by Zane
Jason stood up, trying to strike an intimidating pose, and inquired, “You have a problem with me, Zoe?”
I wanted to call him every name in the book. I wanted to cuss his ass out, but when he looked at me, all I could think about was how luscious his lips looked. I slapped him clear across them.
Chandler jumped up. “Oh, no, you didn’t just hit my man!”
Jason held his hand over his mouth. “Zoe, I’m sick of you and your damn hitting! What did I tell you Saturday?”
I saw a window of opportunity and decided to take it. “Yeah, what did you tell me Saturday?”
“Saturday? You saw her on Saturday?” Chandler asked, a perplexed expression on her face.
“Yeah, we live right across the street from each other. Remember?” He darted his eyes back and forth from me to her, probably trying to decide which one to deal with first. Then he stared me down with those sexy-ass eyes of his. “I told you to stop hitting all up on me Saturday.”
“Was this before or after you asked me to be your girlfriend? I don’t quite recall.”
Jason’s mouth dropped open. He was busted. Chandler looked like she was struggling for her next breath, and her stylish girlfriends didn’t have a clue what to say. I had embarrassed her ass but good.
Brina intervened. “Jason asked you to go with him?” She started blushing from ear to ear, like he had asked her. “You didn’t tell me that, gurlllllllllllll!”
Cordell, Jason’s best friend, decided to throw his two cents in. “You asked that gurl to go with you, man?” He looked at Chandler, who still looked lost, like a whore in church, and guffawed. “ Awwwww snap, he played you big-time, Chandler.”
I was anticipating Jason would deny the whole thing so I could recite the conversation word for word and truly humiliate him. Much to my amazement, he did no such thing.
“I did ask you to go with me, and you turned me down, right?”
Jason and I just gaped at each other while Cordell kept jonnin’ Chandler. “Dang, I always knew those two liked each other!”
I debated about what to say. I wanted to tell him I did long to be his hoochie, partially because I wanted to teach Chandler a lesson, but mostly because I was feenin’ for his touch.
The words left my mouth before I thought them through clearly. “Of course I told your skank ass no!”
He stared down at the floor, obviously hurt. I wanted to reach out and caress his cheek so badly, but I remembered Lyle and his “I hear you a woman now” speech.
“I told you no, and you decided to go spread my business all over the school,” I persisted. “That was very childish, even for you, Jason.”
“I’m sorry, Zoe,” he pleaded, unable to look me in the face. “You’re right. I shouldn’t have done it. I was just furious is all.”
To this very day, I don’t know where they came from, but the next second tears were gushing down both of my cheeks.
“I hate you, Jason. Just stay the hell away from me!” I started to back away from him, almost tripping over someone’s backpack on the floor by the table. “Stay away from me! Stay away from my house and stay away from my daddy! I hate your guts!”
I ran out of the cafeteria with Brina fast on my heels. I sought refuge in the girls’ bathroom, standing over one of the sinks crying while Brina rubbed the small of my back.
Neither one of us said anything for a few moments.
“Zoe, I realize you’re upset, but you know and I know that Jason wants to be with you. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that you feel the same way, so why not stop all this foolishness and get together finally?”
I looked at her reflection in the mirror through tear-drenched eyes. “Jason goes with Chandler!”
“Yeah, but he made it painfully obvious just now that he would dump her in a heartbeat for you. She’s probably out there going off right now on his ass.”
I couldn’t help but laugh, picturing it in my mind. I hoped she was getting him good in front of everyone. He deserved it after what he did to me.
“Brina, have you forgotten that I go with Mohammed?” I asked, realizing I almost forgot about him my damn self.
“I didn’t forget, but you and Jason belong together. Drop that zero and get yourself a hero!”
I laughed. No, she wasn’t using that played-out line on me.
“Look, I’m not feeling too good right now,” I confessed, turning to face Brina. “I think I’m going to go see the school nurse and tell her I need to go home.”
Brina brushed the strand of hair back that was dangling in my face. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, just stomach cramps,” I replied. “After all, I’m on my period.”
We both fell out laughing. I felt much better by the time Brina headed to her afternoon classes, but I went to the nurse and faked sick anyway. I’d endured enough drama for one day.
My mother picked me up out front, a look of worry shadowing her face. “You okay, baby?” she inquired, rubbing my arm after I got in the car. “You want to go see Dr. Hill?”
“Momma, it’s not that big of a deal! Just cramps from my period.”
The worry lines on her forehead dissipated a little. “Oh, all right. Let’s get you home so you can go straight to bed. I’ll fix you some hot soup and a pot of tea with lemon.”
“Thanks, Momma!” I turned up the radio, pushing the preset buttons until I found some decent music, as opposed to that classical crap my mother always listened to in the car.
“No problem, baby.” She patted my knee as she pulled out from the parking lot. “It’s not every day my baby gets her first period. This is a big event.”
I thought about Jason’s big-ass mouth broadcasting it and muttered, “If you only knew.”
Later that evening, my daddy brought up a dinner tray with roast beef, potatoes, carrots, and greens. “Hey, princess!”
“Hey, Daddy!” I was so happy to see him. He always enhanced my mood. “How was your day?”
“Just fine,” he replied, setting the tray down on my nightstand. “We’re having a bit of trouble getting the beams situated for the top floor, but we’ll get it straight in the morning.”
“That’s cool!” I looked over at the tray and noticed a bunch of small daffodils crammed beside the plate. “Oh, Daddy, you picked me flowers!”
He chuckled, flashing his cinematic smile at me. “ Actually, those are from Jason.”
“Jason! That trick ass!” I covered my mouth, realizing my slip.
“Zoe, what did I tell you about using profanity?”
“I’m sorry, Daddy,” I pouted. “Jason just makes me plain ole sick sometimes. You have no idea what he did to me today!”
“Yes, I do. He told me everything.”
“He did?”
My daddy nodded, trying to suppress a smile, and I was tooooooooo through. My first period was becoming the event of the freakin’ century. I didn’t even want my daddy to know I had one.
“Uh-huh, sounds like another lover’s spat to me.”
I popped him gently on the arm. “I hate him, Daddy!”
“Hate is a very strong word.” He picked up the flowers and held them out to me. “Besides, he can’t be all that bad. He sent me up here with these flowers and his apology.”
“Apology?”
“Indeed! Jason’s extremely sorry about spreading your private business all over the school.”
“Well, I don’t even want to hear all that,” I hissed. “He can just forget about me ever speaking to him again.”
“Is that so?”
“No question!”
My daddy pulled a crumpled piece of notebook paper out of his shirt pocket and set it down on the blanket beside me. “He must be a mind reader then, because he wrote you a letter.”
I didn’t say another word. I couldn’t find any words to say. Part of me was dying to read the note in hopes it would declare his love for me. The other part was afraid it would be disappointing.
My daddy kissed m
e on the cheek and headed toward the door. “Goodnight, sweetheart!”
“Goodnight, Daddy!”
He hesitated once he got out into the hallway. “By the way, if you should decide to talk to Jason, he and I will be down in the garage for the next couple of hours.”
I almost jumped out of my skin. “He’s over here? Now? In this house?”
“Yep, he sure is. We’re working on that china cabinet I promised your mother for the dining room.”
With that, he closed the door, and I heard his footsteps going down the stairs.
I sat there for a few moments, trying to drown myself in the episode of Miami Vice that was on.
As fine as Phillip Michael Thomas was back in those days, it was no use. I had to know what was in the note. I slowly unfolded the paper, smoothing out the creases as I went along.
Zoe,
I know you’re pissed at me. I was wrong to do what I did. Please forgive me. It’s just that I like you so much, and you hurt my feelings the other day. You probably don’t care, since you’ve hated me since you moved here. Chandler was mad at me today. I told her the truth though. I told her I wanted to go with you. She said I should stay with her because you would never date me anyway. Is that true? Are you still seeing that Mohammed dude? The Muslim with the raggedy car? If so, I’ll leave you alone. Either way, please accept my apology. I’ll see you at school tomorrow, and maybe we can go roller-skating or to a movie this weekend. I can ask my mother to drive us and pick us up.
Love Always, Jason
Now, you might find this hard to believe, but I swear I didn’t take a breath for at least five minutes. Jason and I were going to be together. Fugg a Mohammed! Fugg a Chandler! I was going to accept his apology and tell him I wanted to go with him the very next day, or there wasn’t a dog in the entire state of Georgia.
chapter
four
All of the dogs must have gone farther south with the birds, because I never got the opportunity to accept Jason’s apology. I fully intended to. I put on the most provocative, hoochified outfit I could find in my thirteen-year-old closet. It was a tight pink leotard with some form-fitting black capri pants. I went to school the next day on a mission to get my man, Chandler or no Chandler.
I planned to pull Jason aside at lunchtime and tell him I did want to go with him, wherever the hell it was he wanted to go when he’d asked me to go with him. I sprayed on some cotton-candy-scented body spray, put on some cherry-flavored lip gloss, and pinned my hair up so I would look older and sexier. I even folded my white bobby socks down as far as they would go so I could show off a little leg.
I was on my way to the cafeteria to put my plan into action when the guidance counselor, Mr. Turner, grabbed me gently by the wrist and asked me to follow him to his office. I couldn’t imagine what he wanted to talk to me about. Then I narrowed it down to throwing the tray of food in Lyle’s stinky face the day before. I was all set to defend myself, but I froze when we walked into his office and my mother was sitting in one of the brown metal chairs, crying her eyes out.
I only half-listened while she explained my father’s death to me. I remember hearing the words steel beam and construction site and accidental release . It didn’t seem real. After all, my father had brought a tray of food up to my room just the night before, teasing me about Jason and delivering his note. I remembered his smile, what he had on, what he smelled like, everything. Yet in the blink of an eye he was gone, and my life would never be the same.
Ironically, the death of my father is what finally bridged the gap between Jason and I. Jason had become extremely attached to my father during the years he got to know him and was crushed when he heard the news. He came over to our house that evening, and while all the adults tried to comfort my mother, he comforted me. We sat out on the front stoop, and he held me for what seemed like hours. We both shed tears all over each other and talked about the happy memories we had of my father. Jason said he was determined to finish the china cabinet he and my father had been building together. He kept his word a month later, and my mother still cherishes it to this very day.
The day of my father’s funeral was rainy and dreary. Several of his friends and family members came from near and far. It was all a blur to me. I barely made it through the service, especially when his brother, my uncle Winslow, a minister from Houston, gave the eulogy. He talked extensively about their childhood antics. Hearing things about my father that I never knew saddened me to the point of complete withdrawal. Jason held one of my hands at the graveside, and Brina held the other one. When it was time to leave in the limousine with my mother and the rest of my father’s immediate family members, I let go of their hands and never looked back. I just wanted to be alone in my misery.
For months I kept to myself whenever possible. I would come straight home from school; I dropped out of all of my extracurricular activities and instructed my mother to tell Brina, Jason, and whoever else I was busy when they called. It was Jason who was the persistent one, though. He wouldn’t take no for an answer. He often came over to visit me, and we were actually civilized to one another. It was a great feeling. He was the only person my age I remotely felt like being around—probably because I was head over heels in love with him.
My mother was now a single parent, just like Brina’s mother, and had to take on a second job to make ends meet. I felt so bad about it, but I wasn’t old enough to get a real job. I baby-sat whenever I could for people in the neighborhood. Being around infants and toddlers was cool because they didn’t ask me a lot of questions. I made yet another promise to myself. I swore one day I would take care of my mother and make sure money and comfort were always present in her life.
Summer came, and I was sitting on the front porch steps one night. It was a clear night, and the stars were so beautiful. I was always fascinated with stars, and my eyes were so affixed on them that night, I didn’t see Jason approaching me until he was less than ten feet away from me.
“What are you doing, Zoe?” He sat down on the step below the one I was sitting on and leaned his elbow beside my thigh.
“Looking at the stars.” I moved over on the step a little,-away from his hand, because even a slight touch from him made me yearn for him. “Sometimes I close my eyes and imagine myself floating up among the stars. I feel weightless, and it’s such a weird feeling. Yet, it makes me feel so relaxed. It’s incredible!”
I darted my eyes down to his, and noticed he was looking at me like I had lost my fucking mind. “Sorry, Jason. I know I must sound plum foolish.”
“No, not at all. Tell me more about them, Zoe.” He sensed my hesitation. “Please, I really want to learn astronomy.”
For the next ten or fifteen minutes I pointed out every constellation I could recognize to Jason, including the Little Dipper, Big Dipper, and Ursa Minor. I was surprised he actually seemed to be interested in them.
“You see that bright star over there? The North Star?” I pointed as if my fingertip could land directly upon it.
“Yes, I see it. It’s beautiful. Just like you.” I started blushing and placed my hands between my thighs, clamped them shut, and pretended to look down the street at an approaching car.
“I wonder if that’s my mother.” I knew it wasn’t but was trying to change the subject. I wasn’t even prepared for the “beautiful” comment. Once the car passed, I continued, “No, that’s not her. Anyway, I renamed the star after my father, Peter.”
“That’s too cool!”
“Thanks.” Jason eased up and sat on the same step as me, pressing his leg against mine. I instantly started shaking, and my knee started going back and forth. Years later, as I began to understand my sexuality better, I realized I was deliberately causing friction on my clit because I was horny. “One day, I’m gonna have a little boy and name him Peter.”
“Maybe we can make him together.” He reached over and started rubbing his fingers up and down my leg. I tried to jump up, but he stopped me and put his arm ar
ound me. “Don’t run away from me, Zoe. Let’s talk.”
“About what?” I was frozen like a Popsicle. I couldn’t move right at that moment if my life depended on it.
“Which one of those stars is ours?”
“Ours?”
“Yes, ours. Let’s pick a star and make it our own special-star. For always!” I looked him in his sexy hazel eyes and wanted to kiss him so bad but didn’t have the nerve. “How about that one over there? You see it?”
I had no idea which one he meant, ’cause I was too busy looking at him. “Yes!”
“Cool! So that’ll be our star. Jason and Zoe’s star.”
The kiss began so fast, it took me off guard. It was the first French kiss of my life, and I will never forget it. His tongue was thick and soft and penetrated my mouth after practically having to pry it open. Once I was able to relax, it was great, outstanding, miraculous, the bomb diggity.
“Wanna go inside your house?” Jason stopped kissing me abruptly after a few moments and made the suggestion. I just sat there with my mouth hanging open and his sweet saliva all over my lips. He stood up, took me by the hand, and starting pulling me up to my feet. “Come on, let’s go inside awhile.”
We were standing in the doorway, tonguing the hell out of each other, with my arms over his shoulders and his around my hips, inching me farther into the house, his hard dick pressing up against my wet pussy through our jeans, when my mother pulled into the driveway.
We tried our best to play it off. Jason put his hands in his back pockets, and I crossed my arms in front of me, trying to pretend like we were just standing there having a casual conversation. “I’ll talk to you later, Zoe,” Jason blurted out as he began to walk away. He waved to my mother as she was getting out of the car and managed a soft, “Hey!”
“Hey Mom! Have a good day at work?” I moved out of the doorway so she could get in with the bag of groceries she was carrying. “Let me take that to the kitchen.”
“Sure!” She handed me the bag, and I started making my way toward the kitchen. I almost made it too without getting busted. “By the way, Zoe, I saw that!”
