Letting Go (Robson Brothers Book 2)

by A. T Brennan

  “I want you, Jay. Please.” She tried to wriggle out of my grasp. “I’m so horny.”

  “Lay back.”

  “Please, fuck me.”

  “I’m not going to fuck you.” I shook my head and gently pushed her on her shoulder until she was laying on the bed beside me.

  “Don’t you want to fuck me? Your cock says you do.”

  God damn she was hot when she talked dirty. I was having a really hard time remembering why I wasn’t balls deep in her at that moment.

  “I want you, but not like this.” I bent my head and ran my fingers up her thigh and over to her wet panties. I couldn’t help groaning against her lips when I felt how ready she was for me.

  “Please, Jay. Please love me.”

  I knew she didn’t know what she was saying, but I could feel her arousal. I wasn’t going to fuck her, that was a rule I wasn’t willing to break, but I’d help her out so she could sleep. She was feeling rejected and unsure of herself, I wanted to make her feel better.

  I slipped my fingers under her panties and gently traced them over her slit as I bent to kiss her. She parted both her lips and her legs for me and I slid my tongue and fingers deep inside her, fucking her with my hand and mouth as I kissed her.

  She whimpered under my lips, her hips arching slightly. She was tight and I could already feel her walls starting to contract, she was close.

  I shifted my hand so I could tease her clit, making sure to kiss her through her pleasure. I wasn’t getting her off to ease her arousal, I wanted her to feel special and cared for.

  After only a few moments she cried out under my kiss, her hands gripping at my arms as she gave into her orgasm.

  I pulled my hand away from her but didn’t stop kissing her, I needed to feel her for just a little bit longer, to pour every emotion I couldn’t say into her through my kiss.

  When I finally did pull away she blinked and gave me a lazy and satisfied smile. I could see sleep clouding her eyes and gave her one final kiss before pulling her down so she was laying on my chest again.

  “What about you?” she asked sleepily.

  “I’m fine. This was about you.” I kissed her hair and pulled her even closer.

  I had a raging boner that was trying to tent the heavy sheets and comforter on my bed and I was so fucking turned on my balls were aching, but I did my best to ignore it. A part of me wanted to go to the bathroom and jerk one off just to relieve the pressure, but I didn’t want to leave the safe cocoon of my bed. It wouldn’t be the first time I’d gone to sleep horny, and it wouldn’t be the last.

  * * * *

  I woke up feeling warm and comfortable with a soft and small body nestled in my arms. It took me a second to remember the events of last night and how Paige had ended up in my bed at all.

  At least she was sleeping soundly. I had a feeling she was going to have one hell of a hangover so I adjusted my arms so they wouldn’t fall asleep and enjoyed lying in bed with her.

  Waking up with her in my arms was...perfect. There was no other way to describe it. Sex with Paige was amazing and spending time with her was always fun, but this moment was perfect. I knew right then I needed more with her. I couldn’t just be her fuck buddy anymore. I couldn’t keep my emotions separate and I didn’t want to only have the physical with her. I needed the emotional side. I needed to have all of her and give her everything I had.

  For the first time since I was seventeen I wanted a girlfriend.

  I felt her stirring in my arms and waited for her to wake up.

  “Jay?”

  “Hey.” I shifted so I could look down at her. “You look confused.”

  “I am, a little.” She swallowed and blinked a few times.

  “What do you remember?”

  “Drinking, a lot. Then cabbing here and throwing myself at you. A lot of the details are gone, but I remember enough to be embarrassed by how I acted.” She blushed and looked down at my chest. “I remember you touching me, but then nothing.”

  “Well, we went to sleep after so that’s probably why.” I grinned. “How do you feel?”

  “Not as bad as I should.”

  “I got you to take some pills and drink some water before you fell asleep.”

  “Thanks for that. I’m sorry.”

  “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

  “I came here at what-the-fuck o’clock drunk off my ass and babbling like an idiot about stuff I can’t even remember. Then I begged you to fuck me even though you were trying to do the right thing...I’m humiliated.”

  “Paige, sweetheart. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. Consider this an extreme drunk dial.” I grinned, trying to make her feel better. “We all do and say stupid things when we’re drinking. I’m just glad you came here instead of going somewhere else where something could have happened to you.”

  “I was stupid, I know.”

  “Do you remember any of what you were upset about?”

  She blushed and looked away.

  “It’s okay, we don’t have to talk about it.” I tried to sound casual but a part of me really needed to know why she’d been so upset about the idea of me hooking up with Mel. Was it because she felt as strongly about me as I did for her, could she maybe be on the way to loving me? Or was it simply that she didn’t want to lose what we shared physically.

  I vividly remembered the last time we were together. It had been hot and sexy as fuck, but then she’d dismissed me. Almost as though I’d scratched her itch so my role was over. When she hadn’t wanted to hang out I’d worried she was pushing me away and was trying to put some distance between us. I’d thought she was trying to end things.

  Then last night happened.

  “I’m sorry, and that’s the last time I’m going to apologize,” she added quickly before I could tell her she didn’t have to be sorry. “But this is nice.”

  “Waking up together?”

  “Yeah. I could do without the hangover and the whole getting wasted and showing up here unannounced, but this is nice.”

  “Nah, that part made it interesting.” I kissed her temple and gave her a quick squeeze. “Are you hungry?”

  “Surprisingly.”

  “Why don’t you take a shower and I’ll make us some breakfast.”

  “Really? You want me to stay?”

  “You were the one who said we could hang out on Sunday. It’s Sunday so why not start now.”

  She smiled, her eyes sparkling slightly as she looked up at me. “I’d like that.”

  “Great. Red towels are mine, and you can use the new toothbrush that’s on the shelf. How does bacon, eggs and fried potatoes sound?”

  “Beyond amazing,” she said, her stomach growling softly.

  I laughed and bent my head so I could give her a quick kiss before letting her go so I could climb out of bed.

  My boxer briefs couldn’t hide my morning wood but Paige politely kept her eyes above my waist as she swung her legs out of the bed and stretched.

  “Jay?”

  “Yes?” I turned, pulling my pajama pants up as I did.

  “Thank you, for being so amazing.”

  I smiled and nodded. She had no idea how such simple words could hit me so hard and I didn’t trust my voice not to crack if I answered her.

  Chapter Eleven

  PAIGE

  I couldn’t believe how great Jay was being about everything. I was still embarrassed about what happened but he was acting like it wasn’t a big deal, and thankfully things weren’t weird between us.

  After showering I found the toothbrush he’d been talking about, and was a little surprised to see there were seven new packages sitting on the shelf.

  When I stepped out of the shower I realized I didn’t have any spare clothes to wear. My jeans and shirt were clean enough, but I distinctly remembered spilling at least one of my drinks on me last night so my clothes probably smelled like a bar rag. My tank top definitely had to go, it wasn’t exactly dirty but it didn’t smell g
reat, and I desperately hoped Jay hadn’t noticed.

  “Jay?” I peeked my head out of the bathroom. I could hear water running in the kitchen and realized he’d never hear me. I left the warm sanctuary of the bathroom, shivering as the cold air hit my still damp skin, and plodded over to the kitchen with a towel wrapped around my body.

  I found him at the sink filling a water jug. Almost immediately I was hit with the mouth-watering smell of bacon and fried potatoes. “Jay?”

  “Yeah?” His eyes swept over me as he glanced over his shoulder and I shivered for an entirely different reason as he licked his bottom lip and his gaze darkened slightly.

  “Could I borrow something to wear? I’m afraid my clothes might smell like bad decisions.”

  “There was the distinct scent of a vineyard wafting after you.” He grinned and nodded to the door. “Wear whatever you want.”

  I made my way into his room and started pulling open his drawers, looking for something I could wear. His drawers were a little messy and unorganized, and for some reason that made me smile. I spent so much time and effort making sure everything was exactly where it should be and looking as neat as possible I’d almost forgotten that’s not how everyone lived.

  Jay was so much more open and carefree than I was. I overcompensated and tried to control everything around me to make me feel like I had some sort of real control over my life and what happened, but it was all an illusion. Messy drawers weren’t the end of the world. A pile of laundry in the corner wasn’t going to set a tailspin of terrible things in motion. Wasting my time trying to create a false sense of security was stupid and pointless. It didn’t really make me feel better in the long run and wasn’t really helping me in the short term. I should really take a page out of Jay’s book and learn to just go with the flow more.

  I pulled out a t-shirt with the poster for the first Harry Potter movie on it and grinned as I slipped it over my head. Jay really was a nerd, and I loved that about him.

  With him being almost a foot taller than me the shirt hung so low it brushed the tops of my knees. I knew I’d never be able to wear a pair of his sweatpants so I pulled a clean pair of boxers out of his drawer and slipped them on. They were a little loose in the waist but they would stay up so I didn’t have to worry about going commando.

  I took a moment to run my fingers through my damp hair and then went to put the towel away before joining him in the kitchen.

  “Jax is out?”

  “Apparently.”

  “You don’t tell each other when you’re not going to be home?”

  “We do if one of us needs the apartment.” Jay motioned for me to sit at the table and then brought over a huge mug of coffee.

  “You are a god among men.” I sighed and wrapped my hands around the warm ceramic. “Oh my god that’s good.” I almost moaned after taking a sip of the sweet coffee, he remembered how I took it.

  “You and that coffee need a moment alone?” He grinned as he brought over his own coffee, a bottle of water for me and then went back to get our plates.

  “You don’t have to go through this much trouble for me, really.” I felt guilty he was being so kind.

  “You mean feed you?” He put a play with a few strips of bacon, two pieces of buttered toast, scrambled eggs and potatoes in front of me and I almost started drooling. “I guess I could have always just made my own breakfast and let you starve, that would have been the polite thing to do.”

  I laughed and picked up my fork, more than ready to dive into the meal.

  “I served a lot so if you don’t eat it that’s fine. If you want seconds there’s more.” He took a sip of his coffee and smiled as I took a huge bite of the eggs.

  “This is amazing. Thanks.”

  “You know, you look pretty hot in my clothes.”

  “You think?” I blushed and shoved a piece of bacon in my mouth.

  “There’s nothing sexier than a chick wearing your clothes, even if they look like a tent on her.”

  I laughed and wiped my mouth with the napkin he’d set out. “Do I want to know why you have a collection of new toothbrushes in your bathroom?”

  “Jax stocks them for the chicks he brings over, so they have something to use in the morning.”

  “Not you?”

  “I don’t usually bring chicks here, and when I did they weren’t around in the morning.”

  “Oh, so sleeping with someone isn’t usual for you?” My stomach fluttered at the thought that I could be special to him and he’d wanted to sleep with me. But there was also that whole part about showing up here drunk a few hours away from dawn that could have prompted his letting me sleep in his bed.

  “Not at all.” He shook his head and shovelled some eggs and bacon into his mouth. “I don’t like being crowded when I sleep so I tend to sleep alone unless there’s a really big bed where I can have my own space before I leave.”

  “Oh, it must have been really rough for you last night.”

  Jay had a double bed but I was pretty sure he hadn’t gotten much space. I’d definitely woken up playing human pretzel with him so I assumed we’d spent at least part of the night like that.

  “It wasn’t,” he assured me. “Last night was great. It’s the first time I’ve wanted to sleep cuddled up to someone. It was nice.”

  I flushed and took a sip of my coffee so I didn’t say something stupid, or inappropriate like how much l loved him.

  “Was it okay for you?” he asked casually after a few minutes of silence had passed between us.

  “Sleeping with you?”

  He nodded, looking uncertain and a little self-conscious.

  “It was wonderful,” I said honestly. “I’ve only ever slept with girls before.”

  His eyes widened almost comically as he choked on the sip of coffee he’d just taken, and it was then I realized what I’d said.

  “Not like that.” I shook my head, blushing so deep my ears burned. “I meant like sleepovers with friends. Jules and I crash together all the time when one of us is feeling down or we’re drunk. But to spend the night with someone I’ve been with, I’ve never done that before.”

  He smiled, relief washing over his face as he picked up his coffee again.

  We ate our food in relative silence. It was amazing and I was starving so the only sounds were the scratch of cutlery on plates until I was so stuffed I couldn’t eat another bite.

  “Do you remember why you were so upset?” he asked after I’d put my empty coffee cup down.

  “Yeah, I don’t remember what I told you or how much of it, but I know why.”

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “Not really.” I put my fork down and looked into my coffee cup. “But I guess we should.”

  “I think we need to.”

  “I’m not the most confident person.” I sighed and picked up my napkin so I had something to play with. “I feel inadequate a lot of the time, and I can be jealous.”

  “Of...” he prompted when I paused.

  “Girls who are prettier than me. Girls who are more confident or seem to have it all together. Mel is as alpha girl as it gets and when she was talking about you...”

  “Is it Mel specifically, or is there a reason you feel so insecure compared to her? Jules is pretty close to her physically but you’re closer than sisters.”

  “I was bullied, mercilessly, by a group of girls in high school. They humiliated me, physically attacked me and did everything they could to make me miserable.”

  “I’m sorry, no one should ever have to deal with that. What started it?”

  “I don’t know, exactly. I was always a nerd. I studied, I didn’t party and I was a perpetual teacher’s pet. I guess I was an easy target because I was so quiet and never fought back.”

  “And Mel reminds you of them?”

  “She reminds me of the ringleader, Lizzie. She hated me. I honestly wish I knew why but she seemed to be behind everything. The rumors they spread about me, the things they d
id...”

  “Paige?”

  “I wasn’t allowed to date when I was in school, my parents wanted me to focus on grades and volunteering. I had a crush on this guy in our class and it was painfully obvious. I could barely be in the same hallway as him without tripping or turning red. In junior year he started talking to me, being nice to me. I thought he liked me and we kind of dated in secret for a few months.”

  “Like you kept it a secret from your parents?”

  “From everyone. He was popular and I wasn’t. He said it would be easier if we just kept things out of school, and like a lovesick idiot I believed him.”

  “What happened?”

  I paused, blinking back the tears that were threatening to fall.

  “Paige?” He stood and came around the table to take my hand. I let him pull me up and lead me into the living room so we could sit on the couch together. He folded me in his arms, and as soon as I heard his heartbeat next to my ear I calmed down enough to tell him the rest, or at least most of it.

  “It was all a game to them. He was supposed to get me to go out with him, take my virginity and then give Lizzie some pictures of me...”

  “Please, tell me he didn’t do any of that to you.”

  “He did it all. I had sex with him, he convinced me to send him pictures and he passed them to Lizzie, and she showed all of her friends.”

  “So that asshat is the other guy you slept with?”

  “Yeah. Apparently it was supposed to only be a one time thing, just enough to deflower me, but the lure of having a naïve loser willing to do anything to please him was too strong and he strung me along for almost two months. Then he got bored with me and after the pictures were circulated he and Lizzie started dating.”

  I bit my lip and stopped the story there. I couldn’t tell him the rest. I trusted him more than anyone, but I couldn’t tell him the truth or he’d hate me.

  “I’m so sorry you had to go through that. That guy is a giant douche canoe, and I hope he and this Lizzie bitch get what’s coming to them.”