by Vi Carter
As we stood, he didn’t let go but started to walk. Then, suddenly, he entwined our fingers together. He looked at me several times, waiting for me to disapprove or approve, but I had nothing. All my senses focused on his hand, my mind analyzing the warmth and how the heat spread up my arm and through my body.
“I think I would like this to be a thing.”
I swallowed at Derek’s words. A thing? That was huge, I don’t know if there was fear on my face or what exactly prompted his next statement, but he grinned at me.
“It’s just a jog, not a marriage proposal.”
I forced a laugh, while trying to calm down the nutjob in me. “Yeah, I know. That’s cool. Two people doing stuff... yeah… jogging. Definitely not a marriage proposal. Just jogging.” Shut up rambling blabbermouth! I glanced at Derek, his eyes sparkled with hidden laughter.
We had reached the building, and as we entered Maggie and Wendy came out. Maggie immediately glanced at our joined hands; I pulled mine out of Derek’s. I didn’t look at him to see what he thought.
“Hi Derek,” She said sweetly before staring at me. “Grace.” My name was said like she had spotted a cat that she disliked. Still holding a grudge against me, I see. “I’m not one for gossip but there is a boy loitering on your floor.” I wanted to tell her I knew who he was, but she wasn’t finished. “I just feel very unsafe with him there.” I bristled at her words. She was rubbing me up the wrong way.
“What do you mean unsafe?”
She answered Derek the question I had asked. She ignored me and looked at him, “Like I’m a piece of meat.” I snorted, and she and Wendy looked towards me with raised eyebrows.
“She’s telling the truth.” Oh, so Wendy had a voice.
"I’m sure it’s all a misunderstanding," Derek said and Maggie took a step towards him.
"I’m glad you’re here, Derek, with your big strong arms..." She made a point of squeezing his arm. "You’ll protect us."
Derek took his big strong arm back, his face blank, "Like I said, I’m sure it’s a misunderstanding. Actually, he is Grace’s friend."
Maggie forced a smile at Derek before glaring at me. “You should really keep better company.” She remarked snidely.
I looked at her with exaggerated, wide eyes. “Yes, I really should. Goodbye, Maggie.” Her scowl told me my point was made. Derek and I moved past them, but I couldn’t leave it there, I stopped on the stairs. “Nice seeing you, Wendy,” I added. She looked confused. I just wanted to use her name; I had spent too long not knowing it.
Craig was sitting on the ground outside my door when we stepped onto the landing he got up. “I forgot my key,” he said, and that had too many strings attached to it.
"First, you don’t have a key," I said, and he grinned.
"Yet," he added.
I ignored that. "Where’s your phone? I texted you,"
“Forgot my phone too.”
The key was still under the rock. “Back in a minute.” I raced down the stairs and got the key, Maggie, and Wendy were just outside the doors. Maggie glared at me. I debated saying something, but Derek and Craig were alone, so I smiled at her glare and raced back up the stairs holding up the key as a way of explaining. Derek was at his door, Craig at mine, and neither of them spoke to each other. I handed the key to Craig.
“I’ll be in, in a minute.” He took it and left without a word.
“So ...” I smiled at Derek, he had his door open
“You want to come in?” he asked.
I shook my head and pretended to sniff my armpits as a joke, “I need a shower. I’ll leave it for another time.” The fumes from my jog told me I needed a shower, going in wasn't an option. I wasn’t sure if I should bring up when we would go jogging again, he never said when or what time. So many questions, but I didn’t want to ask. I wondered if I stood here long enough, would he answer them all?
But that didn’t happen, instead he looked slightly confused as to why I was now loitering in the hall as he stood half in half out of his apartment.
“Okay, well thanks for the jog and the chat,” I said hurriedly, trying to end the awkward silence.
“You're welcome. Goodnight, Grace.” He said.
I said goodnight and went into my apartment as he closed his door. Did he regret it?
DEREK
“Shit,” I lit a cigarette. I had quit, but now I needed one badly. Sitting on the couch, I lay back and blew circles of smoke into the air. Why did I hold her hand? “Stupid.” I took another drag of my fag. It was heaven as it raced through my body, hit my toes, and came back up and out my mouth. I sat up, flicking the ashes onto a plate. I needed to put some distance between me and Grace. I was meant to be her friend; the hand-holding was wrong. I still hadn’t heard from Emmett, so I would lie low and, hopefully, when I saw Grace again, she wouldn’t even think about us holding hands.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
GRACE
THE NEXT FEW DAYS followed a similar pattern, college, work and home. I didn’t see Craig in the evenings, but he must have come back at some unreasonable hours, as he would be there in the morning. I would drop him off at college in the mornings, but he never said much, and when I asked him if everything was okay, he would brush it off. Amber, on the other hand, was still blowing me off. I tried to go over to her house, but she told me not to. I wasn’t sure how much longer I would hold out. She didn’t have to hide away just because she loved Craig. I would give it a few more days. Then, I would put my foot down.
On Friday, as I pulled into college, I asked Craig the same question I had been asking him most mornings. “Are you sure there is nothing wrong?”
“Your concern is touching. But I’m fine,” he grinned like he always did, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. His eyes looked empty. I knew he wasn’t telling me everything, but I had to let it go, or I was going to be late for class.
“Do you need a ride home?” I asked as I got out of the car.
“No, I’ll see you later.” He walked off while lighting up a cigarette and then it clicked with me. A girl, it must have been a girl. Why did my heart sink and my stomach erupt? For Amber, of course. I told myself.
Derek was silent, and as we only shared one class, I hadn’t bumped into him. I hadn't a clue where that left us. There were so many things left unsaid. I sighed as I suddenly remembered I had to visit my mother on Sunday. I really didn't want to.
Class dragged by so slowly, and yet I barely kept up. Lunch couldn't come quick enough, and when it did, I checked my phone. Claire had texted, saying how sorry she was for how she had reacted, just that Craig had hurt her badly. I didn’t write back. I would forgive her, but right now, I decided to soak up the little bit of sun we had. The lawns around campus were fairly full, but I found a nice spot that wasn’t overcrowded. I didn’t mind sitting on my own; I wanted the peace. I had a lot of acquaintances that I waved at now as some passed me, but friends were something rare. Like Amber, I wasn’t one for letting people in. People were naturally nosy, and I didn’t like to talk.
I lay down on my back and closed my eyes. The light flickered behind my eyelids, making me remember exactly why I hated sunny days.
It was the screams that had me leaving the house, the screams of my father. Something terrible had happened. Something had reached into his soul and torn that scream from him. I remember the large oak tree that sat in the middle of our front yard, the sun had been shining that day, but it seemed to be shining on that tree, streaks of sun beaming through it, giving me a split-second window of what was going on.
My mother ran past me. My father’s back shook. He was on his knees, and the sun glinted off all the blood that pooled around him. His screams continued to tear at me. The sun blinded me for the final time, and then I saw what had my mother falling to the ground. Neighbors had come out; someone must have rung the police and an ambulance, as the flashing lights seemed to come from all directions.
“Grace?” I sat up way too quickly, giving myself a
head rush. I had to shield my eyes as Derek began to sit down. “Are you okay?” He asked gently. I wiped the tear away from the side of my face.
“Yeah.” I looked around me; no one was watching. They all seemed lost in their own conversations and anyone that stared, looked at Derek.
“I’m here, if you need to talk.” Derek stuffed his hands in his jeans pockets, tilting slightly forward.
I pushed the memory away and focused on Derek, allowing a smile to come to my face. “I’m good.” I pulled at the grass now; it would let me grasp reality. I couldn’t exactly start shaking my arms, so the pulling of the grass would have to do. With each tug, I became a little more grounded.
He looked so good today; he wore a white top that showed off his defined stomach. He was way out of my league, which suddenly made me question what the hell he was doing hanging out with me.
“Why don’t we grab a bite to eat tomorrow night?” Derek said, surprising me. From the look on his face, he seemed surprised he had asked. A part of me wanted to say, ‘you said it, you can’t take it back.’ He would realize he was too good for me, but right now, I needed Derek. He was...I wasn’t sure what he was. A distraction, a Godsend. “Dinner, or not?” He said it shyly, like a question, as if I might say no.
“What time?” I asked, and he smiled.
“I can pick you up at eight."
I smiled back and bit my lip, trying to keep the smile at a normal level. “I can meet you there, I don’t want you going out of your way to pick me up," I said.
“It’s no problem, it is an inconvenience, but for you, I will go that extra mile."
“Why thank you.”
He smiled again, and my stomach exploded. “I better go, but I’ll see you tomorrow night then,” Derek stood, and I had to shield my eyes to look up at him.
“It’s a date,” I said as he left. I couldn't stop smiling until I realized I had nothing to wear. I rang Amber but got no answer.
DEREK
I walked away and tried to remain calm. I was a dead man. I’m sure she had said it’s a date at the end. Jesus, if she told Emmett… I walked around the building, out of sight, and lit a cigarette. What the hell was wrong with me? But this girl was messing with my head. Every time I seemed to come across her, she always looked so broken, and especially today, the sadness was there, clearly in her eyes. I just wanted to take it away. I inhaled deeply before blowing out the smoke. Asking her out for dinner seemed to surprise her, but I was equally shocked at myself when I said it out loud. I was pretty much screwed. I needed to end any romantic notions, I would tomorrow tonight. Yeah, at our ‘date.’ Smooth.
GRACE
I returned to class. When the day ended, I tried Amber again. She didn’t answer.
I knew that I should give her some time, but I needed her, and I knew of only one sure-fire way that would get her out of her funk.
I need you. This is an emergency. I had only just sent the text when my phone rang.
“What? Are you okay?” Hearing her voice had me smiling
“I am. But why are you ignoring me? Please, Amber tell me what is going on." I could hear her excuse herself.
“Where are you?” I asked.
“I’m sorry, Grace. I have some shit that I need to deal with and I didn’t want to drag you down with me. You have enough problems of your own."
“Oh, no, no, no. Are you seriously trying to use that as an excuse? Don’t you dare use me? You know I worry more when you are not with me. Withholding information from me isn’t an option.” I noticed my hands visibly shaking. “I can’t lose you, Amber,” I added as my throat tightened and she burst into tears.
“I’m so sorry.” She said, her tears continued to come, and she sniffled into the phone.
“Okay knock it off, or you’ll water damage your phone." I told her, and she laughed weakly.
“We are good, and you aren’t losing me. You couldn’t, even if you wanted to. I’m like glue, stuck to you." I laughed with relief at hearing the Amber I knew and loved.
“Great to hear it. So, do you want to talk about what’s wrong?" I said, and she paused, the silence made me worry again.
“Now, no. But I’m doing good, and I promise you, when I am ready, I will. But you don’t have to worry." I wasn’t one hundred percent happy, but she was okay and that was the main thing.
“How are you?” she asked. I knew she was trying to change the subject and decided that I would let it go, just this once. I told her about my date with Derek. I had to take the phone away from my ear as she squealed.
“So, my emergency is I don’t have anything to wear."
“Meet me at the mall in one hour.” Glee filled Amber’s voice; she loved shopping. I normally avoided clothes shopping like the plague, but this was an emergency and there was no one I trusted more to help me find the perfect outfit than Amber. My own glee at having time with Amber pushed a small, excited squeal out of me.
***
I needed this time with Amber. She looked really good, her skin had that flawless gleam to it, that no amount of makeup could achieve. Seeing her look a picture of health made me happy, but also I questioned why I hadn’t seen her in a while. I pushed the hurt down and focused on the positive. She was here.
We got back into our normal banter easily. Amber picked me out a killer red dress that was tight-fitted. It went just below my knee, had a high neckline, and long sleeves, but no back; it was fabulous. I felt sexy in it, and really hoped Derek would think so, too. Amber said she would loan me black heels to finish it off.
We spent the rest of the time at the food court and just chatted, and in all that time, she never said why she had been avoiding me. In her own time, she would.
I dropped Amber home, and she got the shoes for me. “I want you to enjoy yourself. You deserve to,” she said, leaning in the car window.
“And I want to see you back to normal. No more hiding." I said back.
“Totes.” That was Amber's way of saying she would.
“I’m so nervous,” I confessed.
“Why? You’re beautiful, Grace. You’re an amazing person. What would you be nervous about?”
“Thank you,” I said and meant it. I promised Amber I would text her after the date and tell her all.
“Don’t forget to use a condom.” Was the last thing she said, and I had never heard Amber more serious. I didn’t gratify that with an answer.
***
I met Maggie in the hallway, and was surprised when she stopped me. I thought it might be a friendly chat, but no, she was all out of friendly for me. “That boy you have staying with you,” she squinted her eyes. “Does the landlord know you have a lodger?” I internally rolled my eyes.
“You mean the one that looks at you like a piece of meat?” I said sarcastically. “Come on Maggie, we all know that that’s not true.” I actually hated confrontation, like right now, I could feel the heat on my face, but she seriously pissed me off. I hated people, sometimes. Being alone was so much easier.
“How dare you, Grace? I really thought your mother brought you up better than that.” Maggie walked away, and a good thing too. She didn’t know my mother, she had no right bringing her up. I marched up the stairs and into my apartment, each step pounding loudly.
“Good, you're here,” I said to Craig, as I put my bags down.
“That doesn’t sound like you really think it’s a good thing,” he said, and he was right. I needed to relax. What happened with Maggie wasn't his fault.
“Maggie, my neighbor, said you were looking at her like a piece of meat." I sighed.
“Not the old hag and her friend who roam the halls like decrepit corpses?" Craig snickered.
I put on the kettle, hiding a grin. Great description, but I wasn’t telling him that, it would only encourage him. “Yeah, that one,” I answered.
“Are you actually questioning me?” Craig sat at the breakfast bar. Was I? When I didn’t answer straight away, Craig took it as an opening to defend
himself. “Do you really think I would tap that?”
“Craig, honestly, I don’t know what you would and wouldn’t tap. If someone was to ask, I would say anything that moved. So, answering your question; I do think you would tap that."
Craig shivered with offended disgust. The kettle clicked, and I made two coffees.
“Okay, so these are my rules,” Craig said as I handed him his mug.
“Are you serious right now?” I asked.
“Yes. I have rules. No one over forty."
I took a sip of coffee. “What about when you're forty?”
“No, still under forties only."
“But what about when you're seventy?” I said while smiling.
“I hope to be dead by sixty; anything after that is pretty disgusting.” He looked serious. I wasn’t going to keep arguing this point, and that made no sense to me anyway.
He counted on his fingertips, “They must be slim. I don’t do fatties."
“That’s horrible,” I said without much surprise, and Craig pulled up his t-shirt showing off his very toned and tattooed stomach.
“Why should I work so hard? I expect the same from any woman who has the pleasure of sharing my company.” He pulled back down his top. “Non-smoker.” Now he was being a hypocrite.
I stared at him pointedly, “You smoke."
“These are my rules, Grace. I don’t have to justify them. Next rule: never go back for seconds."
“Well that can’t be forever.” I said.
“It’s my rules. Stop putting in your two pence. I won’t go where a friend has gone; she can’t be less than five feet tall.” His smile widened now, watching me for a response, “unless she’s on her knees.”
