by McLean, Jay
“Connor, I don’t think—”
“Promise me.”
I grasp my hair, my palms pressing against my forehead. “This is so much right now, and I still… I don’t deserve this.”
He shakes his head, eyes on mine as he lowers my hands again. “Of course you deserve this. You’re my girl, Ava. My first and forever.”
My heart beats to the rhythm of his declaration. “I don’t even know what to say right now.”
“Say you love me.”
“I love you, Connor.” I press my mouth to his. “I love you so much.”
He smiles against my lips, then pulls away. “There is one thing you can do…”
“Is it that thing with my tongue on your ba—”
“No,” he cuts in, shaking his head. Then his eyes widen. “But yeah, that, too.”
I can’t help but laugh.
“Ava, I want to see your mom,” he rushes out. “I’ve been dying to see her, and you haven’t—”
“Can we go now?”
His face lights up. “Yeah?”
“She’s been dying to see you!”
* * *
Mom’s out in the garden when we get there, the sun beaming down on her tanning skin. She’s wearing a straw hat and a tank top—something she’s only now started to be comfortable being seen in. Connor’s hand tightens around mine when he spots her, his grin splitting his face in two. “Mama,” I call out, and she looks up. Her usual smile for me widens when she sees Connor. “Connor, six-six!” she screams, getting to her feet and rushing over to us. Her laugh fills my heart with hope when she slams into him, throwing her arm around his neck. “Oh, gosh, Connor! I’ve missed you so much.”
“You have no idea how much I’ve missed you, Miss D,” he murmurs, releasing my hand to return her hug. His eyes are red, brimming with liquid joy as he smiles down at me. I wipe mine with the back of my hand, my world filling with magic… even in the light of day.
Chapter 52
Connor
“Come with me?” Austin begs.
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because.”
“Because… nothing. It’s a Friday night, and you have nothing going on tomorrow, so—"
“Because it’s a fucking date, Austin. Your first date. What the hell—”
“Yeah, you’re right,” he says through a sigh. “She’ll probably take one look at you and forget I exist.”
I shake my head. “She asked you out, right?”
Austin nods.
“So, what’s the problem?”
“The problem is, I’m not built like you, Connor,” he answers, his tone serious.
I sigh, getting off my bed to stand behind him as he looks at himself in the mirror. “For someone who calls himself my best friend, you really don’t know me at all.”
His eye roll makes me chuckle. “You’re saying you were this nervous on your first date with Ava?”
“Ava and I never really dated. Like, we didn’t go out to movies and dinners and stuff. We just… hung out at her house or school. But, yeah, I was nervous around her. I still am. I think that’s what those feelings are, you know? Those butterflies people talk about…”
He turns to me now, his head craned to look up at me. “Were you her first, too?”
I shake my head.
“Did that bother you?”
“Not really.”
He nods, inhales a huge breath. “Okay. I’m going to go, and I’m going to—”
“Be yourself,” I cut in. “But lose the blazer.”
He looks down at himself. “It’s a cardigan.”
“Lose it.”
“But it makes me look sophisticated.”
“It makes you look like a pompous ass.”
“You’re a pompous ass!”
There’s a knock on our door, and I go to open it, saying over my shoulder, “Do whatever you want.”
Ava’s on the other side, her smile full force when she sees me. “Hey, babe,” I greet, kissing her quickly.
“Ava!” Austin shouts, pushing me aside. “I’m going on a date,” he announces.
Ava’s eyes widen, just a tad. “In that blazer?”
“I told you it was a blazer,” I murmur, taking her hand. I start pulling her into the room, but she resists. “What’s up?” I ask, confused.
She grins from ear-to-ear. “I have a surprise.”
My eyes narrow just as Ava steps to the side and Trevor appears. “Shut. Up,” I mumble, my eyes wide.
Trevor’s smile matches Ava’s, and I can’t help my own stupid grin. “What’s good?” he asks, his hand out for a shake.
I take it, answer, “Not much.”
And then he chuckles, tugging on my hand and embracing me—a little too tight—and with his mouth to my ear, he whispers, “I’ve missed you, you dumbass.”
I laugh, say, “I’ve missed you, too, you giant fuck.”
Behind me, Austin grunts. “You never hug me like that.”
* * *
Miss D’s reaction to Trevor being in town is similar to mine, although she doesn’t bother hiding her genuine emotions. She cries when he hugs her and tells her how much he’s missed her. The truth is, I did get a tiny bit emotional when I saw him. I’d been hoping that since Ava and I are together again that I’d soon see Trevor, but she always talked about how busy he was and how hard things were for him money-wise. I almost, almost, offered to pay for him and Amy to come out because I knew how much she missed them. But I also knew she wouldn’t accept… just like all the other times I’ve offered to pay for things.
“I can’t believe it,” Miss D says, grasping Trevor’s hand on the table. She looks at each of us in turn while we wait for our lunch to arrive, tears at the corners of her eyes. “All my kids are here!”
“Yeah, but I’m your favorite, right?” says Trevor.
Miss D giggles, pats his hand.
“And Connor doesn’t count,” he adds. “He’s not your kid.”
“Not yet.” Miss D winks at me. “But son-in-law sounds good.”
Ava chokes on her soda.
I can’t help but smile. “Someday, Miss D,” I sing, leaning back in my chair. “Someday, your daughter’s going to make an honest man out of me.”
“Shut up!” Ava whisper-yells, pink blushing her cheeks.
“What?” I shrug. “As if that’s not going to happen.”
“But not for a few years, right?” Trevor says, a threatening lilt in his tone.
I smirk at him.
He adds, “Once she gets her degree, and you’re in the NBA, or whatever you decide to do, then maybe…”
I laugh once. “What? Am I going to have to ask your permission?”
“Yes,” all three of them say in unison.
Now it’s Trevor’s turn to smirk at me. “See that?” he says, pointing at me. “I’m always going to be the favorite.”
* * *
I stay with Ava over the weekend and spend the time showing Trevor around campus, as well as Durham. He spends that time trying to convince Ava and me to transfer to Texas A&M. We visit Miss D every day, sometimes twice a day, and at times in between, we catch up on our current lives, reminisce about the old, and laugh. We laugh so hard, it hurts. And Ava—as much as she’ll deny it to his face, she misses him a lot more than she lets show. But I can tell. I can see it in the way she looks up at him, the way her eyes find a sense of calm whenever he’s around her. And maybe I should be jealous that I’m not quite there yet, that she doesn’t look at me like that, but we have something we never had before.
We have time.
And we have communication.
I’d told her that first night together that it was important to me that we both be open with what we were experiencing and what we were feeling. That if at any time she was feeling a certain way and she needed something from me—time, space, or me—that she tell me that up front, and in return, I’d do the same.
No more secr
ets.
No more hiding what we felt so the other wouldn’t feel the weight of it.
We were a team now.
A duo.
Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen.
I lost her at the basketball reference, but she agreed anyway and said she felt the same. We needed to be solid. A fortress. Then she made an analogy about strands of a rope and something about one fraying, and I told her it didn’t make sense. She retorted that Jordan and Pippen didn’t make sense. Which is fucking bullshit, and I told her that, too. Then we got into an argument that lasted all of five seconds before she was dry humping my leg again.
Now, we’re in bed, and she’s fast asleep while I’m wide awake. She stirs beside me, flipping her head from one side to the other. Now her cheek’s on the patch of drool on her pillow, and I consider waking her to let her know, but… eh.
It’s close to midnight and the world is quiet, but my mind… my mind won’t rest. I kiss Ava’s shoulder before pushing the covers off of me. After throwing on some sweats, I head out of the room, light on my feet, and go toward the kitchen. I stop when I notice Trevor out on the balcony and make my way over, sliding the large glass door as quietly as possible. He looks up at the sound. “Can’t sleep?” he asks.
I shake my head. “You?”
“Same.”
I take the seat next to him. “You’re leaving early tomorrow, right?”
He nods, looks up at the moon. “Yeah. Flying straight to Colorado for Amy’s dad’s sixtieth.” He adjusts in his seat. “I haven’t told Ava yet, but Amy landed this killer job in Denver, so she’s moving back there in a few weeks. She only stayed in Texas for me to finish up, but this job is… it’s too good an opportunity for her to refuse.”
“Are you… I mean, are you still going to stay together?”
“Yeah.” He nods, sure. “We’ve done the long-distance thing before so it’s not a big deal, but I don’t want it to be forever.”
“So what are you going to do?”
“I don’t know,” he says. “I actually wanted to talk to you about that.”
“Me?” I ask, my eyes wide.
“Yeah,” he breathes out. “I know that Ava and I have been living in different states the past few months, and when Ava told me that you and she were back together… to be honest, it took away a lot of the worry I’d been carrying.”
I smile, my chest filling with pride.
“I know you’re going to take care of her, of both of them, so… I guess moving back here isn’t so urgent.”
“You want to move to Denver with Amy?”
Expression pained, he offers a nod.
“That’s good, right?” I ask, confused.
“Yeah, but Ava… I don’t know how she’s—”
“Nah, dude. She wouldn’t have it any other way. Trust me. All she wants is for you to be happy.”
“It goes both ways,” he tells me. “All I want is for her to find The Happiness, and you make her happy, Connor. So, thank you.”
“You don’t need to thank me,” I murmur. “Like you said, it goes both ways.”
“I don’t just mean with her, though. I mean, with Mama Jo, too. You light up something inside them that… I don’t even know how to explain it. I just know that I’m grateful for it. For you.”
There’s a knot in my throat that makes it hard to say, “Thanks.”
“We should hug again.”
I turn to him. “Are you serious?”
“No.” He chuckles. Then stares at me, his hand going to his pocket. He pulls out a tiny black box and pops open the lid to reveal a ring.
I blow out a breath. “Are you asking me to marry you? Because I hate to break it to you, but homosexuality isn’t genetic, so…”
He busts out a laugh. “I’m going to ask Amy to marry me in front of her family.”
“Seriously?” I can’t hide my grin. Trevor nods. “That’s awesome, man. Congrats.”
He closes the lid with a pop, then shoves it back in his pocket. “It’s the ring my dad gave Mama Jo.”
“Isn’t that bad luck?”
His eyes widen. “Is it?”
“I don’t know,” I backtrack. “I thought I heard it somewhere, but I could be wrong. I’m kind of dumb, in case you didn’t notice.”
“Shit, Connor. Is it?”
I shrug.
“Fuck.”
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
He groans, runs a hand down his face. “Dude, we’re both athletes; you know how superstitious we are.”
I kick myself with the foot that was just in my mouth. “I’m sure it’ll be fine.”
“No, it won’t. And now it’s too late. I’ve told her parents and everything…” He groans again, the heels of his palms going to his eyes. “Dammit.”
“Can’t you, like, trade it in?”
“It’s a little late, dipshit.”
I sigh. “You and Ava have such strange love languages.”
“And even if I could, I wouldn’t get much for it, and I don’t have the money to buy another one, and what the hell am I doing, Connor? Jesus, I can’t even buy her a ring and I’m expecting her to marry me. She’s the only one with a job until I find something and—”
“I have a... proposition.”
He shakes his head. “I’m not sleeping with you.”
I chuckle under my breath. “Well, there goes that idea.”
“What’s your proposition?” He sighs, kicking the balcony railing. “I’m kind of desperate here, and if it’s just one night, and we never have to bring it up again, then maybe…”
My lips lift at the corners. “Be my agent.”
His head dips in frustration. “You have an agent.”
“No, I don’t.”
His gaze lifts, locks on mine. “As good as that sounds, I couldn’t do that to you. I haven’t even graduated, and I’ve got no real-life experience.”
“But you’ve got heart,” I tell him. “And you care. And you’re invested in me.”
He shakes his head, disbelieving. “What’s your angle, man?” His dark eyes flick between mine. “What do you…”
“I’m going to do my four years…”
He nods. “Okay…?”
“And there’s only one team I want.”
His throat bobs with his swallow.
I add, “And I want you to get me on that team. I want to go pro, but I don’t care about the money.”
“Connor, that’s—” He blows out a breath. “It doesn’t work like that.”
“But you have two and a half years to make it work like that.”
He licks his lips, his eyes still questioning.
“And I’ll give you an advance.”
“What?”
I nod. “To buy your girl her dream ring.”
“What?”
“And pay off your student loans.”
“What?”
“And a house for you and Amy.”
“What?”
I laugh. “Didn’t Ava tell you?”
“What?”
“I’m kind of rich now.”
“What?”
“Say something else.”
“No.”
“No?”
“No.”
“You don’t want to be my agent?”
“Connor,” he deadpans, his hands going to his head. “My mind is blowing up right now. I can’t even comprehend the fact that you want me to be your agent, let alone the fact that you’re somehow rich enough to—wait, did you take money from someone, because the NCAA—”
“No,” I cut in. “It’s a long story, but trust me, I can do what I’m offering and not feel a dent.”
“Fuck you.”
I laugh. “So?”
“It would be a loan?”
“No, it would an advance on whatever you make off of me.”
“What if I can’t make it happen?”
“Then you’re screwed,” I joke. Then add, more s
eriously, “You’ll make it happen, bro. I don’t know many people in this world who have more perseverance than you.”
He stares up at the moon again, cracking his knuckles.
“So?” I ask. “What do you say? You want to take on some nobody from Florida as your first client?”
He turns to me, a puff of breath leaving him. “Okay.”
I smile. “Okay.”
Epilogue
Ava
“Okay, so what do you need from me? Do you want space, or time, or me? Do you want me? Just tell me what you need, and I’ll do it.”
Connor sits on the edge of the hotel room bed, his head in his hands, his bag by his feet. He releases a long, drawn-out breath before he reaches between us and takes my hand in his. He looks up, his eyes clear. “I need you to calm the hell down, baby. You’re making me nervous.”
“Sorry,” I breathe out, letting him pull me between his legs.
His head settles on my stomach, his arms going around my waist. “You’re going to be there early, right?”
“I’ll be the first one through the gates.”
Connor chuckles. “And you got all the tickets?”
“All of them.”
“And you’re coming with your mom—”
“As soon as you leave, I’m going to meet her and your dad and Michael in the lobby.”
Connor nods. “All right.”
“All right.”
He turns to me, a smile playing on his lips. “I should probably get going,” he says, passing me a black marker. I take his hand, settle it on my bare thigh, and write Miss D on the back of his hand, and Ava E. D. Diaz below it. Then I reach into my purse and pull out a blue balloon. I blow it up, make quick work of writing Connor Ledger #1 Boo Devil. I hand it to him, loving the way his eyes light up when he takes it from me.
Three years.
Three seasons.
And this is what we do before every game.
But we’ve never had a game like this before.
Duke is in the NCAA Division I championship, and this is Connor’s last game as a Duke Blue Devil.
“Okay.” Connor stands, and he rolls his neck, his shoulders, then he shakes out his hands, turning to me when I get to my feet. “Say it,” he says.
