by Xenia Melzer
“You really are stupid, aren’t you? We love you. Losing you has hurt us in a way we’ll never be able to describe in words.”
Despite the grave topic, Aegid’s voice was heated. His eyes glinted maliciously.
“Of course, you’ll be punished once we arrive at the Valley, but we’re just really glad to have you back. From now on, we won’t ever let you go.”
STILL STUNNED, Sic stared at his best friend. “I don’t know whether I find your lack of interest good or worrisome.”
The news that Daran had returned from the dead hadn’t seemed to move Casto at all. On the contrary, he appeared to be completely unfazed, his mesmerizing gaze focused on Sic.
“I’m mate to a god, brother to a demon of chaos who has taken the form of a horse. I’ve seen with my own eyes how my husband survived an explosion that obliterated an entire city wall, and my brother-in-law’s wife can heal people with the power of her mind. And now I find out that my best friend is not only a creature made of magic, but can also bring back the dead. It’s nice that Daran’s back, but I’m not really surprised.”
“Are you sure you’re human?” Sic still couldn’t believe it. Casto stared at him with a tense expression that made the smith shiver.
“I’m not human. Not anymore. And neither are you.” He turned away, his voice softening a little bit. “To be frank, I’m mainly relieved. So much, nothing else matters to me at the moment.”
Sic regarded his friend with worry. “I hope you’re not blaming yourself, are you?”
Angrily, Casto clenched his fists. “Of course I don’t. Perhaps a little bit. Mainly, I’m just pissed that things didn’t go smoothly. After all, it was my idea to come here. I put my will against that of the Barbarian and thus created the condition for this mess. If I had obeyed Renaldo, none of this would have happened.”
“Oh, Casto. It’s not like you to torture yourself like that. The Angel of Death had imprisoned you. It’s your nature to rebel against it.”
Casto leaned his forehead on Sic’s shoulder.
“It’s nice of you to say that, and you’re absolutely right, but that neither changes the fact that it was my temperament that brought us here, nor that the Barbarian is going to use this incident against me in future arguments. He’ll have more leverage from now on, which will make it even more difficult for me to handle him. Right now I just want to go home as quickly as possible and perhaps come up with some good retorts to the discussion Renaldo and I are definitely going to have.”
Sic shuddered. He had always known Casto was a ruthless, cold-blooded personality, and right now he wondered how he had managed to befriend somebody whose character was the exact opposite of his own. Then again, Sic wasn’t entirely sure how much of Casto’s behavior was just pretense to hide his true feelings. Understanding Casto was a task that could not be accomplished during one lifetime. In an attempt to cheer his friend up, Sic patted his shoulder.
“It’s your lucky day. Aegid and Kalad feel the same. They want to leave right now. It’s already the middle of the afternoon, but even with the horses you have bought, we can still put some leagues between us and Kwarl.”
“Then tell them we’re leaving in half an hour. I want to be out of this stupid city as soon as possible.”
Still slightly worried about the strange mood his friend was in, Sic returned to the inn to tell the desert brothers. Half an hour later, they departed, right after Daran had apologized to Casto on his knees.
During the ride, Aegid and Kalad made sure Daran was always between them. They kept touching him the whole time, as if they wanted to reassure themselves he had really returned to them. Daran’s expression alternated between joy and fear, for he was aware of the punishment still waiting for him. At the same time, he was simply happy to be back with his masters and willing to bear anything they deemed appropriate.
When the sun set, they chose a suitable campsite off the road and ate a light dinner. Most of the time, they stayed silent, each of the men lost in his own thoughts. It wasn’t an ominous quiescence, but neither was it comfortable. Together they had experienced things that couldn’t be left unsaid; still, none of them was willing to breach the topic first. It was Casto who finally lifted the ban in his usual offhand manner. The flames of the campfire threw flickering shadows on his face, making him appear more menacing than he probably intended to be when he confronted Daran directly.
“Is there a special reason why you fell into your stepfather’s arms so easily, or did we risk our lives because of something petty?”
Wincing, Daran lowered his head. He had known he would be held responsible for his deeds not only by Aegid and Kalad, but it frightened him to be questioned by Casto. The king had changed since their return from Ummana. He had lost the last traces of youthful jauntiness and was becoming more similar to his mate on a daily basis, using the power his status gave with casual naturalness, expecting nothing less than absolute obedience from everybody else. Kalad slung his arms protectively around Daran, his eyes clouded by worry.
“Can’t we postpone this, Casto? Daran has suffered enough for the time being.”
“No, you can’t.”
The voice booming through the night was ripe with fury. Renaldo stepped into the circle of light, his expressive gray eyes glinting ominously. Casto got up gracefully, allowing his mate to embrace him. This open display of affection was proof enough to Sic that the events of the past day had impressed the king more deeply than he had first assumed. The Angel of Death held his lover in a tight embrace, the look on his perfect features hard to describe. Then the shadows behind Renaldo stirred and Noran stepped forward.
“Master!”
Without thinking, Sic flew into Noran’s arms. He was so relieved to see his former owner, he didn’t care what his brothers might think of him. He, too, felt the strain of all the things that had transpired. Compared to that, his relationship with the master smith seemed pretty easy to fix. Sic closed his eyes and inhaled the reassuring scent of the bulky man deeply two or three times before he stepped back again. Before any of them could so much as utter a greeting, Renaldo took the reins. He scrutinized Daran, who had gone pale between his masters.
“I’m still waiting for an explanation, slave. And when you’re at it, I’d love to find out why I was jolted awake in the middle of the night by Casto’s panic.”
Aegid and Kalad exchanged a quick glance. They had been wondering what kind of business the Angel of Death might have so close to Kwarl. Obviously his connection to Casto was even stronger than they all had thought possible.
“I’m still waiting, Daran.”
There was no doubt about the god’s impatience. With his gaze still on the ground and his voice trembling, Daran reported what had happened. He didn’t sugarcoat his motives and didn’t try to make his actions appear in a more positive light, because even though he was truly afraid of the Angel of Death, he was no coward, but a man who owned up to his faults. It made his owners almost burst with pride. After Daran ended, Renaldo addressed his heart.
“Which brings me to you. Do you wish to explain to me why you endangered yourself?”
Casto’s blue eyes lit up dangerously. Contrary to Daran, he didn’t fear his husband, and the tone of the Angel of Death didn’t sit well with him.
“What are you implying, Barbarian?”
“I think you know very well what I’m implying. Now, why did you accompany those two idiots on their mission?”
He shot Aegid and Kalad a menacing glare at these words.
“Because they are my brothers-in-arms. Because I like Daran. And because it was my responsibility. I’m the leader of this group, and I’ll be damned if I’d run for cover behind their shields at the first indication of danger.”
Renaldo grabbed his mate so hard, they all could hear the bones creak.
“Your first and only responsibility is toward me, slave. You are mine and mine alone. It’s your duty to obey me. I had ordered you to be careful, but you simp
ly ignored my commands. Now you have to bear the consequences.”
The campfire blazed when Casto’s hands connected with his mate’s arms, his blue eyes darkened by outright fury.
“I’m a free member of the Pack. It was you who gave me that freedom, Barbarian. You better learn to accept that I make my own decisions.”
“Casto! That’s enough! I had planned to do this when we were back in the Valley, but you leave me no choice.”
While he was still mercilessly holding his heart, the Angel of Death turned to Kalad.
“Get me a whip. And you,” his eyes pierced Daran, “take off your shirt.”
Trembling, Daran obeyed. Aegid wanted to say something, but one gaze at the masklike face of his god and he fell silent. Renaldo was beyond himself with rage. Kalad brought a whip, his eyes silently pleading with the furious god, but he was simply ignored. The orders of the Angel of Death were given in a detached tone.
“Aegid, chain Daran to the tree over there. Noran, Sic, you’re on watch duty. Casto, take off your shirt.”
The king shook his head. He was the only one not intimidated by Renaldo’s mood.
“Forget it, Barbarian. I won’t allow you to whip me.”
Renaldo didn’t even look at his mate when he answered.
“Do as you’re told. Unless you wish to make me even more furious than I already am. Keep in mind, I’m going to punish Daran before you—and he’s only human.”
Casto gritted his teeth. “That’s blackmail!”
The Angel of Death didn’t bother to answer. With an expressionless face, he watched as Casto got rid of his shirt. Then he chained him to another tree next to Daran. Aegid and Kalad were standing at the fire, their fists clenched. Renaldo took position behind Daran, whip in hand.
“You know why I’m punishing you?”
The thief gulped.
“Yes, Master, I know.”
“Good for you.”
Then Renaldo started to flog the thief. He spared neither his arm nor Daran’s back, and the young man’s screams rang out through the night. When his back was covered in blood, the Angel of Death stopped.
“For the night, he stays like this. You can take care of him tomorrow.”
“My lord.”
Aegid wanted to plead with his god, who shook his head in denial.
“It’s part of his punishment. Just like the pain he’ll have to endure until we reach the Valley. Once we’re there, I don’t care if you ask Noemi to heal him, but I want him to pay for his sins. Because of him, my heart was in danger. There’s no way I’m going to let this pass. Be grateful that I let him off so easily.”
Beaten, Aegid lowered his gaze. “As my lord wishes.”
Renaldo was concentrating on Casto now. “I assume you don’t know why I’m punishing you?”
Casto snorted derisively. “Don’t hold back, Barbarian, but be assured, I won’t forget this in a hurry.”
“Your stubbornness is out of place here. You should show a little humility.”
Casto didn’t respond to that. He stared fixedly at the bark of the tree he had been chained to and endured the whipping without making a single sound. When it was over, Renaldo threw the whip to the ground.
“I hope you both learned your lesson. You can spend the rest of the night contemplating your mistakes.”
He made himself comfortable at the campfire. Daran turned his head to Casto.
“I’m sorry, Master. This is all my fault.”
“It’s not, Daran. Your willfulness wasn’t good, but it was my decision to accompany your masters. You couldn’t change that, so stop worrying about it. Try to get some sleep. The ride tomorrow is going to be hard.”
Daran closed his eyes. Casto had it easy. His wounds would be healed come the next day, while Daran could only hope to get through the ride in more or less one piece. Daran knew he deserved this punishment; nevertheless, he still dreaded the hours of pain waiting for him.
AT THE place they had chosen to watch out for approaching enemies, Sic and Noran listened as Daran’s shrill screams ripped the peaceful night to shreds. Sic trembled, remembering all too well what it felt like when the merciless whip tore the skin open and the blood started to flow. Even though Ana-Isara had taken away the scars on his body, he could still feel a tingling where the worst wounds had been. His body hadn’t forgotten what had been done to him. Sic closed his eyes as the memories swamped him. Curiously enough, the worst pain wasn’t caused by the whip, but by the knowledge that he’d deserved the punishment, that it was still nothing compared to the agony he had caused the ones he loved. Accepting the pain just made it easier to bear, but it also enhanced the weight on the mind, the nagging feeling that the deed that had brought about this anguish could never be properly avenged.
“Sic!”
Noran’s voice cut through the frenzy Daran’s screams had created. Still dizzy from the emotional overload, Sic stared at the master smith, not sure if he was imagining things. There were tears in the corners of Noran’s eyes, and an agony even worse than what Sic had been feeling was written all over his face.
“I’m so sorry, Sic, so terribly sorry.”
Slowly, tentatively, Sic reached out for his former owner’s face. His fingertips brushed over the tear-stained cheeks as gently as a butterfly’s wings. So he wasn’t the only one haunted by the past.
“It’s me who should be sorry. I betrayed you. Even though I loved you, I didn’t trust you enough to tell you the truth. Ultimately, I forced your hand.”
Noran swallowed hard. Even gentler than his true love’s touch, he reached for Sic’s wrists.
“No. I could have forgiven you, but instead of opening my eyes to the truth, I did something unforgivable instead. And now I wish I could turn back time, and it’s just not possible.”
“I’m wishing for the same thing. I want this pain to end. I want to stop thinking about what I should have done, about how terribly I messed up.”
They looked at each other for a long time. Daran’s yells had finally stopped, and the quiet of the night returned. In the other’s eyes, they both glimpsed the guilt and the pain and the regret they were harboring. It was almost like staring into a mirror. And when they had finally seen it all, after they had both bared their deepest shame to the other, the glass shattered. In the shards, something else stirred. It wasn’t the childish adoration Sic had felt for the man who had saved him when he was still a kid. It wasn’t the silent contentment Noran had experienced whenever his apprentice was close to him either. It was something a lot deeper and much more powerful. Something that would grow and become stronger as time passed by. It was love.
The silence surrounding them crystallized. So slowly it almost seemed as if they weren’t moving at all, their lips approached, getting closer hand by meaningful hand. When they finally connected, oh so lightly, little jolts of excitement ran through their bodies, making them even more sensitive to the other’s touch. Both of them took their time; it was almost as if this very first kiss they shared was a stand-in for an entire lifetime’s worth of courtship. After an eternity, time flowed back into the space they had created. Sic snuggled up to Noran, and they spent the rest of the night enjoying the bliss of finally having come to terms with each other.
THE NEXT morning, Daran was woken by Kalad. His owner patted his head gently.
“Time to wake up, little thief. We’re going to leave soon.”
Dizzy, Daran blinked in the bright morning light. He felt stiff because he had been chained the entire night, but apart from that, he was fine. Which was astounding, since the punishment had been brutal. Amazed, he righted himself. Kalad watched him with worry in his bright eyes.
“Easy, little thief. Lean on me. Aegid has already heated some water to cleanse your wounds.”
Gingerly, Daran moved his shoulders. And wondered whether he had lost his mind during the whipping. It didn’t seem as if his back was hurt at all. Only the dried blood pricked at his skin.
�
�I’m fine, Master. Surprisingly fine.”
Kalad place a hand on Daran’s forehead.
“You don’t seem to have a fever.”
Then he skimmed over the thief’s back. His eyes went wide.
“Aegid, come here! Bring the cloth with you!”
The giant handed his desert brother what he had asked for and watched in surprise as Kalad started cleaning Daran’s back with forceful motions.
“Slow down, Kalad. You’re only going to hurt him more.”
“I don’t think so. Look at this!”
“That’s impossible!”
“What’s going on?” Casto approached the three men. He was wearing his shirt again, and nothing in his appearance showed that he had endured the same punishment as Daran. Kalad pointed at the thief’s back.
“There are no wounds.”
“How can that be?”
The warriors stared at the soft, unmarred skin that shone under the dried blood.
“It seems my hunch was spot-on.” Renaldo sounded strangely satisfied. “I had noticed something odd about him right away.”
“You knew?” Kalad glared at his god, who answered with a menacing stare.
“I wasn’t entirely sure. And before you get worked up, remember that you all earned this punishment. It’s his luck the wounds healed overnight, but he would have also deserved to bear the pain until we reached the Valley. Concerning you, you suffered so vicariously with him, I won’t ask for further compensation.”
Kalad wanted to give sharp answer, but Aegid held him back.
“We understand, my lord. And we’re grateful.”
“Stop sweet-talking him.”
Casto’s voice was brisk; it was obvious he hadn’t forgiven his mate yet. For a moment he placed his hand in a conciliatory gesture on Daran’s shoulder, and then he turned away. The entire trip back to the Valley, he didn’t say another word. Whenever one of his companions tried to get close to him, Lys flattened his ears and bared his teeth to keep the other horses at bay. Not even Sic was allowed to ride next to his friend. In face of Casto’s dark mood, he wasn’t too keen on it, anyway. He was glad to spend his time with Noran, even though they, too, didn’t talk much. The Angel of Death was riding in the lead, wearing an expression similar to that of his mate. Nobody dared to approach him either.
