Letting Go (Robson Brothers Book 2)

by A. T Brennan

  “Oh.” He nodded and pulled his shirt over his head. “Saturday?”

  “Avery invited me for a girl’s night.”

  “She did?”

  “Yeah, I ran into her and Matt at The Co-Op and she invited me and Jules to come hang out with her and her roommate Mel.”

  “That’ll be fun.”

  “I hope so. I haven’t done girl’s night in a long time, and I like Avery. She seems nice.”

  “She’s really sweet. So I guess asking about Sunday will make me sound desperate and pathetic.”

  “We can hang out on Sunday.”

  “Great. So maybe text me this weekend and we’ll figure it out?

  “Sounds good.”

  “Okay. Well, I should go.” He looked at my door and gave me a tight smile.

  “Okay. Happy studying.”

  Happy Studying? What was wrong with me?

  “You too.”

  As I watched him leave I noticed that he didn’t kiss me goodbye, it was the first time after sex where he hadn’t.

  I couldn’t really blame him. I hadn’t been lying about my plans, but I could have been nicer about it.

  I needed to find a way to keep the sex and the friendship separate, that was true, but I really needed to find a way to do it that wouldn’t hurt Jay.

  Chapter Ten

  PAIGE

  When Jules and I arrived at Avery and Mel’s apartment I was both excited and nervous. I wanted to expand my social circle and make new friends, and Avery had been nothing but nice to me the few times we’d spoken, but I was still nervous that she and Mel wouldn’t like me.

  I’d been afraid for nothing.

  The moment we’d gotten there Avery had invited us in and given us each a glass of sangria. I’d never had it but the mix of orange juice and red wine was surprisingly delicious and we fell into easy conversation.

  At first we talked about school and our families, just getting to know each other, but after our third glass of the very delicious sangria, the topic turned to sex.

  “So Matt really was your first?” Jules asked, staring at Avery.

  She nodded, her cheeks flushing. “My first everything.”

  “Like kiss, everything?”

  “Well, Logan is the first guy I hugged or cuddled with, but Matt was first for everything else.” She grinned and pulled her phone out of her pocket to check the time. “Oh, and speaking of Logan, he’s going to drop by soon. Is that okay?”

  “A gay man at girl’s night? Of course we don’t mind.” Jules laughed and raised her glass in cheers.

  “I’m sorry if I’m being pushy, but what’s going on with you and Jay?” Mel asked, looking right at me.

  “Um, we’re friends.”

  I saw Jules shoot me a look and I gave a subtle shake of my head. I didn’t want to talk about Jay and whatever the hell we had going on yet.

  “But you’re not together?”

  “No, not like that.” At least that wasn’t too much of a lie. We were together in a weird friends-who-fuck way, but we weren’t dating.

  “Oh, so do you mind if I make a move on him?”

  “You like him?” I tried to keep my voice neutral.

  “Yeah.” She grinned. “I’ve never kissed a guy with a lip ring, and it makes me wonder what else he might have pierced.”

  “You think he has his dick pierced?” Avery giggled as she looked at Mel.

  “I’ve heard stories about him. Chicks say he never disappoints and he’s a bit of a freak.” She grinned devilishly. “Even if he doesn’t he’ll still be a good ride.”

  The wave of emotions that washed over me was so strong and complicated I almost dropped my glass of sangria.

  Jealousy tore through me at the thought of Mel even talking to Jay, and then hit me again when I thought about all of the girls Jay had been with. Anger hit like a brick wall at my own possessiveness, and then deep longing blindsided me. Jay wasn’t mine to be possessive over. He could talk to or fuck anyone he wanted, and his past had nothing to do with me or whatever we were doing.

  As Avery and Mel giggled and wondered what Jay’s dick would look like I turned and found Jules staring at me with a sympathetic look. I just shook my head at her and sneaked a glance at Mel.

  She was just as gorgeous as Jules with her tall, thin frame and her long silky hair. Her features were beautiful and she moved with the same grace that Jules did. If Jay had someone who looked like her, had been with as many guys as she’d bragged about being with, hitting on him, how could I compete?

  I’d slept with two guys in my life and Jay was the only one where it had been more than just okay. He’d rocked my world and opened my eyes to what sex could be like, but I was as naïve as a virgin when it came to being able to do anything for him.

  Why would he want me when he could have someone like her?

  “So which of the brothers do you think is the hottest?” Mel asked with a laugh.

  “Matt.” Avery grinned and picked up the jug of sangria.

  “Jay, obviously.” Mel grinned.

  “Um, Jay or Jax,” I said in what I hoped was a casual tone.

  “Logan.” Jules grinned. “Even though I’m not his type, he looks like mine.”

  “Paige, you want more?” Avery asked, nodding to my cup. I looked down and was very surprised to see it was empty. When had I finished it?

  “Please.” I held the cup out and when Avery had filled it for me I drank down about half of it.

  Even if Mel didn’t make a move on Jay it was only a matter of time before someone like her did. He might be having fun with me now, but he’d get bored, realize he could do better and I’d lose him.

  I was just the body he fucked. He’d get bored and move on while I tried to put the pieces of my heart together.

  The only thing worse than falling in love with your fuck buddy is them not falling for you.

  I was still in a downward spiral of self-hatred and deprecation when Logan arrived, and the moment he came in it was as though the energy changed and he brought happiness and exuberance with him.

  “Ladies, the token gay is here to make your girl’s night that much more fabulous,” he announced as he flopped on the couch beside Avery and gave her a big kiss on the cheek. “Darling.”

  “You’re such a goof.” She giggled and patted his cheek affectionately.

  “So, are we talking about dicks yet, because I really need to talk about dicks.”

  “We’re definitely talking about dicks.” Mel laughed and handed him a full cup of sangria.

  “Great. So,” he looked around the room with a gleam in his eyes, “biggest one you’ve ever seen?”

  “Matt’s,” Avery said promptly, laughing when Logan winced.

  “Duh?” he rolled his eyes at her. “I was talking to the ladies who aren’t currently seeing cocks attached to my brothers.”

  “This guy named Drake I used to hook up with.” Mel grinned wickedly. “He was hung.”

  “Details.” Logan leaned forward.

  “About seven inches, uncut and holy fuck he was wide enough to almost split me in two.”

  “Wow.” Logan blew out a breath and looked at Jules. “You?”

  “This guy I hooked up with at the end of last term. I’d say just over seven inches, but uncut and not too thick.”

  “Nice.” He looked at me. “Paige?”

  “Um, the last guy I hooked up with.”

  “Details, please,” he prodded.

  “Maybe closer to seven and a half.”

  “Cut or uncut?”

  “Uncut, and not too thick.”

  “Just thick enough?” he winked.

  “Exactly.” I felt my face flush as I remembered how Jay felt when he was inside me.

  “Now you.” Jules moved her hand in the universal sign for ‘details please’ as she grinned at Logan.

  “Eight inches, uncut, thick and curved down.”

  “Down?” Mel grimaced. “Ouch.”

  “Not for
a bottom.” He grinned and drank down some sangria. “Trust me when I say he hit all the right places.”

  “Is there a difference between messing around with a cut and uncut guy?” I asked suddenly.

  “What do you mean?” Logan asked, giving me a smile to show he wasn’t making fun of me, he was just wondering what I meant.

  “I mean, do you do anything different? In foreplay?”

  “When a guy is cut you have to use lube if you’re going to get vigorous at all, and since the skin doesn’t move too much you kind of have to be careful not to pull on it. In my experience uncut guys have a more sensitive head and cut guys like it a little firmer around the shaft.”

  “And it doesn’t hurt, when you move the skin?”

  “As long as you don’t tug it. Why do you ask, you planning on playing with an uncut one again soon?”

  I blushed and shook my head. “I’ve only seen one of each before. I was just worried I’d done something wrong by assuming they’re the same.”

  “You’ve only seen two dicks in your life?” Mel glanced at me, an amused smile on her lips.

  “I’ve only seen one,” Avery cut in. “There’s nothing wrong with that.”

  “Yeah, only two.” I was embarrassed because everyone was staring at me but I wasn’t ashamed for only sleeping with two guys.

  “I’ve seen a lot more than that,” Jules chimed in, saving me from having to say more.

  “Oh yeah.” Logan laughed. “Me too.”

  “How old were you when you lost your virginity?” Mel asked everyone, but I could tell the question was directed at me.

  “Nineteen.” Avery grinned.

  “Fourteen.” Jules reached out to fill her cup.

  “Seventeen.” Logan answered.

  “Sixteen.” I looked at Mel.

  “Thirteen.” There was a challenge in her voice but I didn’t even blink.

  “So, let’s talk about blowjobs,” Logan said loudly, breaking the tension in the room.

  As Avery and Jules started giggling I drank down the rest of my sangria. I didn’t like the way Mel was challenging me, and I couldn’t figure out why. Was it because I was friends with Jay and she saw me as competition?

  All she would have to do is smile and let him know she was interested and he’d be all over her. Any guy would. Why would she care if I was friends with him, and why would she even see someone like me as competition?

  JAY

  “What the fuck?” I blinked my eyes open as something pulled me out of sleep. I was about to close my eyes again when I heard three distinct knocks on the front door.

  Fumbling I reached for my phone to check the time. It was three in the morning.

  “Dude, get the fucking door!” I shouted, hoping Jax was home and he’d get up and tell whoever was knocking on our door at three in the morning to fuck off.

  When there was no answer from his room I figured he must be out, and wondered if I could ignore whoever was there and hope they went away.

  I was still trying to figure out if I should get my ass out of bed when they knocked again.

  “Persistent fucker.” I climbed out of bed and made me way out of my room and to the door, not bothering to put on a shirt, pants or slippers. It was a bit cold in the apartment so a chill brushed over my skin, but the boxer briefs I was wearing were going to have to do.

  “Paige?”

  I actually shook my head and blinked to make sure it really was Paige on the other side of the door.

  “Hey, baby.”

  “You’re drunk.”

  “Maybe.”

  She grinned and gave me a pouty smile that was both hot and a little amusing. Her hair was messy, her clothes were a little askew, I could smell wine even though she was at least two feet away from me and her eyes were a little unfocused.

  “Did you walk here?” I moved aside so she could come in. I didn’t like the idea of her walking around at night sober, by being drunk she might as well have slapped a target on her back.

  “I called a cab.” She toed her shoes off, almost falling in the process, and I grabbed her arm to help keep her standing.

  “Does Jules know where you are? I thought you were going to girl’s night?”

  “We went. We drank. I snuck out,” she said with a giggle.

  “Where’s your phone.”

  “Why?” she asked, even as she handed me her phone.

  “I’m going to text Jules to tell her you’re here so she doesn’t wake up and wonder where you are.”

  “You’re so smart.” She pulled off her hoodie and dropped it on the floor.

  “Go into my room, I’ll be right there.”

  “Okey dokey.” She gave me a mock salute and stumbled toward my door.

  I quickly sent Jules a text then went to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water and made a stop at the bathroom to get a bottle of acetaminophen for her. Paige didn’t drink a lot so this hangover was going to hit her pretty hard.

  “I thought you ran away.” Paige was sitting on my bed in her t-shirt and panties looking irresistible, but very drunk.

  “Just getting you a few things.” I climbed into bed with her and handed her the water bottle.

  “I’m not thirsty, not anymore.” She giggled and shook the bottle.

  “Trust me, you want to take these.” I shook two pills out of the bottle for her and after a moment she took them and put them in her mouth. I watched as she drank down half the water and handed it back to me.

  “Come on. Get under the covers.”

  I wanted to ask her what had prompted her to come to my apartment at three in the morning while she was drunk out of her skull, but now wasn’t the time. We’d talk tomorrow when she was sober.

  “Your bed is super comfy,” she said with a sigh as she slid under the sheets. “You going to sleep sitting up?”

  Having Paige half naked in my bed usually meant sex, but at the moment I wasn’t thinking about fucking her. I was thinking about how soft and wonderful she’d feel if I could hold her all night, and amazingly that made my cock thicken and gave me an honest-to-goodness stiffy.

  I took a second to adjust my boner so it wouldn’t be obvious and slipped under the covers with her.

  She immediately snuggled up to me, putting her head on my chest as she held me close.

  “You feel so good,” she almost purred as she ran her hand over my chest.

  “You feel pretty good yourself.” I bit back a gasp as her hand brushed over my nipple, and when she did it again I knew it was on purpose. “Paige?”

  “Does this feel good?”

  “Yes, but you have to stop.”

  “Why?”

  “It’s late, we should sleep.”

  “You don’t want me?” She pushed herself up on her elbows and looked down at me with sad puppy eyes.

  “Of course I want you, but not like this.”

  She was drunk. It didn’t matter if we’d hooked up a hundred times, I wasn’t going to take advantage of her in this state. I had very few rules when it came to sex, but not hooking up with anyone drunker than me was a big one.

  “Why not?”

  I could see tears shining in her eyes and felt terrible. I wasn’t rejecting her, I was trying to respect her, but in the moment all she could see was a rejection.

  “Paige, baby.” I leaned up and pressed my lips against hers in a chaste kiss. “I want you, I always want you, but not while you’re this drunk.”

  “You want me?”

  “Of course. What’s wrong? Why are you crying, sweetheart?”

  Large tears were slipping down her cheeks as she stared down at me, looking completely heartbroken.

  “Why do you even want me?”

  “What?” I pushed up so I could look into her eyes. “What do you mean?”

  “I’m a mess. I’m not tall and gorgeous and slutty—”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “At girl’s night, Mel said she was interested in you.”


  “Really? What did you say, about us?”

  “I said we were friends.”

  The word friends echoed in my mind but I brushed it aside and tried to focus on the conversation.

  “She said other girls have told her how good you are, how you’re freaky and a guaranteed good time.”

  “Paige, I’ve never hidden my past from you, but it’s in the past—”

  “I know. I don’t care about them.”

  “Then what is it?”

  “If Mel makes a move on you, then this is over and I don’t want to lose you.” Her face crumpled and she dissolved in tears.

  “Shhhh.” I pulled her down so she could lay on my chest as I stroked her hair. “Paige, baby. It’s okay.”

  “I can’t compete with her. She’s everything I’m not and—”

  “Paige, please. Listen to me.”

  I waited until she stopped crying and then tipped her face up so I could look into her eyes.

  “You’re perfect, just the way you are. I’m not interested in Mel that way, I’m only interested in you. I care about you.”

  “How can you care about me?” she asked softly as she searched my eyes.

  “Because you’re you.” I tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and tried to keep my face neutral. I really wanted to tell her I wasn’t interested in anyone else because I was in love with her, but this wasn’t the time. She was drunk and she needed to sleep it off.

  “I’m a mess,” she whispered.

  “I like it messy.” I gave her a gentle smile and a sweet kiss. “Come on, let’s lay down and get comfortable.”

  She chewed on her lip for a moment and then nodded. “Will you hold me?”

  “Of course.”

  I wrapped my arms around her as she put her head on my chest. I’d never fallen asleep holding someone before. When I did sleep with someone it was always on my side of the bed, with as little of us touching as possible because I needed my own space At that moment, though, I didn’t want anything separating us.

  Holding her felt right. I could smell the lingering scent of her shampoo mixed in with the wine and her body curved to perfectly mold around me. She was warm, soft and perfect, and everything about it felt natural, as though she’d been made for me.

  “Paige, baby. Stop.” I almost groaned as her hand brushed over my dick and I instantly started to grow hard. “Not now, not like this.” I reached down and gently gripped her hand to stop her. My body wanted her and my mind craved her, but it wasn’t right when she was in this state.