by Lucy Kevin
“I thought we had filled out all of the necessary paperwork for the permits, but they keep finding new documents for me to look over,” he continued. “Fortunately, nothing needed to be notarized today. Although it was worth taking care of those permits yesterday, because otherwise Rachel and I wouldn't have been able to go out kayaking this morning.”
“You talked Rachel into going kayaking with you?” The disbelief was clearly audible in Hanna’s voice.
“Sure did,” Nicholas said with a smile that felt like it was meant only for Rachel. “We found the perfect little cove on the beach just below Morgan and Brian's cottage, and Rachel agreed to go out in the double kayak with me while we filmed the first test segment.”
She dearly appreciated that he didn’t tell anyone just how much effort it had taken to get her into the kayak, or how she'd abruptly ended the outing. Instead, he made it sound as if it had simply been a fun day out for the two of them.
The ambience at the fall dinner was very different from the way it had been in previous years. The meal itself was as wonderful as ever—Emily always did such a great job on the food—but there were many more people, for one thing, what with Brian, Joel, and Nicholas.
“Have you ever surfed in Europe?” Rachel’s father asked Nicholas. “I’ve just come back from that part of the world, and it seems hard to believe there’s much surfing there.”
“More than you might think,” Nicholas assured him and started to describe some of the better surfing spots along the Mediterranean and farther north along the coast of England. “And even when there isn’t much surfing, there's always something really interesting to do.”
As Tres encouraged Nicholas to tell them about a climb he'd done in New Zealand, Rachel's thoughts drifted back to the time they’d shared in the kayak, just the two of them moving perfectly together over the water. For that brief time, her worries had drifted away on the tide...and it had been truly wonderful.
When Emily got up to bring in dessert, Rachel was surprised that her sister asked her to help in the kitchen. Once they were away from the dining room, Emily asked, “Are you okay?”
“I'm fine.” But even to her own ears, she didn't sound particularly fine.
“Are you really? You seem a little preoccupied tonight.”
Before Rachel could stop herself, she blurted, “It’s Nicholas.”
Emily looked more closely at her. “What about him?”
Rachel barely knew where to start. “The gorgeous way he looks. The way he's so much sweeter than I expected him to be. The fact that he got me to go kayaking with him, and then, when we got out on the water…”
“It felt good?” Emily guessed.
“So good. But it shouldn’t have.”
“I don't understand. Why shouldn't being out on the ocean with a handsome man feel good?”
“Because it's not safe! He isn’t safe. Nothing about him is safe, from what he does for a living to how he looks at me. And yet, I still can't stop thinking about him! It's so bad that I couldn’t concentrate at work today after we went kayaking, even though I shouldn’t be thinking about a guy like him in that way.”
“Ah, I think I understand now,” Emily said softly. “Guy is exactly the problem, isn’t he?”
Rachel swallowed. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Yes, you do. You’re worried that Nicholas is just like Guy. You look at him, and you keep wondering if you're falling for the same man who abandoned you and Charlotte just like”—she snapped her fingers—“that.”
Knowing there was no point in continuing to deny it, Rachel nodded. “It’s hard not to compare the two of them. I mean, when I first saw Nicholas, he was leaning against his surfboard on the docks and people were fawning all over him, telling him how great he is.”
Emily put an arm around her. “But don't you see? You, more than anyone, know how to spot a fake now. And if you can't stop thinking about Nicholas, then I can't help but think there's a reason for it. That beneath his good-looking, adventurous surface, there must be something strong pulling you two together. After all,” her sister added, “you did just say how sweet he is.”
“Speaking of sweet,” Rachel said by way of changing the subject, “we should probably take dessert out now.” But all the while, she couldn't help wondering if her sister was right—and if she should risk giving Nicholas a chance.
CHAPTER NINE
After dinner, while Rachel helped Emily with the dishes, her sister was kind enough not to ask any more pointed questions. Probably because she could clearly see that Rachel was still thinking things through. Was Emily right about Rachel judging Nicholas by an unfair comparison to Guy? And if she was, how much of herself—and her carefully guarded heart—would she have to risk to find out whether he was truly different from her ex?
By the time she'd put away the final dish and headed back into the family dining room, Charlotte was busy playing cards with Nicholas.
“Go fish!” Charlotte said.
Charlotte had always been a happy little girl and was rarely happier than when she was playing cards. A couple of months back, she’d engaged Grams in a game of rummy that had gone on for hours until Grams had finally declared she was too tired to keep up. But Nicholas didn’t seem to mind. In fact, he seemed to be enjoying the game and wasn't in any sort of rush to end it. But since Charlotte had school in the morning and it was already close to her bedtime, Rachel knew that they ought to get home.
“It’s time to finish up the game so that we can get you home to bed.”
“But, Mommy, I’m not tired.” She might have been more convincing if she hadn't yawned just then. “Can’t we stay at Grams’ house? Nicholas is.”
“That's because he’s just visiting Walker Island. His home is a long way away on another island called Hawaii,” Rachel explained. “Did you thank him for the bunny he gave you earlier?”
“I did,” she replied, but turned back to Nicholas and said, “I totally love it.”
“I’m totally glad,” Nicholas replied with a warm smile.
“Now say goodnight to everyone. We’ve still got to walk home.”
Charlotte didn’t look happy about the game ending, and she really didn't look happy about walking home on top of that. Maybe walking over here had been a mistake. After all, for a tired six-year-old, it was quite a long walk back. Rachel figured she would probably end up carrying her at least part of the way home.
But right then, Nicholas stood up and held out a hand to Charlotte. “How about if I give you a piggyback ride home?”
Charlotte was already clambering up onto Nicholas’ back as Rachel said, “That's really nice of you to offer to carry her home, but then you'll have to walk back afterward, and—”
“It’s fine,” Nicholas assured her. “I don’t mind doing the walk in both directions.”
“It’s fine, Mommy,” Charlotte said, echoing him.
But was it actually fine?
The last thing Rachel wanted to do was encourage her daughter to become attached to someone who was going to be gone in a week. But at the same time, she didn't want her to be afraid of meeting new people. Plus, hadn't he just shared a meal with them where he'd fit in amazingly well with her family? And, if she were being totally honest with herself, didn't the idea of a moonlit walk with Nicholas make her own heart beat just a little bit faster?
“Okay, thanks,” Rachel said, then went to hug each of her family members goodnight. She couldn't help but laugh when Nicholas carried Charlotte around so that she could do the same. Once all the good-byes had been said, he made a run for the door with Charlotte clinging to him.
“Come on, let’s see how fast we can go.”
Rachel set off after them, half-worried that he was serious. What if he fell? What if Charlotte lost her grip? But once she got outside, it was clear that he had only been teasing and was ready for a slightly more sedate walk back.
As they set out, Rachel could see that after her initia
l burst of energy, Charlotte was actually quite sleepy. Which meant that if Nicholas hadn’t been there, she would have either ended up carrying her daughter all the way back home, or trying to coax her into walking despite how tired she was. No question about it, having Nicholas accompany them home was definitely the better choice.
“Do you and your family do that regularly?” Nicholas asked.
She nodded, then realized he might not be able to clearly see her in the moonlight. “Usually, Hanna is busy with her studies and filmmaking, Morgan is often off-island for her TV commitments, and Dad tends to be busy with the school and his educational trips. But for our fall dinner, everyone rearranges their schedules to make sure they can be on the island for the night.”
“It must be nice having everyone you love around you.”
It was, and the family get-togethers were wonderful. But at the same time, her sisters' successes with both career and love could also sometimes feel like a reminder that Rachel was not only still on the island working in insurance, but that she hadn't found anyone who made her heart beat as fast as her rotten ex had. When she was younger, she'd assumed that once she was old enough, she'd go off into the world to explore all of its exciting nooks and crannies. But that wasn't the way it had worked out.
Well, she thought, aside from the part about her heart beating fast. Because Nicholas certainly kept sending it into overdrive, with nothing more than one of his gorgeous smiles...
Once they got to the house, Nicholas carried Charlotte inside. After silently checking with Rachel to make sure it was okay, he headed for her room and laid her down gently on her bed. He did it so softly and quietly that Charlotte barely murmured in her sleep, rolling over and reaching for the stuffed rabbit Nicholas had given her.
Deciding it wouldn't hurt Charlotte to sleep in a dress instead of her jammies for one night if it meant getting a few extra minutes of sleep after such a busy evening out, Rachel pressed a kiss to her daughter's cheek and said, “I love you.” Then she crept out of the room after Nicholas, who had headed back into the living room.
Once they were alone, it would have been so easy to reach for him. But she knew if she did, that one touch would inevitably lead to more. He would pull her even closer to him, their lips would meet, and—
Rachel swallowed instinctively at the heady thought. That was the problem. It was too good of a thought. Too good to ever be real. To ever be safe with a man like Nicholas.
Still, when she looked up into his eyes, the heat in them had her wondering if he would be the one to bridge the gap between them and kiss her impulsively, the same way he seemed to do everything else in his life. A part of her wanted his kiss so, so badly. But at the same time, despite the instinctive pull she felt toward Nicholas—one so strong that it had been there from the very first moment she'd set eyes on him at the ferry—the days when she could just dive into something on instinct were long gone.
As if he could sense her conflicting thoughts, instead of grabbing her and kissing her, he simply said, “You’ve got a great kid there. She’s so bright and enthusiastic. She’s going to go out and conquer the world one day.”
A surge of pride rose within Rachel. It was true that Charlotte was precocious. She wanted to know, and do, and try everything. Yet, just the thought of what all those things out there might be—off the island, where Rachel couldn’t do anything to protect her—was enough to bring fear a beat later. Nicholas was talking as though it was good that one day her daughter would be going out into a big, scary world full of dangers. But, then, of course he would think like that—his life of adventuring had worked so well for him that he assumed it would work just as well for everyone else.
“I want her to explore, but I can't stand the thought of her ever getting hurt.”
“You've raised a smart kid. She'll know how to make the right decisions when the time comes. It’ll be okay,” Nicholas assured her.
“Until you have kids, you can't know how scary the world can be.”
“Maybe not,” he conceded, “but I still know how important family is.”
Every time he talked about family—about how much he was enjoying getting to know hers and how lucky she was to have them all nearby—a part of her started to think that maybe falling into his arms wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.
But she knew better, didn't she? Knew better than to fall for a gorgeous wanderer just because he said all the right things.
“If I had kids,” he continued, “I would love them so much. And I know I would try to protect them, but I would want to show them everything the world has to offer, too.”
“That's easy to say when you're too busy gallivanting around the world to bother having kids,” she said in a deliberately crisp voice, one that she hated hearing coming out of her own mouth even if it was necessary to try to push him—and the desperate longing he made her feel—away.
“That's not why I don't have any children, Rachel.”
She knew better than to ask, but she still couldn't stop the words from falling from her lips. “Then why?”
“I don't have kids because I hadn't met the right woman to have them with.”
Oh God, why did she so desperately want that right woman to be her? And why was she teetering so precariously on the verge of throwing herself at him for a kiss that neither of them would ever forget?
But, then, drawing on six years of strength—strength she'd had to learn the moment Guy had left her pregnant and alone—she said, “Thank you for walking us home, but I should really be heading to bed now. And I'm sure you've got a big day ahead of you with the film crew, too.”
For a moment, when he moved closer, she thought he was going to kiss her anyway and try to convince her that going to bed alone wasn't even close to the right choice. And, despite all of the warnings she had been giving herself, she inwardly rejoiced.
But, in the end, he simply brushed his lips against her cheek and said, “Good night,” leaving her heart racing in anticipation of the true kiss that she wanted more than she'd ever wanted anything in her life.
CHAPTER TEN
The next morning after Rachel got Charlotte ready for school, she decided to tidy up the house before logging into her email to see what new projects Frank might have waiting for her to work on. But even though this was her normal daily schedule, things didn't feel quite right this morning. Almost as if she was missing something. Or someone. Because for the first time in three days, she wouldn't be picking Nicholas up or taking him somewhere. Instead, Morgan had insisted—despite all of their protests last night—that she was feeling well enough to shoot the climbing segment today.
How was it, Rachel found herself wondering, that after only a couple of days, Nicholas had already become a part of her daily routine? And just because she knew better than to think a man like him could ever truly become part of anyone's day-to-day schedule, it still didn’t do anything to ease the nagging sense of disappointment that had settled inside her that Morgan, instead of her, would be spending the day at the cliffs with him.
Thankfully, there was always something to do in a house with a messy six-year-old around—namely a thorough cleanup of Charlotte's room—so Rachel did her best to push that longing aside as she tidied up.
She didn’t treat chores as a kind of meditation the way her sister Emily seemed to, but there was still something almost soothing about going through Charlotte’s room, tidying away the clothes and the toys that lay scattered around. At least until her eyes settled on the new stuffed rabbit...and the shark tooth necklace it was now wearing.
Rachel could barely believe it—Charlotte had obviously taken Nicholas’ necklace last night when he carried her home. And now, she knew she needed to return it to him immediately. Which meant driving over to the film location at the cliffs after all.
She knew all the good climbing spots on the island, so she was pretty certain she knew which spot Morgan would have chosen for today. Memories of her climbing days flashed through
her mind—times spent scrambling up rock faces, often without safety ropes. She'd also climbed trees, buildings, anything that offered a challenge or a good view at the top.
How could she have been so reckless? What if she had fallen?
But I never did, did I?
* * *
By the time Rachel arrived at the base of the cliffs, though the production crew was clearly ready to film a climb, Nicholas and Morgan weren't anywhere near to starting. And as Rachel got closer, it was easy to hear their conversation.
“No, absolutely not. I’m sorry, Morgan, but there is no way you are climbing today.” Nicholas looked very serious as he said it, reminding Rachel of the way he’d gone through the safety routines for their kayak trip. Clearly, he wasn’t going to compromise on safety, not for a TV show or any other reason.
“Come on, Nicholas,” her sister argued, “you’ve said yourself that you need normal people to go on your adventures with you. If we don’t get the shots, then what’s the point of coming here to film today?”
The film crew looked eager to get Morgan ready, but as the production assistant reached out to help her with her climbing harness, Nicholas stepped between them and shook his head.
“I’m not going to let you do it. I know you’re only trying to help, but you simply aren’t well enough yet.” When it seemed Morgan wasn't going to listen, he added, “And what would the producers of your show think if I got their big star injured?”
Rachel saw Morgan try to laugh that off, but the laughter turned into a coughing fit. “I’m not that big a star. Besides…”
Nicholas handed Morgan a bottle of water. “You are a big star as far as Brian and your family and friends who love you are concerned. And I don’t think any of them would forgive me if I let you climb when you’re feeling like this. I sure wouldn't forgive myself.”
“You need to listen to him, Morgan,” Rachel said as she finally came forward. “It was only a day or so ago that you were ready to fall over. Besides, it’s not like you ever liked climbing anyway.”
