by Mika Jolie
Fucking heart.
No need wasting any effort of telling the stupid muscle not to confuse good sex, really good sex, great sex actually, with anything else. Not when it came to Claire. With her, sex was always more than just the physical connection.
And Forrest thought he’d been in total control. Well, the joke was on him. In spite of his best efforts to hold back, he fell in love all over again. Let’s be honest, he never fell out of love.
Whatever happened to caution?
He had no idea what the hell had come over him. Or why he had a lump the size of a football stuck in his throat.
Scratch that.
He knew exactly what came over him. He shouldn’t have gone there. He’d built a wall around his heart, a ten-foot thick, fifty-foot-tall fortress around it with no way in and no way out. For added precaution, he’d built a treacherous moat, ready to swallow any person who dared to try to cross it.
Over and over he told himself he’d never go through what he’d been through again.
Ever.
But then he looked down at his guarded heart and it whispered, too late. He’d gone down that slippery road again.
A completely illogical move on his part.
She was going to leave. She had a life in Los Angeles.
He got that. He’d always known Martha’s Vineyard was no longer her home. That was the second reason he never pressed for an explanation or pursued anything more.
What would be the point?
She was temporary.
He knew that.
He was a sucker.
He walked right into this one by asking her to stay in his house with him, sharing his bed, every night.
His head spun with confusion. No way in hell should he have suggested something as crazy as sharing the same bed, breathing the same air for the next few days. It was one thing to spend a night here and there until she waved sayonara, but instead he threw caution to the wind and jumped into the chasm that was Claire.
The logic of the heart was absurd, but it still took over.
Fuck!
Pressure quickly built in his chest. Claustrophia reached and grabbed him by the throat. Rising to his feet, he staggered back. “I’m going for a walk.”
She quickly stood up. “Oh, let me put on my jeans and–"
“No,” he said, a bit too quickly. Her brown eyes widened and he caught hurt in them. Now he felt like a douche. Exhaling, he raked a hand through his hair and tried to calm the fuck down. “I just need…” His voice trailed.
What exactly did he need?
Air?
Not the best thing to say to someone who drove in the snow storm twice to be with him, and it showed on her face. “Listen, Claire…”
Her hands went up. “It’s okay.”
But it wasn’t. He asked her to stay, and then hurt her.
This was Claire. He loved her. She loved him. It was all over her beautiful face. They managed to touch happiness once more. It might even last for a long while this time around, maybe even forever, or it may pelt them with brief flashes. In either case, they should hold on to it. He shouldn’t be freaking out right now. But he’d learned happiness was like water. It always slipped through the hands.
In about ten days she was going to leave again.
And then what?
See her three months from now maybe. Hook up whenever their schedule allowed it. Eventually that would get tiring. With Claire he always wanted that forever…infinity.
Meaningless. He’d have to keep things light and not think about possibilities.
It would work.
It would have to.
Otherwise he was fucked.
“I’ll be back,” he said in a low voice. “And Claire.” Their eyes met. “Don’t run.”
She gave him a slight smile. “I’m not running.”
Right. He was. He shoved a hand through his hair and walked out of the kitchen.
Chapter Twenty-Two
“Follow your heart, but be quiet for a while first. Ask questions, then feel the answer. Learn to trust your heart.”
Anonymous
After waiting about half an hour for Forrest to return, Claire picked up her phone and sent him a text.
I’m going to Chappy.
Her phone chirped. Forrest’s text gleamed on the screen.
Take my truck.
Her hopes dashed. The good feeling from earlier dissipated. Her mind cycled with options of what to do. She could go to him. Finding him wouldn’t be a mystery. He’d be by the lake. That was his spot. His serenity. Only she’d been down that road called denial. His mind needed time to accept and understand what his heart already knew.
He loved her. She loved him.
Now fully dressed, she grabbed the key to the Jeep and trudged down the narrow road banked with giant drifts of snow.
The drive to Edgartown was rough and relentless, which made the going slow. Even the ferries to Chappy were working on a late schedule. It didn’t matter. Today she was full of patience. There’d be no running on her part.
“I didn’t think you’d make it over,” her mother greeted with a smile.
Walking into the living room, Claire tried not to make too much of her mother’s skin radiating with happiness.
“Is your um…” Her voice trailed, not quite sure how to refer to her mother's...friend? She looked around the cottage, anything not to focus on her mother’s happy smile and luminous skin.
“His name is Ralph.”
“Ralph,” Claire said, mentally appraising the name. It wasn’t bad. From what she remembered, at the potluck the two had danced together most of the night.
“Ralph Parker. So what brought you here? Charles mentioned you stayed in Lake Tashmoo last night. I figure you’d still be there.”
“I came to get my bag. I’m going to stay with Forrest.”
Her mother arched a brow, a pleased look on her face. “Charles said the two of you might have worked things out.”
Claire thought of Forrest’s reaction during breakfast. More like they’d merely taken a step in the right direction. “Is there anything Charles doesn’t tell you?”
Her mother gave her a coy smile. Something hit Claire. Her mother always had a close relationship with the Montgomery’s, especially Charles.
“Mom,” Claire started, still processing where her mind was going. “Did you know?”
Her mother busied herself moving around the cottage, picking up two empty wine glasses. “Know what?”
Two physical signs gave Claire her answer. The slight way in which her mother’s shoulders went up—her sign of tension, and the fact she kept her gaze focused anywhere but on Claire. Like mother, like daughter, they were both terrible liars.
She slumped on the sofa. “Oh. My. God.”
“Now, Claire,” her mother started, face serious.
“Please.” She put up a hand. “Give me a minute to process this.”
After a short silence, her mother cleared her throat and lowered her weight next to Claire. “I’ve known Forrest was Charles’ son from the first day I accepted the job offer to manage this place. It was part of the confidentiality contract.”
As a person who lived by the laws of contracts, Claire was all too familiar with confidentiality agreements. At least she knew going in that fame would bring a certain loss of privacy, but the Montgomery’s never had a choice. They were born privileged, under the microscope.
The general public harbored no sympathy for the rich and famous. One false move and the tabloids would have had a field day, just as they did with Jason after his mother’s death. Except he’d been twenty-five, even then it hadn’t been easy for him to understand and process the intrusion. Had the truth about Forrest’s parentage become public knowledge while Jason and Forrest were too young and innocent to understand the implications, the effects would have been much more devastating.
Her stomach twisted over the possible circus. On the Vineyard, as locals, they were protected amongst their o
wn–like the Vegas rule. What happens here stays here. But that commandment didn’t apply off the island.
“Victoria knew?”
“Yes,” her mother confirmed in a low voice.
Claire let out a long deep breath, her thoughts on Victoria’s troubles. Behind the smiles, the mood swings, laid secrets darker and deeper than the mysterious sea. She struggled with an eating disorder, an unfaithful husband, who fathered a son with his best friend’s wife. Jason mentioned his parents argued a lot. Now it all made sense.
Her heart ached for all of them.
“You never told me,” she said in a subdued tone, not out of anger or betrayal but more of sadness for everyone involved.
“Darling, first and foremost, this is not my story to tell. Second…” She looked intently at her daughter. “Would that have made you love Charles, Jason, and Forrest any less?”
There was no need to answer that. She’d loved all of them, including Victoria. As for Forrest, she’d love him no matter what his last name was.
“I just feel bad for everyone. Those four were so close,” Claire said, thinking of the relationship between Forrest’s and Jason’s parents. “To think they had this secret between them the whole time.”
Her mother squeezed her hand. “Forrest needs to speak to Charles and his mother. He can’t go on avoiding them.” She stood up and walked over to the kitchen. Claire followed. “In the meantime, I’m really glad the two of you have finally decided to open your hearts to each other.”
Forrest’s heart was still locked up, but no need to get into that. “Baby steps, Mom. I’m going to pack.”
“You almost look happy.” A smile touched her mother’s lips. “Almost there.”
Claire’s heart squeezed. She was lucky to have an open relationship with her mother. Leaning in, she gave her a hug. “Thank you for all you’ve given me. I love you.”
“I love you too.” Her mother pulled her into a hug. “By the way, Ralph is coming to Vapor with me on Friday.”
“If he makes you happy then I’m happy. Looking forward to meeting him.”
A little before noon, Claire pulled the Jeep into the parking area by the pier. She quickly found a spot alongside the few vehicles of other brave ones who dared to venture out. Other than her squeaky footsteps compressing the crystals beneath her feet, the streets were quiet and deserted. For so long she convinced herself the winter months on the island were dreadful, too dark and desolate, all the shops closed. No life. Unlike the everyday hustle in Los Angeles, Martha’s Vineyard had always been too…calm. But today, the hush of the town lulled her into a comfort zone.
The little lies we tell ourselves in order to get by. On the island she could be herself, surrounded by friends and family. She was happy here.
She entered Vapor and took a quick inventory of the cramped space. In spite of the pile of snow lining the roads, the bar was nearly packed. This of course was ridiculous because had Minka not sent that group text, Claire wouldn't be out or at Vapor. As much as she loved the owners of the place, she’d much prefer to be back in bed with Forrest right now. But this was the Vineyard. Vapor and the island were salt and pepper, beer and pretzels. One didn’t exist without the other. She spotted Adam working the bar, oozing his typical badass vibe. Any hot-blooded woman would see a tall, dark-haired, muscular guy like him and take a second look. But for Claire, Adam, similar to Jason and Blake, had always been in the brother zone.
For all the years she’d known him, he always projected an easy-going, laid-back attitude. Until a few months ago, she never knew how deep his scars ran. But today, he looked genuinely happy and relaxed, an exact opposite of the last image she had of Forrest. His brows pulled together as he struggled with a roller coaster of emotions. In the end he gave into avoidance and walked away. Funny, how the table had turned. Fate had a thousand wiles.
“You look a little…” His golden eyes carefully examined her as she grabbed a seat. “Happy and sad at the same time.”
“That pretty much sums it up.” No point denying the truth, Adam held a Ph.D. in personal struggles. She glanced at her watch. The others would arrive soon, reuniting the group of friends for the first time since Luc’s funeral. Except for Forrest, he’d chosen to opt out. The rift in his friendship with Jason, imposed by Forrest, traveled to her heart, crushing her chest.
“Forrest is not coming,” she announced. Adam didn’t look surprised.
“And I thought I could be an ass.”
Asses or not, she loved them all, and this gap in the circle and the origin of it made her queasy. “You can be.” She chuckled. “How are you doing?”
“I’m well.”
“Still going to counseling?”
He nodded. “Yep. Liliana attends once in a while. It’s good.”
Like Jason and Blake, Adam had found happiness. It made Claire happy. The circle, though a little larger now with the addition of all of their wives, was still tight…somewhat. “I’m so glad you decided to deal with your past.”
“Some things we can only avoid for so long. Seltzer?”
“Please.”
He filled the glass and stood back. “So why the sad face?”
“I’m in love with him.” She had that kind of friendship with all of them where she could bare her soul with no reservation. There was never any judgment, only support and maybe a kick in the ass when necessary, but never judgment.
“Tell me something I don’t know.”
“I went to his house last night.”
His lips twitched into a smile. “In the storm?”
She nodded and gulped down some of the seltzer water.
“What is it about you driving in the storm to be with Forrest?”
She couldn’t help but chuckle. “That’s funny.”
“How’s Mr. Crank the Wank doing anyway?”
Claire rolled her eyes.
Adam uncorked a bottle of white wine and grinned. “What? He was jacking the johnson instead of getting laid. Do you know why?” He filled two wine glasses then peered at her. “Because of you. I didn’t realize it until the funeral. But it has always been you.”
The words made her happy and sad all at the same time. He still loved her—happy. He didn’t want to love her—sad. “Good to know.”
“So what happened?”
She wrinkled her nose and made a face, to which Adam chuckled.
“Besides the obvious,” he added. “Did he pull a switcheroo on you this morning? I can kick his ass.”
“He asked me to stay with him until I leave for L.A.”
Adam gave her one slow, surprised blink. “That’s huge for the big goof.”
“I thought so too, but then he basically ran out of the house.”
“Good to see he can actually lose his cool.” He refilled her glass. “He loves you, Claire. He’s had it bad for so long.”
“So why the freaking out? I’m thinking we are finally on the same page.”
“He just had one of his nuts ripped off, be gentle.”
“I know, and I’m trying.”
“Daddy issue is a bitch. His is a bit different than mine, but it doesn’t make it any less painful. I get it.”
“So do I.” With the exception of the one picture her mother showed her a long time ago, she had no clue who her father was. It took years for her to accept the abandonment, and probably would take just as long for Forrest to accept the lies, the secrets, and eventually the truth.
Elbows on the bar, Adam leaned forward and looked at her with serious eyes. “Also you’re within reach. He can’t avoid you anymore.” He signaled the waitress to the bar, then focused back on Claire. “In case you haven’t noticed, he’s big at avoiding shit.”
“Like dealing with his mom, Charles…”
“Bingo. And you.”
“I’m here.”
Adam gave her a sad smile. “You’re also leaving.”
Leaving the island wouldn’t mean leaving Forrest. They’d find a way to make
things work. Eventually they’d make a decision, but that was down the road. Right now was about the here and now. They’d make it work.
Wouldn’t they?
Hope stretched wide.
Forrest’s words months ago echoed in her head. You are temporary.
A pang hit her right in the center of her chest at the thought of walking away…again.
The front door opened, Jason and Minka walked in, arm-in-arm. While Minka appeared visibly shaken, Jason looked completely at ease. Claire’s heart clutched and hoped it wasn’t bad news. In either case, Forrest’s absence dug a little deeper. She wanted him here, with her, with them.
“Hey,” Jason greeted and pulled Claire into a hug. “You’re filling our bar in two days.”
“Sorry about that,” Claire replied then gave Minka a hug.
Jason waved her off. “It’s for a good cause. We are only giving access to Vineyard Gazette inside though. I hope that’s okay.”
“Works for me.” She turned to Minka. “How did the appointment go?”
Minka and Jason exchanged a look, Jason’s face revealed nothing. Why were men so hard to read? The front door opened. Lily, Keely, and Blake entered the bar and joined them. After hugs were exchanged and fist bumps by the guys, they huddled together. She was surrounded by love. A lonely, hollow gnawing gripped at her. Not out of jealousy, these people were under the family label in her life, and she was happy for all of them. She just wanted her own with Forrest.
Slow down, one step at a time. That should be her next tattoo.
“All right, here we are,” Blake said, one arm casually slung over Keely’s shoulder.
“So,” Minka started and pulled at her curls. “We had an ultrasound to confirm our suspicions. We heard the heartbeats.”
“Beats?” Keely said with a frown.
Minka handed the sonogram picture to Blake who took one look at it, frowned and passed it around. With the exception of Lily who squealed with glee and pulled Minka in a tight embrace, everyone looked and nodded with a blank look on their faces as if they were looking at an abstract piece of art.
Jason shook his head. “Can you guys read an ultrasound?”
