Wow! My dad words were just like the ones Skye had said to him. I wasn’t sure where my father was going with this, but when I glanced at Skye, she seemed to know more than I did. Her eyes were filled with water; her tears weren’t far away.
“That’s what I told my father. Those were my last words to him.” My heart started beating faster. He finished with, “I hung up the phone thinking that I’d given him a good piece of my mind. Ten minutes later, he was dead from a heart attack.”
My father sobbed. Or maybe he didn’t. Maybe it was my mother who released that sad cry. Or maybe it was my sister, with the tears now rolling down her face.
Or maybe it was me. Because I was having a hard, hard time standing up and listening to the pain in my dad’s voice.
“I killed my father!” This time, I was sure. It was my father who’d sobbed.
“No, baby. No!”
This was a scene that I’d never seen. My mother knelt next to my father, trying to soothe him.
“It was his heart, baby,” my mother said with such sincerity that I wondered how many times she’d had to say those words to my dad. Were these demons that he lived with every day?
“It wasn’t you, she kept repeating.
Suddenly my dad looked up, and, this time, his glance zeroed in on me. As I stood stiffly, he sniffed back tears and stared right in my face.
There was a war waging inside of me. One side wanted to rush to my father and promise that I would never sing again. Tell him that I would be a good accountant. That I would never speak badly to him. That I would never kill him.
But as much as I wanted to do that, I stayed strangely still. Because the warrior in me was stronger. I didn’t speak a word, but I knew that my father could see the real me. I knew that all he had to do was look through the windows that led to my soul. And there, I knew he would see that I was just like him. He would see that not only had he gifted me with his voice, he’d passed on his dreams. Now, I had to do this, because I had a real chance. I had to do this . . . for myself and for him.
My father took unsteady steps toward me. I held my breath, praying that I would stand for what I truly believed. “You have to do this, don’t you?”
I nodded, because there was no way that I could speak.
“I don’t like it.”
I nodded again.
Now, he nodded, too. And after a few moments said, “Do what you have to do.”
Then, without a kiss or good-bye, my father turned and walked right out of my room. Just a second later, my mother hugged me and Skye before she rushed to follow him.
I stayed still in the middle of the silence and the sadness that my father had left behind. Skye shook as she sat on the edge of my bed, but though I wanted to console her and have her console me, I didn’t move. I just stayed where I was, remembering each of my father’s words. Even in the memory, I could still feel his pain. And it hurt . . . really hurt.
Until I felt his arms. I felt him before I remembered that he’d been there. Jaylen. He didn’t say a word as he pulled me into his arms. He said nothing, just held me close.
It wasn’t long before I started to cry.
Epilogue
I could not believe they had me in this red dress!
As I twisted in front of the mirror, I checked out my butt. It was still there, for the whole world to see, but it just wasn’t as big as it was before. Turning to the front, I had to smile. I was far from being a little girl, but I wasn’t as big as I used to be. The Tru Harmony Image Department had worked it. The Tru Harmony Image Department–that made me giggle.
The Image Department was nothing more than Skye, Chyanne, and Devin, who were unofficial, unpaid employees of Tru Harmony. Chyanne was my nutritionist; she kept me focused on being healthy and eating right. For the last six months, Chyanne had me writing down every single thing I ate. At first, that seemed silly, until I noticed that I had to write down a lot. I embarrassed myself into writing less. And less meant fewer calories. And those fewer calories helped me to start losing a little bit of weight.
Then, there was my sister. Skye was my stylist. And the designs she made for me . . . wow! My sister could make me look good in anything, and she came up with outfits that were totally flattering to my figure. But Skye didn’t stop there; she taught me how to really shine when I walked into a room.
“It’s not just about what you wear, it’s about how you wear it,” Skye told me.
And Skye taught me how to wear it. She taught me how to strut, not walk. How to pose and not just stand. She taught me how to work it.
Lastly, there was Devin, my personal trainer. He may have acted like a fool twenty-three hours a day, but that one hour when he had me in the gym four times a week, Devin was straight-up as serious as a heart attack! And, sometimes, I felt like I was about to have one, with the way he had me running on the treadmill until enough sweat poured off me to fill a pool, and lifting weights until I was sure that my arms would break. Devin worked me as if I were preparing for the Olympics. But even though I screamed and cursed him out whenever we were in the gym, now, as I looked at myself, all I could do was thank him. Today, I was wearing a sleeveless dress that was cinched at my waist, and, because I had a little shape to my arms and had been doing a million sit-ups, I wasn’t self, conscious at all. I was still a long way from looking model-perfect like my girls, Skye and Chyanne, but I was looking like a pretty good me.
Although I had to give it to my crew, the biggest change in me came because of Jaylen. He believed in me so much that I had to start believing in myself. While my girls and Devin had changed me on the outside, Jaylen had worked on the inside.
“Jaylen.”
Just whispering his name made me feel warm all over. Since April, when my father had the big blowup in my room in front of everyone, Jaylen hadn’t left my side, or at least it felt that way. After my graduation, he worked with me for hours on music, stage presence, how to have a memorable show; the whole aspect of an artist. He did everything he could to get me ready for this day.
Today. My showcase.
I couldn’t believe it. I was a singer for real. And today the world was going to know it too.
I’d already had lots of press. Jaylen had articles written about me in all the media that mattered, and he even had me on the red carpet for a couple of minor events.
But today was the day that the world was going to find out all about me–Simone! According to Jaylen, I was going to be a one-name wonder.
I heard the giggles in the hall before the loud knock. But I didn’t even get the chance to say come in, when the door opened and my crew busted into my dressing room.
“Hey,” Skye, Chyanne, and Devin said in unison.
“Hey.” I grinned back.
“These are for you,” Devin said, handing me a bunch of flowers that were so heavy I could feel the biceps that Devin had helped me build flex a little. “They’re from all of us.”
“To wish you well,” Chyanne said.
“Thanks.”
“I’m so proud of you, sis.”
I grinned back at my crew. I’d come a long way with them; none of this would have happened if they hadn’t been with me all the way. Especially after what happened with my father. They encouraged me to move forward, especially Chyanne.
“You’ve got to do what your father didn’t have the courage to do,” Chyanne had pushed. “I have a feeling that if you do this, it will bring your whole family together.”
That had been my prayer, even though so far, that hadn’t happened.
“So,” Devin said as he bounced back on the sofa, looking like he was about to get comfortable and stay for awhile. “You scared? ’Cause you know there are going to be a lot of people watching you up on that stage.
“Devin!” Chyanne yelled. “Are you trying to scare her?”
“It’s okay, I said, placing the bouquet on the dressing table. “And to answer your question, no, I’m not scared.” I faced my sister and friends like
there weren’t a million butterflies making their home inside of me. “This is what I’ve been waiting for all my life.”
“And you’re gonna be great!” Skye said in just that way that always let me know that she believed in me.
There was another knock on my door, and, this time, whoever was on the other side didn’t come barging in. I said to my crew, “See, this is how you’re supposed to do it. You’re supposed to wait for someone to invite you in.”
Three pairs of eyes looked at me as if they had no idea what I was talking about. I shook my head as I opened the door, and all thoughts of my friends went out the window. How could I think of anything or anyone else when Jaylen was in front of me?
“Hey, beautiful.”
When Jaylen first started calling me that, I always wanted to look over my shoulder to see if he was talking to someone else. I was trying to get used to it, even though it was still strange to hear someone call me that dozens of times in a day.
He kissed my cheek before he turned to my friends. As they all greeted one another, I let my thoughts wander back over the last months. Jaylen and I had spent hours together every day, perfecting my sound, my look, my image. But the best hours were the ones we spent just talking, both dreaming out loud about our future. I thanked him every day for making my dreams come true. He told me that his would have never happened if it weren’t for me.
But what I remembered most out of all the times we spent together was the first time that we kissed. I inhaled deeply, and remembered that day when we were leaning over the console in the studio, and our lips just kinda met, at first. And then, he pulled me into his arms. And then . . .
“Simone!”
“Huh?” I said, dragging myself away from those delicious memories.
“Where did you go?” Chyanne asked.
“Nowhere.”
“Are you all right?” Skye asked, concern in her voice. “You look kind of . . .”
I waved my hands. “No, no. I’m fine. I was just thinking.” I stopped and looked at Jaylen. “Just thinking about everything.”
“Uh-huh!” Devin smirked in a way that made me think he knew exactly what I had been thinking about.
“Okay, guys,” Jaylen began, “it’s time for you to get out of here.”
“Really?” Skye said, and began to wave at her face as if she was trying to keep the tears away. “It’s time for the show?”
Jaylen nodded. “She’s needs some time to herself. To get into her head and get mentally ready.”
“Well, we’ll go,” Chyanne said, “but first we have to pray.”
She reached for my hand and Jaylen’s, and then Skye and Devin closed the circle. As we bowed our heads and Jaylen began to ask God to bless this showcase, I felt such a mixture of excitement and sadness. The excitement was about what the next hour would bring, but my sadness was about this moment, and how this prayer should have been given by my father.
Though he no longer said anything negative about my singing, he didn’t exactly support it, either. We just never talked about it in our conversations. Not even when I decided to decline the position with Ernst & Young and pursue this full time. I wanted to put my heart and soul into this, the way Jaylen was doing. And though that was a bold move, and though I didn’t have a lot of money to back it up, and though I had to move in with Skye until I had some dollars coming through, my father hadn’t said a single word to me about it.
I knew my dad knew about all I’d done. He even knew about this showcase. I still told my mom everything and I know she didn’t keep anything from him. But there was no chance that he would come, and that meant my mother would stay away too.
“Amen!” everyone said at the end of the prayer.
When I looked up, Devin was staring at Jaylen with glazed eyes as if he was mesmerized. As Skye and Chyanne grabbed their purses from the sofa, I socked Devin in the arm.
“Ow! Why’d you do that?”
“Stop looking at Jaylen that way,” I hissed.
“Why? You think you’re the only one who wants a good lookin’ man who can pray?” He licked his lips like Jaylen was a piece of meat.
“I’m warning you,” I said with a grin on my face, but I wasn’t playing. Even though Jaylen and I weren’t officially boyfriend and girlfriend, we were headed that way for sure, and I needed Devin and everyone else to know that.
“Whatever!” Devin waved his hands, but he didn’t take his eyes off of Jaylen.
As Skye and Chyanne hugged me, I didn’t take my eyes off of Jaylen either. He leaned against the dressing table, with his arms folded, as he waited for me to finish up with my crew.
Finally, I got the three of them out of the room and turned to Jaylen. He took slow steps toward me, and, when he stopped inches in front of my face, I thought I was going to stop breathing.
“So, are you ready for this?”
I nodded.
“Are you scared?”
“A little,” I said, telling him the truth. That’s just the way it was between me and Jaylen.
“That’s a good thing.”
“Really? So the butterflies,” I pressed my hand against my stomach, “that won’t leave me alone are good.”
“Yup. I think it’s God’s way of keeping you on your toes.”
That was a good way to look at it. If I just thought about that fluttering inside of me as God, I couldn’t possibly feel bad. Or nervous.
“Well,” Jaylen began as he pulled me into his arms. “I’m going to leave you alone for a few minutes.”
“Why? I like that you’re here.”
“I like being here too,” he said, then kissed the tip of my nose. And I melted. Right there. He continued, “But you need some personal time alone to get inside your head before you get on that stage.”
“I’d rather have you with me until I walk on that stage.”
He shook his head. “Soon, you’ll be pushing me out the door so that you can get mentally ready.”
I couldn’t ever imagine a time when I would want to push Jaylen away. But I wasn’t going to argue about this. Every single thing that Jaylen had told me was the truth. So I was going to trust him about this, too.
He leaned away from me and looked into my eyes. “I’m so proud of you.”
I was mesmerized with the way he captured me with his glance. But it was when he brought his lips to mine so gently, that I was truly gone.
We stayed in that kiss forever, but when he pulled away, it felt like it was too short.
“You’re gonna be wonderful,” he said, before he strolled out of the room.
When he closed the door, all I could do was sigh. Jaylen always made me do that. Not only because he had made me believe in myself, but he’d taken my heart into his. For the first time in my life, I was in love.
And I was going to be a star.
It was exactly the way I imagined.
The way my heart was beating as the showcase director led me to the stage. The way I stood behind the dark curtain. The way I could hear the excitement of the crowd.
I was trembling from the bottom of my toes to the depth of my soul. But even though I couldn’t stop shaking, I couldn’t say that I was scared. It was joy bubbling inside of me; this is what I’d waited for my entire life.
I was ready.
“Ladies and gentlemen . . . Simone!”
I stepped on stage, stood there, and I kept my eyes down for a couple of seconds–the dramatic effect that Jaylen had suggested. Then, I looked up; the lights were dimmed, but while I couldn’t really see faces, I could tell that the club was filled to capacity.
I closed my eyes and opened my mouth. And when that first note floated out of me, the trembling stopped. I held on to that mic and sang the song that Jaylen and I had decided was going to be the first single.
Every note that I sang came from a place deep inside where I’d kept all my dreams, and, now, it was all coming out of me.
My dream had turned into my life.
I
was blessed.
I held the last note as long as I could; not that I was trying to impress anyone–I wasn’t. I just wanted to stay in this moment and never let go. But since I needed air, I had to stop.
Hardly a second passed between the time I opened my eyes and the ovation began. There were only a few tables in the club, so just about everyone was standing. But even those in the few chairs stood with the rest and applauded as if I was really a star.
I shivered, though it felt as if it was eighty-five degrees on the stage. I guess my body didn’t even know what to do.
As I bowed for the first time, I looked into the audience and my eyes opened real wide. In the front row, in the chairs that had been reserved for the VIPs, there was my mother.
And my father.
Standing and applauding with everyone else.
My parents were really here! All I wanted to do was run off the stage and hug them, especially my father. I knew how hard this had to be for him–my dream, that had once been his dream. His dream, that had turned into a nightmare.
But as he stood and clapped and grinned, I could see his pride. The same look was in his eyes as when he’d talked to me about going to college, as when I’d received the job offer from Ernst & Young. It looked like my father’s fears were gone, or at least pushed deep down inside. It seemed like my prayers had come true, that my father could see that God had set this all up for me.
I raised my microphone. “Thank you, Atlanta!” I yelled out the words that I’d been dreaming about, the words that I’d practiced as much as I practiced the song.
Behind the curtains, Jaylen was waiting, his smile so wide and his arms open. It didn’t even take me two seconds to get to him and hug him back.
“I did it, Jaylen,” I said. “I did it!” I repeated over and over.
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