By the time my album was released and I was about to go on tour, Maddy had had enough. I wanted her to come with me so bad. I needed her to come with me. But she declined. I didn’t blame her. I had become a total dick and instead of making it right, I made it worse. I told her she was coming with me or we were over. Well, you may as well have put a fork in me. She was beyond done with me. And there wasn’t a thing I could do about it. How the fuck had I let our relationship get so lost? I was such a prick. I’m surprised she hung on as long as she did.
“Still trying to find your balls so you can go back out there?” Genna was never one to hold back either.
A smile played on my lips. She was always so tactful. Yeah right. “You know I love you, right?”
She walked farther into her kitchen and leaned across the counter from me. “Of course I do. What’s up, Ev?”
“I don’t know if I can do this. Luke might have to get a new best man.” The more I thought about our past, the more I realized it wasn’t fair that I just come back into town and started weaseling myself back into Maddy’s life. She had a boyfriend. He may be an uptight tool, but he was her tool and if she hadn’t told him to hit the road, then who was I to get between them. “It’s not fair to Maddy that I’m being thrown into her life again. When I see her, I want to tell her things. I want to reach out and touch her, but I know I can’t. Or shouldn’t. I love you guys, but I love her more.” I held up my hands. “No offense. But you know what I mean. I love her more than I love myself, and I don’t want to hurt her by being here.”
Genna stood up straight and slowly walked over to my side of the counter. She gave me a look of understanding. “You know I love you too, right?” she asked, frowning and shaking her head from side to side.
I gave her a nod.
“Well, I feel your pain, buddy. But you’re just going to have to suck it up. You’re not going anywhere. Luke and I don’t want you to and neither does she. So, fucking grow a pair and get your ass back out there and win back your girl.” She slapped me on the side of my head and stalked out of the kitchen.
How was that for some words of wisdom?
Chapter 3
MADISON
If only I could have been a fly on the wall in the kitchen. I’d ask Genna later what she was talking to Evan about but that wouldn’t be cool. She had always been a good friend to both of us and we had always gone out of our way to make sure we didn’t cross that line. But, damn, I would have liked to know what Evan was saying.
When he murmured those words in my ear, I had to fight back the urge to turn my head toward him and show him exactly what I thought about them. It was going to be the longest four weeks of my life. I wasn’t sure I would survive it.
My phone rang. It was Michael. “Hello.”
“Hi, Madison.”
Silently, I groaned inside. “Hi. How are you?”
“I’m great now that I’m talking to you.”
His choice of words didn’t have the same effect on me that Evan’s did. Instantly, I felt terrible for even thinking it.
“How’s the wedding planning going? Is Evan there, too? Do you think I could come over and meet him?” Now, I didn’t feel so horrible. If I were in Michael’s shoes, my past with Evan would have made me feel very uncomfortable. Yet, Michael didn’t seem fazed by it at all. He was more star-struck than anything. Not one ounce of jealousy, not even a question about how Evan being in town made me feel. It was as if he didn’t care at all that my ex-boyfriend, the only man I had ever loved, was going to be my sidekick for a month. I wished I had that kind of confidence. If Michael’s ex came back to town and was going to be spending copious amounts of time with him, I would have been a little irked for sure. Or, maybe not. Maybe the fact that I probably wouldn’t be worried should have told me something.
I put the thoughts aside as Genna and Evan came back into the living room and sat down. Evan didn’t say anything. He picked up his hardback book, a marker, and a pink-colored heart.
“Madison?”
Oh no. “Michael, I’m sorry.” Turning my head away from Evan, I said into the phone, “No. Not tonight. I’ll call you tomorrow.” I ended the call without another word. If the man had wanted to see me, this might have played out differently. Since the night of the show, I had only seen Michael once and the entire time, he interrogated me with endless questions about Evan. He told everyone in his office that I knew Evan James, the award-wining singer slash songwriter. When I called him at the office, his secretary mentioned that Michael said he would get her an autograph. I wasn’t so sure that I had his autograph.
“Boyfriend?” Evan asked.
“Yes.”
“What’s he like?”
I couldn’t believe Evan truly wanted to know what Michael was like, but I tried to answer him anyway. “He’s a lawyer.”
“Cool. What else?” He pressed for more, glancing my way every few seconds.
“He’s from Southern California. Went to USC. Has never left.” What possessed me to mention that, I had no idea. It didn’t come out the way I intended.
“Sounds like a nice guy,” he said.
“He is. He’s sweet. And stable.” Oh my God. Did I really say that?
“Stability. That’s that kind of stuff that tugs at the old ticker.” He patted his chest, mocking my relationship with Michael. With the details I shared, I couldn’t blame him.
I hadn’t realized, but while Evan and I had been talking, the twins and their husbands had been packing up and getting ready to leave. How did he distract me so completely?
“Sorry, sis, but we have to go. We need to get back to the kids.” Rebecca got to her feet and her husband followed. I was happy for the diversion. They placed what was left of their favors in the box Luke had been organizing before giving the bride and groom a hug goodbye. Melissa and her man followed suit. Both couples made their way around the coffee table to say farewell to Evan and me. “It’s great to see you home again, Evan. Don’t be such a stranger.”
“Thanks,” he said. “I won’t.”
Genna’s family shuffled out of the door, leaving the four of us behind. Just like old times.
“Thanks so much for the help, you guys. Drive safely,” Genna shouted as she waved to them from her porch. “Well, that was fun. We don’t have much left. Let’s sample another drink before we finish.”
Evan held up his right hand to stop her. “No thanks, Gen. I have to drive.”
I pointed to her. “So do you, so you better think twice.” I took another swig of my Patron. It burned on the way down, but after my short conversation with my idiot boyfriend I’d take it.
“Forget that. Evan can drive you home. I’m staying here for the night.”
My eyes widened and I think my heart stopped momentarily. Did she just say what I think she did? Evan was going to take me home. “No, no,” I said, shaking my head. “He doesn’t need to do that. I wouldn’t want him to go out of his way. I’ll just stay here, too.”
“Oh honey, you know the guest room is full of wedding shit. And I don’t want you to sleep on the sofa.”
Why not, I thought to myself. All four of us could sleep on it and there would be enough room for twelve more people, but I didn’t say anything. If she wanted me to leave, fine.
“It’s okay, Maddy. I don’t mind taking you home at all.”
Turning my face toward him, my gaze caught his. His eyes were full of hope and I wasn’t sure what to make of it. He bit the corner of his bottom lip, showing his concern.
“Are you sure?” I asked.
“Absolutely.”
“Well, okay then. Thank you.”
He turned away from me, but not before I noticed the grin beginning to form on his lips.
EVAN
“So what’s next on Genna’s checklist?” I asked after a few minutes of silence. To say it was awkward being in my old truck with her was the understatement of the year. “I can picture cake tasting until we’re sick or maybe some kin
d of trust activities. We’ll all have to catch her as she falls back from a raised platform.”
Maddy laughed at my theories. I knew Genna well. I couldn’t be too far off.
“We have to get a slide show together for the rehearsal dinner. It should be easy. We already did the cake tasting, so you’re safe. I couldn’t eat sweets for weeks. All I wanted was a bag of Fritos to balance the sugar. No amount of milk could wash down the bites of chocolate, red velvet...” She named several flavors as she counted them off on her fingers. “Let’s not forget the various fillings. Vanilla custard, strawberry, raspberry, chocolate mousse, bananas. I volunteered to go thinking, who wouldn’t want to taste test cake? I still regret it to this day. I hope Luke shoves the cake in her face at the wedding.”
“I’m glad I missed it,” I said.
The ride to her house was a short one. I always thought we would be living in it together. So did her parents. When they moved up to Big Bear, they gave her the house. Her dad told me it was an early wedding present. He always assumed we’d get hitched, like everyone did, and that I would move in. They weren’t too pleased with me when we split up. They never intended for Maddy to live in the big house on her own. From what my friends told me, her dad tried to talk her into moving to the mountains with them, but she refused, saying that she was old enough to live on her own and she didn’t need me to take care of her.
She was right. She had been living on her own since we moved out of the dorms our sophomore year of college. I tried to convince her to get an apartment with me, but she refused. I thought it would save money on rent since we spent most nights with each other anyway, but Maddy had this sweet Daddy’s-girl syndrome and she didn’t want to ruin her image by shacking up with her boyfriend. I had always admired that about her. Some people might have called her stubborn, but she just knew what she wanted and wasn’t going to allow me to tell her what to do. I loved that about her. Her strength. Her will. It was a complete turn on.
As soon as I pulled to the curb alongside her house, memories come flooding back to me. I glanced over at her and she looked away. She was nervous. I could tell. She tugged on the straps of her bag, looking for something to do with her hands. I could give her some suggestions, but I thought of Genna and imagined her swatting my hand away.
“It was fun tonight,” I told her, not wanting the night to end. “Their guests are going to like the booze with the funny sayings.”
She smiled, nervously. “I bet. They got naughtier as the night went on and we drank more.”
“People will be able to pick out Rebecca’s a mile away.”
Maddy chuckled again, her smile so big it made her eyes close. It made me feel good to know I could still make her laugh. “No kidding. I don’t think she has a crass bone in her body. Her notes were all cutesy and innocent.”
“Where’s the fun in that?”
Our laughter eventually settled and silence filled the truck once again.
“Well, I better get going,” she said, her hand stretching out for the door handle.
“I’ll walk you up.” I turned to get out as well.
Maddy’s hand landed on my forearm. “No. You don’t have to. I’m okay.”
“Sunshine, there has never been a time when I have not walked you to your door. And there won’t ever be one.” I slid out of her grip and climbed out. She sat stunned in the passenger seat, so I went to her side and opened the door for her. I offered my hand for support, or maybe just to have an excuse to touch her, but she didn’t take it.
We walked up the steps to her front door, and it dawned on me that I wasn’t holding her hand. A pain hit me in the chest knowing that I couldn’t just reach out and lock my fingers with hers. It wasn’t like it used to be no matter how much I wanted it to be. Things were different. Time had passed and she had moved on.
I watched as Maddy reached into her bag for her keys. She looked adorable in her cut-off denim shorts, her Fantastic Four tee, and of course, her flip flops. Noting her obsession, I thought about how fun it would be to take her to see the next Marvel comic movie. I wasn’t stupid though. I knew I would enjoy the special effects and seeing shit get blown up, while she would be drooling over Steve Rogers. Fine by me, I guess. She’d be coming home with me. Not a fictional character.
She peeked over her shoulder at me while I studied her body from head to toe. Not that I had needed to. Every detail, every curve had been permanently cemented into my thoughts. Knowing that I wouldn’t leave until she was safely inside, she shoved the key into the lock and opened her door.
“Okay, Evan. I’m in.” She turned back around and her eyes met mine. She didn’t look away. We just stood there, gazing at each other. Searching each other for answers. Do you still love me? Do you still care? Will you give me another shot? Will you let me love you again? The way that you deserve to be loved? I didn’t say anything at first, but I didn’t break our stare. If she was willing to look at me the way she was right then, with hope and longing, I would take it.
She placed her hand on my forearm and squeezed it. Instantly, I felt her warmth wash over me. “Thank you for walking me to my door.” She said it like it meant the world to her.
“Doesn’t everyone?” I asked, meaning Michael.
“No.” She removed her hand and looked down at her feet. Her boyfriend was beginning to sound even more like a tool. What kind of man didn’t walk his girl to her door? One that didn’t fucking deserve her.
With a slight touch of my finger to her chin, I lifted her head so my gaze met hers.
“You should be going,” she said, still looking at me with those bedroom eyes.
Nervous about what to say or do next, I bit the corner of my bottom lip. “Yeah. I probably should.”
She gave me a weak smile and then slowly turned away.
“Wait,” I told her, holding out my hand and touching her shoulder.
Quickly, she swung back around. “For what, Evan?”
Words zoomed through my head, but I chose to stay silent. Instead, inch by slow inch, I bent down until our foreheads were touching. She didn’t move. Our mouths were a mere centimeter apart and I could feel her warm breath on mine, the sweet scent of minty gum intoxicating my senses along with the delicious smell of her shampoo. My heart was beating fast and my breath quickened. Maddy’s tongue peeked out, swiftly sweeping across her pouting lower lip. I wanted so bad to kiss her. I needed to kiss her. But Genna’s voice kept ringing in my ears. It was too soon. Damn, Gen for getting in my head. So as quickly as it began, I ended it. With a soft press of my lips to her temple, I finally said, “See you soon, Sunshine.”
And I turned around and walked away.
Only this time, I knew I would be coming back.
Chapter 4
MADISON
I shut the door behind me and slid down to the floor resting my body against it. Did that just happen? I squeezed my thighs together, still feeling the throbbing tingles radiating from my center. That man exuded sex appeal from every pore of his being. It wasn’t as if he was trying to seduce me with his touches, either. It had just felt natural. All he did was press his forehead to mine and I was about to burst into flames. I could feel the rapid rise and fall of his chest and taste his every breath. It completely clouded my judgment. If he were to have tried to kiss me right then, I would have let him. I wanted him to kiss me. Instead, he left me with my heart pounding and my panties wet with desire. And maybe, just maybe, he left me with a whole lot of unanswered questions with that sweet kiss to my head.
Tears puddled in my eyes for the second time that night. Why was he being so sweet? Could we really give it another go? If it didn’t work, I didn’t know that my heart could take another blow like the first time. He hurt me so badly, how could he have possibly made that up to me? His leaving had left me devastated for a long time. Would I ever feel as though I could trust him again? I couldn’t see how that would be possible? Was I even willing to take that risk?
I wiped my tears a
s I got to my feet. Who was I kidding? He hadn’t even said he wanted to get back together. All he did was bring me home. Well, he did kiss my temple and leave me hot and bothered. He also wrote me that cute note about still being nuts over me. And then there was the song. While actions speak louder than words, I still needed more than tender kisses and a sweet note. I needed to learn to trust him again.
God, every time he called me Sunshine I wanted to jump back in his arms, curl up and stay there forever.
My phone rang, startling me from my Evan induced stupor. It was Michael again.
“Hi,” I said, trying to sound light and unaffected by my ex-boyfriend.
“Madison, you’re still up. I’m happy to hear your voice.” I wish I could have said the same. As soon as the thought crossed my mind, I wanted to take it back. I felt bad for thinking it. There was no reason for me to be mean to the man. He may not have been Evan, but he was there. He had been at every function I had for work. He sent me flowers for my birthday and didn’t need to be reminded of monthly anniversaries or Valentine’s Day. His secretary was most likely responsible for that, but at least he was thoughtful enough to make sure he didn’t forget stuff like that.
“Yeah, I’m up. It’s nice to hear your voice, too.” I just wished I could fake sounding more thrilled. A chuckle erupted from deep inside me.
“What’s so funny?” he asked.
I couldn’t very well tell him that faking the sound of being thrilled made me laugh to myself. I had done it on more than one occasion with the guy, but he didn’t need to know that. “Nothing. I just thought of Genna’s favors for a moment. What’s up? You don’t usually call this late?”
“I’m in the area. I thought I would stop by. I bought you some of your favorite ice cream.”
See. Evan once did stuff like that, but that all changed when he signed his contract. “That sounds lovely,” I told him. “I’ll be waiting.”
Without You Page 5
