by Eva Chase
A different sort of chill passed through me, one that twisted my stomach with guilt. Maybe I’d been going at this problem all wrong. I’d been so focused on us getting through this together... But that didn’t really serve my king, did it? By all evidence, he was safer without me. I’d been clinging to him for my own sake. For my own longings.
I’d taken another oath, all those centuries ago. I’d sworn to protect him with my life. It hadn’t been magically binding, but it meant more to me than the words I’d given Cormag and his light fae cronies. I’d followed Arthur across all those centuries and all over two continents meaning to fulfill it.
Now was the time. I couldn’t think about how I felt, only what was best for him. What would keep him alive and away from the Darkest One.
“I have to go,” I said.
Keevan cocked his head. “Yeah, I think Jagger’s people are almost done strategizing. I’m supposed to tell you we’ll be moving out in a couple minutes.”
“No, I have to go. I can’t stay with the rest of you.”
Darton stared at me. “What are you talking about, Em? Do you really think we can handle it alone if—”
“Not we.” My hands balled by my hips. “You’ll stay with the fae hunters. I’ll lay down some barriers that should make it hard for the dark fae to trace your energy before I go. It’s me they can track the easiest, not you. They’ve used me to get to you before. I can feel the Darkest One herself trying to reach me already.”
“No.” He shook his head, his voice hard. “No, not a chance. We’re in this together, Em. There has to be a way to rebuild your trap, or to keep ahead of the dark fae, or...”
He trailed off, because what other possibilities were there? I gave him a pained smile. “Even before the fae wrecked the trap, we couldn’t tell if it was going to work. And we can’t run for the rest of our lives. I came all this way, all the times before and now, to make sure you have a life. I’m not backing down from that mission now. I’ll do whatever I have to do.”
“So, what, you’re going to take on the ruler of all the dark faeries by yourself?” Keevan said. “I mean, I’ve got a lot of respect for you, Emma, but weren’t you saying before how impossible that is?”
“Maybe I was thinking about it the wrong way.” I’d been thinking like a light fae. But all the good moves I’d made in the last few days, I’d accomplished by letting darkness seep in. Maybe the way to defeat the Darkest One wasn’t by clashing with her. Maybe there was some way I could sidle close and then yank the ground out from beneath her feet.
I had no idea how. But I did still have a little time. I could go, and watch, and hope the right strategy would come to me.
Jagger ambled over to us. “What’s going on? It’s time to head out.”
“Emma says she isn’t coming with us,” Keevan said.
“What?” Izzy’s head jerked around where she was standing farther down the lane. She marched over. “What are you talking about?”
Darton was still focused on me. “This is crazy,” he said. “You can’t— What if they find me anyway? You know we won’t be able to fight them off without you here.”
“I’ll be where she’ll be bringing you,” I said. “If it comes to that.” If I couldn’t stop her first. The immensity of that task settled over me. I focused on my resolve, but my body betrayed me. My legs wobbled. I set my hand on the side of the truck to steady myself.
Jagger’s eyebrows rose. “You don’t look like you’re in much condition to walk across the farm, forget battling dark fae queens.”
“We can help,” Izzy said. “If the problem is the dark fae tracking you two... You should stay with Darton, Emma. Can’t we use the same strategy as we did when you were going to the airport? Take some of your things and drive off in different directions to confuse them? That’ll be better than you just taking off.”
“Yeah!” Keevan said. “I’m totally up for that, and I’m sure Priya would be too.”
I hesitated. That trick would muddy the trail at least a little bit. But it wouldn’t solve our problems for long.
“Please.” Darton touched the side of my face, so gently my heart started to melt. His voice dipped. “At least stay until you have a definite plan. Get some rest, make sure you’re thinking straight. We’ll talk it through. Please.”
“You two can have first dibs on one of the RV bedrooms,” Jagger said, but that last Please from Darton had already broken me. Was I kidding myself? My thoughts were too scattered in my exhaustion.
“Okay,” I said. “I’ll grab a few things that you three can take, Izzy. We’ll get moving, and I’ll sleep, and then we’ll see where we’re at. But if I’m going, I’m going soon.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
The sliding door clicked shut behind Darton and me. I sank down onto the end of the narrow double bed. The RV’s engine rumbled beneath us as the driver pulled out of the farm. I pulled the shade closed over the window. I’d insisted on marking the outside of the vehicle with my ash mixture before we’d left, but I didn’t trust that to be enough of a shield. Not for very long.
We had a head start. None of the fae had been near us. Keevan and Izzy had taken off in his car, Priya in one a fae hunter had lent her, carrying the most meaningful items I could give them marked with our blood. And Yasmin could keep us away from any hot spots of dark fae activity. They shouldn’t be able to catch us for at least a few hours. I could get that rest I’d promised I would.
But my nerves were humming way too loud for sleep to seem likely.
Darton laid his sword on the floor by the door and sat down beside me, leaving a few inches of space between us. My hands twitched. I swallowed hard.
“Maybe you should sleep on one of the bunks up front. I don’t know how much control I can keep after I’ve drifted off.”
“I want to stay with you until you’re asleep,” Darton said. “I want to make sure you do go to sleep.”
“So you’re my babysitter now?”
He narrowed his eyes at me. “If that’s what you need. You’re not going to be saving anyone if you’re about to collapse on your feet.”
He might have had a point there. I sighed and flopped back on the bed. A faintly spicy lavender smell rose off it. Apparently the previous owners had been potpourri fans. At least the mattress was decently firm.
Darton was watching me. His expression had gone odd again, that uncertain look I’d noticed when I’d been coming to him in the cemetery.
“What?” I said. “Are you waiting for me to ask you to tuck me in?”
A smile crossed his face, but it faded quickly. Okay, something was definitely bothering him. Before I had to pry it out of him, he dragged in a breath.
“I’ve been remembering a lot more over the last few days,” he said. “From my first life. From being Arthur.”
“Excalibur probably helped with that,” I said. And moments like lying half naked in each other’s arms. A flutter of warmth passed through me at that memory. I squirmed away from it, farther up the bed to where I could rest my head on one of the thin pillows. “And? Did a new great plan come to you?”
“No.” He looked down at his hands and then turned to face me. There was something so haunted in his eyes that my heart started to ache. “But I need to tell you something. I don’t know if it’ll make things better or worse or— I don’t know. But before you go making decisions about running off on your own, before the Darkest One maybe catches up with us, or anything... I think you need to hear it.”
“Okay,” I said, bracing myself.
His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat. “You told me not that long ago that—that you’ve always loved me, but I haven’t felt the same way. I thought, from what I’d remembered so far, that had to be right. I wasn’t ever going to bring it up again. I saw how hard it’s been for you. But I—”
His voice faltered. He seemed to gather himself and pressed on. “The more the pieces come together, the more I see how it was for me in that firs
t life. The more I feel it. Maybe your confession dragged that part of my past up, or maybe it’s how intense the last few weeks have been, or... I really don’t know. But I know what I remember. It couldn’t be more clear.”
My heart was thudding now. I shifted upright on the bed, drawing my knees in to my chest. “What are you talking about, Art?”
His fingers curled into the bedspread, but he held my gaze steadily. “I’m talking about flirting with a beautiful lady during a dance in the castle and finding myself thinking how much I’d rather be bantering with you. I’m talking about missing you when you left my chambers for the night. I’m talking about catching myself wondering how it would feel to really touch you, with more than a playful swat here and there. I’m talking about the dreams—gods, the dreams.”
He shook his head. “Some part of me had to know it meant something. But it didn’t fit how I’d expected to feel. It didn’t fit anyone’s expectations for me. So I kept squashing down those thoughts, those feelings. Telling myself it wasn’t more than close friendship, telling myself my mind was playing tricks on me. Pushing you away when I couldn’t convince myself quite enough.” He lowered his gaze then and rubbed his brow. “I owe you so many apologies.”
My chest had gone fizzy. I couldn’t do anything more than gape at Darton for a long moment. My heart thumped dizzyingly on.
Had I already fallen asleep? Maybe this was a dream. Because what he was saying, it sounded like he meant—
No. I would have known, back then. I would have seen, surely...
“I don’t understand,” I said weakly.
He raised his head. I could have fallen forever into the deep blue of his eyes. “How was it you put it? I’ve heard those words echoing so many times in my head. Em. Merlin. I have loved you, utterly, always. I just had my head too far up my ass to admit it, even to myself. I didn’t want it to be true, back then. As if it was something to be ashamed of.” He winced.
“I wasn’t interested in men,” he went on. “I was in love with you. And you happened to be a man, at the time. I don’t know why I found it so hard... And all the times after, all the rejections I’ve obviously subjected you to...”
“Arthur.” His name fell from my mouth, soft and light as a petal. He smiled at me, as if hearing that was all he needed. The fizzing in my chest softened too, into a slow unfurling of emotion, like a flower blooming. I’d thought I’d loved this man, this soul, utterly, in every one of my lives, but I’d never loved him quite as much as I did in that moment.
“I don’t know how I can apologize properly,” he went on. “I’d understand if you still want to keep your distance, if you feel that you’re better off—”
A laugh bubbled from my throat. I shot across the bed with one quick scoot to grasp the front of his shirt.
“Art,” I said, “shut up.”
And then I kissed him.
We’d never kissed like that before. Tender and gentle, hard and passionate, we’d pretty much covered the bases. But without entirely realizing it, I’d always been holding a piece of myself back at a distance. As if I could pretend that it was only Emma, or Martin, or any of the other lives before who was getting swept up in the moment, while some part of Merlin remained untouched. Unshaken.
Not that it had ever hurt less that way.
Now I felt as if I’d thrown my whole self into the meeting of our lips. All of me, offered up for however he wanted to make use of me. Although I could think of particular uses I’d especially approve of.
A hungry sound reverberated through Darton’s chest. His fingers tangled in my hair as he kissed me deeper, unraveling my ponytail. His other arm wrapped around me, pulling my body flush against his. I ran my hand down his chest and then up under his shirt, reveling in his heat and the coiled strength of his muscles.
He pulled back an inch, but couldn’t seem to resist planting his lips on my cheek, the corner of my jaw, before he managed to speak. “I’m sorry. If I hadn’t been such an ass—”
“It’s okay,” I said. “I forgive you. Enough talking. Do you have any idea how long I’ve been waiting for you?”
He chuckled low in his throat. “About fifteen hundred years?”
I growled at him and yanked him back to me. His hands slid up my torso as we fell back on the bed, his thumbs tracing the curve of my breasts. I gasped into his mouth.
It wasn’t just okay. It was fantastic. It was perfect. There was no spell binding us. No doubt about who exactly he wanted. Just the two of us coming together, as if we’d always been meant to.
He pulled my sweater off over my head as he kissed his way down the middle of my chest. “Em,” he murmured. “Merlin.” A shaky breath stuttered out of me. I tugged at his shirt, and he peeled it off. But that wasn’t enough. I wanted all of him, now, while I could have him. A thread of urgency thrummed through my pulse.
That was why he’d told me now, wasn’t it? He might not get another chance. We might not get another chance to make something real out of the words he’d said.
He tossed my bra aside and dipped his head to take one nipple into his mouth. I swallowed a moan. That sliding door hadn’t looked especially thick. My breath turned into pants as he teased his tongue from one of my breasts to the other.
I pulled him back up for another kiss. My thighs splayed around his hips. He rocked against me, and a shudder of pleasure shot through my body from between my legs.
“Merlin,” he said, his nose brushing mine, his gaze locked on my eyes. “Tell me you want this. Just because I— We don’t have to—”
His voice was so raw and desperate it only turned me on more. “I’ve never wanted anything more,” I said. “Don’t you dare stop.”
He kissed me hard, his tongue slipping into my mouth to caress mine. His hand slid down my side and along the waist of my jeans to navigate the button and the zipper. I squirmed and kicked them off as soon as they were loosened. My fingers grazed down over his sculpted body and curled around the rigid length pressing against the fly of his pants. He groaned into my hair.
“You have no idea how many times I’ve imagined being inside you.”
His muttered words sent a fresh wave of heat through me. I yanked at his zipper. The sooner we made those imaginings a reality, the happier I’d be. He jerked off his pants and made short work of his boxers as well. The heel of his hand settled over my sex, rubbing me through the damp fabric of my panties. I bit my lip, arching to meet him.
“Off,” I gasped out. He didn’t wait to be asked twice. Then he leaned over me, his erection sliding over my wetness. I gripped his hip, and he took the hint. With a sharp exhale, he slid inside me, all the way to the hilt.
I couldn’t bite back the moan that escaped me then. I burrowed my face in the crook of his neck as he found his rhythm. It felt as if every part of him were touching every part of me, outside and in, and I only wanted to somehow get closer. Memories from our first life together swam up in my head, but I ignored them. None of them could come close to the bliss of this moment.
Darton’s thrusts quickened. Pleasure shuddered through my body. It built and built with every plunge of his hips, every caress of his hands. He lifted my hips, fitting us together even more tightly, and the sudden burst of pressure sent me over the edge. I clenched around him, my fingernails digging into his shoulders. My lips parted. “Arthur.”
He groaned and rocked into me a few more times. Then he slumped over me with a satisfied quiver of breath.
Without a word, he rolled onto his side and gathered me against him, tucking my head under his chin the way he had in the mausoleum the other night. I nestled closer, my legs still entwined with his. His earthy scent filled my nose.
“I love you, Em,” he said softly. “Merlin. I love you.” As if he thought by saying it over and over, he could make up for all the years before. Well, maybe he could. The words set off a warm glow in my chest.
“And I love you, my liege. My king.” I kissed the base of his throat. “My
Arthur.”
He tucked his arm around me, encasing me in warmth. His happy sigh tickled past my ear. That was the last sound I heard before exhaustion dragged me down into sleep.
“Is it only the fae who can do magic?” my prince said. “That doesn’t really seem fair.”
We were standing by one of the castle’s parapets, looking out over the surrounding lands. The air still held that summer mugginess, but I could taste the dry cool of autumn at its edges. Fall was on the way.
“A hawk can fly,” I pointed out. “A fish can breath underwater. Human beings can make tools with their hands. Why shouldn’t we have our own special strengths? Believe me, there are plenty of weaknesses to go alongside them.”
Arthur raised an eyebrow at me. “What, like a perpetually sharp tongue and an absolutely horrid track record with horses?”
“Those are just my weaknesses,” I said. “And I happen to think a sharp tongue is an asset.”
“You would.”
I ignored that remark. “Anyway, magic doesn’t only belong to the fae. It’s part of all life. It’s just that the fae have by far the easiest time calling to that energy. But in extreme circumstances, any creature can be capable of more than their nature. Do you remember seeing that scrap of a woman lifting an entire cart to get at her child?”
My prince made a noise of agreement. “So that was magic?”
“Well, not exactly. But it was tapping into a strength she wouldn’t normally have. The same thing can happen with magic. If a person’s willing to give themselves over to it, to sacrifice their own life, there’s no power that can compare.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
Whatever noise woke me, it was already over by the time I was awake enough to think. All I heard was dull silence around me.
Silence. That was wrong. Why wasn’t the RV moving?
Darton’s hand had slipped down my side to my hip as we’d slept. He was still out like a log, slow breaths drifting over his slightly parted lips. I eased myself away from him and off the bed, grabbing pieces of clothing as I went.
