I stopped reading, though there wasn’t much more to his email anyway. I couldn’t believe I had forgotten about Maria. I felt a rock in the pit of my stomach. I wanted to see her, to tell her all about what had happened, but I knew I couldn’t. The second I thought about telling her, I remembered the documents I had read the night before the party. The brief flashback did not feel like a memory though, it felt more like a warning. A spell perhaps? The image of slicing my finger on the envelope popped into my head. How clever, I thought. I hadn’t needed to put my signature the confidentiality agreement because I had unknowingly signed it in blood. As soon as I made these connections, I knew I was right too.
But it couldn’t hurt to call Maria, right? I picked up the phone and started to dial, before I remembered I was supposed to be in London. The phone number would give me away. What I wouldn’t give for my cell phone right now. I opened up a new email message and started typing. I could get away with emailing her without blowing my cover.
Maria! How are you? I’m so sorry it’s taken me so long to write! Work has been unbelievable! I can’t wait to see you when I get home. I never thought I would miss our little closet of an apartment so much. I miss you, Alex.
The email was brief, but that was my style, so I knew she wouldn’t think it unusual. Feeling a little less guilty about the whole situation I moved on to the last few emails.
The next one was from Peri. The subject line read: To cheer you up! It was sent this morning. Maybe she had caught on to my mood in the car? I opened it and saw that I was one of several dozen people she had sent this to. I scrolled quickly through the sickly sweet pictures of puppies doing ridiculous things. This is so Peri, I thought. There was also an email from Paul, though it looked like it was from his personal email address. He asked how I was doing, and that he would be back tomorrow. I wrote back, telling him the truth: that I mostly felt overwhelmed, but I was getting through it. Basically, I was feeling like a candle in a hurricane. I also wrote that I couldn’t wait for him to come back, hoping that the sentiment would alleviate the mood of the reply.
While I wrote back to Paul, I noticed that Maria had replied to my email. It was typical of Maria to check her personal email while she was at work, but I hadn’t expected a response so quickly. I finished up writing to Paul, and then opened up her message.
Alex!! OMG! Where the hell have you been?! I have been so worried! Well, not so much worried, as insanely jealous! You got to go to London? That’s crazy! Bring me back something, okay? Your boss must really like you to send you on a business trip so quickly! I have to admit though; I was a bit upset at not seeing you before you left. I have news!! I was going to wait until you came back, but I can’t!! Guess what? Justin proposed on New Year’s Eve!! We’re getting married! Wheee!!!! I’m so excited!! Please be my maid of honor? You know I wouldn’t have anyone else but you! Oooh and you can totally bring that guy that took you to the party – what was his name again? Jasper? Anyway, I can’t wait until you get back! We have so much to talk about! I don’t want to worry you too much, but I’ll be moving out as soon as Justin and I can find a place together. But don’t worry! I’ll help you find a new roommate, though you know they won’t be as super awesome as me! Oh Alex, I wish you were here… no wait… I wish I was there! Take pictures! TTFN Mariacakes
I replied immediately, as I wasn’t sure when I would next have a chance to do so.
Maria, I’m so excited for you! Of course I will be your maid of honor! I can’t wait to see the ring! In the haste of getting packed I forgot my camera so I’m afraid I don’t have any pictures for you. I know, I know, I can be so forgetful sometimes. Gotta go – I’m so busy here I barely have time to breathe! Love you, Alex.
I purposely didn’t address the souvenir comment, hoping that my reference to being too busy would get me off the hook there. When I finally did get to see her, I would tell her I didn’t have time to sightsee, and hopefully she wouldn’t be too hurt. I hated lying to her. I also made sure not to comment on Casper, or the prospective new roommate situation, although with my new job, I was pretty sure I could afford living in the apartment on my own, which was comforting. I couldn’t imagine having any other roommate than Maria.
There was one more email to open, and it was from Dermot. There was no subject line, which I hated, so I hesitated before opening it. What could he possibly want? I could only think of one thing, and I didn’t want to deal with that right now. Opening the email, I saw my suspicions were correct.
What happened between you and Connor this morning? He won’t talk to me about it. –D.
I wasn’t sure how to reply, or if I even wanted to. My hands hovered over the keyboard for a long time as I processed the story in my head. Finally I gave up, and clicked delete. I didn’t want to deal with how I felt about Connor let alone share that with his lackey.
My stomach growled at me angrily. I hadn’t had breakfast, and now it was past lunch. I had to eat, and was grateful of Nic’s offer of the kitchen on the thirteenth floor. I was starving, and I hoped that there was something in the kitchen that was fast and easy.
The elevator opened up before I could push the button, and Dermot was standing there, looking smug.
“You deleted me email,” he said, and it wasn’t a question.
I shrugged, feeling both embarrassed and resentful. “I didn’t want to get into it.” I pushed the 13 button hard, hoping that would convey how I felt.
“Well, you ‘ad better figure it out soon, because you two are bunk buddies ‘til this is over.”
“What?” I wheeled around at him. “He’s staying here too?”
“Where else would he stay? By now, Connor’s ‘ouse is ash and cinders.”
The door opened up and Dermot followed me as I exited. I had hoped he was going elsewhere, but I figured he wasn’t about to let this drop.
“The kitchen’s over ‘ere,” he said, leading the way. I followed, grudgingly.
“Why can’t he stay on a different floor?” I felt like a whiney child, but I didn’t care.
“Alex, ‘ave you not noticed anythin’ odd about the t’irteenth floor?”
I looked around. It definitely looked different than the last time I was here: the day I got my sight back. Now that I thought about it, it looked different from the first time I had been here as well, when it was set up for the large breakfast buffet.
“It changes,” he said, responding to my confusion. “It becomes whatever it needs to be. Like when we needed a ‘ospital room fer you, fer example.”
“I had thought it was odd that there was a fully equipped medical room in the building.”
He laughed at me.
“Anyway, the floor is now set up for two guests, and it would be rude of Connor to go elsewhere.” We reached the kitchen then, and he turned back to me. “Sit,” he ordered. “I’ll make sambos, you talk.” He grabbed a couple of plates and then began rummaging through the fridge.
I sat, but was still hesitant. “Dermot, I really don’t want to talk about it.”
He whipped around to look at me. “I don’t care what you want or don’t want. What I do care about is that this mornin’, when I saw you two, Connor looked ‘appier than I ‘ad ever seen ‘im, and I’ve known ‘im for almost a century. Then, not an ‘our later, I came back and he looked sad and lost. The only person that could ‘ave done that to ‘im was you. So out with it!” He was not angry or accusatory, but his tone was so stern that I knew I had to tell him what happened.
“He’s just not who I thought he was,” I whispered quietly, but I knew Dermot had heard. He didn’t say anything, but his expression encouraged me to go on. “This is so complicated. Can I start at the beginning?” He nodded, and I felt myself resenting his silence.
I took a deep breath. “It’s been a long time since I’ve felt close to anyone in my life. And then, Casper comes along, and for a few days, I started to connect with him. I could feel emotions I hadn’t felt in a long time start to surface, and I
liked it. And then my world flipped upside down, and I found out I was just a tool. He used me.” I paused, trying to formulate the rest of my words carefully. “So then there’s Connor. Perfect, beautiful Connor.” I felt my face go red as I admitted this out loud. “He cared so much about me, and for no reason. I mean, he didn’t even know me. We had really only talked twice before I got hurt. And yet here he was, adamant about protecting me. I started to feel things for Connor that went beyond anything I had felt with Casper. Things that one shouldn’t feel after such a short time, but I still felt them. And Connor was safe. He was normal. He was my respite from this crazy world that I’ve been thrown into. The crazy world which I essentially have to hide from until Casper is dealt with.”
“So what’s the problem?” Dermot asked as he cut several slices of cheese for the sandwiches.
“The problem?” I retorted. “Didn’t you hear what I said? He was the one person who was normal. The one person I could relate too. But he’s not normal. He has powers too! Just like everyone else here! But I’m sure you knew that.”
Dermot’s reaction was not what I had expected. His loud laughter echoed in the kitchen. “Seriously? That’s what this is about?”
I felt a bit embarrassed, though I wasn’t sure why. “Did I miss something?”
“Alex, do you know what he can do?”
“Um… no,” I replied, hesitating. “I didn’t ask.”
“Alex, Alex, Alex,” he shook his head in time with his words. “Connor ‘as as much power as any “normal” person does. He just knows how to use it. He’s ‘ad decades to study.” He handed me my sandwich.
“I don’t understand.”
“He’s a wizard, Alex.” He said this like it was as common as someone mentioning the weather.
“What?” I dropped the sandwich before I could take the first bite. It fell apart as it hit the plate, and I scrambled to put it back together.
“He’s a wizard,” he repeated. “Really, anybody can be one, if they really want to. It just takes years of dedication, and a massive comprehension of how magic works. Most people who try don’t ‘ave the patience to make it work, which is why there aren’t wizards runnin’ ‘round everywhere. The ones who do figure it out usually are too old to stick ‘round long enough to make a name fer themselves, or too young to understand the magnitude of what they are workin’ with. The young ones usually end up unwittingly killin’ themselves when they try to do somethin’ beyond their grasp. It be a difficult profession to master. Connor, ‘owever, ‘as ‘ad a lot of time to perfect ‘is craft.”
I didn’t look up at Dermot, instead choosing to pick at my mangled sandwich. I wasn’t entirely sure I understood the concept of wizardry, but I knew I had jumped to conclusions. I had pictured Connor’s magical powers as something more out of a comic book; some innate ability he was born with that made him less human than I could handle. Even if that had been the case I realized that there was definitely a level of prejudice to this new world I had to get over.
As if in response to my thoughts, Dermot said quietly, “You know yer not exactly normal either. In fact, I would say yer less normal than he is.”
I rolled my eyes. “Gee, thanks. That makes me feel so much better.”
But he was right, and his point stuck in me like a dagger. I ate the rest of my lunch in silence, tumbling Dermot’s words over in my head. After about fifteen minutes, Dermot spoke.
“I’m goin’ to get back upstairs.” He got my frantic glance, and then added, “I won’t say anythin’, but you should.” He left, and I sat alone in the kitchen for another ten minutes before moving.
I needed to get my mind off things. I washed the dishes, twice, and tidied up the rest of the kitchen. It wasn’t enough. I had to do something.
I headed towards the room where I had spent my post-New Year’s Eve recovery. Opening the door, I was even more aware of what Dermot had said about the floor becoming whatever it needed to be. It looked like a posh hotel room. Two queen sized beds dominated the space, each with carefully tucked in bedding. The linen on the bed was exquisitely modern, bright white with a royal purple, metropolitan-style border. I could tell even from far away that the thread count must be high. I touched the fabric on the closest bed to me. It was exquisite, and felt silky under my fingertips.
On each bed was a small suitcase, one pink, one black. I went to the farthest bed, assuming that the pink one was for me. It was. I was glad to see a new pair of jeans on the top of the pile of neatly folded clothes. There were other staples in there as well, including a pair of yoga pants. This was just what I needed. I found a tank top near the bottom of the suitcase, next to a sports bra. Under that was a tiny mp3 player with a note attached:
I smiled at Peri’s childish writing compared to Nic’s perfect script. She was always so genuine. I had to remember to thank them both their thoughtfulness. I quickly got changed, and made my way to the gym. This would surely keep my mind busy for the rest of the day.
No one was in the gym when I arrived, and I was grateful. Looking around, I was in awe of the equipment. It was very high tech, and I was a bit nervous that I wouldn’t know how to use complex machines. I shrugged to myself, not having many other options for spending my afternoon, and put the tiny ear buds in my ear. I was glad to hear the first song was something familiar and upbeat, and hoped the rest of Peri’s choices were similar.
The treadmill was not as complicated as I had expected, and soon enough I had begun a brisk walk. My muscles felt atrophied, as though I hadn’t used them in weeks. I wondered if this was a side effect from the energy I had absorbed the past couple of weeks. Every time I had taken from a force line I had felt the desire to move, and never got a chance to act on it. As I kept walking, my body responded, and I felt myself speeding up. My body needed this. I felt energized, and for once, it wasn’t by artificial means. It felt so good that I jogged for just over an hour before I was tired.
I flopped down on the mats set off in the corner. I felt euphoric. I started stretching out my neglected body, and soon enough I found myself doing yoga, or something close to it. I had only taken two classes with Maria six months ago before I lost interest. I stretched and contorted, bending whichever way I could. It felt great. I had expected my ribs to protest but they didn’t. Instead, the pain I felt was a good pain, a healing pain.
When all was said and done I had spent two hours at the gym. My head felt amazingly clear and my body even better. I needed a shower desperately though, so I headed back up to my temporary new home to get cleaned up. The bathroom was quaint, but fully stocked just as a hotel would be. I let the water run for a minute or so to heat up, and then got in, feeling the exhaustion from my exercising start to creep in.
The shower felt even better than the workout. I felt as though I had sweat out all the stress from my body, and the hot water was rinsing it all away. The steam felt cleansing, and even shampooing my hair felt therapeutic. I stayed in far too long, letting the water rinse off every bad thing that had happened to me. When I finally got out, the whole bathroom was covered in steam. I nearly slipped on the floor as I reached for the towel, as even the tiles had a steamy film on them. I didn’t care though; it was worth every minute under the water. Wrapping myself in the giant white bath sheet, I headed back into the room. The cold air outside the steamy bathroom was refreshing on my face.
I nearly dropped my towel when I saw Connor sitting calmly on his bed. He was looking right at me, and I could see the sadness Dermot had mentioned earlier. He smirked though, as I felt my whole body go red with embarrassment at being caught in a towel. I said nothing, hastily heading to my bed. I tore through the suitcase with one hand, gripping the towel tightly with the other. I grabbed the first thing I could find, which turned out to be a pair of pajamas, and was grateful when I saw some new underwear right beside it. I raced back to the bathroom, shutting the door far too loudly than was polite, and nearly wiping out on the slick floor. I yanked on the clothes, all the whil
e cursing to myself. So many emotions raced through my head. I furiously towel dried my hair, not caring about the tangled mess of knots I was making. Finally, I took a deep breath, and prepared to face Connor.
He was still on the bed, smirking. I scowled at him, and his smile vanished. I had so many things I wanted to say, but I couldn’t know where to begin. I stood there, feeling my mouth open and close several times as I tried to speak, but never finding the right words. I felt foolish, so I went back over to my bed and started folding the mess of clothes I had made when I tore through the suitcase. It didn’t take as long as I needed.
Lacking some other distraction, I was forced to face him. “Look,” I began, “I’m not sure what to say. I’m not sure what I feel right now, and I’m not sure I can have this conversation without crying.” Even saying that made me want to cry.
He looked at me, staring deep into my eyes, and I was immediately lost in his. He spoke quietly, never breaking my gaze. “I never meant to deceive you.”
“It’s not that,” I replied, even quieter.
“What is it then?”
I didn’t reply. I felt like too much of a hypocrite.
“Please, Alex?” he pleaded.
If I hadn’t been caught in his eyes, I was sure I could have said no. But I could see I had hurt him, and that the longer I kept silent on the matter, the worse he felt. Tears welled up behind my eyes, and I knew it was only a matter of time before they started spilling down my face. I blinked hard, forcing them back.
“You… you were supposed to be normal,” I choked.
He said nothing, turning this over in his head. Finally he asked, “What is normal, Alex?”
I couldn’t answer. I had no idea what was normal anymore. The tears came, silently streaming down my face. I did not sob, as I thought I would. I just cried.
Force (An Alex Warren Novel) Page 17
