I clenched my teeth. So, this is what it came down to? She thought I dumped her and refused to return her texts? I never wanted to tell her the truth, but now I could see I had to. I bent forward, too. Our noses almost touched in the middle of the table. “You want to know what happened? Do you want to know what made me stop seeing you? My grandmother died. That’s what happened.”
She stared at me with her mouth open. I always knew she’d react like that if she found out. I couldn’t stand to see that stunned look on her face. It reminded me too much of how I felt back then. “Oh, my God.”
I sat back in my chair and tossed my wadded-up napkin on the table. “There. Now you know. Okay? It threw a massive wrench in our whole family. She was my father’s mother, and after she died, the whole family went nuts. People started fighting in court over who would inherit her fortune. My parents split up over it. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t concentrate on anything. It took everything I had just to stay in school. I almost dropped out, but I coped by cutting myself off from everyone. I couldn’t talk to anybody, especially not to you, Vic. I’m really sorry, but I did what I had to do to survive it. It cost me everything I had, but it got me where I am today, and I won’t apologize for that.”
She swallowed hard. She closed her eyes and bowed her head. “I am so sorry. I never knew, but I wish now I had known. I wish I could have helped you somehow instead of hating you all these years.”
I stared down at my plate. I had to keep myself together right now. “I’m sorry you had to go through that. I really wish I could have reached out to you back then. Losing you hurt a lot worse than losing my grandmother, but I couldn’t do anything else. I was young and stupid. I should never have let you go, but I didn’t know then what I know now. I did it, and it cost me seven years I could have spent with you. That’s the worst part of the whole thing. That was my punishment for handling it the wrong way.”
She peered up at me. She opened her mouth to say something, but she closed it again. “I understand now why you stopped talking to me. It might not have been the best way to handle it, but it helps to know you didn’t turn your back on me. That’s what upset me most.”
My head shot up. “I Would never turn my back on you, again Vic. Never!”
Her hand inched across the table. “Do you mean that?”
I grasped that hand for dear life. I clutched it for all I was worth. I could never let her go, now that I had her. I had to find a way to keep her for good. “Absolutely. You’re the one thing I always knew I could count on. Even when I couldn’t face you, just knowing you were there, helped me. It gave me an anchor to hang onto. You were always the one true and solid thing in my life, even when I couldn’t see any hope anywhere else.”
Her face lit up, and her eyes misted over with tears. “I never stopped thinking about you. That’s what really hurt. I always thought you found somebody else.”
I shook my head. “Don’t cry, baby. Please don’t cry.”
She tried to smile, but her lips twisted the wrong way. “I’m just relieved. I’m just happy that now I finally understand.”
God, I wanted to hold her right then. Clinging to her hand would never be enough. I should have told her in a quiet cafe instead of this noisy restaurant, somewhere I could put my arms around her and kiss her like she needed.
She blinked the tears away and raised her shining face to me. Now she really did smile, a glorious smile like the one I remembered from her early days. All the icy frost that separated her from me melted away, and the sun shone out of her eyes.
I could see she wanted to hold me, too. Her lips twitched, and her eyes danced around my face. She didn’t know where to look or what to do. She smiled at me so long I got embarrassed. Me! I never got embarrassed around women before, but just then, we should have been alone together in a private room. Anybody looking at us could see our most private, intimate moment spread out in public.
I let go of her hand and sat back. This wasn’t right, and I didn’t want to step on her toes by making it any more intense than it already was. She understood and withdrew her hand into her lap. We both turned to our menus and said no more about it.
She said almost nothing for the rest of the meal. When the waiter came, she waved her hand. “You know this place better than I do. You order for both of us.”
I ordered her the filet. I’d had it enough times before, and I wanted her to have the best. She beamed at me from across the table. Every time I looked at her, I caught her giving me the same shining look. I didn’t have to hold her hand. I didn’t have to put my arms around her. She was right there, with me. She always would be.
12
Victoria
Neither of us said anything on the drive back to my place, but I couldn’t stop my mind whirling. I never felt closer to Brady than now. He really did care. He didn’t dump me back in college the way I always thought he did. He suffered a lot worse than I did, and he came through it strong and sure. He came through it still caring about me after I turned my back on him.
What was I going to do now? I couldn’t lie to him, not after what he told me at the restaurant. All the barriers between us, all the old resentment and hostility—none of it meant a thing now. If I looked him in the eye, if I kissed him or touched his skin, I had to come clean. I couldn’t face him otherwise.
The Porsche purred through the streets. The headlights swept right and left when Brady turned corners and angled off the freeway. That silence stretched on and on. It would never end until one of us said something, and I wasn’t about to be the first.
It was a comfortable silence, a silence in which everything that needed to be said had been said and would be said. We could live in that silence for years, decades even. That silence accused me more than anything. I hadn’t said everything that needed to be said, and I should have.
He came clean. Now it was my turn. Somehow, though, that silence just got longer and longer. One intersection and one street corner after another passed by, and I didn’t say it. The silence got heavier and more oppressive until I couldn’t sit still anymore. I had to get away from Brady, even as I longed with all my heart to hold him and take shelter in him.
The car pulled up in front of my house. Brady got out and opened my door for me the way he always did. He walked me up to the step, but instead of going inside, I turned around to face him. “I’m going inside now, Brady. Maybe I’ll see you later. I had a really nice time tonight.”
Faster than the eye could see, he flew at me and kissed me. He pressed me so tight I could barely breathe. His lips sucked the air from my lungs. Before I knew it, I got all tangled up in him. I couldn’t keep away from him. Some force stronger than both of us drew us together.
His hands ranged all up and down my back. He nestled his warm fingers around my neck under my hair, and my whole spine sagged into his embrace. I couldn’t stop myself when he touched me like that.
His other hand glided down my back to the arch where my ass rounded outward. He squeezed me against him until I moaned in open desire. I wanted him so much, but I couldn’t have him.
His cock swelled against my dress, and he rubbed it back and forth. My tissues unfurled their swollen petals, and my juices wet my panties. If only I could take him inside and forget everything else, he would make everything all right again, at least for a little while.
I tore myself out of his embrace and gasped for air. “I’m sorry.”
He eased me back to stare into my eyes. “Let’s go inside. We can do this better there.”
I shook my head. “I can’t. I’m sorry. It’s not that I don’t want to.”
He cocked his head to one side. “Then what is it?”
“It’s just that....” Even I didn’t understand what it was. Why couldn’t I let myself get close to him? Why did I have to keep coming up with excuses to hold him at a distance? “It’s just that.... after what you told me....”
He frowned. “What about it? I thought telling you would brin
g us closer. I wouldn’t have told you if I thought it would drive us apart.”
I seized his hand. “It has brought us closer together. That’s what I’m trying to say. It seems like...this thing between us.... I don’t know what I’m trying to say. It’s fragile right now. It’s delicate, and it needs protection. That’s what I’m trying to say. I don’t want to do anything to endanger it.”
He stiffened against me, but he didn’t let go. “We’ve done it enough times. Doing it again won’t hurt us.”
I had to laugh at that, but there was nothing funny about this. “We did it before I knew this about you. I never knew you cared about me the way I cared about you. I thought it was all just a good time to you. Now I find out it wasn’t. I don’t want to do anything to endanger this. Just for tonight, let’s kiss and say good night. We can come back together later, and we’ll be that much stronger.”
He gave me a quick peck. “Are you sure about that?”
I nodded.
He moved back and slid one hand down his stomach to his cock. He squeezed his package, and his abs contracted to thrust his hips toward me. “So, what am I supposed to do with this?”
I bit back a smile. “Save it for me.”
“I don’t have to save it for you. I can deal with this myself and have another one just as hard when you’re ready for it.”
I drew him back into my arms. “Thanks. That’s what I want.”
When I kissed him this time, the passion flared hotter than ever. Did I really think I could turn him away on my doorstep? He mouthed me to a raging inferno. He crushed my ass in one big hand and tormented my sensitive mound on his cruel spike. Oh, if I could only get at that thing, I could satisfy all my deepest desires. I never wanted anything as much as I wanted that.
He quit before I did. He pushed me back and left me standing on my doorstep cold and alone. His fingers trailed off my hand. “Until next time.” He kissed my knuckles. “Sleep tight.”
I could only stand there staring at him while he yanked the car door open, fired up the Porsche, and motored down the street out of sight. A thousand doubts and fears plagued my brain. I should have let him in. I should have spent the night with him. I should have told him everything.
What could I really tell him, after all? I didn’t really know for sure. I couldn’t see him again until I knew for absolutely, positively sure where we stood.
I fumbled with my keys. My hands shook, and I missed the lock more than once. When I finally got the door open, I went straight to my bedroom. I took off my dress and put on my old pajamas. I wadded up my hair in a knot on top of my head and went into the bathroom.
I took off all my makeup before I dared look at myself in the mirror. No masks. No decoration. Just me, myself, and I. I stood there regarding myself in the mirror. I had to face myself as myself. I couldn’t hide from myself at this moment.
I opened the medicine cabinet and took out the cardboard box. In bright letters emblazoned across it, I read those fateful words, Home Pregnancy Test. I had to know the truth. I had to know before I ever laid eyes on Brady Townsend again.
I couldn’t stand there staring at it all night. I tore it open, got out the dipstick, and sat down on the toilet. I put the stick on the counter and went into the bedroom. I turned down the bed and switched off my phone. Whatever the result, I would need some quiet time alone after reading it to take stock of my life. I had to face tomorrow with my head up, whatever the outcome.
No matter what I found in that bathroom, my life would change. I couldn’t go throwing myself away anymore. I had to move in the future with sure, certain steps. I had to get absolute clarity on what I was doing and do it without flinching.
I sat down on my bed and gave myself a pedicure. Brady’s presence haunted that bed. I brought him home with me, even when he drove away to the other side of town. I would curl up in that bed, put my arms around him, and tell him my darkest secrets. I would kiss him and rest my head on his chest. He would comb my hair off my face and rub my back.
Why did I ever think I could live my life without his protective presence? Why did I think I was better off without this touchstone guiding me and filling my life with meaning?
The clock on my bedside table registered twenty minutes. The results would certainly but up by now. I put away my pedicure set and rubbed my eyes. I was already half asleep. Even as I stepped through the bathroom door, a deep inner knowing filled me with the light of truth. I knew what I would find before I picked up the test.
It was positive.
13
Brady
“Vegas, baby!” Sam and Charlie waved their arms and shouted through the windows of the first-class Lexus I rented for this weekend getaway “Come on, Brady!” Charlie shouted. “We’ll be late.”
I slammed the trunk. Half a dozen groomsmen crowded the seats as I slid into the driver’s seat. “Late! Are you crazy? We’re leaving three hours early. If we leave right now, we’ll have all that time to wait before the bachelor party.”
“Well, we don’t want to miss anything.” Sam did a little dance in his seat. “Vegas, here we come!”
I threw the Lexus into drive and checked the traffic on all sides. I pulled out into traffic. “Where are the girls?”
A little Toyota Celica skidded around the corner. One glance showed me Helena behind the wheel. Mandy sat at her side, and Victoria and another bridesmaid crowded into the back seat. Loud music thumped through the open driver’s window.
Victoria glanced back at me, and I lifted my fingers off the steering wheel to give he a subtle wave. She turned around fast so I couldn’t see her face, but I didn’t have to see to know her cheeks burned when she saw me. They always did. Why did I make her so nervous? I just might get a chance to sneak off with her again this weekend. My cock twitched thinking about it.
Another car rolled around the corner, and about a dozen bridesmaids flopped from windows. All three cars headed out of town. The Lexus glided down the freeway. I used the guys’ excited chatter to cover me while I planned out how I would spirit Victoria away from her friends. It shouldn’t be too difficult. Once the alcohol started flowing, no one would notice if somebody disappeared.
The guys fired questions and jokes back and forth, but I drifted a thousand miles away. I floated in her arms. How long did I have to keep up this game of cloak and dagger? Why couldn’t I just come right out and have her without worrying about somebody finding out?
Of course, I couldn’t come right out and have her at Charlie and Mandy’s wedding, but my thoughts ranged a lot farther than the Las Vegas casino. I could get her, no problem. The real question was getting her and keeping her.
She presented as much of a conundrum as anything else. Did she want me or not? One minute, she threw herself at me in all her desperate erotic passion. The next minute, she avoided me. I wasn’t such an emotional cripple that I couldn’t recognize the signs.
Ever since the night she refused to let me inside her house, she found reasons to keep away from me. No more helping out with the wedding plans. No more rides in the Porsche. I was going out of my mind.
The cars trundled up to Las Vegas, and everybody unloaded. Mandy tried to say something to Charlie, but Sam cut her off. He pointed back toward the girls’ car. “You go over there. You’re not supposed to see the groom until you meet him at the altar.”
All the girls hooted. “Listen to him! We’re staying at the same hotel. We can’t exactly pretend you don’t exist.”
Sam herded Charlie and me away. “Come on. Let’s get our rooms. We can have some fun while we wait for the party to get started.”
Charlie looked around. “Where are all the naked hookers?”
I had to laugh, but I stopped myself when I spotted Victoria watching me. I stood at the reception desk inside the lobby and waited for Sam to check all of us in. I caught Victoria looking at me, and I turned away. I took out my phone and tapped the screen with my thumb. Nothing to see. Just checking my phone. Meet me
later?
My heart pounded in my chest. Would she do it? Her every instinct would tell her not to, but her burning need would drive her to it. I didn’t have to look around to see her punching her phone.
Where?
I knew it. Go for a swim in the pool?
Already my cock ached in anticipation.
Sure.
Good girl. She always was a good girl. All I had to do was crook my finger at her, and she would follow my lead. I wheeled my suitcase to the reception desk and got into a heated conversation with the clerk. The clerk handed me a key and pointed toward the elevator. No one would ever know I sent her that text.
Was she watching me from the front door right now? Was she getting wet thinking about it? I headed up the elevator to the eleventh floor with the other guys. They laughed and joked about the strippers they would get up to Charlie’s bachelor party.
The guys crowded out of the elevator and parked their luggage in their rooms. Sam called from his door before he went inside. “Meet in Charlie’s room in five minutes. I’ve got a bottle of tequila so we can get this party started!”
Perfect. I couldn’t have planned this better. I closed my room door and unzipped my suitcase on the bed. I slipped off my pants, pulled on my swimming shorts, and put my pants back on. I sent another text.
On my way down now.
My guts burned from adrenaline coursing through me. I stole a peek out the door. If I met anyone I knew, they would never know what I was up to.
Another text came back. Getting in the elevator.
I raced downstairs and out to the pool. I had to get there before her. I shucked off my clothes. My thumb flashed over my phone screen. Sliding into the hot tub. Wish you were here.
That should make her giggle. Getting out of the elevator. Which way is the pool?
Getting hard for you, baby. I need you in these bubbles right now.
Found it. Taking off my clothes.
My heart stopped. Taking off her clothes—where? I leaned over the hot tub’s concrete side and poked my phone with a dry finger. Where are you?
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