Eyelids drooping, she rolled her head toward him and studied him through lowered lashes. “You shouldn’t.”
“What? Why not? No, never mind, it doesn’t matter. I do and I can’t stop just because you said so. You ready to give in yet? If you are, I’ll stop and cut that off.”
“If you do, I’ll die.”
“How can you believe that?”
“Look at me. How can you not? I can tell you now.”
“What?”
“Everything. Why I came back.”
“Back?” He didn’t want to tell her she was incoherent, saying crazy things. He needed to keep her calm. Let her ramble.
“From heaven. After the dildo shop blew up.”
She spoke quietly, and in order to hear her better, Jake leaned toward her as he drove. Sometimes there were long pauses between phrases, so long he thought she’d passed out. But then she’d start up again. Always on the same train of thought, so her brain was hanging in there.
“They wouldn’t let me into heaven because I needed to learn things. Like charity. So I had to come back and give away all my money.”
“You have a bunch left.”
“I failed. I’ll be early again. I swear, I won’t mind as long as you’ll be okay, but they’re going to make me stand in line.”
Okay, so she wasn’t completely lucid.
“We’re here. Hang on, they’ll fix you up.”
He slid the Mercedes to a crooked stop outside the ER, scooped her up, left both doors open, probably left the car running, and ran inside, yelling for help.
One look at Lilly, face pale, lips blue, and she was triaged right into an exam room. A nurse tried to push Jake out, but she was no match for him. He watched everything the staff did, answered every question he could because Lilly was barely able to speak. Half an hour ago, she’d been fighting mad, ready to tear her mother-in-law’s heart out and hack off part of Andrew.
Had he been so wrong to cut the chain? He knew it had to be done. How could he know it would effect her like this? Except for this one thing, she was the most sensible, levelheaded woman he knew. Her belief that her life was tied to that bracelet was so strong.
He’d believed in other powers once, long ago. He’d trusted them. But now he only trusted himself, and he knew what was best for Lilly.
Was that how Angie had felt about him when she’d learned she was dying? That she was in the best position to make a life-altering decision for him?
She’d been wrong. Could it be possible that he was as well?
“That bracelet has to come off.”
Jake’s head snapped up as the nurse spoke. She was all business, with short salt-and-pepper hair and a bounce in her step as she bustled about the room. Lilly should pay attention to this gal.
“Right away.”
Lilly managed to say, “No,” and with a look, reminded Jake that she was counting on him.
For what? To refuse treatment that would save her? He pinned his hopes on the nurse. “There’s gotta be something else—”
“Why didn’t you just finish the job?”
“She’s convinced she’ll die if it’s cut.”
“Just give me drugs,” Lilly begged.
“With that break? Oh yeah, you’re gonna get drugs all right. And you’re gonna get out of that bracelet.”
“It can’t come off.”
Uncertainty gripped him in the gut. He felt ill equipped to argue this reasonably and make Lilly come out the winner.
“Come on, Lilly, help me out here. You want to lose your whole arm?”
“Hey, they said I couldn’t take the bracelet off. They didn’t mention the arm.”
The nurse shook her head at Lilly’s weak attempt at humor. “You convince her. I’ll be right back.”
Alone together, Jake pulled a chair up to the exam table and squeezed Lilly’s good hand between his. If he could just take some of her pain away. If he could just give her some of his strength. “I’ll tell them to go ahead anyway. I’ll tell them we’re married and you’re nuts, and I’ll give them permission to treat you.”
Her eyes fluttered open, and she seemed to summon strength from deep within because she was very convincing when she said, “I’m not worth it.”
“Bullshit.”
“I tricked you… into sleeping with me. I needed… to have a baby.”
“If this is some crazy scheme of yours to scare me off, you can just forget it. I love you; get over it. Now let me do what’s best for you.”
“No.”
“God, I’m begging you.”
Blue lips twitched in a semblance of a smile. “You’re praying?”
“Get real.” He’d tease her, distract her, or get her mad enough to fight, it didn’t matter which, as long as one of them worked. “Dear John just doesn’t have the right ring to it.”
He could do better; for Lilly, he had to do better.
Her eyes drifted shut. Her face was pasty white. He needed a solution, fast, and her belief was so strong, how could he fight it?
It was impossible.
She owned his heart, and because she believed this with all hers, his was won over, too. He knew, as sure as if John and Elizabeth came down here themselves and stood right in front of him and told him so, if the bracelet came off, Lilly would simply stop breathing and die.
Accepting it made his path clearer.
“Okay, you got me.” He sighed deeply. “I believe it. So what do we do now?”
“Nothing.”
“Maybe I should pray or something, right?”
“Just accept it. I came back for a reason. My time’s up.”
She opened her eyes again, but they were heavy-lidded. The gold sparks were gone, leaving her irises a dull brown. But even though her body was so weak, her incredible inner strength radiated throughout the room and touched him.
“You’re at peace with this?”
She nodded. “I hope I didn’t make you hate me.”
“Never.”
He squeezed her hand and pulled it to his lips and held it there. He didn’t realize his cheek was wet until she lifted one finger and traced the track. Barely a breath later, weakness overcame her again, and her eyes shut. He feared it was forever and he wanted to throw something, anything, and yell and kick a hole in the wall. But then he felt her fingers move against his, the gentlest hint of pressure.
“Lilly.”
“Hm?”
“This accepting thing’s pretty hard. I’m a guy. Guys need to do things, active things. You know, to make it better. To fix it.”
“You could make a promise.”
“Anything.”
“Don’t self-destruct again.”
“What’re you talking about?”
“After Angie left—The drinking.”
Jake took a deep breath. “In case you can’t tell with your eyes almost shut like that, I’m letting you know right now I’m counting to ten thousand again.”
“I don’t have that much time.” Another twitch of her lips. “Promise me.”
“Sure.”
“Too easy.”
“Okay. I promise, if the angels come and get you, I won’t go off the deep end. I’ll rejoice.”
“Liar.”
“Look, what can I tell you? Six months ago, I lost my best friend, my business, my home, and racked up more debt than most people do in ten lifetimes. And then I came back to St. Louis to start over. Now what about that sounds like ‘victim’ to you?”
One eyebrow arched, as if she acknowledged that what he said was true. “But you closed your mind. So promise me… anyway.”
“I promise.” God, let her breathe easier, please!
And she seemed to, then. “Sorry about your meeting.”
“There’ll be others.”
“You should go.”
“I’m not leaving you. Not now, not ever.”
“Everything’ll be okay. I promise. There’s more… than enough… to pay your dad back.”
“Wo
uld you forget that? I swear, you’ve always got money on your mind.”
“Oops.”
It was too difficult for her to breathe, let alone explain the crooked little grin lifting the corner of her mouth, so he didn’t press the issue. He didn’t say anything else that required she struggle to answer. Instead, he kissed her knuckles, enclosed her hand tightly in both of his, and shut his eyes.
“Dear John.”
Asshole. Who do you think you are, torturing Lilly like this?
“You, too, Elizabeth. Damn, I’m supposed to pray to you guys while you’re doing this to her?”
“Maybe you should pick somebody else… to pray to.”
“Like who?”
“Shoot, a prayer like that… might as well use a rabbit’s foot.”
She was losing it again.
Whoever’s listening, please, save her.
Once he started, it was difficult to stop. He spent long minutes making promises out the wazoo about how he’d live his life and how well he’d treat people and how he’d, maybe, start going to church again.
The chain he’d cut was the one with the oval charms, and he saw them in his mind’s eye, one by one.
Serenity —not damn likely he was going to be feeling any of that today. Maybe not ever again if Lilly didn’t give in and let them take care of her broken arm.
Courage —he was in grave need of this if he was going to follow her wishes and refuse treatment.
Wisdom —how did that go? Grant me wisdom to know the difference?
“This is a test, right, John? Elizabeth? You’re testing me for some reason?”
If only he knew which answer would get him the passing grade. But Lilly said he didn’t even have to pray. He just had to accept that there were things beyond what he could see and hear and prove. That her leaving somehow made sense.
He was still struggling with that when he realized someone else was in the room.
“There, piece of cake.”
Lilly’s hand went limp in his. Barely audible, she whispered, “Remember. It’s okay.”
Jake’s eyes flew open as a skinny, freckle-faced guy set a pair of cutters aside, along with the severed bracelet.
“You weren’t supposed to—Oh Jesus. Didn’t they tell you?”
With her last breath, Lilly whispered, “There’s no light. It’s so cold.”
23
Lilly wanted to tell whoever was moving her to stop it. The swaying nauseated her. But just as in a dream, while she struggled to vocalize something that seemed so important, so life-and-death pivotal, no matter how hard she tried, no words came out.
Cold seeped inside her, chilling her to the core, the kind of frigid where you shiver until your lips are numb and your teeth chatter.
Her face was wet. No surprise there; she had a lot to cry about. Her failure was so obvious, John and Elizabeth probably had banned her from Transition. Knowing she’d better have an explanation ready when she got wherever she was going this time, Lilly pondered what she’d learned over the past few weeks.
It was better to give than to receive—especially from the perspective of the hereafter. While money secured creature comforts, it was relationships and love that saved a person’s soul. Comforts were fleeting; the others everlasting.
Think twice before chasing money.
Beware of a mother-in-law who always used dear as a form of address, mourned her dead lover right under her husband’s and sister’s noses, worked out after sixty, and made it a practice for everyone in the family to trade house keys.
Stay out of anyplace you don’t want your name linked with in headlines like Dildo shop detonates, one dead. She owed her mom an apology for that one.
Marry the right man first.
Well shoot, anybody could pass those on a written test. But how did one remember the lessons and take them on to the next life? She hadn’t before, and she probably wouldn’t again. She really needed a one-on-one chat with someone in the know.
“Elizabeth!”
Lilly wasn’t surprised when she didn’t receive an answer. No one had to tell her she’d really screwed up her last chance. John surely knew she had a list of suggestions as long as her arm and therefore had assigned her a Go directly to the end of the longest line card.
Do not visit Transition.
Do not talk to Elizabeth.
“Elizabeth…”
The deep, sexy rumble reached inside Lilly, chasing away the chill, warming every cell of her body. Hearing it again comforted her so much that she began to think they’d let her into heaven after all. Regardless, she wanted to curl up and crawl inside Jake and stay there forever, but she had to settle for turning her head and nuzzling her cheek against his… his what? She couldn’t tell.
“Elizabeth… Is that you?”
“Could be.” Betsy said.
Betsy? Why is she here?
Okay, now she was really confused. Betsy hadn’t been at the hospital and she sure as heck shouldn’t be here.
“She calls me that when she’s really, really mad at me. You know, like for getting her blown up. Hey, Lilly, can you hear me?”
A rhythmic sound grew louder, and Lilly struggled harder to open her eyes. It sounded like approaching footsteps, not squeaky ones on a hospital floor, but crunchy ones.
What on earth?
Strong arms cradled her, shifting her to a different position.
“I’m sure you’re not supposed to move her.”
Didn’t seem so bad now.
“Well I can’t just leave her lying there. She’ll go into shock, if she isn’t already.”
Lilly couldn’t see him yet, but there was no mistake. Only one man possessed that deep, sexy rumble. Only one man ever made her heart race and her toes curl.
But Jake wasn’t supposed to be here; this was her journey.
Shoot, if he’d pulled a Romeo and Juliet in the ER and ended up in the same line, she’d spend the rest of eternity giving him hell for being so stupid.
Unlike her first energy-field trip to heaven, Lilly was still receiving sensory input. The cold was bad enough, but now her nose burned, too—inside, the same as it had after the fire at Cloud Nine.
Damn, this didn’t mean—No, not hell.
They wouldn’t.
Would they?
She might not have done everything John and Elizabeth had wanted, but she’d done a lot. She’d given away millions; she’d helped a lot of people in need. She’d ensured that Jake could pay off all his debts and get down to what he knew best. After all, what he did helped people, even if it was in a different way than John had asked for. Progress counted. She didn’t deserve standing in an endless line with a bunch of miserable strangers who spoke in unknown dialects. She would’ve thought John and Elizabeth knew she understood now that money was a funny thing: Receiving it brought food, shelter, and luxury on earth; charity brought eternal salvation.
But no matter what, she remembered her vow. Jake had promised; she wouldn’t complain about dying early or about the line.
Something cold rubbed across her cheeks and forehead. It was a gentle touch, but uncomfortably icy. She wanted it to stop. She fought her way out of the tunnel, out of the darkness, finally opening her eyes to daylight and a big surprise.
Huge, fluffy snowflakes filled the sky, thick wet ones that floated downward and coated everything with a fresh white coat. Well, everything except Cloud Nine, which was blackened and burning. The yellow taxi was nearby, still with two red, heart-shaped balloons dancing above the antenna.
This wasn’t heaven, hell, Transition, or anything in between.
Hallelujah!
“I’m back,” she rasped. Her throat was raw from heat and smoke, but so what? “I’m back!”
She inhaled deeply, smelling unpleasant burning things, but still, she was alive and breathing. As she pushed the hand of snow away from her face, her heart lifted and soared with the knowledge that she wasn’t dead and on her way to the back of an endless lin
e.
She lifted her head off a broad, T-shirt-covered shoulder and stared right into the dark blue bedroom eyes of— Yes! Thank you, God —Jake.
Her heart leaped right into a no-hands cartwheel. “Jake.”
“Hey, that’s right. Hold still,” he cautioned, gently rubbing snow across her forehead. “You’ll be okay if you don’t move.”
“Would you quit with the snowbath?”
“Let me get the soot off. You might be bleeding underneath.”
It sure felt like heaven, the way his voice rumbled through his chest and into her body, humming with sexual electricity and expectation and the memory of his touch.
As her awareness level increased, she discovered she was sitting on his lap. Too bad they had this thick fur coat between them. She wouldn’t mind losing it, but shrugging out of it would mean pulling herself out of his arms, and no way she was going there.
She stared at him, drinking him in, grateful to see no face or tongue piercings.
“What?” he asked suspiciously.
“I was afraid you’d gone and done something stupid.”
She closed her eyes briefly and murmured, “Thank you, John. Thank you, Elizabeth.”
Betsy Med. “She’s not making sense. I’m calling 9-1-1 again.”
“Give me a break. I died.”
Betsy studied Lilly, snuggled all deep and safe and cozy in Jake’s willing arms. “Girl, if you’re dead, I wanna be dead, too.”
“Don’t worry. You get the paramedic.”
Betsy scanned the parking lot, empty except for a few non-EMS spectators, said, “There she goes again,” and punched three digits into her cell phone.
“Well, geez, give him a minute to get here.”
Jake cocked his head, just so, studying her. Oh yeah, that was the same—the feeling she got when he looked at her as if she were the only woman around. If he could market that, he’d be so filthy rich—
Not that that was what she wanted anymore, no no no.
“She looks all right to me.”
She wanted to listen to his deep sexy rumble for the rest of her life.
That raised a question or two, like just how long was the rest of her life? Her head spun with the concept. The past month seemed so real. Had it all been a dream? A premonition?
“Was I dreaming?”
A Date on Cloud Nine Page 28
