by Jo Raven
“Yeah.” But his jaw is clenched and his hands on the wheel white-knuckled.
My stomach clenches. I twist the rings on my finger as I consider the fact he’s never been away from his kids before since we got together. That must stress him a lot.
You’d think that six years after his wife’s death he’d be over it, but death isn’t like that, I realize. That terrible absence won’t go away. He’ll always miss her, always feel guilty for staying behind, always feel responsible for everything and everyone.
And even as my heart aches for him, I also love him all the more for it. It shows me what kind of man he is.
The best kind.
“Why don’t you catch some sleep?” He lets out a long breath. “It’s still early. It will be a long day.”
I tug down my long sweater. I wonder for how much longer it will fit me. My boobs are huge these days, and my belly seems to be swelling by the day. “When will you tell me what Evan said? What happened to him?”
“An accident.” His hands twist on the wheel. “A car T-boned his pick-up truck. Broke his arm and collarbone, some ribs.”
“Oh God.” I sit up, my tiredness forgotten. “Poor guy. No wonder he needs help. Does he live alone? No family?”
“His girlfriend and him, they split up recently, he said. He’s worried about his niece who’s staying with him, and his pets.”
“His niece.” I frown. “But we’re only staying for a few days.”
“Her mom will come pick her up next week.”
“Why doesn’t she come and pick her up already, and then take care of her brother?”
“Maybe she’s busy?”
“Right. So she leaves her daughter with him even though he’s hurt and needs help for himself?”
Matt glances at me, shooting me an amused look. “Simmer down, sweet cheeks. Not all families are as tight as ours.”
He’s right. But my eyes well up anyway. “I’m just so sorry for him.”
His turn to reach out and pat my arm. “We’ll help out. You said it. It will be all right.”
I did, didn’t I? But it’s so sad—what happened to Evan, what happened to Ross, what is happening all around the world.
“Rest, Tay. You look exhausted.” He’s rubbing his hand up and down my arm. “We’ll figure it all out when we arrive.”
At least he hasn’t said he wishes I’d stayed at home, like he’d initially insisted. He probably sensed how close I am to bawling my eyes out as it is. It doesn’t take much these days. I try to rein it in, but it’s not always in my power. I hate how out of control I am.
But when I remember why, I’m flooded with such joy I can barely take it.
Closing my eyes, I settle back in my seat once more, certain I won’t be able to sleep. I’m still wound up tightly with sadness, my heart thumping heavily in my chest.
But between one heartbeat and the rest, the world falls away and I’m drifting off on a silvery path leading to the moon, with Matt by my side.
* * *
“Tay. Wake up. Come on. We’re here. Tay.”
The voice is insistent and won’t go away even when I swat at it like I would an annoying insect. It buzzes in my ear, and I become aware of a weight on my shoulder, fingers digging slightly into my flesh.
“What?” I mumble, blinking crusty eyes open, and find Matt’s face inches from mine. “Christ!”
“I know… it’s the beard, isn’t it?” he mutters, giving me a crooked grin. “But no, it’s just me, Matt.”
I drag a hand over my face, breathing out a laugh. “Jeez… I mean, hey. Where are we?”
“We have reached Destiny, Missouri.”
I sit up so suddenly I almost bump foreheads with him. “What? No way. I slept for four hours straight?”
“And twenty minutes,” he says gravely, a twinkle in his dark eyes, then straightens and gives me a hand. “Let me help you out.”
I let him haul me out of the truck and lower me gently to the ground. I hold on to his muscular arms, leaning into him, still dazed from my overlong nap, and I blink fuzzily around, at my town.
I’m back. And it feels so weird. I grew up here, on these narrow streets and shaded lanes, among these low houses. Everything is so familiar and yet… so foreign. In these past two years since we moved to St. Louis, I never returned. Never felt the need.
I have everything I want in St. Louis. My mom, Gigi, Merc—and of course Matt and the kids. The college I attended. My dreams for the future. That’s my home now. It shifted so easily from here to there and I know why.
They say home is where the heart is, and I guess it’s true. Mine beats in St. Louis.
And yet being here is unsettling. It’s shifting the ground underneath my feet. So many childhood memories. So much happened here.
“You all right?” Matt asks, looking down at me.
“Yeah.” I draw a long breath of the scents wafting down the street—humid earth, fried bacon and flowers—and look up at him. “Let’s go.”
* * *
Evan’s house is not much different from the house my family lived in for most of my life. Low, old, badly in need of repair, the garden overgrown and the fence peeling.
I frown, not sure what strikes me as odd about it all, as we walk up to the front door and ring the bell. Before I can figure it out, the lock turns and someone peers out at us—from chest level.
“Who are you?” a suspicious little voice asks, and two dark equally suspicious eyes look out at us.
“Friends of Evan,” I say. “You must be his niece. What’s your name?”
“I don’t tell my name to strangers,” the girl says, with a very grown-up inflection, hinting that she’s repeating verbatim something her mom probably told her.
“Melissa, who is it?” Evan’s voice comes from inside the house, and I bite back a grin.
She rolls her eyes. “I don’t know.”
“Matt and Octavia Hansen,” Matt says. “He knows us.”
She turns away. “It’s Matt and Octavia—”
“Why didn’t you say so?” Evan says, and appears at the opening, swinging the door wide open. “Oh God, thank you for coming.”
His left arm is in a cast, a heavy-duty sling keeping it immobilized against his chest. There are dark circles under his eyes, the mottled purple hue of bruises, his cheeks sunken in as if he lost weight recently.
Matt takes his uninjured hand, gives it a light squeeze, frowning as he takes Evan in. “You look like something the cat pooped out.”
I snort-laugh. Oh my God, how embarrassing, but there’s something about Matt Hansen saying “pooped” that has me snorting again. He’s been trying to use fewer bad words in front of his kids, and it’s cute, and sexy, and oh crap…
I clap a hand over my mouth, my cheeks on fire. “Sorry.”
“Octavia. Nice to see you again.” Evan sends me a warm smile. “And I noticed Matt’s sense of humor hasn’t improved.”
Matt scratches at his beard, still frowning. “I wasn’t trying to be funny, dammit. You look like shit.” He glances at Melissa who’s giving us wide-eyed looks that also manage to be glares from under a chestnut fringe. “Sorry, kid.”
“What for?” she mutters.
He winces. “Nothing.”
“Don’t worry about cussing in front of her,” Evan informs us, turning and limping back inside the house. “I do it all the time. Come on in.”
Exchanging quick looks, we follow Evan inside, under the death glare of his niece. She’s a tiny thing, her hair a wild tangle of brown curls, her eyes cat-like, a pale hazel, like gold.
Like her uncle’s.
Evan is a tall, lanky guy with hair the color of coffee, cropped close to his skull. A tattoo peeks out from the neckline of his T-shirt, curling over the back of his neck—it looks like spread black wings, a raven or another bird of prey.
“Make yourselves at home,” he mutters, limping into the big, cozy kitchen and opening a cupboard one-handed to pull out mugs.
He sets them on the table. “Melissa, grab the sugar for me, will ya?”
The girl glares at him mutinously for a few long seconds before stalking to a low cabinet and getting out a sugar pot. She comes over as we take our seats and puts it on the table.
“So you’re friends?” she asks, hovering beside me, and I want to pull her into my arms and caress her bouncy curls. “With Uncle Evan?”
“They are,” Evan replies for us as he pulls out a chair and sinks down in it with a weary sigh. “Matt and me, we used to work together at Jasper’s. And I’ve known Octavia for many years. She used to live here. Grew up here, isn’t that right?”
I nod, smile, pretend the smell of coffee isn’t turning my stomach. “Sure did. I was born here, in Destiny. We only moved away a few years ago.”
The girl, slightly mollified, climbs on the last free chair and stares across at her uncle as if waiting for cues.
“They came to help me out a little,” Evan goes on. “Just for a few days.”
He’s a handsome guy, I realize with a start. I never paid him much attention, and he’s so different from Matt it’s ridiculous. Where Matt is tall and muscular, built like a tree, Evan is slender and shorter, though his bare arms are sleekly muscled.
“Matt mentioned you have pets,” I say, glancing around for any sign of them, any water or food bowl, any animal bed, but there’s nothing.
“I have birds in the back, and a turtle.”
“They’re canaries,” Melissa adds, smiling for the first time since we arrived. “And Mabel needs food.”
I had somehow thought he’d meant dogs, or cats. “No problem. We’ll take care of them.”
“I need to buy them food, like Melissa said. I can’t drive like this. Plus, I’m left-handed. Makes everything harder.”
He closes his eyes, bowing his head, and I notice white lines of pain around his mouth. “Do you need painkillers?”
“I’m fine.”
“Doc said he should be resting, but he isn’t,” Melissa rats on him, her smile gone once more. “Like, in bed.”
“And leave you alone in the house? You’ll wreck it,” Evan mutters, blinking down at his cast.
“Very funny, Uncle Evan. And when Mom picks me up, what will you do?” She toys with the sleeve of her sweater. “Who will take care of you?”
“I’ll take care of myself. That’s what adults do. Now go play. Go on. I need to talk to my friends.”
She looks like she wants to say something more, but she pouts instead and slides out of the chair and runs out of the room.
“Cute,” I say. “How old is she?”
“Eight.”
“Like Mary.” Matt is staring at the door through which the girl vanished. “She looks younger. Does she stay with you often?”
“Often enough. Her mom… she isn’t around much. And I like having Melissa around. She’s a good kid.”
“Evan, you also mentioned problems with Jasper.” Matt leans forward, placing an elbow on the table. “What sort of problems did you mean?”
“With Jasper?” I lean forward too. “My father?”
Evan looks startled. “That’s right, he’s your father. I keep forgetting that.”
“Don’t worry, I sometimes forget it, too. Not like he ever acted like a father to me.”
“Or to anyone,” Evan mutters.
A weight presses down on my chest. “You’re talking about Ross.”
Evan shrugs.
I can’t tell you why I am worried about Ross. I mean, Mom told me worrisome things about him, but the guy we’re talking about is a bully. My own personal nemesis all through high school. Matt is right. I shouldn’t care if he ends up on the streets or rots in prison. Serves him right.
Mom was only relaying gossip. She has her friends in Destiny, and they talk for hours on end on the phone. It makes sense their talk would include her former lover and our father, Jasper, and his son Ross. Not that she actually thought I might be glad to hear of their troubles. After all, she loved Jasper back then, it seems, and never managed to turn those feelings to hatred. But she never thought I’d be so affected. Maybe it’s the pregnancy. Would I be so concerned if my body wasn’t flooded with hormones? I mean, nowadays I cry at the drop of a hat. Just this morning I bawled like a baby because we ran out of milk for my Fruit Loops.
Still…
With a father like Jasper Jones, he sure didn’t have a good model in his life. His mom left town when we were still little, as I recall. What kindness has he seen in life?
It makes me sad.
Matt scowls. “Enough about Ross. What did Jasper do, man? And why the fuck didn’t you come to me sooner?”
Jasper did something to Evan?
He lifts his head, gives Matt a bleak look. “It’s complicated.”
Matt slams his fist into the table top, rattling the mugs. “Stop being so damn vague!”
I flinch back.
Matt looks instantly contrite. “Sorry, Tay.”
“Listen…” Evan chews on the inside of his cheek. “Why don’t you guys bring your things inside? And then we can talk. You can stay here. I have a guest room upstairs that you can use.”
“Sounds like a plan,” Matt says, and gets up to bring our stuff inside.
I look at Evan who has closed his eyes again, as if fighting exhaustion, and get up to follow Matt outside, to give him a moment alone.
When I reach the truck, I find that Matt has already taken our bags out and is lugging them down the path toward the house. Jeez, his clothes and stuff all fit in a duffel bag.
Of course, right? Men.
I mean, I don’t get it. I’m by no means a vain girl. I rarely put on make-up, don’t pay too much attention to what I’m wearing, unlike Gigi, for instance. I’m easy-going. I like my dresses, my sensible low-heeled shoes. And yet I have a suitcase full to bursting, and I’m not sure I have enough clothes. I mean, what if we end up staying a few days longer? Or if it gets colder? Or warmer?
A duffel bag. Seriously.
Also, he’s lifting my suitcase with one hand like it’s a toy. Like, it’s empty or filled with feathers, though his biceps bulge under his sweater, and my mouth waters. I love how strong he is, love his body, and what I wouldn’t give to run my hands all over him right now…
Not the time to be horny, I remind myself as I step aside to let him pass. God, what’s wrong with me today? My husband is super-hot, but we’re in the middle of something.
“Coming inside?” said super-hot husband asks, shooting me a half-grin. “I think you’re still asleep.”
I laugh. “Maybe a little.”
The garden looks like it’s been neglected for months, I notice as I hurry back into the house. The fence too. The house paint is peeling in long strips.
This is the thing that was bothering me when we arrived earlier.
Evan only just had the accident. I’ve known him for a long time, though we were never friends. He’s lived in Destiny for many years. When I was in high school, he was already working at Jasper’s Garage, and my impression of him has always been that of a neat person. Why did he let everything go into disrepair?
Could it have anything to do with what he has to tell us about Jasper?
Matt puts down our bags in the hallway and reaches for my hand, tugging me in for a quick kiss before he leads me back into the kitchen, where Evan is sitting exactly where we left him.
He looks up when we enter, and yeah, he looks worn out, dark bags under his eyes that I hadn’t noticed before. He looks as excited to talk about his problems as someone strapped to a mad dentist’s chair.
Matt releases my hand and drops in his chair. “Bags are in. Now talk.”
“Always so charming,” Evan grumbles. His face is very pale and beaded with sweat.
I hover by my chair, not ready to sit yet. Worried. “Are you in pain? Shall I bring you some painkillers? Or something to eat?”
He shoots me a startled look. “I’m okay. Thank you, Octavi
a.”
Not reassured, I take my seat, and knot my hands on the table. “Don’t hesitate to ask. That’s what we’re here for, anyway.”
A blush rises to his pale cheeks. “That’s kind of you. I’m asking too much of both of you. You have your family, your kids at home.”
“The kids are fine, staying with Matt’s mom,” I say quickly, because I’m pretty sure Matt is freaking out about it already, even if we’ve only been away a few hours. “Don’t worry about it.”
“Jasper, Evan.” Matt’s glaring at his friend. He looks as if he’d jump over the table and shake him bodily if Evan wasn’t so banged up already. “Spill.”
“Look… Since all that happened with that psycho who kidnapped Octavia and your kids, since you guys left… things have gone downhill. Jasper sort of… lost it.” Evan’s hand spasms on the table. He curls it into a fist. “He’s been yelling at everyone at the shop, breaking things, smashing up the shop. Drinking and picking fistfights, vanishing from work for days and then returning to terrorize us.”
“Hell,” Matt says with feeling.
“Yeah. Hell is a good description. And it gets worse. He’s supposed to take on the more difficult jobs. And he’s been fucking them up. Goddammit, Matt, I had to stand up to him, tell him he can’t take on jobs if he puts people’s lives in danger, but he shoved me away and laughed. Said it’s his shop.”
Holy crap.
Matt looks like he’s about to stand up and punch something. “But your accident. It has nothing to do with Jasper, does it?”
“Well, that was right after he shoved me. I fell and hit my head on the floor. I was dizzy so that might explain how I missed the car that rammed into me.”
“Jesus fucking Christ,” Matt mutters. He’s shaking with rage. “I’m gonna kill that son of a bitch.”
“Stand in line,” Evan says, and winces as he straightens in his chair. “Karma will get him one day, man.”
“Karma won’t stand a chance if I get to him first.”
“I’m leaving the garage,” Evan is saying. “Leaving town, as soon as my bones are healed. Even if finding a job around these parts is so damn hard. I can’t fucking do it anymore. I’ll move, go someplace far away from here. Maybe… maybe me and Ruby breaking up was a blessing in disguise. There’s nothing left to keep me here anymore.”
