by Ryota Hori
Ryoma didn’t leave his room once from nightfall to daybreak. He’d ignored the twins’ suggestion to get dinner, and the late night meal they presented him. The only thing they could hear through the door was the faint sound of him flipping through the pages of the book he borrowed from Annamaria.
The sisters’ faces were thick with signs of exhaustion from staying up all night. Still, the only thing on their minds was concern for Ryoma’s health, as he continued leafing through the book like a man possessed.
They knocked a bit harder this time. The sisters had no intention of getting in the way of his research, but they couldn’t leave him be when he hadn’t taken any food or drink since the previous night.
“Master Ryoma...?” Laura timidly spoke through the door, but no response came from Ryoma, and the only sound she could hear was the faint movement of paper. And eventually, even that sound ceased.
“Sara...”
“Yes... It seems we have but one option left, Laura.”
Exchanging a gaze, the Malfist sisters placed the tray on the floor and faced the wooden door. The two took deep breaths and crouched down.
The next moment, their legs, reinforced by martial thaumaturgy, crashed against the wooden door with a thud like that of a large hammer, tearing it clear off its hinges.
““Master Ryoma!”” Calling out Ryoma’s name, the girls rushed into the room governed by darkness.
Despite the sunlight filtering in through the windows, the air in the room was terribly bleak and cold. And the source of it was, without a doubt, the man sitting at the back of the room.
“Master Ryoma...?” Sara’s fearful question blew into the gloomy air.
But without even regarding the Malfist sisters’ kicking their way into his room, Ryoma simply gazed at the book lying upon the table. He’d read through it countless times. The pages were partially torn and the paper was moist with his sweat. Pieces of parchment littered the table and the floor around it, filled with crossed out names.
Good God... He wrote down the names of all the gods he knew and referenced them against the ones in the book...
Laura could tell with a glance that there were dozens of pages lying around.
“Laura...” Sara pointed at two pieces of parchment lying on the floor. Names were scribbled onto one of them in dense lines, and they were all crossed out. The other one had the same lines in the same order.
“He...” Sara whispered, and Laura nodded at her assertion.
Ryoma listed off all the gods he knew and checked against the book, crossing out any that were mentioned. And after crossing them all out, he started over, making sure there were no mistakes, making sure that he didn’t overlook or fail to notice something. He’d repeated it time after time after time... In search of a hope that wasn’t there.
“...Nothing...” A small whisper escaped Ryoma’s lips.
“Master Ryoma?”
“I... I can’t go back...” This time the sisters heard him clearly.
“Can’t go back... Can’t go back... Can’t go back...” The words leaving Ryoma’s mouth gradually grew louder.
His body filled with strength and his muscles tensed up, and the darkness in the room grew thicker in accordance to that. Rage and hatred filled his expression... Alongside bottomless despair.
It wasn’t anger aimed at any one person in particular, but anger against this world itself. His wrath turned to burning black flames, and his hatred to a sharpened blade of ice.
It had been two months since he’d been summoned to this world, and the feelings he’d suppressed all that time had now crushed the shackles of his reason and common sense which had bound them until now.
“Laura!”
“Yes!”
The Malfist sisters felt something was awfully wrong since the moment they barged into the room. Their image of Ryoma was that of a calm, cold-hearted and yet kind person. But the Ryoma standing before their eyes gave off a feel that seemed awfully fragile and unstable, and at the same terribly ominous and frightening.
The two exchanged wordless nods and gently cradled Ryoma’s head in their arms, pressing it against their bosoms. It was as if they were soothing a baby, encouraging a weeping child.
“It will be all right, Master Ryoma. We are at your side. We will always be there for you...”
How much time passed afterwards? The dark, oppressive atmosphere that overturned the room dissipated, leaving only the gentle morning sunlight flowing in from outside.
And with his head cradled between the sisters’ bosoms, peaceful, rhythmic breathing emerged from between Ryoma’s lips as he fell asleep.
“Laura, let us carry him to bed.” Sara said, looking down at him.
“Yes... You hold onto him on that side. Let’s carry him.”
Carrying Ryoma’s body of one hundred kilograms, the two sisters somehow managed to put Ryoma in bed.
“What do we do now?” Sara’s gaze turned to the broken door.
They may have had no other choice, but a kick from two people reinforced with martial thaumaturgy had blown the door away and smashed it to bits. The inn wouldn’t easily forgive them for leaving behind such conspicuous marks of destruction.
“He hadn’t slept all of last night, so I don’t believe he will wake up until sundown...” Laura said hesitantly, looking at Ryoma as he slept on the bed. “Until he does awaken, let us explain the circumstances around the door and pay him generously in apology.”
“Master Ryoma... I was so scared...” Sara whispered faintly, slight fear wavering in her eyes.
“Yes... But that doesn’t matter. We owe Master Ryoma our lives, and so, we belong to him. We need only serve him.”
If one were to honestly ask, Laura was frightened by the expression Ryoma showed, too. It was the madness of a man beset by despair, the kind that struck fear in any person who saw it. But that was all the more reason for them not to abandon him.
But were those feelings simply from the fact he saved them from the bandits’ evil hands, or proof of a deeper affection? The sisters couldn’t discern that yet.
“Yes, you’re right, Laura...” Sara nodded at her sister’s words, casting her gaze on their master, resting on the bed.
With gentle smiles on their faces, they prayed for his well-being, as he peacefully slept away...
What is this place... Where am I?
Ryoma’s consciousness was submerged in deep darkness. Cold and black, it threatened to freeze his heart over. Ryoma simply floated through that dark void.
I... Right! I was in my room at the inn, researching something...
Ryoma’s consciousness was gradually growing clearer.
“This is the depths of your heart.” An artificial, emotionless voice resonated in Ryoma’s ears.
The depths of my heart...? This is inside my consciousness?
“Correct.” The voice replied.
But I’m not speaking words here.
“This is the depths of your heart; words are meaningless here.”
But you are speaking.
“No. That is simply how you perceive it.”
Who are you?
“Me? I am the one who is closest to you, who understands you better than any other.”
The hell?
“For now, that will do... You will someday come to the answer on your own.” The voice then asked Ryoma, “What do you desire?”
I want... to go home. After a moment of thought, Ryoma said his deepest, most ardent wish. I want to meet Asuka and Gramps again. I want my old life back.
Honestly speaking, Ryoma’s life wasn’t the most blessed one could wish for. He was born with a strong will and body, but that overwhelmed others and made them avoid his presence. Being stronger than others made Ryoma feared and excluded from the rest of the pack.
But still, he had a family that loved and supported him. A grandfather that, despite his vicious tongue, raised him in place of the parents he never had. A cousin that was his childhood friend, wh
o always meddled in his business like a nosy sister.
True, some people tried to exclude him, but on the other hand, there were those who loved and cherished him.
“But that wish cannot be granted.” The voice mercilessly cut Ryoma’s wish down. “You’ve seen that for yourself.”
I can’t go back? I’ll never live that life again?
“No going back. The chances aren’t quite zero, and you would have to resolve yourself to make a terrifying amount of sacrifices, but your only way is to cling to luck. And you know this. All that remains is whether you’re willing to make those sacrifices, or if you’re going to give up.”
What? What do you mean? What are you saying?
Even as he understood the truth behind the voice’s words, Ryoma pretended with all his mind that he had no idea what it meant.
“You know and understand everything perfectly... You simply do not wish to acknowledge that answer.” The voice coldly discarded Ryoma’s lie.
If this cold, merciless voice truly was a manifestation of Ryoma’s heart, then it was only sensible that it would see through him. He could spin his lies as well as he would like, but there was no deceiving himself...
“If you let loose your wrath, grinding this world into dust would be easy. You’ve been thrown into Earth against your will to fight a war that has nothing to do with you. Whose fault is that?”
That’s... the fault of that shitty old man and his empire.
Gaius’s face surfaced in Ryoma’s mind as he answered the question. The source of it all was that old man, who had summoned Ryoma into this war-torn world to use him as a pawn in his conflict.
“Wrong.” The voiced denied his answer. “The problem lies with the fundamental structure of this world. This is a distorted world, made up by the premise of taking advantage of you people, who have been summoned from that world.”
Distorted world...?
“That’s right, this is a world that presupposes one would pillage away from the other! Shatter this world. Kill. Ravage. Take back what was taken from you. You have the privilege, nay, the right to do so!”
I have... the right?
Such sweet, gratifying seduction.
The voice whispered, trying to unshackle the desires that had been held in check for years within Ryoma.
I...
Emotions he’d bottled up turned into surging, violent currents. There was no clear reason for it; suddenly, an anger Ryoma couldn’t quite attribute a reason to flared up in his heart.
Anger was simply anger, and hatred was simply hatred. The particularities of why and how faded away, and any sense of morals or ethics disappeared. The anger and hatred overflowed from Ryoma’s heart. It was fundamentally different from how, upon being summoned to this inexplicable Earth, Ryoma’s sense of morals disappeared momentarily when he had to defend himself in times of emergency.
If the situation were to linger, the man known as Ryoma Mikoshiba would shed away his heart and become a demon spurred forward by nothing but hatred and wrath.
But just as Ryoma was about to give in to the merciless voice’s seduction, the voices of the sisters rang out across this world of his unconscious.
“It will be all right, Master Ryoma. We are at your side. We will always be there for you...”
Those were warm, soft words, filled with tranquility. And as he heard those words, Ryoma once again lost consciousness and disappeared from that dark world.
“Hmph. So you went back without unleashing me... Well, so be it. You will make the choice someday, whether you wish to or not. Will you subdue me, or will you be consumed by me...? That is something only you can decide... For I am you yourself.”
With Ryoma gone, the cold, inhuman voice echoed alone in the darkness.
When Ryoma woke up on top of his bed, the sun had already gone down, and the curtain of night hung over the view outside the window.
“Mm... Ah... Wait, what’s with that hole?” After stretching, a large yawn escaped Ryoma’s mouth.
He’d felt truly refreshed, but as if to shatter his pleasant awakening, the first thing Ryoma saw upon surveying the room was the pitiful sight of the broken door. It had been ruthlessly smashed, and light poured in from the exposed hallway.
The next thing on his mind was his current position. The last thing he could recall was sitting at the table reading, but now he was somehow lying in bed. His luggage, which had been in the room before, was also missing, so that was another point of concern.
The bag with my money is still on me, so that’s good, but...
Confirming the weight of the sack that he hid inside his clothes as an impromptu wallet was still there, Ryoma tilted his head as he surveyed the room. It looked as though it had been ransacked by robbers.
Well, I guess I can ask the twins later... That aside, though, I’m really hungry.
He’d ended up fasting the whole day yesterday, so it was only natural Ryoma would be hungry. And as if picking up on the cue of his grumbling stomach, the tantalizing smell of food wafted in from the missing door. It seemed food was being served in the dining hall on the floor below.
Between the hole in place of where the door was and him being in bed despite not remembering how he got there, there were a lot of questions that begged answering. None of them triumphed over his empty stomach’s protests, though.
Patting his ruffled hair down and adjusting his outfit, Ryoma went downstairs.
“Oh! You’re finally awake!” The innkeeper raised his voice when he noticed Ryoma approaching.
He was apparently in the middle of tending to his business ledger.
“Oh, hello. Good morning.”
Ryoma hadn’t really greeted them since checking in, but the innkeeper greeted Ryoma with a smile.
“The girls who came with you paid the fee for fixing the room, so you don’t need to worry about that.”
The innkeeper’s casual words made Ryoma’s expression turn dubious. Having been asleep up until now, he didn’t have a grasp on what situation he was now in.
“Oh, I see. You’ve been asleep the whole time. You can ask the girls for the details, then. They did it for you, you know.”
“Yeah...” Ryoma replied vaguely.
“We’ve already been reimbursed for the damages, so don’t let it bother you. You’ll move to a new room tonight. Those two already took your luggage there.”
He’d be staying in another room, it seemed. Ryoma could hardly object, since he wasn’t privy to the idea of sleeping in a room with no door and no privacy.
“All right.”
“Oh, right! You didn’t eat anything yesterday, right... The wife made some stew, so take it to your room.” With that said, the innkeeper called out to his wife, who was standing in the inn’s kitchen. “Hey, that boy’s awake now, could you fix him something to eat?”
Almost as soon as those words were said, the plump, aged proprietress walked out of the kitchen with a tray in hand.
“Sure thing! No need to shout, I got everything ready!” Apparently she heard Ryoma and the innkeeper talking and got everything ready. “Here! Take it and scramble to your room.”
She vigorously stuck the tray out for Ryoma to take. The scent of well-simmered stew whetted his appetite. There was also a basket full of bread, whose aroma signaled it had been freshly baked.
Still, Ryoma was stricken with doubt. The tray had food for three on it. The stew, which was poured into a largish plate, was certainly not just for Ryoma. And even if they were to assume Ryoma’s hunger would prompt him to take extra servings, it wouldn’t be poured into other plates; a small pot would have been enough. So why were there three plates on the tray?
As the confusion showed on his face, Ryoma felt a light impact against his right leg’s shin.
“That’s the share for the girls!” The proprietress said with furrowed brows, as Ryoma’s 190 centimeter tall, 100 kilogram physique jolted in surprise from a kick to the shins. “Do you have any idea how worried those
girls were over you? Huh?! You big lummox!”
She apparently didn’t like the look on Ryoma’s face. The proprietress continued explaining the situation to Ryoma, who still seemed oblivious.
“I don’t know what you were reading in there, but you came back with your eyes bloodshot, and shut yourself in your room without a bite to eat... Now, if you don’t want to eat, that’s up to you! But those girls said they couldn’t eat if you’re not eating, and went hungry the whole time!”
“Huh? They haven’t eaten?” Ryoma went pale the moment he heard her say that.
He hadn’t expected the two of them to abstain from food for him.
“That’s right. I swear, all you men are the same... Listen up! Those girls should be waking up right around now! Take that to your room and eat together with them!”
Heaving a heavy sigh, the proprietress headed back to the kitchen with her shoulders sagged in exasperation.
“Just goes to show you’re not alone, y’know? I dunno what’s eating at you, son, but dwelling on it will just make you lose other things you hold dear.”
Tapping Ryoma on the shoulder as he stood stock still, the innkeeper went back to work on his business ledger.
That was a warning from those with greater age and wisdom to a young man who was on the verge of losing his way. The innkeeper’s words were said casually, but they sank deeply and sharply into Ryoma’s heart.
I...
The words those two people left him with spiraled around in his mind. All he’d cared about was going back to his world, and that was his only purpose in traveling. But he’d become acutely aware of just how much Laura and Sara had supported him since the day they met.
I haven’t been paying mind to anyone else at all...
That thought was a barrier around Ryoma’s heart. This world stood as nothing but suffering for Ryoma, and he could never come to like it when he’d been thrown into it against his will. If anything, Ryoma loathed this world.
But even in this world he hated, there were people who supported him. Looking back, even in O’ltormea’s capital, he’d met the owner of that back alley restaurant and the clerks in the guild, who taught him things he had to know to survive in this world, when he needed it the most.
