Charlotte glanced down at Curtina, and although Curtis held his breath, waiting for some other indignant comment, all Charlotte did was drop to the ground. “Oh my God, sweetie. Oh my God. I’m so sorry, Curtina. Come to Mommy.”
Curtina fell into her mother’s arms, and everyone else strolled toward the house.
“Matt, please forgive me,” Charlotte said. “Honey, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean what I said.”
But they all kept walking and never looked back. They went into the house, and Curtis stood watching his wife and little daughter. He gaped at the woman he’d been married to for years and wondered how and when she’d discovered this new love for alcohol. It was so unlike her, but he was already growing tired of it. He was tired of her, and as his mom used to say, his patience was wearing very thin. He didn’t want to ask Charlotte to leave before the divorce, but if she kept pushing him, he wouldn’t have a choice. He would do whatever necessary to protect his children.
Chapter 15
You really embarrassed him, Charlotte,” Curtis said. “You scolded him in front of everyone, and it was totally uncalled for.”
“I know,” she said, clasping her hands together under her chin. “And I’m so sorry, baby. I don’t know what came over me.”
“You don’t know?”
“I really don’t. I’m starting to feel like I’m losing my mind, Curtis.”
“You’re not losing anything. You’re acting this way because you’re drinking.”
It was five after eleven. Curtis had taken Curtina over to Charlotte’s aunt Emma’s to spend the night, and now he was standing in his home office, listening to Charlotte’s sob story. She’d finally slept a few hours, and while she still wasn’t completely sober, she wasn’t nearly as drunk as she’d been this afternoon when Matthew had left.
“I promise I won’t do that anymore. But, Curtis, you have to help me. You have to be there for me.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I need you to love me again. Tell me that we’re going to be all right and that you’re not going to leave me. Tell me you don’t want anyone else.”
“Charlotte, why do you keep harping on the same old thing? Our marriage has been over for a full year now.”
“Baby, please. I mean, I hear what you’re saying, and I know you don’t think you can trust me, but I’ve really changed. I’m a brand-new woman, and I’ve learned my lesson.”
“That’s good to hear, but my decision stands.”
Charlotte glared at him. “I’m not giving up on you, Curtis. I can’t.”
“Well, you might as well because if you don’t, you’ll be wasting a lot of precious time.”
“Why are you being so cruel?”
“Because you won’t stop bothering me about this. You won’t accept the inevitable.”
“So, you’re saying you want me to find someone else? You want me to look for a new husband?”
“What I want is for you to be happy. With whoever that might be with.”
Charlotte’s face turned grim. “You don’t mean that.”
“I do mean it. I’ve felt that way for a long while. There was a time when I struggled with the idea of not being with you. But then I realized that separating is the only way you and I will ever truly be free of each other. It’s the only way either of us will finally have peace.”
Charlotte opened her mouth to respond, but when she did, Matthew stuck his head inside the door. They hadn’t even heard him walk in.
“Hey, Dad,” he said, ignoring his mother.
Curtis forced a smile on his face. “So, how was the prom?”
“It was good. I dropped Racquel off at home so she could change for the after party, and now I’m gonna run upstairs and do the same.”
“I’m glad you enjoyed yourself.”
Matthew started to walk away. “I’ll see you later.”
Charlotte stopped him. “Matt, wait. Let me talk to you for a minute.”
“What is it, Mom?” he said, refusing to look at her.
“I’m so ashamed of the way I acted this afternoon, but you have to know that wasn’t me talking.”
“Then who was it, Mom?”
“It was the liquor. I know that doesn’t make it better, but, baby, I was completely under the influence, and I’m sorry.”
“But, Mom, you yelled at me and then you told Racquel she needed to keep her legs shut. You said some horrible things to both of us, and it’s going to be a long time before I forgive you for that.”
“I know I was wrong, but I couldn’t help it. And, Matt, it’s not all my fault because the only reason I’ve been drinking is because I’m hurting so badly. I’m trying to do everything I can to cover up all the pain I’m feeling.”
“What pain, Mom?”
“The pain I’m feeling because of your dad.”
“You know what, Charlotte, just stop it, okay?” Curtis said.
“No, I want Matt to hear this. I want him to know the truth.”
Matthew folded his arms. “What truth? You mean about you and Dad and how he’s filing for a divorce?”
“Yes. That’s exactly what I’m talking about. And he’s serious, Matt. He’s really going to break up our family.”
Matthew pushed the door all the way open and walked farther into the room. “No, Mom. You broke up our family. You’re the one I found at a motel with that Tom guy, and then you went to Florida with some other man all in the same month. What was his name?”
Charlotte closed her eyes, and although Curtis knew he shouldn’t feel sorry for her, he did because he couldn’t imagine what it must have felt like having your own son remind you of your infidelity. Matthew was very aware of Curtis’s affair with Tabitha, too, but for some reason, physically seeing his mother with another man had been too much.
“I’m sorry, Mom, but you brought this all on yourself, and I don’t blame Dad. I mean, I would love nothing more than to see my parents stay together forever, but if I found out Racquel was sleeping with other guys, I’d leave her alone in a heartbeat.”
“But you’re not married to her, Matt,” she said. “You’re only dating her, and dating is very different. You and Racquel don’t have the same kind of commitment as people who have taken vows before God. It’s not the same, and you’re way too young to understand any of this.”
“I understand perfectly,” he said. “I understand why Dad can’t be with you anymore, and like I said, I don’t blame him.”
“I can’t believe you feel this way,” she said.
“Well, I do. And I’ll tell you something else, Mom. When you said, ‘you little ungrateful…’ and then you stopped midsentence, the first thing that entered my mind was ‘you little ungrateful bastard.’ ”
“What? What are you talking about?”
“I think you wanted to call me a bastard, and all I could think about was how if you did, you’d actually be telling the truth. Because it wasn’t like you were married to Dad when I was born, anyway. You were sleeping with him when he was married to Alicia’s mom.”
“Oh my God, Matt…,” she said, moving closer to him. “You know I would never call you that.”
Matthew held his hand up. “Please don’t, Mom. There’s nothing you can say, so let’s just end this conversation.” He turned back toward the door but not before Curtis saw his eyes watering the same as this afternoon.
“Matt, I’m so, so sorry… and I promise you nothing like this will ever happen again,” she said.
Matthew ignored her. “I’ll see you later, Dad.”
“Enjoy yourself, son. And you be safe out there, okay?”
“I will.”
When Matthew left, Curtis walked around his desk and sat in his seat. “You’re too much.”
“So everything’s all my fault, I guess.”
“Nobody’s saying that, but you have done a lot, and now you’ve hurt Matthew even more. You should have kept your drunk behind in the house like Agnes told you. But no, you
had to come outside and humiliate him in front of everybody.”
“How many times do I have to say I’m sorry? Huh? What is it going to take to get through to you people?”
“No one wants to hear your apologies, Charlotte. And if you don’t mind, I’d like to be alone now.”
“You know, I’m really getting tired of begging you, Curtis. Begging you to forgive me for something that happened over a year ago.”
“Then don’t.”
“You’re such a jerk.”
Curtis flipped through his sermon notes.
“And you call yourself a pastor. A true man of God. But yet, you can’t forgive your own wife?”
Curtis turned through more pages, marking a couple of lines with his highlighter.
“So now you’re going to give me the silent treatment?”
Curtis never looked up, and when she finally walked out and slammed the door behind her, he leaned back in his chair and called Sharon.
Chapter 16
I thought talking about your wife was off-limits,” Sharon said.
“Not tonight. Not after the way she talked to my son.”
“I’m really sorry she hurt him.”
Curtis hadn’t wanted to call Sharon with all his problems, and like she’d just said, he also didn’t want to discuss anything about Charlotte with another woman. He’d never thought that was the right thing to do, and until now, he hadn’t—well, maybe with the exception of when he spoke to Tanya about Charlotte, that is. But this whole drinking fiasco of hers and the idea that Matthew believed she’d almost called him a bastard had been too much for him to stomach, and for some reason he’d wanted to hear Sharon’s voice. He’d needed someone to talk to, someone who would listen to his every word, someone who truly cared about him as a man. Yes, he could easily call his longtime mentor, Pastor Abernathy, the way Lana had suggested, but he just couldn’t bring himself to dial his number. As a matter of fact, he hadn’t even bothered telling him about his impending divorce because he knew Pastor Abernathy wouldn’t understand. Pastor Abernathy was one of the truest men of God Curtis had ever met, and he would never favor a breakup. He would suggest that Curtis and Charlotte fix things and stay together no matter what.
“I just don’t get where all this craziness is coming from,” he said.
“Maybe there’s something going on that you don’t know about.”
“That’s an understatement.”
“Meaning?”
“There’s a whole lot going on. Still, though, I don’t know why she’s turned to the bottle.”
“Have you talked to her?”
“To be honest, I’m done talking. I’m done with Charlotte, period,” he said, immediately wishing he could take his words back.
“Wow. You sound really, really upset. Are you leaving her?”
“I think we should talk about something else.”
“Why?”
“Because.”
“Well, it sounds to me like you have a lot to get off your chest, and you know I’m here for you. I’ve made that clear since the beginning, and I’ve been very patient. I’ve also known from the beginning that things weren’t right between you and your wife. Anybody could see that just by watching the two of you on Sundays. When she’s up speaking, you always seem so uninterested and like you can’t wait for her to sit back down. And when you’re delivering your sermon, she barely nods her head and mostly sits staring at you with no expression on her face. It’s almost as if she can’t wait for you to finish or like she has something more important on her mind.”
“It’s that noticeable, huh?”
“Very.”
“That’s really too bad because the last thing I want is for our congregation to get wind of my marital problems.”
“Well, it’s not like you haven’t had them before. I mean, no offense, but I told you last year, even before I moved to Mitchell, I’d read about a couple of scandals.”
“I realize that, but no one really knows about what’s been going on lately.”
“Are you going to answer my question?”
“What question?”
“About whether you’re leaving her or not.”
“No.”
“No, you’re not leaving her or no, you’re not answering my question?”
“I’m not answering your question.”
Sharon chuckled a little. “Then that pretty much tells me everything I need to know.”
“Like I said, I think we should talk about something else.”
“Well, if you change your mind, I’m all ears.”
“I’m sure.”
“So why are you up so late? Aren’t you giving the message in the morning?”
“Yeah, but I’ve got way too much on my mind to go to sleep.”
“Then why don’t you come over?”
“I don’t think so.”
“You know you want to.”
Curtis opened his mouth to insist he didn’t, but since he knew he’d be lying, he said nothing.
“I don’t hear anything,” she teased. “Cat got your tongue maybe?”
“You’re funny.”
“I know. But I’m also serious.”
She had no idea how badly he actually did want to jump into his SUV and speed over to her place. Especially since she lived far out in the country, and it wasn’t like anyone would see him. But he couldn’t shake how wrong it would be if he did. Yes, he knew he was finished with Charlotte, however, there was no denying that he was still married to her, and if he slept with Sharon or any other woman, he would still be committing adultery. In the past, he wouldn’t have cared one way or the other, but this was a new day, and things were different. He was different. And he was trying with all his might not to revert back to his old ways. It was the reason he read the book of Romans regularly and, lately, the reason he recited the King James version of Romans 12:2 daily: “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.” There were times, though, when he read from his New Living Translation version of the Bible, because every now and then, this version seemed to speak more plainly to his psyche: “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.”
“Are you coming?” she said.
Now, Curtis realized she’d probably said much more but he hadn’t heard her. “No, I don’t think so.”
“Pretty please.”
“Can’t do it.”
“With sugar on top.”
They both laughed. “Now you’re just being silly,” he said.
“Well, at least your spirit is a lot brighter than when you first called me.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right, but the truth of the matter is, Sharon, I’m married.”
“Uh-huh, and what do I always say every time you remind me of that?”
“That I’m not happily married.”
“Exactly. Because if you were, you wouldn’t talk to me as often as you do. You’d be spending time with your wife.”
“So you think you’ve got everything all figured out.”
“No, but I know more than you’re willing to admit. Not to mention, I think it’s a shame when anyone stays in a miserable relationship. It just doesn’t make a lot of sense to me.”
“That’s because you’ve never been married. And you don’t have children.”
“Still.”
“I know you don’t understand it, but having children changes everything. You have an obligation to them. As it is, my first wife and I divorced, and I’ve always felt like I let my oldest daughter down because of it. The divorce was very hard on her.”
“I’m sorry to hear that, but do you think it would have been better for her to be in a house with two parents who no longer loved each other?”
Curtis cho
se his words carefully because he didn’t see a reason to tell Sharon or anyone else how much he did in fact still love Tanya. “At the time, that wasn’t the case.”
“I don’t get what you mean.”
“We didn’t separate because we stopped loving each other. We separated because I wasn’t being faithful to her.”
“Oh. But nonetheless, I don’t think it would have been good for your daughter if you’d stayed together just because.”
“Maybe not. But I regret not being there for her as a full-time dad, and if I had it to do over again, I would.”
“What about now?”
“What about it?”
“Your marriage to Charlotte. Are you staying in it because of your two younger children?”
“You just won’t give up, will you?”
“You know what they say, inquiring minds wanna know.”
“Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I’d better get going.”
“I really wish you’d come see me. Just for a little while. You wouldn’t even have to stay very long.”
“I don’t think so. Plus, it’s already late, and I have to get at least a few hours of rest before heading to church.”
“Okay,” she whined. “I guess I’ll just have to see you there, then.”
“I guess so,” he said, laughing, but looked up when Charlotte burst back into his office.
“Who are you talking to, Curtis?” she yelled. “I know you thought I’d gone upstairs, but I’ve been standing outside your door the entire time. So what whore are you sleeping around with now?”
“I’ll talk to you later,” he said, then ended his call.
“Who is she, Curtis?”
“Nobody.”
“So, you were on the phone with nobody all this time?”
“I’m not doing this with you, Charlotte.”
“And you have the audacity to discuss our problems with some trick? How could you do that?”
Curtis stared at her for a couple of seconds. “How could you do the things you did?”
“Don’t even try it. Don’t try to turn this back on me when you’re the one sitting in here talking to another woman. Some whore who’s trying to get you into bed.”
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