Friday after work isn’t so bad. Lo is with her parents and another family on some skiing trip for the weekend so I couldn’t call her to come over and distract me. From the conversation I have with her the night before, her mom is playing matchmaker again with the son. I have spent plenty of time alone in the past so I don’t really have any problems finding something to keep me occupied. I read a little and then cook dinner, then decide to take a bath and do a treatment in my hair. The olive oil and avocado mixture always makes it shiny and soft. By the time I wash it out and put my sweats on its ten pm. I’m not really tired and I’m not looking forward to tonight’s dreams, but I can’t think of anything else to do, so I snuggle into bed and close my eyes.
The next morning however, is another story. I wake up around eight and after being bored senseless so I decide to clean the apartment. I’m a neat person by nature so that didn’t really take as much time as I had hoped. The laundry was the real chore because I had neglected it all week while Connor was here. Thinking of Connor makes my chest hurt and I have to admit that I miss him. His last words keep playing in my head over and over. “It’s been interesting." I don’t know if he realizes how that one sentence hurts me more than anything else he said. By two I’m about ready to punch something with my frustration. I’m not a big fan of outdoor winter activities, so I decide to head to the mall and walk around and maybe do a little shopping.
A couple of hours later, I have some new clothes, have gotten my hair trimmed and cuddled every cute animal in the pet store. My stomach rumbles indicating its feeding time, so I make my way to the Greek fast food place to get a gyro. When I’m just a few feet from the line, I see a familiar face and turn to head over to the Subway. With my heart pounding in my throat, I walk on shaky legs, hoping he didn’t notice me. His voice sounds out my name from just behind me and it sends unpleasant chills down my spine and makes my stomach heave.
“Nina Ryan? Is that you?” Ricky says breathing down my neck. I hold my breath and attempt to keep walking. He’s not there! Pretend he’s not there! His cold hand grabs my shoulder and I instinctively flinch and jump away from his touch. He moves to stand in front of me and the sight of his brown eyes and sandy brown hair makes the horrible memories overtake me again. Come on baby, it’s not a big deal. You love me don’t you? Bile rises in my throat but I stick my chin out and stare over his shoulder so I don’t have to look at him.
“Ricky.” I say simply acknowledging him in the rudest voice I can muster. His cold chuckle makes me cringe.
“Ah, still a cold fish I see. It figures that a girl like you with so many issues would be exactly the same after almost ten years.” Ricky says with a cruel smile on his face.
I stop myself from cowering and reach down into myself and grab all of the bravado and anger I can find and use it to respond. “Well, you would know all about that since you’re just as disgusting as I remember you being.” I am so proud of myself until he speaks again and the bravery and anger dies a quick death. I want to curl up in a ball and die right there.
“You didn’t seem to think I was so disgusting when I fucked you nine years ago. If I remember correctly I popped your cherry too.” He turns to look back at his friends and laughs. I spin to run away like the coward I am when gentle warm hands grab both of my shoulders. I look up at the familiar blue eyes and see that they are sparkling with anger. For a split second, I worry that he will join in on Ricky’s verbal assault, but just that fast he proves me wrong.
“You okay, Princess?” He says to me but is glaring daggers at Ricky who just stands there like the cocky asshole that he is.
“Connor what are you doing here?” I’ve never been happier to see someone in my life, but I can’t believe he’s here after the way I acted yesterday. I realize that I’m once again standing at my full height and the hysteria that had almost sent me into the fetal position moments ago, is completely absent in his presence.
“I’m doing some Christmas shopping. I saw you over here and it looked like you needed some help.” Oh. He is just being a Good Samaritan then. Okay.
“Still have to have other people fight your battles for you, huh Nina. Though, it’s usually Lola standing up to everyone for you.” Ricky says to me then turns to Connor. “She doesn’t usually go for dudes if you know what I mean, so don’t plan on being rewarded for your intervention.”
Connor’s eyes darken and he reaches over to clap Ricky on the shoulder. I am just as surprised as Ricky seems to be, but then I see Connor’s hand tighten slightly and Ricky’s face contorts in pain. I’m a little confused about what’s happening, but then Connor speaks and once again steals all my attention.
“I don’t know your history with Nina and quite frankly, I don’t give two shits. What I do care about however, is that a grown ass man is standing in a public place speaking to a woman he obviously knows as if she were the dirt on his shoe. I take the things I care about very seriously and as you can see,” Connor’s hand flexes slightly and Ricky winces. “I can make my point excruciatingly clear without so much as breaking a sweat. So if I were you, I’d run along while you have a little dignity left.” Connor doesn’t release his hold and Ricky’s knees buckle a little. Ricky reaches up and grabs Connor’s hand and tries to smile around his grimace.
“Okay man I can live with that.” He chokes out. Connor nods and releases his grip and Ricky immediately rubs the spot in between his neck and shoulder that Connor had a hold of. He looks over once to me and then saunters back to his friends, but his steps don’t seem to be as sure as they were.
“You okay Nina?” Connor looks down at me and his eyes have changed back to their bright sapphire hue.
I reach down and take his hand in mine and try to put all of my gratitude into my gaze when I say, “I am now.” I point to the Subway and he follows me in. We order some sandwiches and sit down at one of the booths.
“Thank you for that. Ricky is…an old boyfriend that never could take a hint.” I say as an explanation. Connor looks thoughtful and takes a bite of his sandwich before speaking.
“I could tell you had a past with him. Is that all it was? Just a bad breakup?” I can’t bring myself to lie to him so I just shake my head. His eyes widen and he leans forward. “Do you want to tell me about it?” I look down at my sandwich and hear Connor sigh. “Okay Princess, whenever you’re ready.” Tears prick my eyes at his thoughtfulness and I speak with my head down, afraid of his reaction.
“Connor, I’m really sorry about yesterday…” I trail off and he silences me with a finger on my lips.
“It's okay Nina. I was being a jackass as usual. You’re allowed to spend time away from me. I just took it personally because I’ve been having so much fun with you. I promise not be so demanding anymore.” He hesitates for a second and then smiles widely before speaking again. “Friends?” He sticks his hand out across the table and for once I find myself wishing he would ask me for more, but I push those feelings back where they belong. I meet him halfway and shake his hand.
“Friends.”
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CHAPTER 5
The following week everything is great. Connor and I are just friends and that’s okay. We eat dinner together every night. He never pushes me to talk about my past, but is always more than willing to share his. I know it’s not fair of me, but I really enjoy all the stories about his family. It reminds me of all the good times I had before that fateful day and it brings me a new sense of peace.
Apparently, Connor was some sort of miracle child. His mother and father had met at the University of Wyoming and fell in love instantly. They married six months later and when they graduated, they moved to Michigan. After several miscarriages, Connor’s mother was told she wasn‘t able to have children.
“She went into some sort of depression I guess. My father was so worried about her that he decided to take her on a trip to Italy to get her away from everything. While they were there they met this woman who was selling herbs at a marketpla
ce and she struck up a conversation with my mother. My mom ended up sharing her condition and the woman gave her a tonic that she said would make her dreams come true.” Connor looks as though he’s far away. I can tell that he loved his mother and my heart warms at his story. “My mother said that it just tasted like a sweet red wine so she figured it was all a scam, but was grateful for the woman’s kindness. When they got back to the states they found out that she was pregnant with me and the rest is history.” I am so enthralled by his story that I don’t even realize how close I have gotten to him. I notice my hand on his thigh and bring it up to tuck my hair behind my ear. Connor smiles at me but doesn’t comment and just continues his story.
“When I went to college my parents decided that it was time to retire and move somewhere more quiet. They came out here and a few years later my mother was diagnosed with stage four breast cancer. She died in a matter of months.” I have tears in my eyes and I don’t even try to wipe them away when they roll down my cheeks. “You would have liked her. She was spunky like you. Anyway, my father found out he had abdominal cancer not long after that. He was in the early stages so they were able to treat it and he is going to probably out live us all. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t hard on him, but he would never admit to that. Lester Wright is the most stubborn man alive.” I smile at the description of his father and find myself wanting to meet him.
Connor seems to love talking about his family and telling random stories. Before long, I feel like I know everything there is to know about him. I’m starting to feel like I can trust him and that he really cares for me. The only thing stopping me from dropping all my barriers is that he doesn’t seem to want to talk about his life back in New York. He always gives me vague answers if I ask him anything and he never offers any information. It bothers me a little, but I can’t exactly fault him for it when there are so many things I can’t talk to him about and even more answers I won’t give him. As convoluted as my feelings for him are, I’m content just being his friend. It’s working out perfectly and it’s simpler than the alternative, safer and then Friday had to come along and ruin everything.
Connor had liked my enchiladas so much that I decide to make some more Mexican food. I cut up some pork that I roasted, roll it around in some sweet and sour jalapeño sauce and top it off with queso fresco and cilantro in a corn tortilla. Connor decides that since it’s Friday we need tequila to follow the Mexican theme and I gladly agree. I love tequila. Connor is barely in the door before he cracks open the bottle and cuts up the limes. He pours us each a shot and hands me mine.
“To new friendships.” He toasts.
“Here, here!” I follow and toss back my shot. The fiery liquid warms my insides and the bite of the lime wakes up my taste buds. Seriously, I love tequila.
We take about two more shots during dinner, since it is Friday after all and I have built up quite a tolerance being friends with Lo…the girl loves to party. By the time we finish dinner and are doing the dishes, I’m feeling pretty damn good. I sway around the kitchen and sing Moulin Rouge to myself, not caring that I’m a horrible dancer. Connor just dries the dishes and listens to me sing and dance with amusement and something else in his eyes. When the dishes are all done we sit in the living room on the couch with the bottle and a plate of limes. We decide it would be fun to take a shot every time someone in the movie says “The Force.” The bottle doesn’t last long after that. Neither do I.
During the night, my dreams come again. ~My mother is in the kitchen crying and my dad is pacing. They don’t know, or are too caught up in themselves to care, that I’m sitting in the hallway hearing every word. They’ve never fought like this before. I’m so scared.
“How could you do this to me Cam?” I hear my mother shout at my father and she is sobbing so hard her voice is broken and shaky.
“You have to listen to me Brooke! It wasn’t me! That wasn’t me! It didn’t mean anything! I’m so sorry!” My father pleads with my mother and I can tell he’s desperate.
“It was you! You did it! No one else!” My mother shouts at my father and her voice sounds angry now.
“I wasn’t myself. I don’t even remember it that well, it’s all so fuzzy. Please you have to forgive me.”
What did dad do? He loves mom, it can’t be that bad. I see my mom get up from her chair so I hurry back to my room and eventually fall asleep.
I‘m standing outside Lo‘s house the next morning and my mom yells out her window at me still sitting in my car in Lo’s driveway. “Bye Nina have fun with Lola, I’ll see you tonight.”
“Bye mom!” I bet they made up, she looks better today. Kind of distracted, but not sad.~
I’m dragged back into reality by someone gently shaking me. I struggle to open my eyes and see Connor leaning over me in my bed with a terrified expression and his hands on my shoulders.
“Nina, it’s just a dream, I’m here, its okay.” Connor sounds frantic, but his words don’t register. All I can think about is the look on his face.
“What’s wrong Connor?” I say reaching up to cup his face. He leans into my hand and kisses my palm.
“You just had a nightmare and were crying and, Jesus you scared the shit out of me…and you’re asking me if I’m okay?” He shakes his head and closes his eyes. “You are one strange woman Nina Ryan.”
I let go of his face and reach up to feel my wet cheeks. I didn’t even realize I had been crying. All I cared about was making sure Connor was okay. This is getting complicated. I sigh and look up at him.
“Let me go get washed up. You go make the cider.” He searches my eyes and I think he’s looking for reassurance that I’m really okay. He must have found it, because he nods and turns to head for the bedroom door. After taking a few steps, he turns to look at me.
“Take your time getting ready Nina, because when you’re done, we have some things to talk about.” Before I can say a word, he turns and walks out.
I take a deep breath and slide out of the covers. Holy hell! As soon as I stand up, my head pounds and my vision swims and I have to put a hand on the bed to get my bearings. I drank a whole bottle of tequila last night. With Connor. This cannot be good. I grab some yoga pants and a t shirt and head for the bathroom. I’m not feeling very ambitious in the fashion department today. As soon as the hot spray of water hits me, I want to stay in there forever, because it feels so good and because the memories from last night slowly start to come back to me.
Connor and I laughing at the movie and doing impersonations. Me putting my head in Connor’s lap and staring into his eyes and telling him that he has the most beautiful sapphires I’ve ever seen. Him running his fingers through my hair and telling me I have an amazing voice and he wants me to sing to him every day for the rest of his life. Oh shit! Finally, the absolute worst. Me throwing up in the toilet while Connor holds my hair and rubs my back. Then helping me put my pajamas on and I tell him that it’s so nice to be taken care of again. That I hadn’t been taken care of since…FUCK… since my parents died.
I bang my head on the wall, “this is so screwed up.” I say to myself. Once again I’m getting ready in my bathroom preparing to face the music. I don’t dry my hair or put on makeup, but I do brush my teeth. I really, really hate tequila.
When I step out of the bathroom and see that Connor isn’t in the living room, I make my way to the kitchen. He’s sitting at my small table and sipping a mug. I pad my way over to him and he silently pushes a second mug to the other side of the table. I take my seat and a tentative sip while I wait for him to speak.
“So.” He says.
“So.” I repeat. We both smile and he shakes his head.
“Do you remember anything?” He asks me warily.
“Everything.” I say wryly.
“Good. That makes this easier. You were pretty gone last night. I was worried you wouldn’t.” I just nod my head, not wanting to interrupt. “I was buzzing pretty good too though.” He says that like it means something. The “res
t of my life” comment?? “First off, I know you’re the most freaked out over you finally telling me about your family. Nina, I want you to know that I am so sorry you had to go through that. When I lost my mom…” he strays off, “I couldn’t imagine losing both. We almost thought with dad’s cancer…but he made it.” He shakes his head and looks completely genuine.
This is fascinating and it makes my chest hurt. I keep waiting to see that look of pity that is so familiar to me cross his face or for him to start babbling about how they are in a better place. “Mostly, I wanted to say that I know something happened to you. Something bad. Maybe it has to do with your parents, or maybe it’s something else. I don’t know. But Nina,” he reaches over and grabs my hand, “you don’t have to tell me till you’re ready. I won’t pry. If I ever seem forceful I’m sorry, I just care about you, but it’s been brought to my attention that I can be a jackass.”
We both laugh a little at that and not only is there no pity in his eyes, he never tried to preach to me about my parent’s death. He’s smiling at me and I literally feel something inside of me crumble. Not in a bad way, but in a way that’s freeing. It’s like he’s somehow removed a piece of my baggage. I’ve been walking around filled to the brim my entire life that I got so used to the weight. Now that there is a little room inside of me, I immediately want to use this opportunity to replace it with something good for once. I stare across the table at him in disbelief. A beautiful man is sitting at my table, telling me he is sorry and that he cares and I don’t have to tell him everything. And I’m pretty sure he means it. WTF! This can’t be real. “I think you should probably say something Princess.”
“You can’t be real.” I blurt and spill my cider trying to cover my mouth. Seriously what is it with the diarrhea of the mouth I keep having with this guy? Connor chuckles at me.
“I’m real Princess and I’m right here. The question is what are you going to do about it?” I stare into those bright blue eyes I’ve come to depend on so much and just like before, I feel a shift and a piece of the wall I’ve built around my heart tumbles.
Sapphire Universe (The Universe Series) Page 6
