by K. E. Saxon
Her eyes blurred with unshed tears. She gritted her teeth and swallowed past the lump in her throat, refusing to give in to the weakness. But one fell. And then another. And in a moment’s time she was across the chamber and lying face down on her bed, quietly sobbing. A phalanx of emotions crowded her being. Humiliation, dread, joy, sadness, relief, anger, remorse, longing; all of them melded together to form a tight ache in her chest.
Unable to control her emotions, she indulged them, hoping that in doing so, it would lessen the need for such outbursts in the future. The thought of breaking down in front of Lady Maclean mortified her. And she certainly couldn't allow her son to see her in this condition. That image alone was enough to dry her tears.
She sat up.
After a moment, she walked to the washstand and poured water into the basin before dousing her swollen eyes and heated cheeks with the cool liquid. She grabbed a dry cloth from the stack that lay next to the bowl and pressed it to her face, turning as she did so to plan her packing procedure. ‘Twas time to gather up their belongings, she could defer it no longer.
It didn’t take her long to finish the task, as they’d brought few things with them when they’d traveled here from their home on the MacLaurin holding almost seven moons prior.
Jesslyn opened the door to the cottage and then turned. With her hand on the handle, she took one last look at the place she and her son had called home for these past moons, images flitting through her mind. Of Daniel questioning her behavior when she’d kissed him in the tower chamber, causing his new bride to leave him; of Callum playing knucklebones with Alleck; of Maryn generously offering Jesslyn her friendship and support; of Bao.... She smiled then, tho’ ‘twas bittersweet. Aye, Bao. Daniel’s half-brother did so delight that day in her berry tarts.
With a jagged sigh, she turned and walked out, leaving her past behind as she forced her feet to carry her toward her future.
* * *
CHAPTER 2
“Remember you when your friend, Coby, back on the MacLaurin holding, told you his mama was making a babe in her belly and, once it was finished, he was going to be a brother?” Jesslyn said to her son as she sat on the edge of the bed next to his reclining form. She lifted her hand and gently stroked the pale blond hair off of his forehead.
Alleck’s brows furrowed. “Aye, and then his blabbin’ wee sister was borned.”
Jesslyn smiled. “I thought you liked Christy. She certainly seemed to like you.”
Alleck shrugged and rubbed his chin on his shoulder. “She’s all right. But she don’t know how to keep a secret. And she can’t play knucklebones good, either.”
“Well, you weren’t very good at the game when you were a bairn of three summers, either. I’m sure she’s much better at it, now that she’s older.” She tapped her son’s nose. “And telling me that you were trying to lower yourself into the well was not blabbing,” she chastened. “She was worried that you’d get hurt.” Jesslyn leveled a stern look on her son then. “Which, you most definitely could have done, laddie.”
Alleck’s lower lip extended, but he didn’t argue, clearly not wanting to get another lecture from her.
Realizing the subject of her discussion had gone off course, Jesslyn said, “A while back, you told me that you wished you could have a brother.” She drew in a deep breath and slowly released it before continuing, “You may get your wish, for I’m making a babe in my belly now.”
Alleck sat up so quickly he nearly toppled her off her perch. “Truly?” he said excitedly, bouncing up and down. He stilled and cocked his head to the side. “But I thought you could only make a babe if you was wed—that’s what you told me.”
“Aye, and that is mostly true. But, sometimes, just sometimes, a lady will make a babe when she is not wed,” Jesslyn replied. Due to the babe’s bastardy, it would need a strong foundation of love and support and she thought to begin building it now. “‘Tis not very usual, and that’s why we must feel doubly blessed.”
“I can’t wait to tell Niall I’m going to have a brother!”
Jesslyn cringed inwardly. Taking both her son’s hands in her own, she said, “Nay, Alleck, you mustn’t tell Niall about the babe yet. ‘Tis going to be a secret that only you, Daniel, Maryn, Grandmother Maclean, and I know. At least for a while. And I cannot promise you that you’ll get a brother—the babe may be a lass, we will not know for sure until the birth.”
Alleck’s shoulders slumped. “Aye, Mama.”
“That’s a good lad. Lie back down now and I shall tell you a tale of a mighty warrior who was given a kingdom after he slew the horrible dragon that had been rampaging the countryside.”
Alleck hurriedly lay back down.
Jesslyn began her tale in low, reverent tones. “Many years ago, not far from this very keep, there once lived a great and powerful warrior....”
* * *
“I believe Callum to be the father, tho’ Jesslyn has stubbornly refused to verify my suspicion,” Daniel said to both his grandmother and his wife late that evening. They’d agreed to meet in the solar after Jesslyn and Alleck had gone to their chambers for the night. “I cannot blame her for not wanting to name him, since, if it were revealed, it might cause Callum problems with his new bride, not to mention his in-laws.”
“Aye, I suppose I can see the wisdom in keeping our kinship to the babe a secret,” Lady Maclean said to Daniel. “But only for a while. Callum deserves to know of his bairn, and if we wait, say, a year after the babe’s birth, that should be enough time to lessen the blow to his relationship with his wife and her family.
“And if the babe is not Callum’s?” Maryn asked.
Daniel scrubbed his fingers over his stubbled chin and said, “I’ve thought about this for hours now, and can think of no other with whom she’d have had the opportunity to conceive a babe.” He shook his head and shrugged. “Nay, it must be my cousin who did the deed.” Struck by a new thought, he narrowed his eyes at his very pregnant, bronze-haired wife. “Do you suspect someone else?”
“Well, there did seem to be some sort of connection between her and Bao, if you remember.”
“Bao! They’d only met two days before we left to negotiate a settlement between the MacGregors and the Gordons, and then he left a fortnight after we returned. Are you suggesting that Jesslyn would have had carnal knowledge of a man she barely knew?” Daniel vehemently shook his head. “Nay, the father is not Bao.”
“I must agree with Daniel, Maryn. If only because of the lack of opportunity.” Lady Maclean sighed. “Callum is the father, I doubt it not.”
“I admit, the possibility does seem awfully remote,” Maryn said, “but I keep remembering how avidly they gazed upon each other as Jesslyn handed those tarts up to Bao, just before he rode out of the courtyard that day. There was something between them.”
“Aye, there may have been an attraction brewing, but that still doesn’t lead me to believe Jesslyn would have lain with the man after barely meeting him.”
Maryn sighed. “Aye, I suppose you’re right. Tho’ I cannot help wishing that it were Bao; ‘twould make things so much easier. After all, he is free to wed.”
“Except, he’s now miles away in Perth,” Daniel reminded her.
Lady Maclean straightened on her stool and placed her hands over her knees. “So, ‘tis settled then? We agree that Callum fathered the bairn and that we must speak to Jesslyn about revealing such on the babe’s first birthday?”
“Aye,” Daniel and Maryn said at the same time.
“We must tell Branwenn before you speak to the elders. ‘Twould not do for her to find out afterward,” Maryn said to her husband. “Her feelings would surely be crushed—you know how sensitive the lass is.”
“Aye. I should have spoken to her before supper this eve, but there simply wasn’t enough time to do so. I know she was highly curious as to the reason we asked Jesslyn and Alleck to move to the keep, but,”—Daniel turned his gaze to his grandmother— “your training has gone
well, because she kept her own counsel and did not question the decision publicly.”
Lady Maclean nodded. “She’s a good lass. And ‘twas not my training, but her brother, Bao’s. She’s amazingly well-mannered, considering the upbringing she’s had.”
“I’ve been surprised, as well,” Maryn said. “Bao had to have been gone quite a bit on the king’s campaigns. Yet, Branwenn and he are so close. I hope ‘twill not be too many more moons before he visits.”
Daniel turned the focus back onto their original topic. “I must begin my search for a suitable husband for Jesslyn forthwith.” He looked at his wife and said, “I expect your full support this time.”
“Aye, you shall have it. But I insist on helping you to find the man. Steward Ranald and Derek, your lieutenant, must not be considered again, agreed?”
Daniel nodded. “We’ll begin the search on the morrow. Noticing that his very pregnant wife had begun to knead her lower back, Daniel assisted her to her feet, saying, “For now, let us retire to our bedchambers and get some rest.” He turned then to his grandmother and helped her to rise as well. “We must also speak to the clan elders on the morrow. I’ve arranged for them to gather in the great hall at noon.”
“With our support behind her, Jesslyn will not be banished,” Maryn said.
He placed his arm around his wife’s back to give her support as they moved toward the door. “Nay, she’ll not. But the sooner she’s wed, the better.”
“Aye,” Lady Maclean agreed.
* * *
The meeting with the clan elders went much as Daniel had expected, he told Jesslyn afterward. At first, they’d insisted that she be sent back to the MacLaurins, which, of course, would have suited Jesslyn, but Daniel and his grandmother managed to dissuade them of that notion. And, as Daniel had suspected it would, the fact that she and her son would be residing at the keep under his and Lady Maclean’s protection had aided the elders in changing their opinion.
* * *
The next sennight was filled with activity as Jesslyn was admonished to begin sewing swaddling clothes for her babe. She now sat with Maryn, Branwenn, and Lady Maclean in the solar working on the second of her feeble attempts and listening as the ladies made plans for the Hogmanay feast in a bit over a moon’s time.
“Callum and his new wife will be attending, so we must make sure to have his chamber furnished with more hooks for his wife to hang her clothing upon while she is here,” Lady Maclean said.
“‘Twill be good to see Callum again. I do hope he’s happy in his union, he deserves to be,” Jesslyn said.
“Daniel assures me that Callum was pleased enough with the match, even tho’ ‘twas contrived to keep peace between the clans. He said the lass is quite pretty—and Callum does love a pretty face,” Maryn replied. “I remember how unsure I felt when I arrived at the MacLaurin holding and knew no one, so I shall give the lady a special welcome. Some cut flowers and herbs placed in their chamber will do nicely, I think.”
“She will appreciate the gesture, I’m sure,” Jesslyn said.
“My father will also be attending. I’m looking so forward to seeing him again,” Maryn said, her smile broadening.
“And I as well. We’ll serve swan again, I think,” Lady Maclean replied. She looked up from her sewing and asked Maryn, “It is Laird Donald’s favorite, is it not?”
Maryn nodded, her smile shifting, becoming wry. “Aye, tho’ I’ve yet to see him turn away anything he’s been offered. Ouch!” Her hand flew to her stomach. “The babe’s a bit restless, it seems.”
Lady Maclean studied her. “‘Twill not be many more sennights until your babe makes his appearance. Mayhap, even while our guests are here.”
“Aye, ‘tis what Daniel keeps saying, tho’ I hope ‘tis after the festival. For everyone’s sake.”
Jesslyn smiled. There was much to celebrate, it seemed.
“I only wish Bao would be here,” Branwenn lamented.
Jesslyn’s shoulders stiffened at the sound of her babe’s father’s name, but she quickly let go of the tension. ‘Twould not do for anyone to suspect her secret. And, thank heaven, she’d managed to defer Daniel’s decision to find her a suitable husband until after the new year. That would, at least, give her some time to accustom herself to the prospect once again.
“Aye, that would truly make my old heart sing if all my grandsons would be at my side for the holiday,” Lady Maclean replied.
“Daniel sent a missive to him, but, curiously, we have yet to receive a reply," Maryn said worriedly.
Jesslyn’s heart tripped and her head shot up. “I…I doubt he’d travel all the way back here so soon, anyway,” she said a bit breathlessly to Maryn, then turned her gaze on Branwenn. There was a much-too-wise look in Branwenn’s big violet-colored eyes before the lass looked away, which unsettled Jesslyn further. Branwenn had been acting very peculiarly toward her since being informed of Jesslyn’s pregnancy. She watched her constantly. Surely, Bao hadn’t told his sister about their tryst? Nay, he was much too protective of the lass’s innocence to have done such a thing. A blush formed on Branwenn’s cheeks and Jesslyn became even more alarmed that she somehow knew the truth. If Daniel ever found out, he’d bring Bao back and force him to wed her. And she could think of no greater torture than to be wed to a man that would resent her for all his days for taking away his much-desired freedom.
“Branwenn, you look flushed. Are you feeling well?” Lady Maclean asked.
“I do feel a bit tired, Grandmother Maclean. May I go to my bedchamber and lie down for a while?”
“Aye, lass, I think it a good idea. We can’t have you catching a fever.”
Branwenn rose and placed the garment she was working on in the basket next to Lady Maclean’s stool.
“I’ll send Daniel up to see you. He may have some herbs that will help you to feel better,” Maryn said.
“Nay, that will not be necessary,” Branwenn said in a hurry. “I’m sure I shall feel much revived after a nap.”
Maryn nodded and turned her attention back to the seam she was working on.
After Branwenn departed, Jesslyn and the other two ladies continued their sewing in silence for a time, each in their own quiet contemplation. They’d been thus for a bit over a quarter-hour when Maryn turned to Jesslyn and asked, “Have you felt the babe move yet?”
Jesslyn placed her hand over her slightly rounded tummy and replied, “Nay, not yet. Surely, 'twill not be many more days hence.”
Lady Maclean nodded. “You said you believe the babe will arrive at Bealltainn? By my calculations, the babe should quicken in about three sennights’ time.”
“I pray you are right,” Jesslyn replied.
* * *
That night, Jesslyn lay in her bed, her mind churning. Ever since she’d learned that Daniel had invited Bao here for Hogmanay, she’d been filled with apprehension. Mayhap she shouldn’t wait until the new year to find a husband. At least the man she chose would go into the union willingly. And he’d be well aware of her childing state as well, and have agreed to wed her anyway. Surely, that match would be, if not joyous, quite comfortable. She could live with that.
Jesslyn pressed her fingers over her eyelids in an attempt to stave off the tears she felt pooling in them. “Ow!” She’d forgotten about her newly pricked fingers. She was no seamstress. Sighing, she settled that same hand behind her head and stared up into the darkness. But what if Bao actually wanted this babe? That question had been plaguing her since she’d first discovered her condition and decided to keep the babe’s paternity a secret. Could she truly refuse the chance to give this bairn a life with its natural father? And what of Bao? If the roles were reversed—impossible, but still—would he keep the knowledge of the babe’s blood tie to her a secret? She shook her head. Nay, he would not. For, tho’ everyone believed that she and Bao barely knew each other, that was not the case. They had met in secret a couple of times prior to their tryst. Had actually formed a bond, a friendship, she
believed. And she did know him. He was both loving and responsible. Nay, he would never keep such a thing from her. She sighed in resignation. And neither, it seemed, could she any longer.
* * *
CHAPTER 3
Jesslyn was in the tower larder counting the number of bags of grain they had in preparation for the Hogmanay feast when the news of Bao’s arrival was given to her by a kitchen maid who’d been sent in to retrieve her.
“Tell Laird MacLaurin I shall be in the great hall in just a moment,” she said to the lass.
The servant nodded. “Aye, m’lady,” she replied before turning and scurrying away.
Jesslyn hurriedly took off the soiled tunic she’d put on over her silver-blue woolen gown and tried desperately to realign her veil and filet, stuffing her bedraggled, thick flaxen braid back under the covering.
She had yet to make her confessions to the others, as she’d sworn to herself she’d do this day. Nay, she’d intended on giving them her admission when they broke their fast together later in the morn. She’d thought it a good idea to include her son in the discussion as well; allow him to have his say amongst the others, as this new babe in her womb affected his life as well. She knew without being told that he’d be over the moon with gladness that Bao was the babe’s father, however.
But now, it seemed, she’d hesitated too long. For ‘twas vital that she speak with Bao first and find out his true thoughts on his pending fatherhood before she convey the babe’s father’s identity to Bao’s family members.
As she hustled toward the keep, she agonized over the coming reunion. Had he thought of her at all these past moons, as she had so often thought of him? Would he be pleased to see her, or think her a nuisance?
Oh, God! She pressed her hand over her pounding heart. What if Daniel had already told Bao that she was with child before she’d had a moment to speak with him in privy? Jesslyn doubled her speed, hoping to get to the great hall before Daniel had had a chance to explain her condition to Bao. She would discreetly tell Daniel that she did not want him to speak of her childing state now. That she would prefer that he spoke of it later, after the family members had had some time to enjoy each other’s company.
