by KT Belt
Carmen groaned. There was a difference between adding insult to injury and simply being cruel. She was out of there in moments. No one, not even Kali, tried to stop her—not that it would have made any difference. Parties were bad, Artemis was bad, and the two together were monstrous. She would not be staying.
In any case, when she stepped out, she wasn’t exactly sure where she was going to go. She wasn’t in any mood to return to her room. So, there was only one other place. Her trip across the courtyard was lonely if peaceful. When a guard spotted her, she waved to him and he waved back. The walls of the facility soon approached. Carmen flew over them without a second thought and continued on.
The bluff grew near. She could sense the edge without her eyes, but it helped nonetheless that there was enough moonlight to see. It was a nice night, the sky clear and the air calm. The view was captivating, as always. She often found herself here whenever she wasn’t with Kali. Sometimes she wasn’t alone, as the spot was popular with some of the other assets, but no one ever said anything to each other. There was no sense in spoiling the scene with idle banter. At most, they’d offer a polite nod in acknowledgement and then good if silent company. Carmen was the only person here now.
She didn’t mind. The entire reason she’d left was to get away in the first place. She sat on the edge like she usually did, unconcerned with how dirty her dress got. It wasn’t long for this world anyway—she planned to burn it at her earliest convenience. Other than that, there was nothing set in her future. She would stay here until she was ready to leave, which was usually a few hours. Sure, it was already late, but it wasn’t like when she was first brought to the facility. She wouldn’t miss the lost sleep.
With her mind on tomorrow, the day after, and the day after that, she leaned back and got to thinking. She would graduate when she turned eighteen, which was less than two years away. Just thinking about life outside of here made her nervous. Somewhere, somehow, she’d just gotten used to it all over the years. That was a bit hard for even her to believe.
She pondered for a moment where she would go and what she would do. Most Clairvoyants, she’d learned, became mercenaries of some sort. There were even recruitment posters all over the facility. Another option was to join Space Force or the New Earth Self-Defense Forces. Both choices held little appeal. She wasn’t all too eager to hurt people again, even if that was her best, most marketable skill. Carmen closed her eyes and sighed. She used to think this place had stolen her life. It was a bit disconcerting to think that, really, it had yet to begin.
Just then, she realized she wasn’t alone. Someone was coming toward her. It wasn’t a Clairvoyant—the energy was too tame for that, despite its anxiety—nor was it someone she’d met before. A person’s energy was as unique as their face, and this one wasn’t familiar. She turned to see who it was.
It was a boy about her age and maybe a little taller. He wore a rather plain black suit, and she guessed he had come from the party. There was no doubt he was coming in her direction, though his first instinct seemed to be to hide when she turned. He jumped and then paused when her eyes rested on him. Carmen didn’t say anything. He was too far away for anything but a shout anyway. He didn’t speak either. Even so, she could see his hands if not his entire body shaking.
Why is he so nervous? she wondered. There was no obvious clue she could see. She probably could have read him if she wanted to, but doing that was usually more uncomfortable than it was worth. Her curiosity would remain unsated for now.
He gathered his courage, for whatever reason he needed it, and began walking toward her again. This had to be the most curious event of the night, as far as Carmen was concerned. He was close enough now that she was able to make out facial features. His hair was well tended, probably for the party, and he had the first signs of a mustache. He was a bit on the skinny side, but no more so than the rest of his peers. And he most certainly was not a Clairvoyant. There was purpose to his movement, at least in this case, but none of the measured precision or grace she and her cohorts wielded.
He stopped in front of her, and she stared up at him. He didn’t say anything. It was obvious, though, that he was trying hard to. He swallowed hard.
“Hi,” he muttered.
Carmen looked at him sidelong. She’d expected something a bit more…well, significant, given all the effort. “Hi,” she said back.
He didn’t speak again, at least not immediately. “Ho-how,” he stuttered. “How are you?”
“I guess I’m okay,” she said. “How are you?”
Long ago, her mother told her that asking them the question in return was the polite thing to do. Kali reiterated the same.
“Fi-fine.”
She gave him another curious look. “Are you okay?” she asked plainly.
He paused for a moment. “Yeah. Yeah, I am,” he said with a bit more confidence. “Can I sit with you?”
Carmen had no problem with that. It was just that no one had ever asked her for permission to sit here. She came to the bluff often, but it wasn’t like she had any authority over the place. Now that she thought about it, though, no one ever asked to sit with her. It was a subtle yet noticeable difference. She motioned beside her and nodded.
The boy smiled and then sat down. “I’m Michael.”
“Edge…or Carmen,” she said. “You can call me either.”
“What do you preferred to be called?” he asked.
“Carmen,” she said quickly. The response required no real thinking. “I don’t think anyone has called me that for a very long time, though. Maybe like five years, I guess?” she added with a shrug.
Michael stared at her. Carmen wondered why. Every other Clairvoyant here would say the same. However, his expression was practically raining disbelief.
“Well, I’ll call you Carmen, then,” he said after another swallow.
She couldn’t help a small smile, which made Michael smile in turn. Hearing someone call her by her own name was refreshingly pleasant. It was as if, for that one brief moment, she ceased to be a Clairvoyant and was just another person. She looked away quickly and prodded the expression to fade. It was always a bit uncomfortable to keep a smile for too long. They tended to draw too much attention, and in this place, that could be lethal. She looked out over the water. The reflected moonlight gave it an eerie glow. Carmen usually wasn’t out here this late. It was an unusual though not unwelcome change.
“You come here often?” Michael asked casually.
The question was pointless in scope, like he was speaking just to speak or biding his time. Carmen didn’t care.
She replied, “Whenever I can,” which was rarer than she preferred. She took a second to think. “I like it here. It’s quiet.”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“It’s also fun to jump,” she continued.
“Jump?”
“Jump off,” she said, as if it was obvious. She looked down at the churning water below. “They bring us here to jump off the bluff. It’s where we make our choice. …It’s very hard.”
He stared at her, completely still, as if his entire existence was set on pause. The countenance broke when he laughed lightly. “My parents said Clairvoyants can fly. I guess that would be hard to do.”
“Oh no, flying isn’t hard, just tiring. What’s hard is the choice.”
“How is that hard?” he asked casually.
Carmen didn’t answer right away. She had to have had hundreds of lessons on her Dark from both Janus and Kali by this point. The Dark permeated everything everyone did, even if they were unaware of it. It could be consciously perceived only dimly, even by the most powerful Clairvoyant, yet it needed to be constantly heeded by all. His question, innocent and naïve, was a quiet reminder that he had received no such instruction.
“It just is,” she replied, not wasting her time trying to explain. He wouldn’t understand.
Michael waited a few seconds before speaking again. When he realized she wasn’t going to e
laborate, he asked, “And what did you choose?”
Carmen sat still for a moment and thought. It was a difficult and strangely personal question to answer. She reflected on how Kali acted when she asked her the same question and could now understand the discomfort. But, unlike her handler, it was a question she would answer.
“I decided to live,” she said.
That wasn’t the whole truth. Really, she wasn’t completely sure why she didn’t become a multicolored splotch on the rocks below. As well as she could remember, it was more a feeling to live than a conscious thought, and if she’d learned anything from this place, it was not to argue with such feelings.
Michael stared at her again. His face was a mixture of confusion crossed with disbelief and a dash of strained comprehension. Carmen didn’t think that what she said was strange or too hard to understand. That was her reality almost every day of her life, though. In that moment, the mere inches separating them seemed as unbridgeable as the widest chasm. He seemed to give up the effort after a couple of minutes. He also moved slightly away from her.
Carmen didn’t think that was a good sign. “Why are you here?” she asked. Her tone wasn’t accusing; it was asked in the same way she’d ask why the sky is blue when she was younger. “I thought the normals are afraid of Clairvoyants? You do know I’m a Clairvoyant, don’t you?” she continued.
“Yeah, I know,” he said sheepishly. “But is that what Clairvoyants call us? The normals?”
“No,” she muttered, realizing that calling people names wasn’t the nicest thing to do. “I guess that’s just me,” she lied.
But that was neither here nor there. Kali was right: she needed more practice at this. She moved away herself and then looked down at the ground. Carmen began thinking as she waited for Michael to get up and leave. Her thoughts didn’t mine the most comforting reaches of her mind. Really, she’d be hard-pressed to come up with any comforting thoughts. It would only be a few short years until she had interactions like this every day to more than likely the same result. Just thinking about it made her want to jump off the bluff again and reconsider her choice.
“I’m not afraid of you,” he said.
Carmen hadn’t been paying attention to Michael. If anything, she was surprised he was still here.
“What?” she asked, turning to face him. He had moved closer to her than before.
“I said I’m not afraid of you.” She gave him a hard look. He laughed nervously. “All right, maybe I am just a little. But my parents say Clairvoyants are dangerous—that you could kill us without a second thought. They would be really mad if they knew I was talking to you. The only reason I’m at the party at all is because it’s mandatory for staff to bring their kids. My parents are janitors here.”
“Okay,” she muttered after a couple of nods.
She couldn’t say she was surprised by the sentiment. The only people she had met thus far that weren’t unnerved by Clairvoyants were the citizens of the town she flew to during her first flight.
Carmen looked at him. “I won’t hurt you.”
“Good. Good to know,” Michael said with a smile.
She smiled as well and allowed it to hold a little longer than normal. Still, he hadn’t answered her question.
“So, why are you here again?” she asked casually.
Michael shuddered like he was struck by lightning. Carmen found the reaction odd. It was a simple question.
“Well…. Well,” he stammered, “I just got tired of the party and wanted to leave.” She didn’t believe him, and her face reflected as much. Michael noticed straight away. “Oh, well, I mean,” he started, but his new explanation made even less sense than the old one.
She didn’t say anything throughout. That didn’t stop Michael from trying to come up with a reason that sounded at least halfway truthful. After just a couple of minutes, she got tired of waiting for the right answer and decided to just read him. She had barely started her exploration when she stopped short. Oh, she thought, surprised. She blushed and then looked away sharply. She didn’t know why, but she was so embarrassed that she wouldn’t be surprised if a flag was sticking out of her head to announce as much. Michael didn’t notice. He just stammered on. Carmen figured she’d save him the trouble.
“I think I understand,” she said after taking a moment to gather herself.
Michael looked at her, and she blushed again. What’s the matter with me? she wondered. She looked out over the water and tried to avoid his gaze, at least until her Dark got more sensible. Michael said nothing else, and she could only assume he was looking out over the water with her.
“Well, I’m happy you got tired of the party,” she said after a few minutes of silence. She still didn’t look at him, though.
Michael said nothing but smiled and then nodded. Carmen preferred it that way. Words usually ruined everything. It wasn’t like she didn’t know what he was thinking or feeling anyway. After her brief glimpse into his mind, she went on longer strolls. She’d sampled more people than she cared to count. Each was unique in their own way, though usually not worth remembering. If pressed, she’d be the first to admit that Michael wasn’t special or significant in that measure. Nevertheless, being around him now produced an odd tickle. She liked it.
He looked down at the water. “You jumped off here?”
“All the time,” she said, her voice more energetic than normal. Michael couldn’t tell, but the difference made Carmen smile.
He stared at the churning water below and slowly nodded. She watched him over her shoulder. Her smile transitioned to an even rarer smirk.
“Do you want to try it?” she asked.
“No, no, no,” he said firmly. Then he leaned back as an exclamation point to the sentiment. “I can’t fly.”
“As I said, it’s not hard to do,” she replied.
“Well, maybe for you it’s not—”
“You never know till you try,” she cut off. He stared at her hard, and that same look of disbelief once again graced his features. Carmen laughed. “Here, let me help,” she added with a giggle for good measure.
All it took was a gentle telekinetic push to send him over the edge. He screamed, and Carmen watched him go down with an unabashed grin that spread from ear to ear. Undoubtedly, he was reconsidering what his parents said about Clairvoyants killing people on a whim. That, however, was not her intention. She’d catch him or fly after him or something before he reached the bottom. He was too cute to let go splat.
14
In the Clouds
Carmen stared at the sky and couldn’t help a small smile. It made no sense, and she loved it.
“Michael, Michael, Michael,” she muttered quietly to herself.
It was admittedly a rather unremarkable name. She didn’t know where Carmen or even Edge fell in that measure, but she could close her eyes, throw a stone, and hit a Michael—that was, when she was out of the facility. Michael himself wasn’t that remarkable either. She told herself that over and over again; nonetheless, she couldn’t stop thinking about him.
They had talked last night with gleeful abandon for hours. After, of course, she finally convinced him she wasn’t trying to kill him when she tipped him off the bluff. Really, she had no idea how long they talked—she had no sense of time and wasn’t allowed a watch. Michael didn’t have one either. But when they returned to the party, together but separately, it was long over. His parents were terrified that something had happened to him. Kali simply asked where she had been.
Carmen didn’t say much. She was unable to suppress a small giggle with each non-answer, but that was all she let go. She wanted to keep Michael to herself. She shared everything with Kali whether she wanted to or not. Her every minute of every day, if not spent directly with her handler, was certainly reviewed by her handler. It felt nice to have something that was her own. She had never seen Kali so furious, but she didn’t punish her for her evasiveness. Kali didn’t even say much of anything. It felt like she wanted
to tighten her grip but knew she was holding water.
Ultimately, she didn’t think about it much. Kali was mad and Carmen wished she wasn’t, but it had to happen sometime. Besides, she was staring at clouds! A couple assets stared at her as they walked by. It wasn’t common for an asset to simply lie on their back and sky gaze, but Carmen didn’t think about them much either. Her smile got a touch bigger.
“Michael, Michael, Michael,” she muttered again.
She’d read stories of people seeing shapes in clouds. It seemed like a whole bunch of nonsense to her. Those amorphous blobs resembled nothing other than amorphous blobs. Perhaps, if she were crazy, she could make out a dog, a mountain, or a face. Perhaps—but she wasn’t that far gone yet. No, she wasn’t crazy. Not completely, anyway.
She abstained from saying his name yet again and took a deep, contented breath as her thoughts refused to turn from him. She closed her eyes as she tried to recall both him and last night fully. She couldn’t really remember much of anything specific, strange as that was. I have to be crazy, she thought with a wry smile.
She sighed and then opened her eyes to watch the clouds that looked like nothing but clouds. Kali stood over her.
“What are you doing?” her handler asked.
Carmen stopped smiling. She’d been too distracted to sense her approach as she usually did. She stood up abruptly and brushed herself off with a hand. Kali looked at the act with a thinly disguised sneer. Carmen rolled her eyes and cleaned her now dirty hand telekinetically. Her handler did have a point.
“Nothing,” she said quickly.
It was now Kali’s turn to roll her eyes. “I can see that,” she remarked. “When I leave you alone, you’re supposed to be socializing with the other assets. Not…doing whatever you were doing.”
Carmen looked around the courtyard of the facility and surveyed her peers. The vast majority stood in general proximity to each other and appeared from a distance to be engaged in casual conversation. She had played that game just last night and knew the act well. Handlers were annoyingly good at sniffing out the ruse, though. A few other assets stood very close to each other and talked in animated fashion but in hushed tones. They were probably organizing a game of Knock Out. The rules were basically the same as tag, but tagging meant trying to knock the player down in four moves or less.
