by McLean, Jay
Austin shakes his head. “Man, my parents are just happy I’ve made a friend. You don’t need to do anything for them.”
“But I want to.”
“If you insist, sure, but nothing fancy, okay? We don’t own ties.”
“Neither do I.”
“You wear a tie every game day.”
“That’s different.” He eyes me warily while I pull up a chair and sit next to him. “Austin.”
“Yes?” he drawls.
“We’re friends, right?”
“What do you want?” he deadpans.
I smirk.
“Again?”
“Yep.”
“Connor, I can’t keep abusing—”
“I’ll take you to a party when we get back on campus.”
His eyes narrow. “Five.”
“Three.”
He offers his hand for a shake.
I accept, adding, “But I’m going to need a little more this time.”
“Dude…”
“I know. Three parties and I’ll introduce you to every girl who approaches us.”
His teeth show with his grin. “What do you need?”
“Can you see what classes people have registered for?”
He groans. “Really? This is officially stalking now, man.”
“No, it’s not. It’s… curiosity.”
He sighs, his face scrunched in frustration. “I’ve been your best friend—”
“No, you haven’t.”
“Shut up.”
I chuckle.
He continues, “I’ve been your best friend for almost a year now, and I have questions… lots of them… and I’ve never asked because I figured one day you’d give in and tell me all about this elusive Ava Diaz of yours… but you haven’t yet, and that’s no way to treat your best friend, Connor.”
I stare at him, silent.
Another sigh leaves him. “Is she an ex?”
“Yes.”
“From high school?”
“Yes.”
“And she broke your heart?”
“Yes.”
“And you’re a glutton for punishment?”
I shrug.
“Connor, give me something here because I’m risking a lot by doing what I do for you.”
My lids lower, and I stare down at my lap, my chest filled with heartache, but beneath that… I feel hope. It’s there. It’s just not as prevalent. I look back at Austin, my eyes locked on his. “We fell in love at a lake surrounded by reckless ideals, and our lives at the time didn’t give us enough grace to allow us to live that love. She left, and I stayed, and every day that you and I have been best friends, I work toward getting her back. She was my first everything, and I want her—no, I need her—to be my last everything. I need her to be beside me when all of this is over and everything ends, because she is my end game, Austin. My forever.”
He stares back at me, unblinking, his breaths shallow. Then he exhales, his cheeks puffing with the force. “Damn, Connor. I thought she was, like, a one-night stand that you couldn’t shake… I didn’t know…” He shakes his head. “So, this is why you’ve shown no interest in other girls?”
“There are no other girls for me.”
He nods, slowly, then turns to his computer, his fingers hovering above the keyboard. Within seconds, he has Ava’s records on the screen and a list of the classes she’s registered for. “I have to tell you something,” he says, “since we’re out here revealing all our secrets…”
“Okay…?”
He faces me again. “I’m not really hacking into Duke’s database. I work in their admissions office.”
I chuckle. “I know.”
“You do?”
“I’m not as dumb as you think I am.”
“It made me feel cool for a while there, though.”
“I know that, too.”
“See?” he almost yells. “I am your best friend.”
Chapter 48
Ava
I stare down at the map and then at the door in front of me. I should’ve paid more attention during orientation, but I was too busy taking everything in. The fact that there’s no one else here makes me nervous. I grab my phone, look at the time. I’m not that early. At least I don’t think I am. Maybe I got the time wrong. Pressure builds in my chest, and my hands begin to shake. This is just the first day of the next four years of my life. I’m out of my depth, and I have no one to turn to.
I’m being a brat.
I have Mom, who I can call any time now.
And I have Trevor.
I hold the phone tighter in my hand, and with the other, I press the heal of my palm to my temple. I hadn’t slept—stupid, I know—but I’d been excited. Now that excitement has turned to fear and—
“You look lost.”
I look up and into the eyes of a boy—no, a man. You’re in college now, Ava. Duke.
“First day?” he asks, his hazel eyes fixed on mine. They’re larger than average, caused by the thick-lens glasses he’s wearing. Dark, curly hair flies in all directions, and then he offers a smile, kind, and I can’t help but do the same.
My airways widen when I exhale a breath. “Yeah. First day and I don’t know if I’m lost.” I point to the door behind me. “Is this criminal psychology?”
“Yeah, it is.”
“Well, good. I can’t imagine anything worse than going to the wrong class right off the bat.”
He chuckles. “It’d be one of those things that keeps you up at 3 a.m. twenty years from now.”
“For sure,” I laugh out.
He stands taller, his smile getting wider. “I’m Austin, by the way.”
“Ava,” I reply.
His expression falls. “Ava Diaz?”
My eyes widen. “How did you—”
He takes a single step back. “Oh, my bad.”
A hand appears between us, holding a coffee cup. “Here.”
It’s one word.
One syllable.
But it’s enough to flatline my already unstable heart. My eyes shift, slowly, as if afraid of what they’ll see. He hasn’t changed, not really, but he’s older, more manly, and his smile… God, that smile. “I got you a hot chocolate,” he says to me, handing me a cup. It’s warm against my palm, matching the heat in my cheeks. “I hope that’s okay?”
I whisper his name as if it’s something sacred, something found.
He jerks his head toward Austin. “I see you’ve met my roommate.”
“Hi,” I croak out. It was meant for Austin, but I can’t take my eyes off Connor’s. I clear my throat, dip my gaze—only for a second before I’m back to staring at him. My chest tightens, stomach in knots, and I knew… I mean, obviously I knew that I’d see him, and I’d somewhat mentally prepared myself to run into him at some point, but—
“Is she okay?” Austin asks Connor.
“Yeah.” Connor’s lips lift at one corner, his smile crooked, and I only now realize that he... he can’t take his eyes off me either. “She’s perfect.”
I gasp on a breath and keep it there until my lungs burn with the force.
Austin mumbles, “Are we going to stand out here all day or…”
Connor’s the first to break our stare, and he moves around me, his bare arm brushing against mine. He opens the door and waits for Austin to enter. I follow behind, my heart hammering. He stops me, his hand gentle on my forearm. Head dipped, he murmurs, his breath heating my cheek, “I hope you’re ready, Ava Elizabeth Diana.”
I peer up at him. “Ready for what?”
“Take three… Act three.”
My eyes narrow in confusion. “The climax?”
He stands to full height, shaking his head, and gives me that smile I fell so hard in love with. “The resolution.”
Connor
Okay.
I did it.
I broke the proverbial ice, and now I don’t know what to do. I’d woken up confident. I even got to class feeling confident. And
then I saw her and everything inside me flipped, switched, and stilled. She was looking down at a sheet of paper, her bottom lip caught between her teeth. Her hair was up in a high knot, a giant mess, but God, she was even more beautiful than I remember.
I told Austin I’d get us coffees and that I’d meet him there. I needed a minute, just one, to calm my racing heart. By the time I looked over again, she and Austin were talking, smiling at each other, and I think I’d missed that smile the most.
It took everything in me not to fall to my knees the second our eyes locked. I played it cool. At least I hoped I did.
Now, I’m sitting in a lecture hall beside the girl I’ve been “stalking” for too damn long, and I’m sweating. The room is big enough to seat at least fifty people, but in my mind, in my heart, it’s just her and me… and endless possibilities.
“Hey, Connor,” a girl says, walking through the seats in front of us.
Without taking my eyes off the side of Ava’s face, I reply, “What’s up?” And I can see the slight smile that graces Ava’s lips.
I’m going to kiss her there the most.
Next to me, Austin smacks my arm, bringing me back to reality. I look up at the girl, someone I don’t recognize, and point to Austin. “Have you met my friend Austin?”
Austin waves, bares his teeth with a grin.
The girl draws out the word, “Hey,” and I go back to Ava.
“So…” I start.
“So,” she replies. She won’t look at me, at least not directly, and by the time I get the courage to say anything more, the professor walks into the room, welcoming the class with a booming, “Welcome to criminal psychology!”
Ava sits up in her chair, her focus at the front of the room.
I pull a notebook out of my bag and tear out a sheet of paper. I write:
Have dinner with me? Yes or no?
I slide it across to her desk while I pretend to be paying attention to the professor’s speech. From the corner of my eye, I see her reading my note, then grabbing a pen. Head down, she starts writing away. When she’s done, she moves it across the table to me.
There’s a circle around no, and an arrow pointing down to her writing: Let me cook dinner for you? Yes or no?
My grin is stupid. I circle yes, hand it back.
She writes: Tonight?
And I reply: I have practice until 7. After?
Sure. I’ll text you my address.
Does that mean you’ll have to unblock my number? I hand it to her, watch her grimace while she reads it.
She writes back: We have a lot to talk about.
We sure do, but now isn’t the time, and so I write, pulling out my false confidence from earlier: Question: Will dinner tonight end in a kiss? Yes or No?
She turns to me, her eyes meeting mine, so bright and so sure and so damn perfect. She doesn’t respond. Instead, she folds the note until it fits in the palm of her hand, then she shoves it down her top, I’m assuming into her bra, and mouths a single word that turns all my bad days into hope-filled nights: “Magic.”
Chapter 49
Ava
I’m in trouble.
Deep, soul-shattering trouble.
Because nothing has changed, and everything is the same, and this time, I’m not talking about my mom. I’m talking about my feelings for Connor.
“It doesn’t make sense,” I tell Amy, my phone on speaker on the kitchen counter. “It’s like, I saw him, and everything just came flooding back.” I pull out some vegetables from my fridge and grab a knife from the drawer. “And why did I ask him to come over for dinner?”
Amy giggles.
“What the hell was I thinking?” I slice a pepper in half, then drop the knife, press my thumb to my temple. “Like, if we went out for dinner, at least we could leave separately and whenever we wanted. And going out means people, and those people—they would’ve stopped me from breaking down into tears or, I don’t know, humping his leg and licking his face, but here, in my apartment… Amy, there are no people in my apartment, and I’m going to make a complete fucking fool of myself. I can already tell.”
“Well, if you hump his leg and lick his face…” she says through a giggle.
“You’re not helping!” I whine, stomping my foot. “Maybe I should talk to Trevor.”
She all out laughs now. “Oh, yeah, he’s going to be much more helpful,” she sings, and I can hear her sarcasm from a thousand miles away.
“Amy!”
She sighs. “Look, if things get too uncomfortable for you, you can ask him to leave. From what you and Trevor have told me, he’s not the kind of guy who would fight you on that. And as far as the whole crying thing, if you feel the need to cry, then cry, Ava. Let it out. And if you want to get angry, then get angry. And if you really want to hump his leg, then… I mean, no judgment, but just be careful. Use protection.”
“I’m not going to have sex with him!”
“Sure, if you say so. You guys—you have a lot of history, but you’ve also had a lot of time in between. You’re basically walking into unknown territory here.”
I groan.
“Ava?”
“Yeah?”
“What are you feeling right now?”
“I don’t know,” I mumble. “I’m nervous, and I’m scared, but I’m also really excited to see him.” I rub the sweat off my brow with the back of my hand. “I just wish I knew how he felt.”
“Well, ask him.”
Ask him… as if it’s that simple.
“It’s the only way you’ll truly know. So… as soon as he walks in, ask him.”
I huff out a breath. “Maybe.”
“It’s going to be okay, Ava. Hey, your brother just got home, one second.” I hear Trevor kiss her quickly, then ask her, “Who are you talking to?”
“Your sister,” she tells him. “She ran into Connor today, and she invited him over for dinner.”
Trevor chuckles, and it grates on my nerves. Static fills the phone line as if he’s taking her phone, and then he says, “Hey.”
“Hey.”
“So… Connor’s coming over?”
“Uh huh.”
“Ava, I need to tell you something.”
“What?”
“When a man ejaculates...”
“You’re such a dick,” I snap. “Bye.” I hang up just as there’s a knock on my door. Shit, shit, shit. I look at the clock. It’s close to 7:30, and I’m late. Stupid four-hour afternoon nap.
I’m not ready. Not even close. Neither is dinner. I wipe my hands on a dish towel and swing open the front door. “Sorry, I’m running behind. I haven’t even started cooking yet, and you’re probably starv—”
“Hi,” he cuts in, leaning against the door frame all cool and calm and, Jesus, he’s so ridiculously handsome it makes me sick. “You’re flustered.” No shit. He’s smiling down at me as if he’s in on a joke only he’s privy to… as if I’m the joke.
I nod, attempt a calming breath. “A little, yeah.”
He returns the nod, peering over my shoulder and into my apartment. I open the door wider, wait for him to step in before closing it behind him. Hands in his pockets, he turns to me, his mouth parting, but before he gets a chance to speak, I say, “How are you… feeling?”
His brow lifts. “How am I feeling?”
“Yeah, like, right this very second. In three words or less. How are you feeling?”
He stares at me, his eyebrows drawn, and Amy is officially the worst advice giver in the world. “I don’t know.” Hands still in his pockets, he shrugs. “Nervous, scared, excited.”
My eyes widen. “How long were you standing outside my door?”
“I just got here. Why?”
I shake my head. “Nothing.”
“Can I add an extra one or is there a three-word limit?” he asks, his smirk throwing my mind off balance.
“Sure, add a word.”
“Lucky.”
“Lucky?” I repeat. “Why?”
“Because you’re wearing a dress, and I’ve never seen you in a dress before.”
“Oh.” Oh.
“You look nice, Ava.”
The breath that leaves me is ragged, and I look down at myself. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome,” he laughs out. “And hi, Crazy. That was one hell of a welcome.”
“Sorry.” I shake my head, clear the fog. “I’ve had a long day… and I’m… flustered.” I point to the counter. “I haven’t really started with—”
“It’s cool. Can I help at all?”
“No.” I motion to the stools beneath the countertop. “You sit. You’re probably exhausted.”
He takes my advice and sits on the opposite side of me, the counter between us. Good. An object that creates distance. That’ll help with the whole humping-his-leg thing. “Honestly, I was pretty beat, and then you opened the door in that dress, and I got a second wind.”
I bite down on my lip to stop my smile and turn away from him, not wanting him to see my blush.
“This is a real nice apartment,” he muses.
I open the fridge, a distraction. “Yeah, I like the floors.” I like the floors? What the actual fuck, Ava! Get a grip.
“Did uh… Did Peter help you with it?”
At the mention of his name, my shoulders tense, and I close the fridge empty-handed. Turning to him, I ask, “Help me with what?”
“The apartment.”
“No,” I reply, a single laugh bubbling out of me.
Connor’s eyes narrow. “Why is that funny?”
“Why would he be helping me—”
“I mean, you moved to Texas with him, so…”
Oh, that. I wave a hand in the air, ignore the way his eyes shine extra blue against the overhead lights. “It’s a long story.”
“Lucky we have all night then, huh?”
Nodding, I ignore the way Connor’s gaze dips to my breasts before checking himself and get back to cutting the vegetables on the counter.
His tone turns serious when he asks, “How’s your mom, Ava?”
I glance up at him, catch him watching my every move. “You won’t believe it if I tell you.”
