by Lee Kilraine
“Samantha, that’s enough. Your nervous energy is messing with the chi flow. Here, take this outside and relax.” Lila shoved a glass of champagne in my hand and kicked me out onto the brick patio to relax. She was right. I needed to calm down.
I sat on one of the wrought iron benches surrounding the four-foot-wide stone fire pit tucked back behind the swimming pool. The florist and catering company had turned the backyard into a fairytale place. Candles and gardenia flowers floated in the pool, thousands of white lights twinkled throughout the trees and arbor, and orange, red, and yellow flames danced and crackled in the fire pit, tempting guests to enjoy the warmth.
It wasn’t only the gala, although I was anxious about it. I knew Lila loved the house, but I wanted everyone else to love it just as much. Every design, even though it was a reflection of a client’s wishes, had a part of me in it. So when people looked and judged, it felt a bit like I was being judged. It was nerve-wracking to say the least.
But my thoughts and emotions were being hijacked by Beck. In the last twenty-four hours, I’d digested my father’s job offer to Beck, the fact that Beck was seriously thinking about it, which made me think the man wore a suit of armor around his heart, and then his brothers explaining the why of it. My heart and mind felt like they’d been spinning around in a tornado all day.
When my mind finally stopped whirling a few hours ago, I made a decision I never thought in a million years I’d come to. But I wanted to talk to Beck first. I wanted to hear what he had to say rather than make such a final move based on something I heard from either Margo or his brothers.
“Sam.” Beck’s deep voice dove right down to my belly and twisted it. “I’ve been looking for you.”
“Well, you found me.” I lifted my glass of champagne at him. “Lila kicked me out until I calmed down.”
“What are you nervous about? The house is stunning. Yesterday was the critical pass with our industry peers, and that couldn’t have gone better. Tonight is when you get to bask in the glow of praise, knowing you’re helping raise money for a great cause.” Beck took a seat on my bench.
“Let’s just say I have a history of being judged and coming up short.” I avoided his eyes by staring into the fire.
He reached out his hand, gently cupped my jaw, and turned my face up to his. “Sam, anyone who doesn’t recognize your worth is an idiot. Sadly, I was an idiot where you’re concerned for too long. It may even be too late to fix it.”
“Go ahead and try,” I whispered.
Beck nodded and sat back, taking his hand away. I heard him suck in a breath and then let it escape in a determined sigh.
“I’ve never shared this part of my life with anyone, but I’d like to tell you a story. It’s not a pretty one, but it might—well, if you have time, I’d just like to tell it to you.”
He looked unsure. The first time I’d ever seen him like that. But I guess when a person kept their emotions and memories closed tight, baring your soul might feel like walking naked down Hillsborough Street.
“I have time. Lila’s not letting me back in until the gala starts.” I sat waiting quietly, my gaze ranging over his face, unsure of what he was about and where he was heading.
“Once upon a time there were six brothers. They lived in various government housing projects or trailer parks out in the hills of western North Carolina. Their daddy was a drunk.” Beck’s eyes stared toward the line of cypress trees at the back of the yard. “A mean, abusive drunk who couldn’t hold a job for longer than a few weeks at a time.
“Most of the time he took his anger out on their momma. Their momma was beautiful. Sweet. Loving. But apparently that can be beaten out of a person. Eventually, when her situation got too hard to handle, she started drinking too. To forget. To escape. And then one day she really did escape. She left. She told the oldest—me, she told me—she couldn’t take anymore. The last thing she said to me was, ‘take care of your brothers, Beck. I’m counting on you.’ And then she was gone. I was eight years old.”
“Beckett, I’m so sorry. So very sorry.” My heart broke for him. There was sadness, but anger too. Anger for what those parents did to those little boys.
“Right. After momma ran, things got ugly. One time the old man went too far, and he couldn’t hide that from social services. That’s when we entered the foster care system. Who can handle six wild, unloved boys? They split us up. The next year or two are better left forgotten. Dad sobered up long enough to get us back once. Didn’t last long. But we got better at hiding things. There was no way in hell we wanted to go back into the system. When our old man finally had enough, he left. Up and left and we couldn’t have been more thankful than if Santa Claus had delivered the whole of Toys “R” Us to our house.
“We were able to keep his leaving a secret from teachers, classmates, and neighbors for almost four months. Then it was back into foster care, scattered all over the county. When I turned eighteen, I aged out of the system. Started trying to track down all my brothers, but I couldn’t be granted legal custody of the younger ones until I turned twenty-one. I found all of them—all but one. My brother, Ryker. There’s a big gaping hole in our lives where Ryker belongs, and it’s another thing that drives me to succeed.”
I didn’t say a thing. When he paused, I realized Beck’s hand was tight around mine, and I wasn’t sure how long I’d been clutching his hand. Or who had reached out for whom. I tried to use my touch to ease some of the pain I saw in his eyes, but I needed the comfort of his warm, strong hands too.
“I’m not telling you this so you can feel sorry for me. That’s the last thing I want.”
“I know. I don’t,” I said. I didn’t feel sorry for Beck, the man, but my heart did hurt for Beck, the young boy. I couldn’t stop that. No child should have to grow up like that.
“My point in telling you all this is to explain why I was, and am, an idiot when it comes to you. After the way we grew up, I need to have control. To know what to expect. Which means I don’t take risks if I don’t have to. It’s why I never believed in relationships. You need to trust the other person, and I never could open myself up to that pain. Because I’d watched my parents destroy each other. And us. It was brutal.”
“You poor little boys.” I couldn’t even imagine what Beck and his brothers had been through. I only knew how strong and resilient they were that they had raised themselves to be the men they were today. “Your poor mother.”
“I was never under the mistaken impression that my dad loved us. But our mother—I really thought she did. Until she deserted us. It hurt like hell when she walked away and left us there with him. I’ll never forgive her for leaving us like that.”
What happens to a kid who grows up needing to protect his younger siblings from his own parents? He learns to survive any way necessary. He develops a burning drive to succeed to secure the success and safety of his brothers. And if that means not letting anyone close to his heart, he doesn’t. Right. I don’t do relationships. I don’t believe in love. And who could fault him?
“The thing is, when you disappeared for those three days…” His gaze moved away, off to the trees again. “I had this feeling just like I’d had when my mother left—like I was wobbling at the edge of a deep pit. Like something important was taken from me. Something I wasn’t sure I’d survive without.”
“I’m so sorry. If I’d known, I’d have told you before I left. It wasn’t even about you. When my sister called crying, I didn’t think it through. I just dropped everything and went to help Jane. She’s my baby sister, and I’ve always been there for her.”
“Believe me I get it. I’d do anything to make sure my brothers were safe.” He turned to me, his eyes brilliantly blue in the glow of the firelight. “I don’t always have the luxury of making the choices I want. Some of the choices in my life are for my brothers.”
The intensity of his gaze was like a heat
ed beam straight to my heart. I was shifting, melting under its sharpness. He was telling me something without actually saying it. Was he talking about the job offer from my father?
“I’m trying to deal with something right now, but if it doesn’t go my way, and I only have one way to protect my brothers—I’ll take it. I have to.”
I stared at him a long time, and he stared back. I wasn’t sure if this was a warning, or a test, or a final farewell. Instinctively I reached out my hand, but Beck stood and stepped back, shoving his hands into his pants pockets.
“I know when we gave in to the attraction between us, when I gave in, I said all along it was just sex.” His gaze hit me, and I couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t move. Because it was sounding like a goodbye. His head tilted and his lips slid into a wry grin. “I was lying to myself. To you. Selling us short. Telling myself it was just sex was another way to keep my walls up.”
Not goodbye? I was going to punch him when he was done with this. Punch him and them jump him, hog tie him, and kiss the heck out of him.
“I can never express how sorry I am that I did that to you. To us. I would understand if you never forgive me. But I hope you’ll give me just a little more time. I’d like to get through tonight’s event. After everything we went through and all the hard work, neither one of us wants to blow the gala. Then I’m asking for a week or two of time. Time I need to fix something. And then I’d like to sit down and talk about you and me.”
“Samantha! Beck!” Wyatt’s voice called from the French doors at the back of the house. “The first cars are pulling up. Show time!”
“Is that something you can do for me, Sam? I totally don’t deserve it, but I’m asking anyway.”
“Yes, I can do that for you, Beck.”
Chapter 32
Beckett
Sharing all the ugly parts of my life that I’d kept locked up tight was as hard as I thought it would be. It felt like I’d opened my chest and scooped it out with a jagged, rusty can. And that wasn’t even delving into any pitiful specifics. I’d be fine never having to share those.
Thank God Sam was willing to listen when she had every right to kick my ass out of her life. A burst of sweet relief shot through my veins knowing I could take a few minutes to breathe now that my brothers and I had a few weeks to come up with a plan. Talk about a reprieve.
Denver and Lila stood in the large graceful foyer, greeting guests as they arrived. A string quartet played softly in the corner of Denver’s study while servers walked around with platters full of fancy hors d’oeuvres and glasses of champagne. Two open bars, one in the formal living room and one on the brick patio, kept the drinks flowing. A buffet of hot hors d’oeuvres was set up under the pergola just outside the French doors.
This was only my fourth time wearing a tuxedo. Ash had bought us all tickets to the Roughnecks’ annual Fundraising Gala every December since he’d joined the team. I’d rather be in blue jeans and work boots, but I could blend with the crowd. The baby blue of Eli’s tux snagged my attention in the corner. Between that and his full blond beard, Eli didn’t blend at all.
I worked the room, mixing and mingling, happy for the attention the house was getting. More than a few people were interested in having Six Brothers Construction look at a job or two. Hands shook and business cards were exchanged.
Devine gave me a nod and wink from across the room. No surprise to see him at the gala. Along with the players, season ticket holders, and the foundation’s board members were the CEO’s of the Triangle’s prominent businesses, from realty to the tech and pharmaceutical companies along with representatives from the many universities.
“If I could have everyone’s attention…” Denver King stood near the massive fireplace in the great room with Lila on his arm and a highball in his hand. “Thank you. Thank you everyone for coming out tonight. As the new owner of the Raleigh Roughnecks, I’m happy and honored to host the Annual Roughneck Fundraising Gala. Although, I think Lila would have kicked me out to sleep in the pool house if I’d even thought about not continuing the wonderful tradition. Lila?”
“You’ve got that right,” Lila agreed, much to everyone’s amusement. “Seriously, Denver and I, the players, and the whole organization would like to thank everyone for coming out tonight. The Roughneck Foundation funds the Roughneck Scholars’ Program, which awards scholarships to low-income high school students. Often these students are the first in their family to attend college, and they open a door for others to follow. Don’t forget the online auction is open the next two weeks. Enjoy yourselves tonight. Oh, and feel free to give the players tips on what you think they’re doing wrong out there on the ice. I hear they love that.”
Everyone laughed when Denver wrapped an arm around Lila’s shoulders, pretending to keep her quiet. Lila laughed and snuck a kiss on his cheek.
“Aren’t they a beautiful couple?” Margo sighed next to me.
I figured that was a rhetorical question, and being a guy, we didn’t evaluate couples like that, so I stayed quiet.
Margo turned and looked me up and down. “You clean up good, Beck, but then all you Thorne brothers do.”
“Thanks, I think.” It was safe to say I sensed animosity coming from Margo aimed straight at me.
“I just want you to know if you hurt my friend, I will hunt you down and hurt you.” I probably outweighed the woman by almost one hundred pounds, but I believed her. There was a ferocious gleam in her eyes that I didn’t want to mess with.
“Not my plan.” She wouldn’t have to hunt me down and hurt me because I’d kick my own ass if I hurt Sam.
“I’ll be watching you like a hawk.” Her eyes narrowed on me before she turned to scan the room. “Now, if a woman wanted to have a fun time, which Thorne brother would she aim for? I’m just, you know, asking for a friend.”
“Uh, I guess that depends on what you mean by fun.” I glanced at her from the corner of my eye hoping she didn’t expect an actual answer. I wasn’t used to pimping my brothers out.
“Never mind. I’ll figure it out for myself. I’m starting with Eli though. That throwback tux is adorable. But don’t forget I’ve got my eyes on you, Beckett Thorne.” She sliced one more glare my way and left.
The quartet picked up, and I went back to mingling. Every so often I’d catch a glimpse of Sam talking, smiling, or laughing as she moved throughout the house. God, she was gorgeous. Tonight she wore a body-hugging deep blue dress that looked like the softest crushed velvet. I needed to get my hands on it to check. Her long, honey-streaked chestnut hair was pulled back, leaving her thick curls to cascade down her back.
I was moving through the great room when Devine drew me into a group of businessmen where it sounded like they were discussing the robust housing market.
Devine wrapped his arm around my shoulders and raised one hand to quiet those around us.
“Never let it be said that we at Devine and Sons Builders don’t know how to modernize and grow. We may be an old company with solid traditions, but we know brilliant talent when we see it. To that end, I’m proud to announce I’ve invited Beckett Thorne to come on as our second in command, our new vice president of sales, to help guide our company into the future.”
Fuck. I should have figured Devine would pull something like this, but I’d been too distracted by other things to think it through. My eyes searched for Samantha, hoping she wasn’t nearby to hear this. It had been a jerk move offering me the job in front of her yesterday. If I were lucky, she’d be off in another room so I could explain before she—crap.
Not lucky. She stared at her father from ten feet away. Her features froze into a bland mask, and her eyes, when they finally turned to me, were flat and cool. And then she turned her back and walked away.
Walked away from everything she knew about me without giving me a chance to explain. Walked away from us—from everything we’d shared the last fe
w months. I guess what I’d thought had been a deepening trust between us had only been a temporary tryst for her. It felt like someone had opened my chest and ripped out my lungs; it was that hard to breathe. Because it felt too damn much like the last time someone I loved turned and walked out of my life.
Well, fuck. I guess that’s why this trust shit is so hard. Just because I finally decided to trust Samantha and let her in—there was no guarantee that trust would be returned. Then again, the man standing next to me had taught Samantha the same life lesson about trust my parents had taught me. Sam and I were two damaged souls who’d found each other.
My heart pounded in my chest, urging me to fix this. To grab Samantha in my arms and secure her by my side. But I couldn’t saddle my brothers with the debt I’d incurred either. Not after we’d all worked and fought so hard to get as far away from the poverty we’d known growing up. I had no legal obligation to Devine. I hadn’t signed a thing yet. So as soon as my brothers and I figured out a solution, I could tell him to shove it. It’s just we’d been over it from every angle and didn’t see a way out yet.
I’d told my brothers I’d do it all over again, and I meant it. Having my brothers near me, knowing they were safe and thriving, meant everything. Because the guilt over not being able to find Ryker sliced at me every day.
Just like it fucking hurt to watch Samantha walk away from me.
I couldn’t drag my eyes off the back of her head. Couldn’t—uh, what the hell? Samantha had only walked a few steps, when I saw her stop and turn back around.
She stepped back toward me, working her way through the group, until they realized who she was and cleared a path for her. Her gaze locked on mine, and I hope she saw that I wanted no part of her father’s business.
“What do you say we flip for him?” Sam had turned all her attention to her father.
