“You coming?” Christophe called out. Toni waved him off and he slid into the limo, giving them privacy. The downpour picked up, splattering the sidewalk with big fat drops. Toni turned to O'Donovan.
“I'll go with you.”
“No,” he said. She widened her eyes in mock annoyance, jabbing him in the ribs. Trying to get a reaction. He wasn't in the mood to play along. “Go be with your family.”
“Come with us then,” she said, her eyes tempting him with all that they promised.
“No. I'm going to head back.”
“My family is a lot, I know. But I think they like you.” O'Donovan didn't say anything and she glanced back to the limo, at the stray water flying every which way as it landed. “When will I see you again?” she said.
“I'll call you.”
“Okay,” she nodded, and turned. He couldn't resist, he grabbed her arm and pulled her into him, kissing her like he'd wanted to all night, even though her parents and everybody else were watching. He lifted the jacket over her head to cover them from prying eyes, and she slid her arms over his shoulders. Her lips were soft against his, her mouth warm. He could taste the sweet champagne on her breath. He still wanted her, so badly it was like a pulsating desire deep under his skin. He wondered if he would ever stop wanting her?
After a moment, he forced himself to pull away.
“Don't get your hair wet,” he said, with a smile. She smiled back, her lipstick smudged. Then she was gone, hopping puddles with his jacket over her head, heading for the limo. She stepped inside, giving him one last look before slamming the door shut. He stood rooted in place, watching the limo pull into traffic and head uptown. He watched until the headlights were no longer visible in the heavy rain.
Shoving his hands in his pockets, he ducked out from under the safety of the awning, heading for his truck parked several blocks away. He was soaked within seconds, but he didn't mind too much. He felt numb, anyway. He'd made his decision half-way through dinner, after Toni had been showered with ludicrously extravagant gifts, and then it had been confirmed when Van der Kind picked up the check and no one batted an eye. He'd known this moment would come, but he'd been in denial about how soon. Toni was not the girl for him. Fancy dinners, limos, money flowing like champagne, nights at the ballet. They weren't him. They never would be.
Gwen had tried to fit him in that mold once. She'd failed, and Toni would fail too. Gwen's appearance earlier that night had all but cemented it. Toni and Gwen belonged on the Upper West side; he did not. He knew what he had to look forward to, the longer he stayed with Toni. They would become another landmine of a relationship that took him too damn long to get over. If he ever did. Toni wasn't the type one simply got over. No. He needed a distraction. A good girl. A girl next door. A girl he could see himself marrying.
A girl like Brigid O'Reilly.
Chapter 14
Toni was going crazy. Her brain was occupied all day everyday with shows and rehearsal, but somehow, there still seemed to be room for dirty thoughts. Thoughts about O'Donovan. Thoughts about loving him long and slow, fast and hard, standing up in the shower, or flat on her back on the table in the cabin. She only had one day off, Monday, until the show's run was up, and O'Donovan never had Mondays off. As it was, she hadn't seen him in over a week. In fact, she'd barely heard from him. But she didn't put too much time into over-thinking it. No ma'am. He was busy, she was busy. When her schedule went back to normal, they would get back to normal.
But... she was beginning to think something was wrong. Not that she was over-thinking it. Ever since her opening night, something had been off. Strained. He said he would call and he never did. When she called or texted him, he would answer or call her back eventually, but he didn't seem to be in any hurry to. She was convinced that as soon as they were spending time together again, any strain would be a distant memory. When they were together, nothing seemed to break through their happiness. Together, they were bulletproof. And of course, he still hadn't said the words. The words that she was longing to hear. So she worked her ass off, performed every day, sometimes twice a day, giving her all to the audience. Dancing was her only reprieve from the nagging thoughts.
After the show on Friday, Toni got a text from Nat.
Nat: Meet me at 100th and West End. 20 minutes?
Toni smiled, a burst of excitement hitting her. She hadn't had any time to visit her new apartment yet, and she was so psyched to finally see it. Empty cabs were prevalent, but she hurried to the train as fast as her aching feet would carry her. She rode one stop past Nat's on the 1 train and got out at 103. The summer night was balmy, great for a walk. At the corner that Nat had specified, she looked around. Townhouses and pre-war buildings surrounded her, as well as tall leafy trees. It was a quiet residential neighborhood, anchored by Columbia University, a few blocks from Nat and Christophe's townhouse, as well as Riverside park.
“Hey girl,” Nat said, and Toni turned to find her exiting the backseat of a black car on the corner. Christophe exited out of the other side of the car, glancing around for traffic. Nat stepped onto the curb and looked around. “What do you think of this neighborhood?”
“I'm digging it,” Toni said.
“Not hip, but not too sleepy either. Right?”
“Yeah.” Toni nodded, pulling out her keys. She jingled them loudly. “Come on! I'm dying of suspense.” Nat held out an arm and Toni linked her arm through. They walked past a few brownstones and reached a co-op building with an awning and a red carpet out front. Nat led her inside, Christophe following behind.
“Hello,” Nat greeted the doorman who smiled and nodded as he watched them pass. Toni made a mental note to get his name later. They got in the elevator and Nat pressed the button for the top floor, 8. “It's a small building, mostly owners. Very few renters. Not overly fancy.” Nat said.
“Totally,” Toni agreed. The elevator doors rumbled open and Nat lead her to the apartment at the end of the hall. 8H. Her new apartment. Toni could barely believe it.
“Do the honors,” Christophe said, and Toni unlocked the door, her hands shaking.
“Now is not the best time to show it to you, because you can't see what kind of light it gets, but you're so damn busy,” Nat said, flipping a switch, illuminating a short hallway that lead to a sunken living room. “Nighttime was the only time we could show you.” Toni followed Nat down the hallway, looking around. The ceilings were high, the wood floor was oak. “Here's a little powder room for guests,” Nat said, opening a door, and turning on the bathroom light. Toni glanced in at a remodeled marble bathroom. “Whatever paint color you want or wallpaper, we'll tell the contractor,” Nat continued, sweeping down the hallway before Toni could say anything. She glanced at Christophe, mouth open. He just smiled.
“Christophe...” Toni said, raising her eyebrows.
“Go on. She wanted to give you the tour,” he said, chuckling. Toni narrowed her eyes at him, but followed her sister into the living room.
“I thought you might like the sunken look. It adds character,” Nat said, then pointed to the right. “And you have an all-new kitchen, with a dining room off to the side.”
“Nat. Whose apartment is this?” Toni said, in complete disbelief. It was better than she imagined.
“Come look at the kitchen.” Nat took her arm and lead her into the remodeled space. Marble countertops and gray cabinets greeted her, along with top of the line appliances. “See? A dishwasher, because I know you hate washing dishes.” Toni nodded dumbly, still in shock. “I went a little crazy in here, even though you don't cook. I couldn't resist,” Nat said. “And see, the dining room is connected.”
“It's amazing. Huge. So beautiful,” Toni said, looking around the kitchen.
“Two bedrooms, two baths. Wait til you see the shower in the master bath.”
“Oh my God. You didn't.” Toni said.
“You're going to love it.”
“But wait,” Toni held up a hand. “I want to know why.”<
br />
“Why what?”
“I want to know why. Why are you giving me an apartment?” She looked from her sister's face to Christophe's. They glanced at each other and then back at her.
“Well your birthday's coming up. And you got a promotion.”
“My birthday is in two months,” Toni said. “And the promotion is not that big of a deal.” She could tell there was something else that they weren't saying.
“Just tell her, Annie,” Christophe said. Nat fiddled with her diamond earring.
“Tell me what?”
“Well, we like having you close, and you can't keep staying overnight at our place.”
“If you don't want me to stay over, just kick me out, Natty! You don't have to give me an apartment!”
“You can't stay overnight at our place because you won't have a room anymore,” Nat said carefully, linking her fingers with Christophe's.
“Why won't I have a room anymore?” Toni asked, looking from Nat to Christophe. Both of them were grinning like dummies and her heart jumped in her throat.
“Tell her,” Christophe said.
“Because your old room is going to be the nursery.”
“What?!” Toni yelled.
“I knocked your sister up,” Christophe said proudly. Nat jabbed him in the ribs with her elbow.
“Oh my God!” Toni rushed into them and threw her arms around them. “Are you serious?!”
“Yes, very serious,” Nat said.
“How long have you known? I can't believe you've been keeping secrets from me!”
“I'm three months along.”
“Boy or girl?”
“We don't know yet,” Christophe said.
“We don't want to know,” Nat said, laughing. “We're taking it day by day. I'm getting a little older and...”
“The doctor says everything looks good. Annie is being paranoid,” Christophe said.
“We're not telling anyone yet, because it's so early. Well, except for you.”
“I'm so happy for you guys,” Toni said, planting a kiss on her sister's cheek. “Really. But I don't know if I take this apartment. It's too much.”
“It's too late. Your name is on the deed,” Christophe said. “It's all you.”
“Christy finally sold his loft and we just figured maybe it would be time to buy some more real estate,” Nat said with a shrug. “Luckily, you get to benefit. And this is the last gift we're giving you for awhile so you better enjoy it.”
“You guys.” Toni looked around, seeing the apartment with new eyes. The kitchen was brand new and gorgeous. She peeked into the living room, which had a bay window. She put her hands on her chest, feeling her heart running a mile a minute. “You guys!”
“Come on. Let me show you the shower. You're going to love it,” Nat said, and Toni followed her into the bedroom, giggling giddily. Nat took her room by room, showing her the rest of the apartment, and Toni couldn't believe that it was all hers. She kept looking around at the blank white walls, imagining living there. It was all so crazy. It was all so...hers.
When Nat and Christophe were ready to go, she stayed behind alone, wanting to take it all in. She sat down in the middle of the living room in a huff, shaking her head. It was all so unbelievable. She'd need so much furniture. And what a kitchen! For someone who didn't cook, it was a little ridiculous. Maybe with access to a kitchen like that, she'd finally have to learn. She laughed to herself, sliding her phone out of her back pocket, knowing there was only one person who would fully appreciate the irony.
***
O'Donovan shouldn't have come. He knew he shouldn't have, but he couldn't stop himself. But he told himself he needed to see it, with his own eyes. He needed to see the final nail in the coffin of his and Toni's relationship.
“Come in.” She smiled bright and tugged on his arm, pulling him into the dark foyer. The apartment went on and on, and he wondered how big it was. “Come look at the kitchen,” she said, and he followed her into the brightly-lit, renovated kitchen with expensive appliances. It was just as empty as the rest of the apartment, and brand new. “What do you think? Could you make me breakfast in a kitchen like this?”
“Toni—”
“I think this is a perfect kitchen for you to make me breakfast. And lunch. And dinner.” She giggled at his expression, which he was pretty sure was close to a scowl, then pulled a bag out of the fridge. “But for now—takeout.”
“You actually got food and had it waiting for me?” O'Donovan said, now fully suspicious.
“I knew you'd be hungry,” she said, glancing back at him innocently. “It's crazy right?” she said, unpacking the bag. “This apartment is way beyond what I ever would have thought it would be. Two bedrooms, two baths. A classic six, Christophe called it.” O'Donovan took a deep breath, trying to tamp down on the anger in his chest. He'd spent the last few weeks trying to distance himself from Toni St. James and her life, and yet here she was, smacking him in the face with it again. He turned and walked into the living room, needing a minute.
The nagging pain he'd been feeling in his chest since the night of the ballet was suddenly searing, and he knew he couldn't deny it any longer. Things with Toni were wrong. She was wrong for him and they weren't going to work. Period. And it made him fucking angry. But what else could he do? He'd known all along it was going to end, and it had gotten completely impossible to pretend that they had any reason to be together. She was so far out of his world, she might as well be on another planet.
“Come look at the shower,” Toni said, her voice breaking through his thoughts. “It's got the massage thing we like.”
“I don't want to,” he said gruffly.
“What's wrong?” she asked. He shook his head, gritting his teeth. He was such an idiot for thinking... what had he thought? He knew from the beginning they would never work out. Before he'd ever touched her, he knew. And yet here he was. Running to Manhattan the minute she called, his blood pumping fast and his dick hard because he was excited to see her. Craving her body wrapped around his, craving her laugh, craving it all. Holy Mary. He was so fucked.
“Toni,” he growled. “This is so fucked up.”
“What?”
“How the fuck are they just going to give you a million dollar apartment? You don't have a problem with that?”
“It was a gift,” she said, furrowing her brow. “I mean, what was I supposed to say?”
“What fucking planet am I on right now? This shit is bizarre,” he said, shaking his head.
“You're pissed at me,” she said. “Why?”
“Because this is bullshit! Christophe Van der Kind paying for that kitchen, that shower, this whole fucking place. Another man putting you up, and you don't have a problem with it?”
“It doesn't have anything to do with Christophe!” she yelled.
“Don't.”
“Don't what?!” she screamed. “They're having a baby! They want me close because we're family!”
“It's not because they're family. It's because they're fucking rich. That's why they spoil the shit out of you. And you're stupid enough to take it, instead of working for shit on your own.” He watched her shut down, completely close herself off at his words. It was the desired effect, but it still hurt like hell to know he was the one hurting her.
“Fuck you,” she said. “You self-righteous asshole!”
“Bury your head in the sand, Toni. Pretend that this shit isn't fucking weird. Or are you so far beyond the real world now that you don't get that?”
“I can't believe you're saying this to me.”
“I knew you were a spoiled brat from the minute I fucking laid eyes on you. And I just kept trying to pretend that it didn't matter. But it matters, Toni. It fucking matters!”
“It's none of your business anyway! What right do you have to judge me?”
“Why did you invite me over here tonight? To fucking rub my face in this shit?”
“I invited you because I'm in love with
you and I missed you and I wanted to share it with you!” she screamed and all the air seemed to evaporate from the room. Her eyes widened, like she hadn't meant to say it, but it was too late to take the words back. She was in love with him. The reality of her words hit him in the guts like a fist, and possessiveness reared up in him. She was his. Toni St. James was his. But he couldn't have her. He couldn't fucking do it to her, or to himself. They were crashing and burning, right then and there.
“Fuck this,” he said, trying to catch his breath. He passed her on his way toward the door, but didn't dare look at her. It would be too hard to look away.
“Don't leave,” she said, her voice clipped like she couldn't breath either. “O'Donovan!” He didn't stop, just kept going and didn't look back. But she wasn't going to let him go that easily, and he should have known she wouldn't. She slipped around him, slamming her back against the front door. “You don't get to leave like this,” she said, eyes pleading.
“Get out of my way,” he said, leaning close to her.
“Do you love me?” she asked, lifting her chin defiantly, despite the tears that glistened in her eyes. He slammed his palm into the door above her head, the rage welling up needing an outlet. She jumped, but didn't drop her gaze. “If you love me, don't go.”
“Move, Toni,” he said through gritted teeth.
“I've never felt this way about anyone,” she said softly.
“Was it that good, huh?” he bumped his hips against hers and she gasped. “I fucked you, and now you think you're in love?” Her nostrils flared and he knew he was working her up. “Guess what? We're not good for each other.”
“You're the only one who gets to decide if we're good for each other?” she asked, angry now, too. Good.
“I've already decided,” he said, yanking on the doorknob. The door swung open, but Toni shoved her foot against the wall and pushed, slamming it closed again.
Kiss of Fire (St. James Family) Page 17
