RENEWING HOPE
BY
JENNYFER BROWNE
VOLUME TWO OF THE IN YOUR WORLD SERIES
Renewing Hope, Copyright © 2013 by Jennyfer Browne
All rights reserved.
Except as permitted under the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this book may be used or reproduced in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval systems, without prior written permission of the author except where permitted by law.
The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
ISBN 978-0-9894966-4-3
When doubts filled my mind, your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer.
--Psalm 94:19 (NLT)
CHAPTER 1
Home.
Coming back to the Berger’s farm felt more like a homecoming than any time I had come home in my English world. The Bergers, quiet Amish who allowed me sanctuary the first day, still welcomed me with open arms, asking only the necessities of information in regard to my forced trip back to California, and then hustled us back into the daily routine that I had yearned for every moment I was away. Fannie and Jonah Berger, parents I had always wanted, understood the necessity of looking after family, and in forgetting the past. They loved, unconditionally. It was their way.
As the sun disappeared that first evening, I had a moment’s panic in saying goodnight to Nathan Fisher, the man who had saved me from my past and held my heart. His presence had become a comfort while I struggled to find my way. With a reassuring embrace in the cover of darkness, a light touch of his lips, and a whispered promise to be back in the morning, I slipped back into the routine that I would emulate for the rest of my life.
The Amish way of life held more hope for me than anything in my life before its discovery.
With the Amish, little time was spent reflecting on one’s past or failures. Instead, they looked to the future. My future was with Nathan, and I could not wait to begin with my new journey.
I slept fitfully beside my new sisters Emma and Abigail. Emma held me close, as if I might disappear at any moment, while Abigail appeared to have grown in just the week I had been gone, her blonde hair creating a web over her face while she slept. In the dark with them beside me, the peace settled over me that I had only felt while there with the Amish.
Once asleep though, the dreams that carried me through the long night meandered through rustling corn and crashing waves, ending with me at the edge of a wide cliff overlooking the ocean. Behind me, the corn parted and in the distance I could make out a familiar white house. I only had to walk through the corn to get there.
I awoke to the sound of Jonah and Fannie walking past our room, and slipped from the warm bed to dress. I didn’t want to return to my dreams.
I wanted to forge ahead and start anew.
Fannie smiled as I entered the kitchen, Jonah looking up from some papers as I slid in beside him at the table.
“You did not sleep well,” Fannie stated with a compassionate smile as she laid out mugs of coffee for Jonah and me. I shook my head and looked down at my fingers wrapped around the hot mug.
“Too many dreams,” I whispered, and left the rest unsaid.
“I suspect it will take some time to settle back into our routine,” Jonah said, glancing at his wife.
“I’d rather jump right in,” I replied. “I’m ready now. I’ve done everything the elders requested of me.”
Jonah cleared his throat and looked at me with cautious eyes.
"They will be pleased with the tasks that you have accomplished. I do not necessarily agree with them that you should lose contact with your family. But I am certain that they will see your willingness to step away from that life as a positive step to joining ours. This week's Sermon perhaps, we will meet with Elder Ezekiel. He is fond of you. Perhaps we will be able to move things along, if that is your will," he suggested.
"I want to stay here. I want to learn," I reiterated.
Fannie and Jonah both smiled and looked at one another.
"Then we will try our best to see it so," Fannie replied, hugging me tight.
Jonah smiled over his coffee and looked from me to Fannie, as if trying to determine what to say next. Fannie nodded and patted my hand softly, gaining my attention.
"You have become quite special to Nathan," she started, her eyes crinkling a bit when she noticed my awkward readjustment in my seat.
"We do not wish to ask you about your time with Nathan, daughter. That is between you and Nathan. And God," Jonah added.
I shook my head and tried to will the blush to go away.
"Nathan was very respectful of me on our trip," I said, speaking the truth in a way that kept our time together still ours.
"He is a good boy," Fannie said fondly. "I have no doubt he had the same difficult night you had, being apart after you have been together as much as you were."
I nodded, unsure of where they were going with this discussion.
“We understand there may be feelings between you," Jonah ventured. "But we also have to be careful, because of your situation. There are rules to courtship."
"I understand," I said, not really understanding.
"I will speak with him today. Let him know what our expectations are of him. We would just like to know what your feelings are, before we agree to anything," Jonah replied with a knowing smile toward his wife.
I looked from one to the other.
"I care for Nathan deeply. I don't see my life without him. Is that wrong of me to think this way?" I asked, suddenly worried that maybe Nathan and I had moved too quickly in our relationship.
We had been quick, it was true.
But the feelings were there.
"You have done nothing wrong, Katherine," Fannie replied as she brushed away a stray hair by my temple.
"If you are to make a home here, we just want to make sure of your feelings for Nathan. He is as much our son as you are our daughter. We care for you both," Jonah murmured and sat a little straighter as he watched me react. "It is not our business until you make it so. But we hope to hear from Nathan in regard to his pursuits."
I shifted in my seat again and looked up into Fannie's hopeful eyes.
"I think he intends to speak with Jonah soon," I confided, watching Fannie's eyes tear up.
"And what are your feelings regarding that?" Jonah asked softly, reaching out to hold onto Fannie's hand.
"I've already given him my answer. A few times now," I replied, a soft laugh escaping my throat at the happy memory of him asking me again and again.
"Does that mean you would accept him?" Jonah asked.
"Of course," I said, smiling.
Fannie hugged me to her, laughing softly into my hair.
"I have a feeling we will be busy this fall making arrangements," she sighed and kissed me firmly on the forehead.
"I will expect him to come speak with me then, soon, as you have said. We have other matters to deal with first, namely convincing the Elders,” Jonah said, his face not quite reassuring.
“Do you think I have a chance?” I asked, worried. “Or do you think they will deny me?”
Jonah simply smiled and patted my hand.
“Things will fall into place. You came to us for a reason and we see that in the way you make Nathan happy again. And in the way you have found peace here. God would not send you here and provide the healing balm we have seen in the two of you only to take it away. I have faith," he said and stood to pour himself more coffee.
"As do I,” Fannie added. “You are bo
th home and we can move onward. This is the beginning of a good day."
I sat in the quiet, thinking on what lay ahead while I waited for Emma to come down to start morning chores. I felt a sense of contentment when she joined me moments later. As we neared the barn though, I felt a sudden burst of trepidation as I remembered the last time I had been there. I could hear the chickens, and the corn rustled slightly in the breeze. I froze in place, my breath coming to me in tearing gasps. My dreams from the night before played in my head, and the sounds around me caused me to tremble.
I wanted to run.
"It is all right, Katherine," Emma whispered beside me.
I looked toward the corn, sure that at any moment I would see Sean step through it in pursuit.
"Katherine?"
I struggled to shake my unease, taking a cautious step toward the barn. I felt Emma's hand in mine, drawing me inside. She lit all the lamps, more than we usually did in order to offer some warmth in the darkness. I kept my back to the wall as we milked in silence, my eyes often returning to the door, fearful of seeing movement there.
But we were left alone, the cows contented with fresh grain and relieved of their milk. As we made our way back with the sun breaking over the horizon, I looked to the hill and saw what I most needed making his way down toward us. I breathed a sigh of relief at the sight of him, back in his Amish clothes, his black hat pushed back slightly on his head as he neared.
"Pleasant morning," he breathed when he joined us on our way inside, his deep green eyes taking me in.
"Yes, it is now," I replied, grinning when I noticed him smirk.
He set his hat on the hook by the door and greeted Mark and Jonah, trying his best to keep from watching me. But my constant glances his way were met with his own, and with it a gentle smile, as if he was as relieved as I was to see one another.
He looked tired as well, and I had to wonder just how much sleep he might have gotten alone in his house.
Did he have bad dreams like me?
"You look tired, Nathan," Jonah was saying. "A few days of travel on the road seem to have worn the two of you out."
I smiled behind my hand when I noticed Nathan's fresh-shaved cheeks brighten a bit, but he recovered quickly.
"It was an adventure. I saw more than I would have seen here," he said and smiled back at me when he noticed my blush.
"And still you returned. It must not have been that exciting," Hannah quipped, catching our looks.
"It was more than I could have imagined," Nathan replied, and then his smile softened. "But this is where we belong."
Fannie helped me finish cooking, and brought them to the table, all smiles as she listened to our conversation. Once we were all settled around the table, Jonah spoke morning prayers and we discussed the plans for the day.
Just like any other day.
It was a comfort to have the consistency of the Bergers to help ease us back into our daily lives. I listened quietly as Mark and Jonah discussed the day’s chores, while Nathan asked about how things had been while he was away. Every now and then I would feel his leg brush against mine, and I would smile behind my fork at the simple feeling of him beside me.
We were back to discreet touches, and I knew that would be a challenge for us now. But it didn't diminish the warm feeling it sent through me every time he made contact. If anything, his brief brushings were magnified now. It made me wish the day had finished so that we could sit on the swing again and feel that closeness once more.
Before breakfast was finished, Jonah drew his attention back to me.
"Katherine, I must ask about your vehicle. You know that you will not be able to keep it,” he said, his gaze thoughtful.
"I know. I was hoping to sell it. I don't know how much it's worth, but it should bring in enough that it could maybe help out here. And I was thinking maybe I could give something to the community too, maybe the school?" I asked.
Jonah nodded and looked at Mark for guidance.
"You have English friends that might help? Someone who might get an honest price?" he asked.
Mark grinned and looked over at me.
"You do not need to worry about that, Katherine. We will get a good price for your car. I have a good friend in town that can help," he beamed.
Jonah clapped his hand on Mark's shoulder and stood.
"Excellent! Let us get our day started then. I would like to be finished with our tasks by midday so that I can go check on the Jorgen twins born night before last," he announced.
Nathan stood and touched Jonah on the arm, stalling him.
"May I speak with you a moment alone, Jonah. It is important," he said and glanced back at me.
"Of course. Walk with me to the barn. You can help me prepare the horses," he said with a wink toward his beaming wife before he left out the back door.
Nathan glanced back once more at me before turning to follow Jonah outside.
Hannah leaned in close to me, smirking.
"Must have been a very fulfilling trip, yes?"
"Hannah!" Fannie exclaimed, but she couldn’t hide her grin when she turned back toward the sink to attend to the dirty dishes.
"I only say what we are all thinking," Hannah grumbled.
"It is none of our business what happened on the trip. Nathan deserved his Rumspringa. So did Katherine. It sounds like it was worth it," Mark teased, winking at me.
"That is the kind of Rumspringa I would have wanted. What did you show Nathan of your world?" Emma asked, grinning when I shook my head and turned to help Fannie with the dishes.
"Four days travel. And overnight together. That must have been revealing," Hannah quipped.
"Hannah, I am sure Nathan was respectful," Fannie argued, looking at me with inquisitive eyes, making my face turn scarlet. How had I forgotten how much my new family seemed to know of my secrets?
Mark kissed his wife and followed Nathan and Jonah outside a few minutes later, walking at an exaggerated pace to give Nathan his chance to speak with Jonah alone. I tried to keep my mind occupied with clearing the table, but Hannah and Emma wouldn't let me have any kind of peace.
"You will need to learn how to make your own dress," Hannah was saying.
"We can make ours together!" Emma exclaimed.
"Of course we will have to space the celebrations out some. Or maybe on the same day would be easier," Hannah mused.
"Nathan hasn't even asked Jonah yet," I whispered, laughing at how this was becoming a little too much at the moment. We had only just returned and my sisters were suddenly planning things.
"That is what he is doing now, Katherine. Do not try to deny it," Hannah admonished.
"Do you think Father will announce it right away? Or will he torture us and make us wait?" Abigail squeaked, all smiles and dancing around the table.
"Did you know, Mother?"
"How nervous do you think Nathan is right now?"
"I think he has been waiting to ask this for some time."
"Did he ask you on your trip? I wish I was there to see! I am sure he was tongue-tied!"
"Do you think the Elders will baptize you soon, then?"
“We will need to go buy more fabric for dresses.”
“Mama, I want a new dress, too!”
"Do you think the Bishop would allow a double wedding?"
"Would you stay here that night or go to Nathan's, I wonder?"
"That is not fair! I think they should stay here, just out of respect for us! We did not get the chance to have a wedding night alone!"
"But if you get married on the same day, that means two wedding couples in the same house."
“Where will I sleep? I wish I had a beau!”
I blinked and tried to follow along with them, hoping Fannie would put a stop to their banter.
But she joined in, albeit under the guise of the mother planning the celebration. It was too much when coming from each and every one of my new family.
"We will need to plan the feast. Perhaps we can
do this before the first frost and we can have it all outside with the Jensen's tent. That would be lovely!"
"And the guests. This will be quite the news for the community! Three Bergers married in a few months’ time!"
We finally got back to work, setting the idea of weddings aside for the moment while chores needed to be completed. Later that morning, I volunteered to bring the men drinks, wanting an excuse to see Nathan while he worked. I found them behind the house, overturning the earth where the small garden had grown and was now being prepared for winter crops. Nathan slowed the horses as soon as he saw me, his face pink from the morning’s labor and the sunlight. Jonah and Mark stepped up and thanked me for their drinks before walking a short distance to give Nathan a chance to have a moment alone.
I looked around at the work they had accomplished, wondering about Nathan’s garden. Surely it was dry from being untended the last week or so. My thoughts drifted to what we might plant and I hid my smile at my sudden plans for the two of us. Already, I felt so at ease with making plans for our future together.
Nathan's hand brushed my cheek, my eyes coming to find his. He winked and handed me his cup, his smile never fading as he set back to work with the horses. His conversation must have gone well.
He was smiling and working with so much determination beside Jonah.
And Jonah was eyeing us with the doting eyes of a father.
Midday meal was quiet. My sisters watched Jonah in the hope that an announcement would be made. Abigail would then turn and scowl at Nathan, perhaps thinking he would announce the result of his conversation. But he remained silent while he grinned around his sandwich and brushed his leg more often against mine. Even I couldn't keep from smiling from all the giddy energy he seemed to have.
The rest of the afternoon passed, in much the same way it always did. Routines changed little. Chores were completed, the supper prepared, and mending finished, I was able to sit outside in the shade of the porch on my favorite swing, waiting for Nathan to return from his chores. The eager anticipation of seeing him crest the hill didn’t go unnoticed by my sisters, who laughed and discreetly departed inside when he appeared. Abigail made kissing noises before Emma dragged her upstairs.
Renewing Hope (In Your World #2) Page 1
