Most days, Rafi had it down. He was the king of great boyfriends. He texted. He called. He figured out what would make Denny’s day easier and tried to do it for him, whether that was smuggling him something to eat when he was in his third hour of studying in the library, or blowing him in that same building, because nothing was a better stress reliever, right?
But some days, he had stress of his own, and then the great boyfriend thing started to slip a little.
The panic would bite into him at the idea of not holding up his end of the bargain.
Trying to remember the lessons he’d learned, Rafi didn’t hold back this time. He dumped his worry and anxiety right in Denny’s fucking lap, the second they started overwhelming him.
When he told Denny about Austin’s don’t fuck up advice, he’d had to suffer a pillow to the face, tossed from where Denny sat on his bed again, back in his proper place.
“What the hell are you doing taking relationship advice from Austin of all people? That guy’s been sitting on his hands for two years now instead of making a goddamn move.”
“I know!” Rafi shoved his face into the pillow and wailed out his frustration, feeling like a total asshole. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I keep freaking out that I’m going to screw up again, and that makes me crazier, which means I’m definitely going to screw up, and then I start needing to hyperventilate.”
“Dude, you have got to calm down.” Denny scooted to the edge of the bed and sat with his arms braced on his thighs, clasped hands dangling between his knees. “Look, you’ve been trying to be the perfect boyfriend, and that’s awesome. But remember, for me, being the perfect boyfriend means I get to do that for you too. You keep forgetting this goes both ways. I want to take care of you right back. So stop worrying about fucking up and talk to me, ask me for help, let me…distract you.” Denny got a speculative gleam in his eye. “Yeah, I am totally willing to distract you.”
There was nothing Rafi wanted more. But he’d had an idea at home over his break, and this actually seemed like it might be the right time to bring it up.
He bit his lip and looked over at Denny. “So, I want to do a thing.”
“Yeah? What kind of a thing?” Denny’s grin was positively greedy. “Because we haven’t talked about this yet, but I’d like to make it clear that my vote is we take turns bottoming. But I go next. No, wait, you go next. Shit, I can’t decide.”
Rafi whacked him in the head with a pillow. “Jackass. A real thing.” Then he crawled onto the bed with Denny, because PT was going so well he didn’t have to worry as much about hurting Denny’s shoulder anymore. And that meant naked time was way easier on their skinny beds. He pushed Denny’s shirt up and over his head, throwing it to the floor.
“Ow. Okay. I surrender.” Denny raised his hand, which did distracting things to the muscles in his bare arms. Rafi tipped his head forward enough to let him take a nibble. A breathy moan slid out of Denny, who arched his back until his dick pressed more firmly into Rafi’s crotch.
“Stop that.”
“Stop what?” Denny rocked his hips.
Rafi rolled on top of him and held him down with hands on Denny’s wrists.
“Ahhh. Now I’ve got you right where I wanted you.”
“Shut. Up.” Denny couldn’t seem to stop pushing up with his dick. “Jesus. Stop distracting me with your cock.”
“This is my new superpower.” Denny snorted and giggled until he damn near shook Rafi off him. “Sorry. Couldn’t resist. Tell me about your thing.”
Rafi had to gigglesnort at that one.
“Hey! No fair laughing when I’m trying to be serious now.”
“Asshole.” Whoops. That was not exactly how he’d meant to lead up to this.
“No. Comment. This is me, keeping my mouth shut.” Denny closed his mouth. Conspicuously.
Rafi took advantage of the silence. “So, I was thinking that maybe we could get engaged. To be married.” Denny’s entire body stiffened under him. Before the shock could wear off and Denny could let loose with any of the hundred protests Rafi fully expected him to have, Rafi bulled his way forward. “I don’t mean, like, we would get married immediately. But we could promise, you know, that that was on the horizon. Eventually. And then you wouldn’t have to worry I was ever going to shut you out. Because I’d be promising you that I wouldn’t. Forever.”
He waited for Denny to say something. For a moment, he remembered that night on the lakefront two years ago, waiting for Denny to speak, because he’d known in his bones what Denny wanted back then.
It was terrifying to realize he wasn’t at all sure what Denny wanted now.
Denny’s big eyes and open mouth seemed frozen in cartoonish surprise. Eventually, feeling ridiculous, Rafi cleared his throat. His face was so hot it burned. “Or maybe this is an incredibly dumb idea.”
With a sudden heave, Denny rolled over him, muscles pushing to move his big body against Rafi’s in the tight space of the twin bed. “You’re not dumb,” he said, staring down at Rafi with narrowed eyes, as if he could push the words deeper into Rafi’s brain with his eyeballs. “You sure do come down heavy on that anticlimactic end of the scale. But, God, I love you.”
Rafi wanted to eat him up, to suck every inch of Denny inside him, for finally saying it out loud. He hadn’t realized how badly he needed to hear the words. “So is that a yes?”
Denny leaned down to whisper in his ear. “I love you, Rafael Castro. All of you. I always have.”
Rafi wrapped his arms around Denny’s ribs so tight he had to force himself to let go a little, always careful still of that shoulder. He pressed his face into Denny’s neck, which meant his ear was still right by Denny’s mouth when Denny whispered again.
“Speaking of questions, was that a no to the taking-turns-bottoming thing? Or was that a yes?”
Rafi smiled and lifted his face, not hesitating any longer to make it clear exactly what he wanted.
“That’s a yes to anything you want, Denny Winslow.”
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About the Author
Amy Jo Cousins writes contemporary romance and erotica about smart people finding their own best kind of smexy. She lives in Chicago with her son, where she tweets too much, sometimes runs really far and waits for the Cubs to win the World Series.
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Everyone’s got secrets. Some are just harder to hide.
Bend or Break, Book 1
With his father’s ponzi scheme assets frozen, Tom Worthington believes finishing college is impossible unless he can pay his own way. After months sleeping in his car and gypsy-cabbing for cash, he’s ready to do just that.
But his new, older-student housing comes with an unapologetically gay roommate. Tom doesn’t ask why Reese Anders has been separated from the rest of the student population. He’s just happy to be sleeping in a bed.
Reese isn’t about to share his brutal story with his gruff new roommate. You’ve seen one homophobic jock, you’ve seen ’em all. He plans to drag every twink on campus into his bed until Tom moves out. But soon it becomes clear Tom isn’t budging.
Tom isn’t going to let some late-night sex noise scare him off, especially when it’s turning him on. But he doesn’t want any drama either. He’ll keep his hands, if not his eyes, to himself
. Boundaries have a way of blurring when you start sharing truths, though. And if Tom and Reese cross too many lines, they may need to find out just how far they can bend…before they break.
Warning: This book contains cranky roommates who vacillate between lashing out and licking, some male/male voyeurism, emotional baggage that neither guy wants to unpack, and the definitive proof that sound carries in college housing
To purchase now, visit: amyjocousins.com/off-campus-bend-or-break-book-one/.
Humble pie wasn’t supposed to taste this sweet.
Bend or Break, Book 2
Jack Tarkington’s life is in the toilet. He was supposed to be spending his junior year studying someplace cool like Paris or Rome. Instead, after taking out his anger on the campus “golden boy”, whose dad ripped off his parents, Jack is facing possible expulsion.
Sure, it’s all his own fault, but coming back to the small Iowa town he thought he’d escaped, after crowing about his admission to a prestigious school, has been a humbling experience.
When he runs into Miguel, Jack braces for backlash over the way he lorded it over his old friend and flame. Instead, Miguel offers him friendship—and a job at his growing farm-to-table store and café.
Against the odds, both guys bond over broken dreams and find common ground in music. But when Jack’s college gives him a second chance, he’s torn between achieving a dream that will take him far from home, and a love that strikes a chord he’ll never find anywhere else.
Warning: This book contains a humbled guy who’s on the brink of losing it all, a determined entrepreneur who seems to have it all together, apologies issued through banjo-picking duets, and two lovers who can play each other’s bodies like virtuosos.
To purchase now, visit: amyjocousins.com/nothing-like-paris-bend-or-break-book-two/
When it comes to love, go big or go home.
Bend or Break, Book 3
Charles “Cash” Carmichael traded his high-rise condo and family-firm career for a job coaching soccer for Chicago’s inner city kids. He’s adjusting to living on minimum wage when his young cousin, newly out and running away from home, shows up on his less-than-luxurious doorstep.
Angsty teens definitely aren’t Cash’s thing. He needs local backup, and there’s only one name he can think of: Stephany Tyler. Back in the day, the bisexual Steph was the perfect friend with benefits until she fell in love with a woman.
To his relief, his former friend steps up to the plate. Soon, though, Cash finds himself feeling the familiar need to keep her in his bed, and in his life. But Steph, burned by the ex-girlfriend and by the absentee dad she’s been trying to connect with, won’t risk her heart again.
Good thing Cash believes in leaving it all on the field. If he can just convince Steph to get in the game, there’s a chance they can both win.
Warning: This book contains ex-friends with benefits crossing boundaries a second time, several steamy encounters on staircases, copious discussions about gay sex from a “straight” guy, a shout-out to magic buttons, and an especially memorable going away threesome.
To purchase now, visit: amyjocousins.com/the-girl-next-door-bend-or-break-book-three/
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This book is a work of fiction. The names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the writer’s imagination or have been used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, actual events, locale or organizations is entirely coincidental.
Samhain Publishing, Ltd.
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Level Hands
Copyright © 2015 by Amy Jo Cousins
ISBN: 978-1-61922-884-9
Edited by Christa Soule
Cover by Kanaxa
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First Samhain Publishing, Ltd. electronic publication: August 2015
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Level Hands: Bend or Break, Book 4 Page 32
