by Merry Farmer
“Getting a room with Tabby is the last thing I want to do.”
“I wouldn’t, even if he were the last man on earth.”
“Not if the sky were falling.”
“Not if it was that or die a fiery death.”
Arch couldn’t think of anything else to add, so he just stood there—as did Tabby—looking hot and bothered.
Elvie just smirked. “Oh, please. Why don’t you two just put us all out of our misery and get back together?”
“What do you mean, ‘back?’” Arch asked, though he knew full well. How could he forget the best summer of his life, or the aftermath because of that stupid class president election?
“We haven’t been together for sixteen years,” Tabby growled.
Elvie crossed her arms. “You realize that the more you two protest, the less convinced the rest of us are that you aren’t both aching to jump each other’s bones.”
Arch looked to Tabby. Tabby stared back at him. She looked like a purple marshmallow in her winter coat. He wouldn’t mind dunking her in his hot chocolate. But there was no way he was going to let on to that. Not unless Tabby said she wanted him first.
“Come on.” Elvie sighed. “You’re here. You obviously wanted Tabby’s attention. Why don’t you just ask her out already.”
Arch opened his mouth to protest, but thought better of it. Maybe pranks of the sort he and Tabby used to play on each other in high school were a little juvenile. Maybe it was time that they both grew up and faced the source of their rivalry head-on.
“What do you say, Tabs?” he asked Tabby with a smile. “Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. How about we go out for a nice, festive holiday supper?”
Tabby’s mouth dropped open. For a second, Arch couldn’t tell if she looked furious or completely nonplussed by his invitation. Maybe she was both. Her expression went through a couple of emotions, and she shut her mouth only to open it again a second later. And then, her startled look faded to something far, far more dangerous…and pretty darn sexy too. She was thinking. No, plotting.
“Okay,” she said, crossing her arms. “I’ll go out to dinner with you tomorrow night.”
Arch wasn’t fooled into thinking she’d backed down and was taking his invitation at face value. Not for one second. It made him nervous. Good nervous. Great nervous. “All right. I’ll pick you up at six, then?”
“Nuh-uh.” She shook her head. “I’ve got a better idea.” Her wicked smile grew. Arch was pretty sure he was in deep trouble. “I’ll pick you up at your place at six, and I’m going to take you to one of my favorite spots.”
Yep. She was going to drive him out into the middle of nowhere, make him dig his own grave, then push him in.
“And you need to dress up,” she added.
Definitely the grave thing. Not that he was going to let her think she’d cowed him in any way.
He crossed his arms and put on his most winning smile. “All right. You’re on.”
Her grin widened. He was in serious trouble. “And when I say dress up, I mean formal. Really, really fancy.”
“I hear you.” He winked at her.
Tabby grinned, almost as if she liked it. Or as if she was already thinking of recipes for sauces to cook his balls in. Her eyebrow flickered up, sending Arch’s blood pressure soaring, and she returned to her work cutting the plastic off her car.
He went back to work as well, tingling excitement for whatever she had in store for him.
Across the car, Elvie shook her head and sighed.
Chapter 2
By the next evening, Arch could barely contain his excitement. He usually took care with the way he dressed—even if that had led his friends to tease him a time or two in the past—but for his date with Tabby, he pulled out all the stops.
“What do you think?” he asked Elvie and Evan, walking out into the living room with a tie in each hand. “Passionate red or power blue?”
Elvie and Evan sat on the couch, watching the five o’clock news, looking as though they didn’t have a care in the world. A smarmy grin tweaked Elvie’s lips at Arch’s question. “Where are you two going?”
Arch shrugged. “I don’t know. She wouldn’t tell me. Probably dinner and that Christmas pageant over at the church that Pastor Ben and Rikki are putting together.”
“You’re going on a date to a church Christmas pageant?” Elvie looked like she was about to laugh.
“I don’t know,” Arch repeated, harder this time.
Elvie giggled and tilted her head to the side. After thinking, she said, “Red tonight, and you can save the blue one for your wedding.”
Arch lowered his arms and glared at his sister with the kind of teasing contempt he saved for his siblings. “It’s just a date, not a lifetime.”
“Mmm hmm.” Elvie arched a brow.
“It’s a beginning,” Arch insisted. “Who knows? If Tabby really is interested in burying the hatchet and becoming friends, anything is possible.”
Evan dragged his eyes away from a particularly frosty weather report. “Is this that lady doctor from town?” he asked with all the casualness of someone who hadn’t been around to witness the carnage of Arch and Tabby’s rivalry in high school.
“Yes,” Elvie answered before Arch could open his mouth. “She’s the one he’s been mooning over for the past fifteen years, the one he let get away.”
Arch glared harder. “That’s not true.”
“Psht.” Elvie snorted. “He’s been carrying a torch for her forever.”
“I haven’t,” Arch insisted. “I’ve had loads of other girlfriends since then.”
“Yeah, and how long have those relationships lasted?”
Arch didn’t answer. He would have crossed his arms, if it wouldn’t have wrinkled his ties.
“And why did you break up with them?” Elvie pressed on.
“Because we didn’t click.” Arch was glad to have a position to argue from that didn’t make him look like a fool. “Because none of them gave me the feeling that I could build a life with them.”
“Because none of them were Tabby,” Elvie told Evan.
Evan hummed in understanding, glancing from the TV to Arch and back again.
“Come on. Aren’t you going to stick up for me?” Arch pressed him. “Brother-in-law-ly solidarity and all?”
Evan’s lips twitched into a grin. “As much as I appreciate having you as a brother-in-law, I value keeping certain parts of my anatomy intact, and if I take your side against my wife’s, those parts are liable to have a very hard time this Christmas.”
“Aww,” Elvie cooed, pecking Evan’s cheek. “You’re such a good husband.”
Evan turned to her with a pleased smile and drew her into a slightly longer kiss. A kiss that threatened to overheat in a hurry.
Arch rolled his eyes and turned to stomp back to his bedroom. There were decided disadvantages to living under one roof with his newlywed sister and her husband. They had rooms at opposite ends of the sprawling ranch house, but that didn’t stop him from walking in a time or two on PDAs he wished he hadn’t seen.
Of course, if he’d had Tabby around to create his own PDAs, it’d be another story. He was sure he could come up with some ways to make Elvie and Evan blush. Heaven knew he’d dreamed juicy kisses and passionate embraces with Tabby a time or two. Especially since homecoming. He figured the two of them could find some interesting ways to put the overstuffed leather recliner in the den to good use. Tabby would—
Not that the object of his fantasies had to be Tabby, an argumentative voice in his head shouted as he started tying the red tie around his neck. She could be anyone, really. He was only visualizing Tabby in those positions because he hadn’t had any action for ages, and she was the woman who he kept butting heads with. He should really get out more, see if there were other single women in town. Although the whole thing with the underwear models had kinda wrecked that. But a trip to Salt Lake City wouldn’t be entirely out of the question. There were plenty of
fish in that lake. He could—
Who was he kidding. It was Tabby or it was no one. He stood in front of the mirror on the back of his closet door where he straightened his tie, tucked in his shirt, and gave himself a once-over. Elvie was right, though he would never admit it to her. He had carried a torch for Tabby. Or at least, he hadn’t been able to get her out of his mind. But only because she’d been under his skin, irritating him like sand in his swimsuit, for too long. Maybe their date tonight would be the beginning of something, or maybe it would put to rest all of the lingering energy he had for her.
The flash of headlights at the end of the driveway yanked Arch out of his rollercoaster ride of thoughts. She was here. For the next couple of hours, he wouldn’t try to analyze whether he wanted to get back together with Tabby—and was it really fair to say they would get back together when they hadn’t been together for sixteen years—or get her out of his system altogether. He’d just go along with whatever she had planned for the night, and see where it took them.
He headed out of his room at the sound of gravel crunching in the driveway. As he passed through the living room, Elvie glanced up from where she was now snuggled in Evan’s lap and asked, “Is she here?”
“Yep.”
Arch couldn’t keep the grin off his face. At last, he was going out with Tabby. She’d be by his side all night long, no matter where they went, and chances were she’d look fabulous. Heck, she’d look fabulous in sweats and a t-shirt. Or out of the t-shirt…
The doorbell rang just as Arch reached the front hall. He took a deep breath, sucked in his gut, and reached for the handle. At the last second, he put on his most winning smile, then pulled open the door.
“Pizza delivery for Arch O’Donnell?”
The kid on the other side of the door held a stack of boxes that reached to the brim of his delivery cap. He wore a grin as wide as the Wyoming skyline. A second delivery kid stood right behind him with another stack of boxes—at least a dozen. And behind him was a teenage girl holding up a cell phone and giggling.
“Thirty-six anchovy and pineapple pizzas for Arch O’Donnell,” the kid in front repeated. He couldn’t keep a straight face. Within seconds, all three of the teens were snorting with laughter.
Arch’s heart sank to his stomach. His rotten, aching, idiot heart that had gotten his hopes up. He wanted to kick something. Probably himself.
On the other hand…thirty-six anchovy and pineapple pizzas? Damn, Tabby was good.
“Get your butts in here,” Arch sighed, standing out of the way so the kids could come inside.
They shuffled in as Arch pointed the way down the hall to the living room, where Elvie and Evan were untangling themselves and standing to see what was going on.
“Put them on the coffee table,” Arch told the kids.
“What the heck?” Elvie crossed to where the pizzas were being stacked and opened the lid of the top box. She instantly recoiled. “Whoa. Who orders anchovy and pineapple on their pizza?”
The teenage girl holding the cell phone had followed the guys into the room. From the way she was holding the phone, Arch got the feeling more people had a front-row seat to his humiliation than were in the room. That was confirmed when he heard Tabby’s laughter coming through in a tinny sound from the phone. As disappointed as he was that they weren’t on the verge of a fancy and romantic date, the thrill of competition began to pulse through him. He couldn’t stop himself from smiling just a little bit. She’d got him good.
“Excuse me.” He stepped over to the girl with the phone. “Angie, right?”
“Yeah?” she giggled, glancing alternately at Arch and her phone’s screen.
Arch held out his hand. “I have a feeling I want to talk to whoever you’ve got on the line there.”
“Okay.” Angie continued to giggle as she handed Arch the phone.
Sure enough, when Arch stared at the screen, he saw a tiny window showing Elvie and Evan going through all of the pizza boxes to see if they were the same bizarre pizza, and a much bigger image of Tabby laughing her head off.
“Nice one, Tabs,” Arch drawled, smirking. “Real nice. A crap-ton of pizza that no one in their right mind would actually eat.”
As he spoke, he glanced up to see Evan stuffing a slice in his mouth, a second slice in his other hand. “What?” Evan asked, mouth full.
“I’m picking the anchovies off,” Elvie said, helping herself to pizza too.
Arch peeked at Tabby’s laughing face on the screen, then looked to the pizza kids. “You guys want some?”
“I can’t, I’m gluten intolerant,” the main delivery kid said.
That made Tabby laugh even harder for some reason. No matter what had caused it, Arch loved the sound of her laugh. He kept his wry grin in place, though.
“So I guess this means we’re not going to some fancy restaurant, then out dancing all night,” he said, that thread of disappointment back again.
“No.” Tabby chuckled. “I think you’ve got more than enough to keep you busy tonight.”
As if on cue, the gluten-intolerant pizza kid said, “That’ll be $345, plus tip, Mr. O’Donnell.”
His two buddies cracked up again.
Arch raised an eyebrow at Tabby on the phone’s screen. “You’re lucky I took some cash out of the ATM for holiday emergencies yesterday.” He crossed to the counter separating the living room from the kitchen and set the phone down to pick up his wallet.
“I wouldn’t expect any less from you, Mr. Always Prepared,” Tabby laughed. “That’s what makes the prank that much sweeter.”
Money in one hand, Arch picked up the phone again and walked back to the kids. He handed the cash over to the gluten kid. “You know how this goes, Tabs,” he smiled. “One good prank deserves another.”
Tabby laughed, but Elvie groaned and rolled her eyes. “Aren’t you two over the whole prank thing yet?”
Arch exchanged a look with Tabby through the phone. “Never,” he said.
“Is that supposed to mean something?” Tabby snapped back.
“Did he just threaten you?” another voice sounded from Tabby’s end. It wasn’t her sister, Samantha. If Arch wasn’t mistaken, it was Chastity Culpepper.
He took another look at the room where Tabby was sitting. It was familiar. Very familiar. Tabby was at Linda Culpepper’s house. Now that he was noticing things, he could hear more than a few people in the background. The Culpeppers must have been having some sort of Christmas Eve get-together before the church pageant. An idea jumped into Arch’s mind.
“Tell Chastity that I don’t threaten,” he said. “I make promises, then I follow through.”
“What kind of promise are you making me?” Tabby asked, cheeks going pink.
For a split-second, Arch had the distinct feeling that she wanted him. And not just in the prank rivalry department. It fired his blood more than ever.
“You’ll see,” he said, then tapped to end the call. He handed the phone back to Angie.
“I’m not so sure I like that look in your eyes,” Elvie said, half a piece of pizza in her hand.
Arch just wiggled his eyebrows at her. “Kids.” He turned to the delivery crew. “How would you like to earn an extra fifty bucks each?”
“Yes!”
“Would we ever!”
“Of course!”
Arch’s grin widened. “Then pack up the pizzas again. We’re going over to the Culpepper ranch.”
Tabby laughed as she tucked her phone back into her pocket. “Did you see the look on his face?” she asked her sister, Sammy.
Sammy giggled, then switched to an overly sensitive sigh. “Poor Arch. He looked like he was really looking forward to going out with you.”
A hot, guilty, squiggly flush passed through Tabby. “He wasn’t really, though,” she argued, partially with herself. “Arch hates me. He always has. There’s no way he didn’t know this would be a prank.”
“I don’t know,” Chastity said from one of the sofa
s in Linda’s festively-decorated living room as Tabby took a seat beside her, on the other side from Chris. “He was wearing a red tie.”
Across from them, sitting squashed into an armchair with her husband, Angus, Honor MacFarlane hummed in agreement and arched her brow. “Red ties mean business.”
“Red anything means business,” Angus added in his cute, Scottish brogue.
“As proven by those jammies you bought,” Honor added, gave Angus a saucy smile, then kissed him soundly.
Tabby didn’t want to know what that was all about. She turned to Chastity, ready to giggle about Honor and Angus, only to find Chastity and Chris making kissy-faces at each other too. A deep longing tugged at her heart. Her mind filled with images of her and Arch cuddled on the couch, engaging in shameless displays of PDA too.
“That doesn’t make any sense,” she said, mostly to convince herself. “Arch and I have been bitter rivals since high school. Everyone knows that.”
“Everyone knows that the two of you have had an intense relationship since high school,” Cooper Culpepper said, entering the living room with a tray of snacks Linda had prepared. He didn’t get any farther than offering them to Faith—who looked exhausted and ready to pop on the sofa opposite where Tabby sat.
“Intense, yes,” Tabby argued. “Intense rivalry.”
“Rivalry doesn’t always mean hatred,” Faith pointed out.
Tabby sighed. “Nice of you all to gang up on me.”
“We’re not ganging up on you,” Sammy insisted as everyone else added their comments in the same vein.
“We’re just pointing out what we see,” Joy added. She too looked ready to pop out a baby at any second. Joy’s baby would be Sammy’s responsibility, though. Sammy was a midwife, and Joy had chosen to go that route and have a home birth instead of Faith’s determination to give birth in the clinic.
“The two of you make a cute couple,” Hope added.
Tabby fixed her with a doubtful stare. “You haven’t lived in Culpepper long enough to remember the good old days.”
Instead of shutting Hope down, excitement filled her eyes. “What’d I miss?”
