by Vi Carter
As I drove to Amber’s, doubts started creeping in. Did he really like me? He was way out my league. Was he just taking me away to get laid? But he could have got laid here? He didn’t need to take me away. My head was still stuck on Derek when I arrived at Amber’s. Lisa opened the door. “Hey, Grace.”
I gave her a hug. “Hi, Lisa.”
“Did you talk to Claire? Actually don’t answer that. I know you didn’t.” Lisa’s tone was snarky. She folded her arms staring at me. Wow. Hello to you, too.
“I will,” I said trying to keep the annoyance out of my voice.
“I’m off to band practice but see you Saturday night?” I gave her a tight smile and nodded. I would be away with Derek. I didn't get into it with her, her form was off tonight. So I left it alone.
“Girl, you are a sight for sore eyes,” Amber’s voice had me really smiling, and we hugged in the hallway. Lisa left, and we still held each other. I needed this, she must have needed this, too. When we broke apart, we smiled at each other.
“You first,” I said, and we climbed the stairs to her room. Amber's nervous behavior had me on high alert. She sat on her queen sized bed, pulling a fluffy heart-shaped cushion onto her lap. Her room was all lavender and pink, so girly, so Amber. I kicked off my runners and sat crossed legged on her bed. “Okay hit me,” I craned my neck from side to side as If I was going into a boxing match, and it crunched.
“What’s with the neck craning?” Amber raised a perfect eyebrow.
“I’m ready to hear what you have to say.”
Now she fiddled with her fingers. “It’s not bad news, per se,” she almost sounded defensive.
“Amber, just tell me,” I said, taking one of her hands, while telling my heart to slow down. Everything about this was out of character for Amber, all the crying lately and emotions, her distance, now she was nervous. I sucked in a deep breath as something hit me. “It’s Craig, isn’t it? You’re doing drugs with him.”
Amber started laughing hysterically. “Only you could say drugs like that,” she wiped tears from her face.
“Like what?”
“Like, posh-ly.”
Now I tutted. “What are you talking about? Are you on drugs?” I asked, and she started laughing again.
“Oh, stop,” she said, holding her sides.
“You’re on drugs,” I said as fear for another friend seized me. Amber continued to laugh, her laughter getting more hysterical. She finally calmed down.
“Stop saying drugs,” she said through her laughter. When she finally settled down. “I’m sorry,” she said, but got up. “I need to go to the toilet.” I sat on her bed feeling pretty concerned now. What else could it be?
“Okay, I’m sorry about that,” She sat down now and looked at me nervously, then something in her eyes flashed, and she blurted it out. “I’m not on drugs. I’m pregnant.” She exhaled and watched me for my reaction.
My heart lurched at the word pregnant. But I held steady. “How do you feel about it?” I asked. My voice was steady. I wasn’t sure how to gauge this response. I would wait for Amber to tell me whether it’s a cause for celebration or something to worry about.
“I’m okay now,” she let out a breath. “I was terrified initially, but I’ve got used to the idea,” her hand covered her stomach, and she smiled. “I’m going to have a baby, Grace,” I pulled her towards me and hugged her; it was for me as well. I needed a moment. Amber was pregnant. No, it would take a while for that to sink in.
“How far on are you?” I asked when we moved apart.
“Just three months now,” she beamed. The mood swings and emotions made sense, but now my stomach filled with dread at another looming thought.
“Is Craig...?”
She stopped me. “I don’t like Craig. You suggested it that night I freaked out in your apartment. I freaked and just went with it. Honestly, thoughts of him make my skin crawl.”
I laughed at her dramatics, but became serious again. “So, who’s the lucky lad?”
Amber squeezed my hand and smiled. “You always put things so nicely. I’m sick of the line, ‘who’s the father.’ It’s Peter,” she added. I didn't know Peter. We had been separated for far too long, and the changes in our lives were proof. “I’ve being dying for you to meet him, but it’s never seemed like the right time, and Luke wanted it quiet also. We’ve only just told my parents.” It was written on her face that it didn’t go well. I wasn’t shocked; her parents were religious.
“They’ll come around,” I said, and she looked doubtful. “Tell me about Peter.”
Once the words left my mouth her face lit up, her green eyes glowing. “He is great. I give him so much shit daily, and he’s still here.”
“It was going to take a fair man to put up with you," I said, teasing. “But seriously, he’s lucky to have you.” My eyes started to burn with unshed tears, and so did Amber’s.
She pointed at her face. “This is the shit I have to deal with daily. I’m like a freaking fountain. I should be like a wrinkly paper bag. If I’m not crying, I’m weeing. Drives me crazy. I honestly don’t know how I have any water left in me.”
I laughed at her and wiped my tears. “If you're happy, hun, I’m happy for you," I said and meant it. I would support her as much as I could.
“I thought you were going to hit the roof, that’s why I didn’t tell you." Amber glanced at me from under her eyelashes.
I looked at her incredulously. “You’re my best friend! Why would I hit the roof?” I was surprised she would even think that.
Now she looked sheepish. “It’s just you are so precise and organized, with all your rules and morals. I was worried, that’s all." I didn’t know what to say. “Grace, hun. It’s a compliment. When I go to do stupid shit, it’s your face and your opinion that makes me stop. Because I value what you think of me."
“Okay, that sounds really nice,” I squeezed her hand.
“So, what’s the plan?”
“You will be really proud of me. I will finish this year of college. Take a year out, I have spoken to my career guidance counsellor, and she said it would work. Peter’s from here, so his parents are going to let us move in with them. So, when I go back to college, his mam will help out with the baby. Peter is in his final year, and is the top of his class, so he should get a job straight away. Once I finish my two years, we will get our own house.” She was so proud, and I was so impressed.
“Look at you. All grown up."
“I know right,” Amber said grinning. “I am the shit.” I was still trying to process the idea that she was going to have a baby. An actual baby. The thought terrified me.
We chatted for a while about her pregnancy and Peter. Her eyes were alight when she talked about him, she was so animated. I had never seen Amber like this. “You’re happy.” I stated, and she smiled wide.
“Really happy, Grace,” I hugged her again.
“You love him,” I said, and she beamed now as we broke apart.
“Yeah, I do,” He had two brothers, one older and one younger, and Amber got on really well with his older brother. His dad was a doctor, so they had a pretty big house. Amber and the baby would stay with them. Peter’s mother had never worked, so she had lots of time to help with the baby. Everything seemed so right and put together for her.
“So enough about me. What about you and Derek?” Amber wiggled her eyebrows and I could feel my face flame just thinking about Derek. At my red face, Amber inhaled a sharp breath while covering her mouth, her eyes wide. “Oh My God. You slept with him,” and a wide smile broke out on her face. My face got brighter, but I found myself smiling, suppressing the schoolgirl giggles.
“No, but I came this close to it,” I showed her, using my thumb and forefinger. “I honestly don’t know how I walked away, he’s ...”
“Dreamy,” Amber added.
“Calming,” I said, surprising myself.
“Calming?” Amber sounded so unimpressed, and I laughed.
&nbs
p; “Yeah, he’s calming and dreamy,” I added. “I’m actually going to his parents’ house for the weekend.” My stomach tightened and not in a good way.
A squeal left Amber’s mouth. “So, this is like, really serious?”
“No, he just didn’t want to drive by himself.” I looked down at my hands.
“What’s with the sad face? Grace, this is good.” I didn’t blame Amber for her confusion. To anyone else, this was good, but me, it drove my anxiety up.
"Yeah, it is.” I finally said, trying to clamp down on my growing anxiety. Amber didn’t ask anymore, and we went back to talking about her baby. I was still shocked that she was pregnant. It was going to take a while for that to sink in.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
GRACE
BEFORE I LEFT, I knocked on Claire’s bedroom door.
“Come in.” I had never been in Claire’s bedroom before. I tried to hide my shock as I stepped into the narrow walkway that led to the bed and window. Every other available space was stacked nearly to the ceiling with boxes, clothes, plastic containers… straight away I counted three wardrobes, two bookshelves and I think a chest of drawers. There was no rhyme or reason to the room, and Claire sat on a neatly made bed, the only safe space in the middle of the chaos. I tried not to stare around me.
“What is all this?” I just couldn’t help but ask.
Claire’s cheeks flamed. “When I get my own place, I will have more space.”
I wanted to point out, ‘but that’s not for another few years until you finish college,’ but I didn’t. This looked more like a serious hoarding problem. I sat on the bed. “I wanted to talk to you, hun,” I said.
“If this is about Craig, or anything remotely close to him, I refuse to talk about him. He is a lunatic, one minute he’s hot, then he’s cold. I swear, Grace, if I had a gun, I would put him in the ground.” Great start, I thought. Claire’s features were so animated when she spoke, she belonged in theatre.
I took her hand. “No, this is about you. I know you are taking drugs.”
She took her hand out of mine. “Who told you?” Her brows pulled together as she leaned away.
Why do people always ask that question? They always wanted to know who told, instead of focusing on the topic at hand.
“I figured it out. You aren’t yourself,” I said, and she looked away.
“It helps me.” Now she looked at me as tears started to trickle down her face. “I find life easier when I know at the weekends I can escape.”
I understood that feeling, but there were safer ways to escape. “But you’re not escaping; you’re slowly killing yourself. If you want to escape, jog, exercise, write it down, see someone. Anything but drugs.”
“That’s fine for you, Grace. Your life is perfect. Everyone loves you. You have your own place… Look at me in this shitty room. You have a car, I don’t. I love Craig, he loves you. Everyone is your friend, no one likes me… shall I go on?" Claire’s hands where raised in the air as she spoke, her eyes glazed over with unshed tears.
My heart hurt for her, but her words also annoyed me and I decided to set the record straight. I laughed bitterly, “Oh, my life is so far from perfect. I have my own place, so I don’t have to deal with people because sometimes I can’t cope, Claire. I’m not looking for sympathy. I just want you to know everyone has problems, but drugs won’t heal them. Please, for me, I’m your friend. Stop.”
“Why didn’t you tell me you had problems?” she almost sounded offended as she deflected the topic again.
“Because I don’t like to talk about them.” I said, growing annoyed.
“I bet Amber knows,” she sounded peeved now. God, sometimes she acted like such a child.
I shook my head. “No, actually, she doesn’t. But this isn’t about me. It’s about you, Claire.” I waited for a moment as she stared at her hands, then she looked up and smiled weakly.
“Thank you for caring," I pulled her into a hug.
“We all care."
She snorted. “I don’t think so. Amber is a crazy person, Luke lives on another planet, and Craig is a lunatic."
I pulled out of the hug. I wanted to roll my eyes at her dramatics, but I didn’t. I didn’t want to push her away and for her to spiral down even more. I stared into her eyes, “So you promise you will stop, that you will get help, ask for help?”
“Stay with me for a while?” Claire asked.
“Claire, promise me, and I will.”
“Fine. I promise.” She stuck out her bottom lip. I wanted to shake her and tell her to take this seriously, but maybe this was her way of coping. I didn’t know, and I was tired of analyzing people. So, I stayed in her chaotic room for another hour before it began to overwhelm me and I needed to go. I stopped in on Amber, saying goodbye before I went home.
I arrived home past ten. No sign of Craig. I considered going across the hall to Derek, but I looked like shit. The mirror in the bathroom confirmed it. Before I showered, I texted Craig.
Did you go to the doctors?
I jumped in and washed away Claire’s chaos. I swear, my skin itched, as if a layer of dust covered it, which actually is human skin. Claire’s skin. I scrubbed myself, my mind going to Derek. My stomach tightened with nerves about the weekend. His parents would hardly be there? I mean, we weren’t dating. Did I want us to date? He was amazing, but I was terrified of getting hurt. That was the truth. I couldn’t take any more hurt.
When I got out of the shower and into bedclothes, exhaustion pulled heavily on me. I checked my phone. Messages from Craig and Derek flashed up. I checked Craig’s first.
Yes. I am going to rehab. I am on a waiting list, but the doctor said no more than three weeks. I won’t be home tonight. I’m staying with Luke. x
I frowned, this seemed too easy. His text didn't sit right with me. Like I just didn’t quite believe him. But I had to give him the benefit of the doubt.
I’m proud of you. Chat tom.
I knocked off the lights and climbed into bed. I smiled as I opened the message from Derek.
Do you want to visit Twinkle Toes? I bit my lip suppressing the laugh that wanted to erupt.
Sorry, not tonight. I’m in bed. Hung out with Amber this evening so got caught up. How is Twinkle Toes?
I kept the dog as our mutual interest.
The reply came quickly and I smiled as I read it.
She misses you. She has been whining all day. My arms aren’t enough to comfort her. Any ideas about what I should do?
Straight away I pictured being in his arms. Temptation had me considering crossing the hall, but I didn’t want to look like a nut job.
Stroke her really gently, let your fingers go through her hair, tell her what she means to you. I hit send and my stomach lifted the memories of his hands on me.
Are you trying to seduce me Grace?
I smiled.
If I was, is it working? I sent it before my sudden bravery slipped.
You had me the moment you told me you were in bed. Pure joy and power at his words had me smiling, then the doubt came, but could he really be serious?
Don’t be playing hard to get. I smirked at my message and waited for his reply. A knock at the front door had me climbing out of bed. It couldn’t be…but the moment I opened the door, my Viking walked in. He pulled me so close I could inhale his cologne while kicking the door shut as he kissed me. My heart pounded, my stomach fluttered, and my body yearned for his. His kisses were heavy, long, and seared me right down to my heart. My skin was on fire, and any moment I would combust. We were in the bedroom when Derek’s lips left my swollen ones.
“Where’s Twinkle Toes?” I asked, and I sounded so breathless. Derek chuckled against my neck.
“Asleep.” When he spoke, his breath brushed my earlobe making me shiver. “Why aren’t you wearing my t-shirt?” Derek asked and started to kiss my neck, his question was said with a possessiveness that made me feel like a goddess.
“Do you want me to wear it?
” I questioned. Derek looked at me. I melted into him. His eyes were so serious, so intense that I locked my knees together to keep myself from falling.
“Every night,” he said, and I let a breath leave my lips. I couldn’t fight him any longer. When he took my top off, I had no bra on, and his eyes dilated like I was his drug.
“You're beautiful.” I wanted to correct him, but right now, I was speechless with how he looked at me, how he was making my stomach tighten and my heart flutter. I didn’t want to break whatever spell he had cast over me. So, instead, I touched the hem of his own t-shirt and gave it a little tug. Without breaking eye contact, he lifted it over his head, and it joined mine on the floor. I wanted his jeans off, but he took both my hands in one of his and held them behind my back as he took my mouth with his. The kiss was hungry, urgent, wet, and it drove me crazy. My bare breasts brushed against his chest, making my nipples hard. When Derek squeezed them one at a time, I moaned.
He pulled off my leggings before lying me back on my bed, he moved over me. “Take off your pants,” I sounded tortured. I needed him inside me. He got off me and opened the belt of his jeans, my heart slammed against my ribcage and I bit my lip when his jeans hit the ground and he stood in front of me in just black boxers. He was every fantasy I had ever had. He was a model; he was the cover of a romance novel. He moved back over me, and I was so close to ending this. My fingers dug into his broad shoulders and when his body lay on mine, his sheer size and hardness pressed against my pelvic bone. I moaned loudly. The only thing separating us was his boxers and my underwear. I wanted those barriers removed, but Derek seemed to have other ideas. He kissed my neck before moving to my breasts, where he sucked one and it nearly pushed me over the edge. He let it go, and my body started to relax, until he took the other one in his mouth. All my nerves zinged, blood rushed to every part of my body. I was so alive. When his head moved further down, my breathing became labored. I couldn’t survive much more. His hand brushed my underwear aside, and I moaned at the contact.
