“What is it?” Marion rushed to him.
“Something's wrong with her. The doc needs to see us both.” Marion walked quickly with John in the lead. When they were back in her room, he asked, “What's wrong with her Doc?”
“Sarah has sinned greatly.” The doctor shook his head in seeming disgust.
“What?” John's nostrils flared.
“She has committed the sin of fornication... and from that lustful act a bastard child has been conceived. Sarah is with child.”
“What, what are you saying?” John stepped toward the good doctor as if he were going to sock him dead in the face. “You can't be saying what I think you're saying!”
“Yes, I'm saying it plain out, Sarah is with child.”
John looked at Sarah. “I— Is this true?”
She saw the pain in his face; she couldn't take it. What did all this mean? Why was this happening to her? Being raped wasn't enough? She had to have Nathan's baby too, this evil thing growing inside of her? To see the pain in John's face made her want to die.
“Is this true?” John pounded the wall with his fists.
She looked away and shook her head as a tear fell.
“Who... who have you been with? Whose is it?”
“Stop it, John... please, Just stop.”
“Stop? Stop? You want me to stop? Did you ever think of asking him to stop? Who fathered your bastard?”
Sarah wanted so badly to tell him the truth, but she knew he'd kill Nathan and then he'd probably be hanged for doing it besides tearing the family apart. “Do you even know whose it is?”
“Yes, I know.”
“I bet I know too!” John quickly turned and rushed out of the room.
“Where are you going?” Marion called after him.
“To get Shane Thompson.”
“No John!” Sarah yelled, but he was gone. She tried to get up but another dizzy spell hit her and she fell back in bed. “Momma, stop him!”
“What has to be done has to be done.” Marion's words poured out over her cold, tight lips. “You belong with Shane Thompson. I'm not stopping a thing. Whatever happens is your own fault. You've been nothing but trouble to this family since the day we took you in! If I had known then what I know now it never would have happened.” She turned her head in disgust. “I wish I'd never laid eyes on you!”
“At least now I know where I stand,” Sarah retorted. “Thank you for finally coming out with it. All those years of confusion as I kept trying to believe I really did have a mother. It's good to finally have it clarified for me. You were never my mother and I was never your daughter. You made that plain enough, yet I kept hoping beyond hope that I was wrong and that you truly cared for me.” Sarah laughed bitterly. “I'm so very stupid!” She glared through tear rimmed eyes.
Marion said nothing more as she and the doctor slowly left the room.
John stomped towards Shane with a look on his face that was hardly friendly. “Well I suppose you pleased yourself!” John snarled.
“What are you talking about?”
“You enjoyed yourself, did you?”
“I don't know what you mean!”
“Well, here... let me help you out. Sarah's pregnant with your little bastard!”
Shane looked at John in shock. “Pregnant? T— that can't be!”
“It can be and it is!”
“You don't think I did it!”
“Who else was there?” John huffed.
“I don't know! But it certainly wasn't me!”
“Don't lie!” John grabbed him by his collar as rage boiled up in him at the thought of Shane leaving Sarah to bear his bastard child. “I'm picking you up in the morning, and you are going to marry Sarah, even if it's by the barrel of my Poppa's gun.”
“I'll gladly marry her! But it's not my baby.”
“We'll be here at eight in the morning. Be ready. And if you even think about running out on her, I'm warning you, I'll hunt you down and you won't live to see that bastard you've fathered!” John stomped away.
When John got home he went to Sarah's room. “Dizzy or not, you're getting married in the morning.”
“Really? To whom?”
“You know who... .Shane.”
“Is that what you want?”
“What I want? What I want was the woman I thought you were! Now that's gone!”
“John, please, you don't understand.”
“I learned a long time ago where babies come from, Sarah. I don't need nor do I want your explanation.”
“You don't care what happened?”
“No, I don't. You think I'm a fool, don't you?”
“No, John, just listen to me, I... ”
“What exactly did you think? Jesus, woman, I can't stand the sight of you!”
“Then leave me be; please, just get out!” Sarah turned over in her bed. She felt like crying, but the tears wouldn't come. A deep and fearsome anger had taken her over. If John had shown her any sign that he cared about what really happened, she would have told him. She wanted to so badly. She wanted him to know that she had not dishonored herself willingly. But he didn't care. Sarah felt that to him, it didn't matter how it happened... just that it happened. She was ruined, no good. A nothing! Her idol, her protector was nothing more than a dream conjured up from the mind of an abused little girl! And she, in his eyes, was a “little Princess” who had fallen from grace.
Chapter Twenty-One
* * * *
That night Sarah sat in the parlor alone absentmindedly thumbing through a catalog. She heard a light tap on the window and looked up to see Shane's face looking back at her.
“Come out here!” he demanded.
She walked outside. She reached out to him, but Shane pushed her away. “Is it true? Are you really pregnant?”
“Shane, don't push me away, please not you too. Don't shun me!”
“Answer me! Are you pregnant?”
“Yes.” Sarah dropped her head.
“Who's is it? I know it ain't mine! It can't be John's. Who's the third man here, Sarah?”
“What does it matter? You don't have to marry me. I'll just leave.”
“It matters a lot to me! I'm the one who loves you and I'm the one who's getting blamed for it!” Shane stepped toward her and his look softened. “I don't care whose it is. I love you. I just want to know what happened. I know It ain't mine. Something happened and I want to know what!”
“I can't tell you, Shane. I just can't. Let's just get married and forget how this happened.”
“You don't have to tell me. I'll never make you do anything you don't want to. I'll love you and I'll love your baby forever! It will be mine.”
Sarah walked through the door and was startled to see John sitting there.
“John, wh— what are you doing up?”
“Just wondering how many times a night you sneak out to meet your lover. Is that how it happened? You sneak out of the house in the middle of the night to meet him?”
“What? I'm a grown woman, John. I wouldn't have to ‘sneak out.’ If I wanted to go somewhere, I'd go. And that's far from how it happened.”
“Oh... well you two looked really sweet out there hugging under the moonlit night. So romantic it could even cause you to forget yourself and the one you claim to love.”
“Is there anything to prevent you from thinking I'm a loose woman? How else can a woman get pregnant? Think about it for a moment.”
“Sarah, go to bed... you've got a big day ahead of you. Tomorrow is your wedding day.”
“No matter, at least I'm marrying the man who truly loves me.” Sarah stomped out.
When she opened the door to her room Jennie was there. “I heard about what happened. I know you, Sarah. I know something isn't right. Did someone force themselves on you?”
“Yes, Jennie, someone did.” Sarah turned her face from her sister as she said, “I was raped!”
“Who did it? When Sarah? When? Why didn't you tell someone?”
“It was the day Shane found me down by the stream. I am so afraid to tell anyone! But I have to say something before I die! No one can know. There'd be trouble!”
“Tell me who it was!”
“I— it was Nathan, he raped me!” The words gushed from Sarah as she poured out all the sordid details for the first time.
“Oh, that vile monster! Shane needs to... ”
“No Jennie, I mean it. Don't ever tell him! If anything were to happen to Shane because of this, I'd never forgive myself nor the person who told him!”
Sarah didn't know it but Jennie wouldn't keep her word. If Shane didn't take a gun to Nathan, she would! After Sarah had gone to sleep Jennie flew to Shane's cabin. Out of breath she gasped. “Sarah was raped and I know who did it!”
“Who?” He grasped Jennie by her arms. “Tell me who it was!”
“It was Nathan! Sarah told me, she told me it was that day you found her, down by the stream.”
Shane's face fell. “I remember that day... she was lying crumpled at the water's edge... I thought she was crying over John again. She told me she loved me... oh, I thought heaven had opened up to rain down all its blessing on me. But all the time, my dear, sweet Sarah had just been violated in the worst way a woman can be violated by that spawn of pure evil! That bastard!” Shane felt sick and began to tremble. His square jaw clenched and his blue eyes flashed with fire as he declared. “I'll make sure he never hurts her again! Everything is going to end tonight!”
“I knew you would! Go get him Shane! Get him for me too!”
Shane cut through the woods leading to Nathan's place. His shotgun was loaded. He was ready. Arriving at Nathan's shack, he pounded on the door.
“Can I help you with something?” Nathan stuck his head out.
“Get out here, you low-down piece of scum!”
“Why should I get out there?”
“I want to talk to you about your sister.”
“Since when do people talk with shotguns in hand?”
“Do you want me to discuss what you did to Sarah in front of your wife and young'uns, or, are we going to go someplace private?”
Nathan stepped out of the house and strutted past Shane and into the yard. His cotton shirt was unbuttoned and flaring open in the evening breeze. His suspenders hung lose from his dirty, woolen pants. He was barefoot and chomping on a wad of tobacco. At the end of the drive, Nathan looked back. “Now, what's all this about?”
“It's about how you raped Sarah!”
“I don't know what you're talking about.” He spat a stream of tobacco juice at Shane's feet.
“She's pregnant, you idiot!”
“Well, you're her beau, not me!”
“It's not mine! It's yours and you damn well know it!”
“And now, you've come over to avenge her by killing me, is that it? Save yourself the trouble, boy! She's not even good at that!” Nathan grimaced.
Shane charged him like a raging bull who had seen red. Nathan grabbed the gun with hardly any effort, then knocked Shane to the ground. “Never go up against me to defend a savage, boy! Bet you didn't know that, did ya?”
“Know what?”
“She's a savage Indian!” Nathan pointed the gun towards Shane's head. “Now where do you reckon I should put this shot? Right here in your head... ” He moved the barrel down to Shane's chest. “Or in that aching little heart of yours?”
Shane saw the hate in his eyes. “No, Nathan, please no!” Shane began begging for his life.
“Oh, I can't stand your whining no more!” Nathan coldly spat out the words before he put the barrel to Shane's head and fired.
Sarah hardly slept. The queasiness wouldn't allow sleep. By the time the sun came through her window she was ready to go. She just wanted to get this day over with and start living her life with Shane.
John pounded on her door before he flung it open. “It's time to go. I see you're all ready. Excited, are we?”
“Why shouldn't I be excited? Shane is a wonderful, caring gentleman. I truly love him, and to beat all, he loves me too!”
“Sure he is. A gentleman always beds the town slut, don't he?” John bitterly huffed. “Get your bags. The team is hitched and ready.”
“What took you so long? I've been ready for hours. I can't wait to get out of here!” She snatched her bag from the bed and stormed out.
When she and John got to Shane's place he was nowhere to be found. “He's run off!” John shouted. “That little punk of a weasel has run!”
“He wouldn't have done that. He loves me! Nothing is missing. There's his horse and wagon. Something isn't right!” Sarah's face went pale. She could hardly stand as her dizziness took over.
“Defending the little bastard maker, are we?” John scoffed.
“Something is wrong!” A deep fearful thought had crept into her mind and began to grow. Did Jennie tell him? Sarah ran toward the woods calling for Shane. She scrambled through the brambles and vines attacking them like a tigress. She must find Shane! John quickly followed as Sarah continued clawing her way through the woods while calling out with every breath. “Shane! Shane!” Just about that time, Sarah tripped over something and fell to the ground. John stood looking in horror as she turned to see Shane. Her lifelong friend lay dead, covered with leaves and tree limbs. His rifle on the ground next to him. Sarah crawled toward him crying. “Oh Shane, no! Not you! Not you! Stay with me... you said you would never leave me! You promised me!” She put her arms around him. “I love you Shane! I do, I love you!”
John pulled at her. “He's been shot, Sarah! He's dead.”
“No, no, no... he can't be dead! Shane, Shane... get up! Don't be dead! Please don't be dead!”
“Come on Sarah, come on.”
She fought against him as he pulled at her. “We can't leave him like this! We can't just leave him!” She cried. “Bring him with us!”
“There's nothing we can do. Come on! I'll come back for him. I need to get you home. You shouldn't have to see this.”
“Greta, oh what about poor Greta?” she wailed as thoughts raced through her mind as to what had happened. “He must have found out! I never should have said anything!”
“Said what?” John looked puzzled!
“Someone must have told him who the father was. It wasn't him, John. He knew he had never been with me!” Sarah wailed. “There was someone else.”
“I accused the wrong man? And you let me? Why didn't you tell me?” John backed away from her. “I accused an innocent man over you! Oh my God, then there was a third? Good Lord, Nathan was right... you're nothing but a heartless savage!”
John had joined ranks with Nathan. Dear Shane was gone. His words echoed through her mind. I may not be here the next time he rips your heart out! She collapsed to the ground.
Sarah woke up in her bed. She heard Daniel, Marion and John talking. “I don't want her in this house anymore.” Marion spit out the words.
“Well, where would you have her go, Marion? Are you just going to put her out?” Daniel questioned.
“I know of a place we can send her. I don't care who the father is. I don't care if he does right by her. I don't ever want to see her again,” she heard John grumble.
“That's exactly how I feel about it, son!” Marion agreed.
“You two are acting like she's an evil monster! My God, she's our child, our daughter... she made a mistake!” Daniel attempted to defend her.
“And now a man is dead because of her little mistake, as you put it,” Marion snapped.
Sarah saw her suitcase sitting on the floor, still packed. Everyone here hated her and when Greta found out about Shane she would hate her too. It was time... time to find out where she belonged. She did not belong here. She took a deep breath and picked up the bag. She stepped from her room and saw John, Marion and Daniel standing in the hallway. John looked away from her, and for the first time... she didn't care! She walked into Daniel and Marion's bedroom to where they kept the money jar
. She opened it and took out five dollars.
“What are you doing?” Marion stood in the doorway.
“I'm taking half of the money I put into this jar. I contributed ten and I'm taking five. That sounds fair to me.” Sarah stomped from the room.
“What are you going to do with it?” Marion followed her down the hall.
“I need money for my trip.”
“Your ‘trip'? Where are you going?” John looked at her.
“Away from here... I've caused you good people enough pain and trouble. It's time I move on.”
“Where will you go?” Daniel asked.
“West.”
“To the Indian's territory?” Daniel questioned.
“Maybe, I don't know exactly. Not yet. But I know there has to be something out there for me. Something good.” She looked at John. “And maybe, just maybe I am a heartless savage. Lord knows, you have taught me not to feel a thing. I feel nothing... no pain, hurt, sorrow or love. Thank you for taking those pesky little emotions from me. Now I can be as you and your precious brother... cold, bitter, mean and cruel. Good bye and God forgive both you and Nathan, for I never will!”
John looked ahead, not saying anything. Sarah glared into John's eyes then smirked, “You're brand of faithfulness is about as sure as fresh water in a drainage ditch.” She walked past him. The wind from her body brushed over him as she smartly whisked past and down the stairs. He started after her, but stopped as he reached the front door. He just stood and watched her go, as though helpless to follow his desires until a roar of anger ripped from his throat.
“You go, leave here and never let me set eyes on you again! I hate you, do you hear me, I hate you!”
Tears filled Sarah's eyes as she walked toward the main road. “I will not look back! I will have no regret. I demand that my soul have no fear!” She boosted her spirit. She didn't know what lay ahead but each step gave her the strength to take the next and the next. “I will find my own way in this world and I will find it by this, the trail of my people.”
She reached the main road and looked to the west. Resolve exploded over her face as the great trail loomed before her. The trail where her people suffered so much and cried so bitterly. The trail where the Cherokee rose sprang forth. She looked toward the sky. “It's time we finished it, Mother. It's time we find out where we belong.” With a deep breath she started on this journey toward her future. Suddenly she felt a presence with her... not just one, but many. They seemed to be urging her on. All of the ones who hadn't made it. The ones who had died along the way sang to her spirit. She felt them with her. Each step became more sure. Each step washed away some pain. She smiled as she walked onward to finish what they had started so many years ago. “I can hear your song, Mother. I can hear you all!” Peace washed over her as she smiled, “Your Sehoya is coming home!”
By Way of the Rose Page 29
