by Jillian Neal
“I like it when you call me ‘baby’.” He smiled and nodded as he attempted to wipe away her tears.
He kissed her forehead as he tried to think of a way to make her feel better.
“And I love the way you always take care of me, Logan, but what if you’re not there? What if your family gets tired of me, and then what? I need to be able to be on my own, because when you leave....” she broke down in sobs again, and everything suddenly became clear to him.
His heart felt like someone had shattered it into irreparable pieces. He shook his head.
“Look at me, Adeline,” he ordered. She gazed at him, shocked by his tone, but she needed to hear this.
“My family isn’t going to get tired of you,” he vowed. “But more importantly, I’m not leaving. I’m not going anywhere! I’m here to stay. I want to be with you forever, and if you want a ring to prove that, then give me a few months in Iodex, and I’ll get you a ring. But ring or no ring, Adeline, I love you more than anything in the whole world. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I know you’ve never had anyone in your life who hasn’t let you down, but let me be that guy. Let me prove to you that we’re not all jerks who want one thing, and then walk away!” He was desperate for her to believe him, as he stared into the depths of her beautiful eyes. They were so dark they were almost onyx in color.
“That’s why I was so hesitant to be with you, because I was terrified that this is what you would think.” He was furious with himself that he’d given in.
She shook her head. “No, I wanted to do that with you, because I know that you’re that kind of guy. I know that right now you love me, but what happens when...?” Her words were drowned out by her renewed sobs. Logan shook his head in adamant defiance.
“I’m going to prove you wrong, Adeline. I’m going to show you that I’m not walking away. I don’t care how difficult it is, or how hard I have to fight. If it’s the last thing I do, I will prove to you that I will love you forever.” This made her cry harder.
“I am going to take care of you, and love you. Someday I’m going to convince you that you are an incredible woman, and that you deserve to be loved and adored the way that I love and adore you!”
“But how can you know that?” she asked; her breath came in stuttered pants from her tears. He hugged her fiercely.
“Because that’s how my dad loves my mom. That’s how Rainer loves Emily. That’s how Will loves Brooke and how Patrick loves Lucy. That’s all I’ve known my whole life, and I knew from the moment you walked onto campus when we were sub-freshman that you were who I wanted. It just took me a little while to work up the courage to ask you out,” he chuckled as she grinned through her tears.
“But how are you so sure?”
“I’ve never been more certain of anything in my life.”
She shook her head, and he studied her eyes and the energy rolling off of her. She wanted so badly to believe what he was saying, but she just couldn’t. That realization made him all the more determined.
“Will you let me try, Adeline? You don’t have to believe me tonight, but just give me a chance to try to prove to you that I’ll always love you, that I’ll always be there for you, and that I won’t walk away.”
She nodded, and her chin quivered violently as she shuddered beside him.
He held her tightly, and wiped away tear after tear as he kissed her sweetly. He let her cry. If anyone had a lifetime of tears they’d never released, it was Adeline. She settled down after several long minutes. Her breathing was still convulsive.
“I love you, Adeline, and I will always love you.”
She gazed up at him. The last of her tears was still falling from her long lashes.
“I...” she stammered and then forced, “I love you, too, Logan.”
His heart faltered in shock, but then soared back to life. She’d never said that to him before. He’d been telling her for over a year now, but always insisted that she shouldn’t say it until she felt it. He’d been determined to make her feel it since he’d first asked her out four years before.
“You don’t have to say that,” he urged, but he’d felt it as he’d brushed her tears away. He’d felt it the night he’d made her all his own. When their energies combined, he’d felt the overwhelming emotion deep within her.
“I know. I’ve never said that to anyone.” She quivered. “Not even my mom.” As she fought another onslaught of tears, he held her tightly.
“And my mom never said that to me, and your parents say it all the time.”
“I know, and I’m going to keep telling you all the time until you actually believe that I love you.”
She nodded, still unable to believe that she was lovable. But all he needed was for her to believe in him. He could work on her believing in herself for the rest of their lives.
She raised her head and let her gaze fall to his. Her eyes were red from her tears, and he brushed a kiss across her lips. He wanted her to feel him, and he longed to feel her energy.
He needed that kiss to reassure her in the ways his words weren’t yet able. She responded; her eyes closed, her heartbeat steadied and then picked up rhythm.
He slid his hands around her waist, and then hesitantly he let one slide to her backside as she panted slightly. She pulled away and looked terrified once again.
“What, what is it, sweetheart? We don’t have to do anything. I just wanted to kiss you; that’s it, I swear.”
To his relief she smiled and nodded, but then anxiety marred her delicate features.
“What? Adeline, just tell me what’s got you so worried.”
She shrugged and then seemed to draw on deep, untapped resolve. “Can I ask you something, Logan?”
“Anything.” He studied her. She drew a steadying breath.
“And you’ll tell me the truth?” Disbelief broadcast from her entire being.
“I will always tell you the truth, Adeline. I have never lied to you. Just ask me.”
Logan had spent the last four years doing everything in his power to make Adeline Parker believe in him. He’d taken Cal’s advice, and buried it in his heart and deep within his soul. He knew how hard her trust was going to be to build, and how easily it could all be washed away. One misstep, one seemingly harmless lie, and the house he’d worked so hard to create would be left in crumpled remains. He’d never lie to her, and he’d never leave her. Of that, he was more certain than he was that he wanted to draw his next breath.
Her face fell. Her head shifted downward, until she was staring at her hands in her lap. She mumbled something, but he couldn’t quite make it out. He couldn’t believe that she’d uttered what he thought he’d heard. He touched her chin tenderly with his thumb and index finger, and raised her head.
“What, baby?”
“Do you wish I’d taken it?” she forced in a terrified, pleading whisper. Stunned disbelief rocked through him.
“What?”
She couldn’t be asking him if he wished she’d taken the Ecstasy. That was preposterous, and she was so much smarter than that. She refused to look him in the eye. Her tears returned in drowning, quaking sobs.
“Do you wish I’d drunk that drink Fergus made me?”
“Adeline,” he gasped, but then shook his head, simply unable to sort through the dozens of thoughts that pulsed violently in his mind.
He let his anger win out over all the others, though he fought it valiantly. He stared at her in rapt disbelief. “Is that honestly what you think of me?Why would I ever want you to drink something like that?”
She shook against him. She fought to regain control as she shrugged.
“Makes you do some pretty wild things, and you could’ve gotten me to do whatever you wanted, if I’d had it. Been whatever you’d wanted me to be.”
He let his eyes close for the length of one heartbeat.
“Adeline...you are everything I have ever wanted. You are sweet, and kind, and smart, and beautiful,” he vowed adamantly. Then he
paused, closed his eyes, and thought of her naked and vulnerable only to him, with him over her, protecting her, soothing her, being with her.
Logan shook his head, and kept the images fresh in his mind; he held her face tenderly.
“Adeline, when I’m with you like that it is beyond anything I could ever have imagined, or fantasized. When we make love, it is the most incredible experience of my life. Every night that I get to spend wrapped up inside of you is the most amazing night of my life. Not because you took some shit Fergus got off a guy on the boardwalk.” He shook his head and willed her to believe what he was saying. “But because I love you, and when I’m with you, I can feel it. When I’m inside of you, you feel loved. You allow yourself just a moment to let it wash through you and, Adeline, that is the most amazing thing I’ve ever felt.”
“Really? You can feel that?”
“I can feel that, and what’s more amazing, is that I can feel how much you love me, too.”
She nodded and laid her head back on his chest.
He lifted her chin again and kissed her sweetly. She trembled. Her demeanor was tender and hesitant. She was never confident enough to ask for what she wanted, or to believe in the power she held over him.
He planned to change that as soon as possible. He stood and pulled her up with him, never breaking the kiss. She relaxed slightly in his powerful embrace.
He pulled her closer and wrapped his hands around her backside through her shorts. He began guiding her hips in circles around him. She moaned, but she still didn’t quite understand the point. Confusion and fear still plagued her soul.
“Come here, baby,” he led her to the bedroom they were sharing. He closed the door softly and pulled her back close to him.
He began kissing her again heatedly; she responded with equal force, but she was still tentative and fettered. He decided to go ahead with his plan to go to extreme measures to show her just what she did to him. He grabbed her hand. He brushed a kiss across her wrist as he lifted it to his mouth. Her pulse raced as he guided her hand down and pressed it over his crotch.
“Do you feel that, Adeline?” he asked; the feeling of her hand on him drove him wild. “That’s what you do to me when you kiss me, when you smile at me. If you walk by me, and I catch the scent of your perfume, and just the thought of you being with me-- that is what happens to me instantly.”
He willed her to understand, and her eyes darkened as she panted and then she began to knead her hand over him. She grasped him and dragged her fingers from his hilt to his head, and he almost lost it.
A low guttural growl echoed around them from his chest. He ran his fingers through her silky black hair and devoured her mouth. He slid his hands to her stomach and eased her out of the tank top she was wearing. He hoisted it over her head.
“Did you set the cast, baby?” he trailed his kisses down her neck. She nodded as he unhooked the delicate pink bra he’d pointed out earlier in the week, when he’d finally gotten over himself and actually showed her some things he knew she’d be beautiful in.
Her nipples were swollen and flushed the exact shade pink of the bra. It was the reason he’d picked it out, that beautiful shade of a blushing rose. He shuddered as he slid his hands to them, and began kneading them softly.
She let her head fall back as he massaged. A slight moan escaped her as she began to let the rest of the world go. He popped the snap of her denim shorts and pushed his hand to the matching pink, lace panties she was wearing, but her anxiety came back full force in a moment’s notice.
“You don’t wish I was wilder, or more experienced, or bigger?” she gestured to her breasts.
After giving her a lust-filled, needy gaze, he shook his head. He knew she was insecure about that, but he couldn’t determine why.
From the first time he’d brushed his hands by them years before, he’d felt it from her-- the insecurity of not thinking she was enough for him. He also knew that borrowing Emily’s bra a few days before had done nothing to strengthen her self-image.
To him, she was perfection. He pulled her shorts down, and she stepped away from them. Then he slid the scrap of lace between her legs aside and gently eased his fingers into her. She needed to feel him.
“I wouldn’t change one single thing about you.” He stroked and felt her quake from his touch. “You are the most beautiful woman in the world to me, Ad,” he urged as he withdrew his hand.
He scooped her into his arms and set her on the bed. He moved beside her quickly, and returned his fingers to her. He used his other hand to caress her breasts. They swelled under his touch, and he groaned.
“You are perfect.” With a hungry grin, he massaged her, and she writhed. “Perfect handful.” He cupped them and massaged with slightly more force as she cried out for him. “Perfect mouth full,” he groaned as he took one in his mouth. He pulled and teased as her moans grew louder and more desperate. He gave the other equal attention until she bucked and her energy spiked wildly.
With a sultry smile, he moved down her body. He kissed and licked across her stomach. He edged lower as he bathed her body with his tongue. He concentrated, read her, and made certain he wasn’t pushing her to do something she didn’t want. But he wanted it. He wanted it badly. He longed to feel the storehouse of her energy flow into his mouth. He spread her legs and massaged her thighs and then spread them further.
“What are you doing?” she panicked.
“Adeline, I love you. I love each and every single thing about you. You drive me wild from wanting you so badly. And right now, baby, I want to touch and taste every single part of you. I want to feel you in my mouth. I want to drink you.” As he decided that he was definitely not above begging, he went on. “You’re so damn sweet. I can’t imagine what that must be like. But I want to know. Please, baby, just let me have you. I’ll never let you down, Adeline, and I think you just might enjoy this.”
Her body was at war with her mind. He could feel the ardent opposition. The fear swirled violently within the deep desire.
Logan decided to reinforce his plea and push her body to win out over her mind, just this once. He held her legs apart and dragged his tongue along her slit, hesitantly, and he had her.
“I want you to feel it, baby. I want you to let everything else go but you and me. Just be right here with me. Relax for me and let me give you this.”
Her breath came in gasping pants as she spread her legs further for him and made him smile.
“That’s it,” he encouraged as he licked again, and she called out his name. It drove him wild.
He delved deeper, plunged her depths, and swirled his tongue inside of her. He edged closer to the part of her that made her energy spike to its highest tilt, before she fell.
Her moans began to echo around him. Her energy seared through him. Her body contorted in ecstasy as the slick, wet heat she made for him began to fill his mouth. He moaned against her. She tasted like the sweetest honey he’d ever had. Her energy was exquisite. It must’ve come from heaven.
But she was still frightened, not of him, not of what he was doing, but that he wouldn’t like it, that she’d somehow disappoint him. He delved deeper and showed her with his body what she wouldn’t believe with his words. He dragged his tongue up over her clit. He lapped at it constantly, then added to the friction until she laid her fears aside and reveled in the pleasure of what he was doing to her.
“Does that feel good, baby?” he asked as he blew hot air over her, and she bucked frantically. She didn’t respond. She was too hesitant. That was fine, he decided. He knew she liked it. Her energy came in frantic, hungry pulses as he delved back and a quaking moan escaped her. She couldn’t hold it back.
He waited until her energy peaked; he concentrated hard. He sucked her and then she broke. He owned her; she couldn’t fight it. The sensations overwhelmed her. She cried out for him and screamed out his name. She flooded his mouth with her energy, and he groaned as he drank her.
She laced her fingers thr
ough his hair, and pushed him in deeper, which drove him wild. It shattered through her. Everything pent up inside of her released in heated waves of ecstasy that could never come in a bottle.
He moved up her body and replaced his tongue with his fingers but moved slowly, letting it rock through her before he built her again. He quickly removed his clothes, and then he kissed her tenderly. He returned his fingers and pressed into the slick perfection of her. He added to the pressure. She writhed, and he was desperate to hear her.
“Tell me, baby,” he urged. “Tell me if you like it. Do you want more?” he asked, though he didn’t think she could take more than two fingers. He was still in awe of how she took him.
“It feels so good,” she echoed in a hesitant whisper. Her timid plea seared through him.
He slowed; he didn’t want to push her too far. He let her body calm slightly. He made certain she felt safe. He felt the wet heat her body made for him begin to flow around his fingers. He shuddered; her body’s responses were overwhelming. Her moans became frantic; her body bucked under his touch. The energy was drawn too tightly. She needed to let go again.
“I’m right here, baby,” he soothed. “Just let it go. Let me make it feel better.” She lost control. She let him have another one. The sensation of watching what he’d done to her almost sent him over the edge. He pulled his fingers back as she ebbed.
“Do you want to take a break, sweetheart?” Her rhythms were still tightly drawn.
She closed her eyes as, “No” whispered from her in a needy plea. “Please, Logan,” she could hardly bear to make the simple request.
“Oh baby, don’t worry. I’m not finished.” The anticipation drove her wild, and he fought not to spread her legs and pound into her, to give her what she wanted forcefully, but he’d never do that unless he was convinced that’s what she wanted. She was too timid, too hesitant now, but as far as he was concerned they had the rest of their lives for her to make demands that he’d gladly fulfill.
