“Good for us.” She took him by the arm and led him into the house. Marion was fussing over the baking and fanning herself with her apron. It was hotter in the house than it was outside. “Daniel simply must get that outside stove repaired!” she fussed. “It was fine to let it go during winter, but I need it now!”
“Yes! I don't know how you stand this heat, Momma. Let's all go out onto the porch and drink a glass of lemonade.”
“I think I will in a minute. Y'all go on while I put this last loaf in the oven.”
“All right... I'm leaving yours on the table.” Sarah handed Shane his drink and they strolled out onto the porch. Sarah sat on the swing as Shane perched himself upon the porch's railing. “Oh, I'm so tired. I dread going to work in the morning.” Sarah took a drink.
“Why don't you quit?”
“I can't leave Mrs. Hamilton high and dry. Besides, we need the money.”
Shane rolled his eyes. “You should start building a life of your own and let your folks tend themselves.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“I hate to be blunt,” Shane came over and sat beside her on the swing. “but sometimes life just calls for action. Marry me and let's build our lives. Your folks should be able to do for themselves after this year. Jennie and Bettie are probably getting married soon. Why not you?”
Sarah looked at him. She almost wanted to say yes, but her hand went to the locket she always wore around her neck and out of sight. She felt as if the pull she had towards Shane was dishonoring the love she had for John. What if he was still alive? She had to wait for him. Tears came to her eyes.
“What's wrong? I didn't mean to upset you.”
“It's impossible, Shane. I can't marry you. Not yet.”
“Not yet? What are you waiting on? Your folks to grow up so they can make it on their own?”
“Something no one would understand. I have to wait until I'm ready and I don't know when that will be. I may never be ready. It's best if you go on with your life and not wait on me. Find a nice girl to settle down with. Someone to have you some beautiful children, tend your house and mend your shirts.” She placed her hand on his face.
“There's no one I want to do all those things with but you.” Shane's jaw clenched as he looked down at his boots.
“You've never looked anywhere else. Give someone else a chance.”
“Who? Trissy Eastland?” He stiffened his back. “Who wants to marry a silly little toad like her? She hasn't the sense God gave a red bug!”
“No matter where I go I'll never have truer friends than you and Greta. God knows I'd rather cut off my own arm than to hurt either one of you, but Shane, I can't marry you. I just can't.”
“Why? Give me a good reason.”
“Too many questions that I have no answers to.”
“Or too many questions that you won't answer.”
“Won't, you're right... I won't answer them because I know the answer and I don't like the answer that I have to give.”
“Excuse me, Sarah, but you're being a fool.” He got up from the swing and put his hat on his head. “I've got to be getting home. I'll see you in the morning.”
“I can walk to my job.”
“You don't have to. I'll leave you alone about this but I'm still your friend.”
“You're more than my friend,” Sarah stood. “you are my best friend and you must know that I do love you dearly.”
“I love you too. Always will.” He gave her a crooked smile but the hurt still shone through his sparkling blue eyes.
Sarah watched as Shane drove away. She touched the locket again. Please, John... come back or turn me loose. Let me know that you're alive if you are or set me free if you're not
Every now and again, while they were working together, Sarah would look over at Shane. Being near him gave her a warm, safe feeling. There were even times that she wanted him to hold her close. As he looked into her eyes, an unexpected warmth would come over her, then a memory of John would flash into her mind. She'd touch the locket she had tucked behind her bodice. This made her start crying and Shane would be there to comfort her.
“It's all right. It's going to be fine. Please don't cry.”
“I'm sorry... I don't think I'm ever going to get over it, Shane. It's almost been a year and we've heard nothing. I don't know if he's dead or alive. I just can't stop thinking about him. I can't let him go, and it kills me to hang on.”
“It'll get easer... it will.”
“It seems to be getting worse as time goes on. The more I don't hear and am left to wonder... I just want to know where he is! I can't stand not knowing. Hearing that he is dead would be easer than this!”
“It kills me to see you hurting like this.”
“I can't help it.”
“Is there anything I can do?”
“Just be my friend, just like you've always been.”
“You have my word on that.” He hugged her close.
Sarah rested in his arms for a moment and closed her eyes as he held her. The cradle of his strong arms was natural and comforting. She wanted him to hold her like this forever. Then she realized what she was doing, quickly freed herself from his embrace and went back to work.
Trissy Eastland sat reading, as she did every evening, under the sprawling oak that grew near the edge of the Eastland pasture. But her mind wasn't on her book. As usual her mind was on the rugged and handsome Shane Thompson. This vantage point gave a clear view of the barn where Shane would come before going home. She had admired him from here many an evening.
She sat up straight as she saw him coming from the fields, his shirt sweaty from the day's hard work. She watched him as he took it off and doused himself with fresh cool water from the well bucket. The water glistened off muscular arms and shoulders that were sunburned brown. He noticed her staring at him and gave her a quick nod. Quickly, she looked back down at her book. Shane took a long drink of water then put his shirt back on before he entered the barn.
Soon he and his wagon were rattling by her and down the driveway. She knew he was going to pick up Sarah from the dress shop. She huffed loudly as she slammed the book down hard on the ground. She must find a way to get close to him! Soon she would make her move.
As Shane emerged from the fields the next evening, Trissy was sitting primly beneath the oak, just as always. When he went on into the barn to feed her father's stock and hitch up his wagon, she followed, standing close behind him.
Soon, as though sensing someone was behind him, he turned to see Trissy standing there. “Evening ma'am.” He said a bit startled. “What are you doing out here?”
“What do you think?” She smiled at him slyly.
“I— I don't think you should be out here, Miss.”
“I do declare if you ain't the cutest thing around.” She walked toward him as he stepped back. “A big man like you ain't scared of little ol’ me, are you?” She giggled.
“You really shouldn't be here, I don't think your pa would like it.”
“What my pa don't know won't hurt him.”
“But what your pa finds out might hurt me.”
“You are funny!” She threw her head back and laughed wildly.
“I've got to be going now, Miss.”
“Don't you think I'm pretty?”
“That's not for me to say.”
“You don't want to kiss me?”
“Like I said, I have to be going now. Good evening, Miss.” He got into his wagon quickly and drove away.
Trissy was flush with anger as she picked up the first thing she saw and threw it hard against the wall. The horseshoe hit with a loud clattering thud. She would have him, she would! She would win him away from that blasted Sarah DuVal!
Chapter Eighteen
* * * *
Everyone had gone home from gleaning the cotton fields but Sarah. She thought she would stay and get as much picked as possible. A sudden noise behind her alerted her to danger, but too late. Before
she could react or defend herself, someone kicked her legs out from under her. She fell to the ground with a thud. She turned, shocked and bewildered to see Nathan staring down at her. The look in his eyes scared Sarah. She had never seen such a look of hate before!
“W— why did you do that?” She scuttled backwards but Nathan stepped closer and kicked her. Fear engulfed her. She knew this attack was different. The look in his eyes made her blood run cold. She felt that she was about to die and she didn't even know why. “W— what's wrong?” She spoke in short gasps.
“You! You are what's wrong with everything! If it hadn't been for you, John would have been a better brother to me!” He kicked her again and again as he shouted in anger. “If it hadn't been for you, he would still be here, you killed him! He was just fine till he carried you up there!”
Sarah could barely catch her breath between the fierce blows as she cried. “No Nathan... no! Please stop it! You can't be this hateful! Nathan, Nathan!”
He reached down and grabbed her by the hair. “Don't call for me, wench!” He hissed through his yellowed teeth. His breath smelled of stale liquor. “Scream out for John to help you! Go ahead. Scream for him!”
She was too terrified to say anything.
“I said scream for John you squaw bitch!” He shook her by her hair.
“J— John.” She stuttered in a whisper. She couldn't say it any louder. Fear had taken her voice.
“Scream for him, he'll come for you!” Nathan shouted as he shook her harder. “You can bring him back! You can make him come back! He'll come for you! Call him! Call him!”
“John, oh please John, help me! John, John, John!” The cries ripped from her throat and echoed through the empty fields.
Nathan looked around. “I don't see him! Maybe he is dead... and maybe you need to join him!” He snarled.
“No.” She cried. “Please stop it, Nathan! You don't know what you're doing!”
Nathan smirked. “I know exactly what I'm doing, you good for nothing savage! I can't think of a thing you're good for! Except maybe this.” He shoved her to the ground between the rows of cotton stalks. She smelled his stench as his heavy body weighed her down. He tore at her like a rabid animal.
“No Nathan! You can't do this... you can't do this evil! Stop! Please stop! she slapped at him, clawing at his face, but he grabbed her throat.
“Scream Injun witch, scream! Call John! Let me hear it! Where is he, Injun? What have you done with him?” His eyes were wild and his strength deadly. Blood ran down his face from her deep claw marks.
Sarah could hardly breathe; she felt herself slipping away. “John... help me!” She whimpered before everything faded into darkness.
When Sarah finally opened her eyes she found herself still lying in the cotton field. It hadn't been a horrible nightmare, it was true. Nathan had barbarically violated her, Tearing from her the cherished sanctity that she had protected and held in such reverence. Now she was ruined and left in the dusty field for dead. Pain overwhelmed her. Every part of her body ached. She rolled over. “Oh, God.” She cried out as she sat up. The pain made her whole body tremble. It took all of her effort just to move. Her legs hurt. Her ribs hurt. Her back and shoulders hurt and most of all, her heart hurt.
Her unsteady legs shook as she wandered through the woods aimlessly with tear clouded eyes. Somehow she came out at the stream, her sanctuary. Her place of healing and comfort. She bent down at the water's edge. She had to do something, she couldn't go home like this! “How can I fix this?” She cried. “How can I fix this?” She combed through her hair with trembling hands before she stepped into the water and began scrubbing away the dirt from the field. She noticed her ripped undergarments. “They're ruined... everything's ruined! I'm ruined! Why! Why! Why!” She screamed as she pounded the water with her fists. “Everything is ruined! Everything!” She pulled herself up out of the water and collapsed on the bank crying. “Why? Why? John, I can't... I can't do this! It's too hard without you! You said you'd never leave me again! But you left me, you left me to this! You liar! John, you are a liar! Oh God, will someone please help me!”
She jumped like a wounded animal when she felt a strong pair of arms lift her from the ground. It was Shane. She saw the worry in his face and grabbed him by his shoulders. She rested her head on his chest. His strong, broad chest. “Shane! Oh, dear Shane! Thank God it's you!”
“I'm here, my sweet, Sarah. I'm right here. What's happened to you?”
“Help me... I can't live without him, Shane! I can't! Life is too hard!”
“John again?”
“He can't help me... there's no one to help me now!” She sobbed.
“Damn it woman, I'm here! Look at me!” He held her head in his hands. His eyes were on fire. “I'm here! I'll help you! I love you! Why does it always have to be John? Seems as if he's never around when you need him, doesn't it? Yet here I am. Don't ignore me and call for your brother! For the love of God, don't ignore me!”
Sarah looked into his face. He was right, John was never there and she wanted Shane to hold her close. She felt so safe in his arms. “Hold me, just hold me!” She buried her face in his broad shoulders. She felt his arms wrap around her creating a cradle for her to rest in. “Oh Shane, I need you so, I need you! You won't ever leave me, will you?”
“Never, you have my word.”
“You'll take me away from this! You'll keep me safe. Won't you?”
“'Til the day I die.”
“I love you, Shane. I really do love you. I've loved you for so long!”
Tears filled his eyes. “I can't believe this is happening... that you love me, too. I pray it's not a dream! No, it can't be a dream... I can tell... it's true!”
Sarah rested her head on his strong shoulder as he carried her. When they neared the house she looked at him. “I— I think I can walk from here. Don't tell what I did. I don't want Momma and poppa to know.”
“They're overworking you! Maybe they need to know so they will stop it. You're one person Sarah and you can only do so much.”
When Shane walked in supporting Sarah, Marion turned from her cooking pot.
“What on earth is wrong now?”
“I'm just tired Momma. I stayed in the field too long.”
“Well, go up to your room and rest for a while.” Marion turned back to her cooking. “Maybe you'll be better by supper and can help me set the table.”
“I— I will,” Sarah weakly replied. Shane helped her toward the stairs and turned to leave. She grabbed at him. “Don't leave me just yet. Let's just sit in the parlor while I rest.”
Shane sat on the sofa beside Sarah. She took his hand and held to it so tight that he stared at her in puzzlement. “Does this mean that we're officially courting?” He smiled and squeezed her hand.
“Yes, Shane, if you still think I'm worth courting.”
“Worth it?” He sat forward and looked into her face in astonishment. “You know how I've always felt about you!” His deep blue eyes had never looked more handsome and loving to her.
“I love you, I love you so much. I need you to take care of me! I need to be cared for right now. You're always there when I need you, Shane. Always! Thank you for being my friend and for loving me through everything.”
“I'll be right here.” He smoothed her hair back. “I'm not going anywhere. You can't get rid of me.”
Marion walked in, “Sarah, come on and help me get supper on the table now.”
“I'm still a little tired. I think I'll go up to bed now, if you don't mind.”
“Well. I guess I'll have to manage,” Marion huffed as she left the room.
“I know she's upset with me, but I'm just wiped out today and I just don't care who's mad at me anymore!”
“It's about time you started thinking of yourself. I'm glad to see it! My girl ain't gonna be working her fingers to the bone no more! I'll see to that!” He smiled. “Well you go on up now and I'll see you tomorrow.” He awkwardly kissed her ch
eek before he stood.
As he left Marion turned to him and asked, “Would you like to stay to supper?”
“Oh no, thank you. I have some work to do around my place. I'm figuring I'm going to be having a wife pretty soon and she needs a home to come to.”
“Really? Anyone I know?” Marion smiled brightly.
“If all goes well, you'll know soon enough.” He tipped his hat to her. “Good day.”
“Good day, Mr. Thompson.”
That night a powerful and frightening thunderstorm erupted over the valley. A torrential downpour gushed over the hills, swelling the mountain streams over their banks until a mighty river swept through the valley like a raging sea, tearing its way downward, taking with it anything in its path. Wind whipped the pines and sent them bending almost to the ground, as if they were paying homage to the angry storm. Brilliant streaks of lightning sliced through the night sky while deafening thunderclaps echoed and rumbled through the storm drenched valley. It was as if the heavens themselves were screaming out in anger as Sarah lay hurting and weeping alone into her pillow.
Daniel rushed into her room. “Come, Sarah, to the cellar! This is dangerous weather! Hurry!”
“You go on, Poppa. I'll be there in a minute.” Her body ached, she couldn't move quickly. She sat up and then weakly stood, like a new calf, and stumbled toward the hall, down the staircase and toward the kitchen. Her steps were slow and faulty. “Hurry, Sarah!” Daniel screamed. She picked up her pace but on the cellar stairs she lost her footing in the darkness and went tumbling to the ground.
“Sarah, Sarah... are you all right?” Daniel bent over her. She put her head down into her hands and cried like a baby.
“Sarah, are you hurt?” Marion grabbed her.
“Yes, I'm hurt!” She cried out. “Everything I've got aches! Oh, Momma, I am so hurt!”
“Come, lie down on the cot. As soon as this storm is over we'll get you upstairs to bed and I'll fix you a cup of chamomile tea.” Sarah meekly stood, shocked to see the frantic expression on Marion's face and followed her to the cot. Was she, in this moment when Sarah needed it most, really being a mother to her? Was she actually reaching out and caring for her? The pain seemed to loosen its bitter grip on Sarah's heart in the warmth of loving emotions that swept over her. She had a mother and, for the first time, it felt like it.
By Way of the Rose Page 26
