallowed down my shame at letting things get so out of hand. “But it’s not real, Finn. It’ll never be real. I didn’t have a vision. In fact, I just started having them with someone else.”
Pain hit Finn, contorting his mouth and nose to a grimace that was hard for me to watch. I resisted the urge to comfort him, to tell him it would be alright and that I was there in his moment of hope lost. I knew I couldn’t. It would be nothing but bad for the both of us if I didn’t rip the Band-Aid off so he could bleed and then start to heal. His words were quiet when they finally came to him. “Who is he?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It’s not Mason, is it?”
“No. Stop guessing. You’re going to leave my guy alone because you love me. Love can’t be selfish. You have to want what’s best for me, even if it isn’t you.”
Finn’s full lips soured. “I am what’s best for you.”
“You know that’s not true.”
“I saved you in there! I went down to the basement through the fire to find you. Me! Where was your guy then?”
“I know, and I’m so grateful you did.” I raked at the flesh on my arm again, surprised when I didn’t feel the ridges from all my previous fits. “I don’t want to hurt you. I actually like you some of the time, so don’t make me do this! I didn’t mean for us to kiss. I didn’t mean to be so naked. I… I… I was just abducted and my clothes were stolen from me! I just held a guy while he died in my arms! I haven’t eaten in days, and I’ve been beaten up too many times! I’m not at my best right now, so give a girl a break!”
Finn’s arms wrapped around me, tucking me into the fortress of his opened towel. He warmed me as best he could until the knock on the door interrupted whatever it was he’d been gearing up to say.
The soldier apologized to Finn for something before Finn shut the door and handed me a pile of clothes. “We don’t have any women with legs, so these shorts are for a teen Kataw boy.”
“It’s fine. Thanks. And I’m sorry, Finn. You rescued me, and I’m hurting you all over the place. I didn’t mean for this to blow up.”
He waved off my apology, chagrin settling over him. “I’ve only ever been in love with Dyesebel. I didn’t think I’d feel this again, especially for someone so different. I mean, you’re not even of my species.”
I stammered more apologies, feeling the lowest of the low. He forgave me, which somehow made it all feel worse. He should’ve been yelling, cussing me out for letting him touch my feet that first time it all went south. I should’ve turned away from the kiss that sucked me in and made me want only more of the luscious luxury
There were a lot of things I should’ve done different.
Twenty-Nine.
Attached at the Mouth
Finn had sent word to Ezra through their elite council communication channel that he would bring me back to the surface once the Topsider team had captured all the Manas and the Ekeks.
Apparently that was going to take more than a couple days.
“You’ll stay with me,” Finn offered as we stood on the shore that separated the king’s fertile island from the rest of the mostly underwater country. The city in the distance was filled with half-submerged houses that butted up to a long peninsula. It was attached to a piece of land that looked like one long marsh. Finn’s arms were banded over his chest, and I could tell by his limited movements that he was still sore from the work the healing waters had done on us. My back was so stiff, I could barely move my muscles without wincing. But I wasn’t bleeding anymore, so you know, bonus.
Finn stepped into the water, the blue going up to his knees as he stood in black pants and nothing else. He had a backpack fitted to him I hoped he could swim with. “I’ll have to work during the day, but so long as you stay locked inside my home, you should be safe.”
“Thanks. So long as Ezra knows where I’m at, that’s cool.”
“He knows. He’s not happy about it, but you’re safer here than with Manas flying around, trying to pick off you and your team at random. It’s temporary,” he assured me. “Come on.”
“Uh, Finn? Is there a boat or something?” I looked to the sea, the waves large enough to make my stomach churn. I’d never seen an ocean in person before, and the village of homes looked so very far away. “You know I can’t swim.”
Finn smirked at me, tilting his head to the side as he reached for my hand. He tugged me forward so my bare feet were cooled from the hot sand in the water. The ocean was warm, like bath water. “I know, little fish. I’ll take you. The only people who use boats are outsiders who come to visit. It draws attention, and I’d rather keep your time here as secret as possible.”
“I don’t like how often I have to push my limits and just trust you.”
He palmed my chin and looked down into my eyes with gentle but stern authority. “Hey, I saved your life back there. Don’t forget it’s me who got you into the healing waters. Then I kept you from Banak’s bedchambers. My men told me he demanded to have you again while we were in the waters. I may push your limits, but I’ll keep you safe.”
“What’s Banak’s deal? He’s got a whole harem. Why me? Not to talk myself down, but I’m pretty normal looking. Compared to legit Mermaids? I can’t imagine why he’s interested.”
Finn touched his toe to mine under the water. “We don’t get many legs in here. The only people with legs are the Kataw like me, and we’re all men. We have to travel to different countries to have sex at all. It’s… frustrating. I’ve had my fair share of women outside of Dagat. The Mermen and the Mermaids can procreate just fine, but for us? We’re starved for a good pair of legs. And yours?” He looked down at my body in a way that wouldn’t do either of us any good. “I wouldn’t have to be starved for legs to see the appeal of yours.”
I gave him a light shove to keep things platonic, though I worried that ship had sailed. “Alright, alright. Knock it off. I get it now. Let’s get going. Why are there hardly any people around?”
Finn tapped his toe to the water. “Most of them are underwater, or in their homes way over there in the village.” He tugged on my hand, leading me deeper until I sucked my stomach in as the water climbed up my body. “Finn? I don’t know about this.”
No sooner had I squeezed the words out did Finn pull my front flush to him and duck down under the surface, his mouth latching to mine. I screamed into his mouth at the speed at which he was torpedoing us through the water. Every second, he seemed to build up our pace, swimming far faster than I’d seen the athletes do on the Olympics. His eyes were open as we shot forward, his head tilted so he could direct our warp speed. I was clinging to him as I hung off his body, my back facing the abyss below. My arms and legs squeezed him like a vice as I whimpered into his mouth, wishing I could tell him to slow down.
Though we were moving crazy fast through the water, it took us a long time to cross to where the village was. I started to panic when Finn pulled his mouth from mine after blowing a long almost sensual puff into my lungs for me to hold onto. “This is the grotto,” he explained, and though we were under the water, I could hear him as if he was speaking through a glass. I wondered if being able to talk clearly underwater was one of their many gifts. He pointed in the distance to a pink and gold coral maze. It was busy with movement, green fish tails flipping out, casting bubbles as we stayed on the periphery.
“Are those Mermaids?” I asked in wonder, not sure if he could hear me without my fishy enhancements.
Finn chuckled, his ch
est moving against mine. “Your voice sounds funny under here. Like a child’s. It’s been awhile since I’ve heard an outsider’s voice that wasn’t screaming for help from drowning or something.”
“Screaming and drowning? Save some sexy talk for later,” I joked, probably inappropriately.
Finn laughed, tracing my leg with his thumb. “Will do. That place they’re going into over there? That’s the market.” Then his mouth was on mine, and my body reacted with too much desire before I remembered he was just blowing more air into my lungs for me. He groaned, pressing me tighter to him. “Oh, you’re driving me crazy.”
When he pulled his mouth away, I tried to appear contrite, which was hard to do so out of my element as I was. “Sorry about that. I got confused for a second.”
He looked deep into my eyes as we continued to shoot forward. “I’m not confused.” The water whipped at us, feeling tepid on impact, but the friction left us with traces of true heat. The enclosed feeling was claustrophobic, but somehow comforting with the space it seemed to give us from the rest of the world. They were far away, and we were hidden from eyes that would make us examine the things I didn’t want to look at too closely.
Finn continued to breathe for me as we raced through the sea. It was a battle not to kiss him. His lips were full and beautiful, but I knew we were too much on the edge already. He was in love with me, and I was in love with Von. Von was in love with me, but was scared of promising me a life he couldn’t deliver on. The whole thing was just swell. And yes, I’d like some kind of prize for not kissing a hot guy whose mouth I was currently attached to. A big friggin’ prize.
Finn swam us like a well-aimed missile to a lone house far away from the village of Merpeople under the water. The village seemed to be a surreal series of apartments all attached like a gigantic honeycomb for Merpeople to pop in and out of. The water was perfectly clear, lit by glowing yellow and rose puffer-sized fish that had been caught and were swimming in bored circles inside of glass balls. The makeshift fishy lanterns hung on posts jutting out of the football field-sized aquatic honeycomb apartment complex. The yellow and pink glow filtered through the clear blue water, but Finn angled me away from view, distant as we were from the village.
Thirty.
A Safe Place to Breathe
Finn’s house was separate and far from any other home or piece of land. I wasn’t sure if that gave me peace or pause. I needed fresh air soon, and knew I was breathing in too much CO2. When we stopped in front of a building the size and shape of a home that was partially underwater, I was worried about being stuck to his mouth much longer. Finn gave me more air to hold in my lungs and fumbled with his keys as if he was nervous letting me so deeply into his private abode. The door opened, revealing a submerged home with a mossy couch in the corner and a table anchored to the concrete floor. He lit the way with his fingertips and swam me through the home, and then up a ramp instead of a staircase.
The second my head broke the surface on the second floor, I cried out in relief at the fresh sea air that didn’t come from a man’s mouth. “There you go. See? I told you I’d take care of you. The Manas can’t fly out this far, and the Ekeks don’t swim.”
“I just… Breathing like that is…” My chest heaved as I sucked in too much oxygen, making me slightly lightheaded while I drooped in Finn’s arms. There was that, plus the whole being beaten and starved thing, and then torpedoing through the water. I was actually pretty proud of myself that I was still conscious. October Grace, the Incredible Conscious Girl! Watch me keep my eyes open like a boss.
“Relax, sinta. I told you I’d take care of things. There’s no place safer than with me.” He lifted me up and carried me like a bride through his home to what I can only assume was his bedroom. He gently sat me on a circle-shaped bed that was fluffy, despite being inside a house in the middle of the ocean. He popped open his window that was a few feet away, making me cry out in relief as more fresh air wafted over me. I was cold, but I didn’t care. I rubbed the goosebumps that broke out on my arms, but couldn’t take my eyes off the blue out the window that I swear had sparkles dancing on the surface. I watched as a Mermaid’s head poked through the waves in the far distance, and then did a dive, flipping her tail up almost in welcome.
Finn ran his hands through my hair as he knelt next to me on the bed. He watched me look out the window as I relished the freedom of breathing on my own. I didn’t realize it until the fifth swipe, but with every pass his fingers made through my tangles, the moisture left it in degrees until my hair was completely dry, and his fingers remained just to play.
“Finn,” I cautioned, but before I could admonish him on all the things we couldn’t do, his hand breezed over my arm, drying my sleeve and giving my goosebumps a new guilty purpose.
“Let me dry you off. I don’t want you to catch a cold.”
Then I did the worst thing I could’ve done in that moment; I let Finn dry me. His strong and capable hands ghosted over my body, warming me in my cold places and relaxing me deep down. I inhaled sharply when he gripped my thighs harder than I was expecting, our eyes meeting in a warning to behave. He dropped my legs and stood, rubbing a sore muscle in his arm. He watched me, debating something that made me feel very small in his far larger presence.
“I’m seeing someone,” I reminded us both. “Someone I love. So don’t let either of us get the wrong idea.”
The corner of his mouth twitched upward, and he turned on his heel out of the room, coming back a few minutes later with a plate of food. “I brought you something to eat in my backpack. I’m guessing you don’t have a need for buhay, like we do.”
“You guess right. Really? You have legit food here?”
“For Duwendes and half-humans who travel through our country.”
My stomach nearly clawed its way out of my body and leapt at the feast of crusty bread, hard cheese with a pink rind on it, a few small fish that looked like they’d been freshly caught, and a dollop of greenish mustard… for the bread? To make a cheese and mustard sandwich? A dip for the fish? I had no idea, but I wasn’t above trying whatever was put in front of me. “Thank you, Finn. I don’t know how long it’s been.”
“Eat up. I didn’t think it was possible for you to get thinner.” He reclined on the bed next to where I sat, his hand finding my back while the other unfurled a scroll on some sort of waterproof parchment. “The joys of being gone a few days. I come back to grim status reports.”
“Because you’re so very important?” I teased. “Only Captain Finn can Superman away the problems of tomorrow, today?”
His finger tickled up my side like a spider, making me squirm. “You joke, but yes. My lieutenant wants to make plans to wage war on Hayop. He says it’s for them violating our trade agreement, but I drink pints with him. Lieutenant Emil just wants to go to war to get away from his nagging wife. Not that I blame him. Frida’s a pill.”
“Remind me why you’re single again? You seem like such a romantic. Tell me more sweet nothings like ‘nagging wife’.” I wolfed down the bread and cheese, only pausing to chew the minimal amount.
“I’m single because I’m always gone. I’m always working. If I’m not keeping the harem in line, I’m keeping my men straight so they enforce the peace among the people. When I’m not doing that, I’m Banak’s ambassador to the Topside, helping Ezra with whatever he needs so we’re seen as team players.”
“Sounds like three people’s jobs you’re doing.”
“Hence the paperwork.” He held up the scroll as evidence. “I’ve got a man in charge of the harem while I’m gone. My lieutenant organizes the guards on my orders while I’m away.”
“You’re helping Ezra, helping bring the stone to Silo, helped lock Geon up, helped save my life. That’s a lot of helping you’re doing.”
“Favors are like cash. You give it when you have it, and when you need it, you can ask for it in spades if you’ve given your favors to the right people.”
“That feels of
f. You should give because you have and other people need, not because you’re keeping track of favors.”
Finn chortled at me and resumed rubbing my back. “That’s very sweet. What a nice worldview. Spoken like someone who’s only responsible for their own household, not tens of thousands.”
“Shut up. Good men don’t give things to get stuff later.”
“Good military men do.”
I turned to look at him over my shoulder. “Is that satisfying to you? Is that the only kind of good you want to be? Good at your job, but not good in your heart?”
Finn quieted, lowering his scroll as he met my eyes. “It’s the only kind of good I know how to be, and I’m the best there is at it. A lot of people are still alive because of me giving to get. I’ve done everything I could to keep our people off of Sama’s rations, and so far it’s worked.” He went back to his paperwork and muttered without looking up, “I sure hope your new boyfriend can jump high on that white horse you’ve got him on.”
I sighed heavily, the exhaustion dawning on me afresh. “He’s not my actual boyfriend. He’s not ready to settle down with only me yet.”
Finn’s hand stilled on my back. “You’re putting me on hold for a guy who’s putting you on hold?” Then he surprised me by chuckling slowly. “I’m sure I should be upset, but I can only feel sorry for the poor, stupid soul who thinks there’s anyone out there better than you.”
I broke off a piece of cheese and fed it to Finn. I’d seen him eat food Topside, but knew it didn’t sustain him. He survived on buhay, like most of Terraway. Food to him was more like chewing gum. Nice, but you can’t live off of it. “We were talking about your world, not mine.”
His eyebrows danced up and down twice as he chewed. “Right, you were telling me how very moral you think I should be.”
Treat (Terraway Book 5) Page 15
