by Anna Antonia
I didn’t approach Risa, not even to apologize for what I had put her through. I was afraid of what would happen if I did.
Maybe she’d yell at me or throw things. I could handle that.
Maybe she’d cry. I wouldn’t be able to handle that as easily but I’d make the effort.
No, I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to walk away from her and that I wouldn’t let her walk away from me.
Never mind I had the freedom to go after Risa after my latest brush with death. What about the next time? And the time after that?
Knowing my mother died over this bloodstained name stopped me.
Knowing Elaine had spent her entire youth looking after me because of the power of my true name stopped me.
Knowing Risa would see me differently if she knew I wasn’t from a Wall Street family but criminal one stopped me.
Fucking coward.
Anger and frustration razed through me. I was supposed to be free of my father’s underworld. Yet, I had to live my life this way. I had no control.
My focus narrowed down to two things. My business and Risa.
I acquired more money and property. The shareholders would be pleased with their investment. Personally, I gave away as much as I brought in. Cynically, I wondered if I was trying to make a deal with God.
If I save enough of the world, will you let me have this one girl?
It didn’t work that way. At least not for me.
For now I had to satisfy myself with the video footage, occasional audio, and thousands of pictures until I was strong enough to turn my back completely.
Which at this rate would take the rest of my life.
I had every place Risa frequented investigated to make sure she would be safe.
Not from the Russian mafia but just safe in general.
I saw things I didn’t like.
It wasn’t hard for me to bring a mole into her place of work. Thomas’s network reached around the globe, including Denver.
This mole did her job well. She watched and listened for me. Through her I saw the owner’s nephew, one Steven Morris Howell, showed far too much interest in Risa.
I didn’t like that one bit. Yet, I knew I deserved it.
That still didn’t stop me from getting a queer tightening in the pit of my stomach whenever I received the mole’s report.
Risa kept the man at a personal distance. Office gossip had it he’d fallen hard for her. Something about love at first sight or some other such nonsense.
Clearly, Steve wanted Risa to be his latest girl. He’d been a busy boy in the weeks leading to Risa’s hiring. Fuck buddy after fuck buddy.
A veritable walking STD hazard.
He’d stopped seeing his roster shortly after his first interaction with Risa. Celibate ever since.
I didn’t like that one bit either.
Risa wouldn’t budge no matter how hard he kept on her heels. The unasked-for lunches, treats, and attention had no effect on her.
Good girl.
46
RISA
As he had promised, Steve finally wore me down into accepting his offer of dinner.
He’d been a constant thorn in my side. Always there to hold the door open for me, bring me a coffee, drop off cookies, pick up lunch—the list went on and on.
His was the first face I saw in the morning. The last one in the evening.
If Damian had shown me even a fraction of this kind of attention, well, maybe I wouldn’t be in Denver.
Damn it.
The comparison to Damian was going to have to stop.
“Will you quit bugging me if I say yes?”
Triumph burning like fire in his dark eyes, Steve clapped once. “Just name the day and time, Risa.”
Turning back to my computer, I’d told him, “Tomorrow. Eight. Don’t be late or I’m gone.”
He snapped a salute and whistled his way out of my office.
Pushy little punk.
He thought he won, but he didn’t. Not really. I could’ve outlasted him into the next century.
Stubbornness wasn’t an issue. I could dig my heels with the best of them. My time with Damian proved that point.
Which was why although I didn’t really want to go out with Steve, I saw it as a necessary evil. The only way I was ever going to get over Damian was to move on.
Completely.
A change of scenery, a different job, and a new apartment didn’t mean anything if I refused to let myself fully engage in the world past the surface.
There was only so many times I could hole up in my place and get drunk after already spending the night out on the town with my Denver acquaintances.
Sometime after the 10th hangover I took a hard look at myself.
I couldn’t allow myself to deteriorate so badly that self-destruction was the only option left to me.
Really what was the point? The only person I’m hurting is myself.
Damian hadn’t contacted me once.
No phone calls, texts, letters. Nothing.
Just because I left my cell behind didn’t mean he couldn’t get ahold of me. I knew he could’ve found a way if he really wanted to. But Damian never reached out to me, not to say he was sorry, not to say he missed me, and definitely not to say he made a mistake.
That was all the answer I really needed.
For the first time in six months I was single. I didn’t have to feel guilty about moving on. I was free. I could do and see whoever I wanted.
Yet, I couldn’t shake off the sense of betrayal I felt when I accepted Steve’s date.
Obviously, it was going to take some time but the only way I was going to get better was by doing it.
That was the only reason why I was sitting in this restaurant with Steve.
“So how is your food, Risa? Is it good?”
I summoned a polite smile.
“It’s very good. Thanks for asking.”
Steve tilted his head. A boyish grin appeared on his handsome face. The corners of his eyes crinkled, as if he found my answer amusing.
“Now, Risa, you’re going to hurt my feelings.”
“Whatever do you mean?”
“I know you just agreed to go out with me tonight to get me off your back. I can accept that. But don’t tell me you like your food when you’ve hardly eaten any of it. I’ve seen you throw down at lunch. Now you’re eating like a bird. Something’s not right with that, girl.”
God help me before I strangle this man with his own belt.
I leaned back in my chair. It was true. I didn’t care for the meal. I missed Texan food and basically anything fried. I hadn’t gotten accustomed to the cuisine here in Denver yet. Truthfully, I probably never would.
We all had our vices. A shitty diet was mine.
And Damian. Don’t forget about your crazy masochistic love for that unavailable man.
Nope. I wasn’t going to go there.
“Steve, complaining about the food is hardly being polite. Especially considering you’re paying for the meal.”
“Now, girl, don’t give me polite. I can get that anywhere. I want you real.”
He didn’t know what he was talking about.
You want the real deal? Fine. You’re too nice and that’s not your fault. I just happen to be completely fucking head over heels in love with a man who dominated me from the first moment I met him.
I loved him before the first time he fucked all three of my holes. I’ll never have anal sex with anyone else again because I don’t believe anyone else can give me what I need.
Speaking of need, I need a man who can let the little girl in me run free just so I can get my ass spanked until I cry. I got that with him. I miss going over his lap and having him pull my panties down.
Wanna know something else?
I really loved it when he stuffed them in my mouth. I also loved it when he tied my wrists behind my back and had me stand up on the bed so he could eat my pussy. Once he wouldn’t let me down off the bed. I had
to stand there the whole evening while he worked on some IT project.
Every time he had the urge to suck my clit, he ordered me to stand over him. He was that tall, understand? Just thinking about it makes me wet.
He bullied me, teased me, spanked me, fucked me, made love to me, and made me his little doll. I can never have regular sex after experiencing him.
Being dominated by this man was like finally coming to life after being dead but not even knowing it. I would’ve let him do whatever he wished to me. I would’ve happily had his name tattooed on my body. I would’ve worn his collar if he was into that sort of thing.
You didn’t know that, did you?
Well, now you do. I like being dominated. I love being spanked. Oh, did you think I meant by any ole jackass?
Sorry. No.
Only one man will do for me and since he doesn’t want me anymore…no, let me rephrase that. Since, he never really wanted me in the first place, this man has completely ruined me for anyone else.
I’m 100% batshit crazy for Damian Black-Price and no man can ever break my heart harder than he has. So too bad for me, right?
Yeah, no. Real wasn’t on my menu.
“Why don’t you give me real? Show me how it’s done.”
Eager to please, Steve stepped right up to the task.
“All right then. I’m 27 years old. My parents are still married. High school sweethearts if you can believe it. I have two brothers and one sister. I’m the baby. I’ve lived in Denver for five years and I like you. Now your turn.”
“You like me?”
“Yes, ma’am. I do.”
“What do you like about me? Is it because I’m a challenge to you? Are you bored, Steve?”
There was a fight in my questions. If he was smart he would heed the warning.
“I like how you don’t take any shit. You’re hard. You know what you want and you’re not afraid to go after it.”
The words sounded right but they were generic. Steve didn’t know the first thing about me. He thought I needed my ego pumped.
Basically, he was talking out of his ass.
“I go after what I want, huh?”
So not true.
If it was I sure as fuck wouldn’t be here. I’d have flown to New York and kicked Damian’s ass until he gave in and took me back.
“Yes, you do. You are living life to the fullest, Risa. I admire that. You’re not afraid to think and speak your mind. You have any idea how refreshing that is?”
“I imagine people might not feel as comfortable speaking their mind considering who your uncle is.”
Steve gave me an unapologetic shrug. “Can’t help the bloodline.”
“No, you can’t. I’m just giving you an answer as to why things are the way they are.”
“Okay, you’ve got me there. But believe it or not, I don’t make it a habit of trolling my uncle’s employees for dates.”
I took a bite of my chicken breast. It was a little bland.
“Cat got your tongue?”
It was true in a matter of speaking. Damian, my beautiful, predatory cat always had the power to reduce me to mouse. The thudding in my heart increased as the never-ending, always-present ache began.
I missed him. Madly. Whether he was a cat to my mouse, wolf to my rabbit, lion to my lamb.
There it was again. Another fork in the road. Did I make my excuses and go home, nursing my wounded feelings as I’d done so far?
Or did I stay and prove I would make a real effort to move past Damian?
Which way, Risa? Right or left?
“Hey, are you okay?”
“What?” Smile time. “No, I’m fine. I was just thinking about work. That’s all.”
Steve pulled a face. “Spoil sport! We’ve got to go back there soon enough. Let’s be in the moment and enjoy our time right here, right now.”
How simple. How marvelous.
My smile dimmed, softening into something better because it was real.
“Atta girl! Okay. Now tell me all about Texas.”
I could do that.
***
Dinner with Steve ended up being pleasant. He was likeable. Nothing like Damian.
Which ended up not necessarily being a bad thing.
I didn’t have to study his face to decipher his mood and thoughts. Steve truly was all on the surface, at least when he wasn’t working.
His mantra was “Ain’t none of us making it out of here alive. Let’s have a blast till we see the man upstairs.”
Next Steve took me to a blues bar. He pulled me off a stool and danced with me until sweat rolled off our bodies. Afterwards, we got a dozen doughnuts, freshly glazed and decadently delicious.
“Better than dinner, huh?”
“Oh my God! A thousand times better!” I exclaimed while catching the dripping glaze with my mouth. Steve’s gaze zeroed in on my lips before he looked away with a naughty smirk.
I didn’t even have the urge to smack him upside the head. Instead, I offered one to him.
“Here.”
Soon we said our goodbyes in front of my building.
“I had a great night, Risa. I hope you did too.”
“I did.”
Gesturing to the doughnut box under my arm, he said, “Now I know what your weakness is. I’m giving you fair warning. I plan on using it a lot.”
Steve then leaned in for a kiss.
Left fork. Right fork.
I opted for middle of the way by giving him my cheek instead. His warm lips felt nice.
He took my gentle rebuff in stride.
“Do you think you might want to go out for doughnuts sometime tomorrow?”
“Maybe.”
Steve bit his lip. “You’re a tough one, Miss Kelly.”
“Mmm, but you already knew that.”
“Yes, ma’am. I did. And I’m not complaining. See you tomorrow then.”
“Bye.”
“Bye.”
I watched him walk away and held my hand up when he turned around and waved.
Conquest or not, I couldn’t deny this simple silly man went a long way in soothing my mangled ego.
When was the last time a man tried so hard to please me?
But it’s not pleasing you want. You want to please and that right there will be your ultimate downfall.
It didn’t bear thinking about.
I went inside, nodding to the concierge before taking the elevator. I decided I’d go out with Steve tomorrow. No promises after that, but I wouldn’t mind another box of doughnuts.
Unlocking my front door, I immediately dropped my box of sweets with a scream.
47
“Elaine, how did you get in here?”
“Very easily. This isn’t good, Risa. You should live in a building with better security.”
Seeing her surprised me and yes, even unnerved me. I never expected to see Damian’s mother again, much less in my apartment.
I thought my life in New York was over.
Picking up my fallen box, I put it on the nearby dining room table. Bewildered and with my heart still pounding, I asked, “Forgive me for being rude but what are you doing here, Elaine? And why did you break into my apartment to do it?”
“I’m here to talk to you about Damian. I entered it to see how easy it was. Really, Risa. I highly suggest you improve this situation. Immediately.”
I walked into the living room, setting my purse down on the coffee table. Approaching her slowly by the window, I couldn’t think of any good reasons why she’d need to fly halfway across the country to talk to me when she could’ve picked up the phone.
“What about Damian? Is he all right?”
My stomach dropped. What if there were complications due to his injury? He seemed so healthy last I saw him, but what if the wound caused an aneurism? What if something worse happened to him?
Elaine alluded that maybe it wasn’t an accident and I never let myself think about it further.
I should have.
Damian was a billionaire. He had enemies or people who hated him simply because they tainted him with the same dirty brush as criminals because of his wealth. What if some rogue social justice vigilante decided to finish the job?
Apparently seeing the paleness in my face, Elaine reached out for me. “Damian is fine. Completely healthy.”
Relief made my legs shake.
“Oh thank God. I was so scared you came here to tell me he was dead.”
“You still love him greatly?”
I nodded and then caught myself. There was no point in going over this. It wouldn’t change what happened and it’d only embarrass me further.
“It doesn’t matter what I feel for him. I’m just glad that he’s okay.”
Elaine took over, as was her customary way.
“Come, Risa. Sit down.”
She led me over to the couch. I sat down and watched her briskly walk into my kitchen. I heard the refrigerator door open and then close shut. When she came back into the living room, she carried a bottle of water.
“Here. Drink this.”
Like an automaton, I obeyed her. My throat didn’t feel so tight after I took several sips.
“What did you want to talk about? Was it something to do with my work? Damian has the password to the computer I used. Everything’s there.”
I wouldn’t allow hope to take root in my heart. Not anymore. It had nothing to do with me.
“No, it’s not about your work. It has to do with more of a personal nature.”
I didn’t like where this was going.
“Personal? How personal?”
“Very.”
While I could very well tell her son to go to hell, Elaine didn’t deserve that from me. Especially because she’d been nothing but kind to me.
I let out a sigh, audibly hearing the nervousness in it.
“Okay. What do you want to know?”
“Why did you leave Damian? Specifically.”
I wished she had started out with something much easier.
“I thought you already knew. I didn’t leave him. I’d still be there even now but he got rid of me. Damian fired me and put one million dollars in my bank account as hush money.”
