by Ward, Alice
“Jackson, honey. I’m not sure what’s going on, but I hope you know that I’d never try to erase your mother,” Mom told him. Her eyes were full of compassion and I could tell that Jackson’s words hadn’t offended her. She looked at him the same way she looked at me when I was upset. I knew that she’d do anything to make him feel better and I hated him for not appreciating that.
“I’m sorry Gloria, but I can’t do this,” Jackson said. He pushed his chair away from the table and stood. “I hope that the three of you will be happy here. But you can take my name off the list for family parties.” He turned and stormed away from the table.
The Montgomery cousins diverted their eyes and struck up a conversation amongst themselves as Mom turned to Jack.
“What the hell was that? And why weren’t you surprised by it? You could have warned me that Jackson was attached to the décor.”
“I’m sorry,” Jack apologized. “I knew that there was a chance that the news would upset him, but I never expected him to storm away from the table.”
“Jack, why is Jackson so attached to the way the house is now?” I asked. I wanted to understand Jackson’s reaction. That night was the first time I’d ever heard Jackson talk about his mother and I realized I had no idea where she was or why she and Jack had split up.
Jack dropped his voice. “I know that I owe you both an explanation, but can it wait until after the party? The last thing I want to do is feed the family gossip mill. I’m sure the vicious tongues at this table will already be wagging before they make it to the driveway.”
I let out a short, involuntary laugh. It was a comfort to know that Jack felt the same way towards his family as I did. I looked at Mom, who wasn’t amused by my sudden display of amusement.
“Sorry,” I whispered.
She studied me for a moment and then turned to Jack. “I’ll give you a pass until our guests leave, but we’re not going to bed tonight until you’ve told me what all of that was about.”
“Whatever you say darling,” he easily agreed. “And don’t worry about Jackson. I’m sure he’ll feel differently once he’s had a chance to blow off some steam.”
Based on Jackson’s reaction to the renovation news, I doubted the issue would be resolved as easily as Jack claimed. But I kept those doubts to myself. I turned to Mom and raised my voice so that the rest of the table could hear me.
“Are you getting excited about your honeymoon to Ireland? I hear it’s beautiful this time of year. Florence, have you ever been?” I asked casually.
“Why, yes I have,” she replied. “Several times in fact.” She turned to Mom. “Have you booked your hotel yet? There’s a marvelous little bed and breakfast near the northern shore. Roger and I stayed there for a week. I can email you their contact information, if you’d like.”
As Mom and Jack talked to the cousins about the pros and cons of visiting the Emerald Isle, my thoughts turned back to Jackson. The pieces were falling into place in my brain and I had a strong suspicion of why he was so against the renovations. I was certain that everything in the house was exactly as his mother had left it. I pushed grilled asparagus around my plate and wondered if Jackson was alright and where he’d disappeared to.
***
“So you have no idea what set Jackson off?” Lauren asked as she kicked off her heels and stretched out across her bed. My friends and I had politely exited the party right after the dessert plates were cleared. I felt bad for abandoning my mom with Jack’s pretentious relatives, but she was holding her own with them when we told her goodbye.
I sank down on to the vanity seat and sighed. I hadn’t had a chance to hear Jack’s explanation for Jackson’s outburst. But the more I thought about it, the more convinced I was that my theory was true. “He obviously hates the idea of Mom and Jack renovating the house. I’m not sure why he’s so attached to the nineteen-ninety’s décor, but I have some ideas.”
Lauren narrowed her eyes. “You think that’s how his mom left the place?”
I nodded. “I think it’s a pretty safe assumption.”
“Do you know anything about Jackson’s mom?”
I shook my head. “Tonight’s the first time he’s ever said anything about her and she isn’t mentioned in any of the profiles I’ve read about the Montgomerys. Jack said he was going to explain everything after the party, but I couldn’t stand to be there another second. I was afraid all that self-righteousness might start to rub off on me.”
Lauren laughed. “That’s understandable. The food was good, but I can’t say that I enjoyed most of the other party guests, except for your mom’s friends. Becky and I talked to a couple of them at the bar. They seemed pretty shocked by how much Gloria has changed in the last few months. We were all surprised by what she was wearing tonight.”
Finally! Other people had noticed that Mom’s done a complete one-eighty. It wasn’t all just in my head.
“I know!” I rose from the chair and took two bottles of water from our mini-fridge. I tossed one to Lauren, opened mine, and took a long drink. “I’ve never seen her wear pink in my life,” I told Lauren. “And those pearls… she’s suddenly become all girly and domesticated. I’m starting to feel like I’m dealing with a pod person instead of my mom.”
“Do you think that she feels pressured to fit into Jack’s world?” Lauren asked, twisting a section of hair through her fingers. Playing with her hair was a sure sign that Lauren’s brain was churning.
“I would think that, if it was anyone other than my mother. She’s always taught me to never change who I am to make someone else happy. I can’t imagine her going against her own advice.”
I walked to the closet, stepped out of my flats, and stripped out of my party clothes.
“Maybe she is being herself, and Jack has just brought out a different side of her,” Lauren suggested.
I pulled a long t-shirt over my head and padded over to my bed. “Maybe… I guess anything’s possible. She doesn’t exactly seem like herself, but she does seem happy.”
I crawled between my sheets and thought about my mom’s strange behavior. It hit me that if it meant that I could be with Jackson, I’d be more than willing to soften a little around the edges. Maybe that’s what Mom was doing.
Lauren pulled off her clothes without leaving her bed and pulled her blankets up to her neck. Neither one of us was really tired, but we were definitely in for the night.
“Kennedy… you know that you can talk to me about anything, right?” Lauren asked. Her voice broke halfway through the question and I could tell that she was nervous.
“Of course I do.” I replied as reassuringly as possible. I knew what she was getting at. Lauren had witnessed my sob fest at the bridal shop, and then she watched me sulk around our room for a week. She’d given me my space and hadn’t bombarded me with questions, but I knew I owed her some sort of explanation.
“When you called earlier, before we got to the party… you sounded… panicked,” Lauren continued. She propped herself up on one elbow and looked me in the eye. “Was your mom right back in New York? Are you having a hard time with the fact that it’s not just the two of you anymore?”
I stared back at Lauren as I searched my brain for a believable reply. She tilted her head to one side and gave me a patient look, and I decided to tell her the truth.
I took another sip of my water and shook my head. “I’m not upset that Mom and I aren’t on our own anymore. In fact, I couldn’t be happier about it. I had an amazing childhood, and I appreciate more and more how lucky I am to have my mother. But I always wondered what it would be like to have a normal family. I’m excited that Jack is going to be my stepdad.”
Lauren studied my face for a moment, reading me like a book. “You just wish that Jackson wasn’t his son.”
“It’s so hard,” I confessed with tears in my eyes. “I really liked him, Lauren. I know that Jackson and I would still be together if our parents hadn’t announced their engagement. I was pissed when I found
him with Meredith, but I would have gotten over it. I have gotten over it.”
Lauren sat up straight against her headboard. “But Kennedy, your parents did announce their engagement. It would be different if you and Jackson had been dating for a long time before Gloria and Jack came clean about their relationship. But you only went out on one date, and you caught him with his lips on another woman less than twelve hours later!”
Her words brought a new thought to my head. When Jackson was pursuing me, I’d mentioned him to my mom several times. But I never told her his name. What if I had? Or what if Jackson had mentioned me to Jack? If our roles were reversed, would my mother make the same sacrifice for me that I was making for her? There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that she would, which was all the more reason for Jackson and I to keep our mouths shut and our hands off of each other.
“I know that Jackson and I can’t be together,” I assured Lauren. “But it’s going to take me some time to be okay with that. I was furious when he threw his fit tonight and I wanted to slap him in the face for the way he was talking to Mom and Jack. But when he stormed away from the table, all I wanted to do was chase after him.”
“It’s good that you didn’t,” Lauren told me. Her voice was kind and soft, and I felt a huge weight lift off my shoulders. It was a relief to be able to tell someone how I’d been feeling. “I know that this is hard Kennedy, but it’s for the best. You’re attracted to Jackson for all the wrong reasons. He’s the cocky bad boy, the alpha male that’s impossible to resist. But he’s not the type of guy you can build a life with. Your relationship would crumble and take your whole family down with it. The risk is just too high.”
“I know. I just keep telling myself that Jackson is my brother. I figure if I repeat it enough, I’ll finally start to feel like it.”
“That sounds like a good strategy. But this is Jackson, Kennedy. Before long, he’ll start seeing someone else. Are you going to be able to handle that?” She raised her eyebrows and gave me a skeptical, concerned look.
I sighed. “I guess I’ll have to be. Who knows? Maybe Jackson moving on would make all of this easier.”
“Maybe you should get out and meet some new people too,” Lauren suggested. “My best friend from high-school always said that the best way to get over a man was to get under a new one.”
“Lauren!” I blushed at her suggestion.
She laughed and tossed a throw pillow at my head. I caught it and used it to prop myself up in my bed.
“I’m not saying you should go out with Steve again or anything. But you need to get out of this room! Sulking around and pining after Jackson isn’t going to solve anything. There are plenty of student activities going on around campus over break. I think that we should make it a point to go to at least half of them.”
“Lauren, we’ve never gone to those types of things before unless we were running them. Why in the world would we start now?” I asked. I knew that she was right, that I needed to leave our room and join the real world, but I’d never been much of a ‘joiner’ on campus. I enjoyed our FLA activities, but only because I got to be in charge.
“It’s time to broaden your horizons,” Lauren insisted.
“I need to buckle down and concentrate on getting in to law school,” I replied. “And after that, I need to concentrate on getting through law school. There will be plenty of time for dating after that.”
“I know you, Kennedy. You and Patrick broke up right before we met. I watched you carry a torch for him for years. I was starting to think that you’d never open yourself up to love again, but then you met Jackson. And now you’re shutting yourself off again. You have to give up on the idea of falling in love with him, but please don’t give up on the idea of love in general,” Lauren pleaded.
“I’ll do my best,” I promised.
Lauren let out a long yawn. “That’s all I’m asking. Good night, Kennedy.”
“Good night.” I reached over to the nightstand that separated my bed from Lauren’s and turned off the lamp. Before long, Lauren’s breathing softened and light snores filled the room. I rolled over on to my side, tucked the throw pillow between my knees, and drifted off into a fitful sleep.
***
I woke the next morning to a loud knock pounding through our room. I sat up in panic and was surprised to see that Lauren was already awake. She crossed the room and threw open the door. Jackson waited anxiously behind it.
“What the hell are you thinking making so much noise? Do you know what time it is?” Lauren demanded as he shifted his weight from foot to foot.
“I’m sorry to wake you up, but I really need to talk to Kennedy,” he explained. He scanned the room until his eyes fell on me.
“I was already awake,” Lauren told him as he stepped into the room. She slammed the door behind him and stood with her hands on her hips. “Kennedy was sleeping. And I’m sure that whatever you want to talk to her about could have waited until a decent hour.”
I glanced at our alarm clock and saw that it was a quarter to seven. Lauren was right, it was way too early for Jackson to be there unless something was terribly wrong. I jumped out of bed, forgetting that I was only wearing a t-shirt.
“Is everything all right?” I asked frantically. “Is it my mom? Has something happened?”
“Everyone’s fine.” Jackson blushed. “I just wanted to talk to you. I was hoping that you’d let me take you to breakfast.”
I looked past Jackson to Lauren. Her blue plaid bathrobe was tied securely around her waist and her blonde, slept on hair stuck out wildly around her face. She looked like a pissed off crazy person and the last thing that I wanted to do was cross her. She shot me a look that said “Remember what we talked about,” and then sat down on her bed.
“Jackson, I can’t have breakfast with you,” I told him. I knew that he had the power to melt me with one piercing gaze, so I didn’t look him in the eye.
“Do you have other plans?” he pressed.
“Yes,” I lied. “Lauren and I are having brunch with a couple of guys we met at The Pub Friday night.”
Lauren beamed at me with pride and I knew she approved of my cover story. Jackson, on the other hand, looked crushed.
“You’re going out on a date?” he asked, his voice barely a whisper.
“I’m going to brunch,” I repeated. “I’m sorry, but if Mom and Jack are alright I’d really like to get a couple more hours of sleep. If you really need to talk to me, I’ll call you when I get home tonight.”
“You’re going to brunch… but you won’t be home until tonight?” Jackson asked. I could tell that the idea of me with another man was infuriating him. To make matters worse, I was choosing another man over him. I hated hurting Jackson, but I knew it was for the best. We were about to be related. We were both going to have to get used to seeing each other with other people.
“Last time I checked, Kennedy’s schedule wasn’t any of your business,” Lauren told him. He turned to face her and she gave him a bold, daring stare. It was clear that she wasn’t going to back down.
“Of course,” Jackson replied. “Again, I apologize.” He turned back and stared at me. Several moments of awkward silence passed and I knew he was searching my face for any sign of hope that we could be together. I didn’t give him one.
“I’m sorry about my outburst last night,” He broke the silence with a composed, even voice. “The way I spoke to your mother was inexcusable.”
“The way you spoke to your father was even worse,” I reminded him.
“Yes, but Gloria didn’t deserve it. That’s the difference. I’d like the chance to explain myself, when you have the time.”
“I’ll call you when I get home,” I said again.
He nodded and reluctantly made his way to the door. He cracked it open and then turned back one last time. “I apologize again for disturbing you, Lauren. Kennedy, I look forward to talking to you later.” He slipped into the hallway and quietly shut the door behind him.
/> Lauren relaxed her arms to her sides and smiled at me. “You handled that really well.”
“I thought that you were about to attack him,” I teased. “Why were you up so early?” I glanced across the room and realized that Lauren had been getting ready to leave. She was still in her bathrobe, but her hair and make-up were done and she’d laid out a set of clothes on her bed.
“I woke up because I had to pee and then I couldn’t get back to sleep,” she explained as she pulled on a pair of white and turquoise, chevron patterned shorts. “I was going to go for a walk in the square and do some window shopping. Do you want to go with me?”
Lauren made short, tense movements and I could tell that she’d only invited me along out of a sense of obligation. I could also tell that she was hiding something, but I didn’t press her. She’d been patient with me, so I would do the same for her.
“No, I really do want to get some more sleep,” I told her as she pulled a white tank top over her head.
“Okay… should we actually go to brunch?” She asked in the same reluctant tone.
“No, I don’t think that’s necessary. I think Jackson got the point. I doubt that he’ll check up on our story.” I watched relief spread through Lauren as she bent over to tie on her running shoes.
“That was a fantastic story, by the way. I know you hate hurting him, but the sooner the two of you get over each other, the better.”
“I know.” I crawled back in to my bed.
Lauren grabbed her purse and walked towards the door. “I know it was hard to turn Jackson down. Will be okay?”
“I’m fine. Practice makes perfect.” I smiled.
“All right. I may be gone most of the day then. But I’ll have my phone on me if you need anything.” She opened the door and stepped halfway out of the room.
“Have fun. Text me pictures if you find anything cute.”
