“Why did you call me heartless?”
He didn’t speak for a long moment. Was he trying to compose himself or did he hate me so much that he wouldn’t speak. After all, I was a part of the ruling family that killed someone he loved—but then again, he was part of the family that killed my mother.
“You will throw away the lives of your guards on a moment of fun.”
“I’m not throwing away their lives,” I said. Was that all that worried him? This wasn’t going to be dangerous, just a bit of adventure. “We’ll race, and we’ll search for a treasure, and I doubt anyone will do so much as stub a toe in the process!”
“You swore back there in the square and you were bound to find the Teeth of the Gods, but did your guards swear?”
I frowned. I hadn’t noticed what anyone else was doing. I’d been too busy enjoying my own defiance. “I don’t know.”
“So, then they are not protected by the magic that will keep anyone from hindering you?”
“Probably not, but I doubt anyone will try! It’s a race, not a battle.”
“Have you read the Chalderion Chronicles?” he asked.
My eyebrows shot up. That was a scholarly work. “You have?”
“Don’t act so surprised. It’s only Canderabai that considers us barbarians.”
“Your point?”
“That traditionally the racers do battle one another along the way. Many of the tales ended in the death of the racers.”
I paled. I had never read the Chalderon Chronicles. We’d been discouraged from extra reading and it wasn’t covered in my studies. It wouldn’t come to that. They were probably exaggerated for entertainment of the readers.
“What do you care? We’re enemies.”
He shook his hand and the tether between us scintillated. “You and I are connected now.”
“Well,” I said, with a toss of my head. “My guards will be fine. They are well trained and highly skilled.”
“I don’t doubt it.”
“So, there’s no risk to them.”
“Not from the other competitors.” Something in his eyes glowed as he spoke.
“Are you happy to think they are at risk?”
“I’m happy to teach you something. It’s what will keep my sisters alive.” The glow lessened, but he was still waiting for me to say something.
“So the risk isn’t from the other competitors.”
He tipped his head gently from side to side. The movement highlighted the sharp lines of his face. I didn’t dare forget that he wasn’t the man I kissed in Al’Karida. I didn’t dare let myself think about the way the glow of the midday sun made his skin look warm and inviting.
“Not entirely from the other competitors,” I said, beginning to enjoy the lesson. “It’s not from me. I won’t hurt my guards.”
“Intentionally or unintentionally?” he asked, his lips curving around the slightly accented words. He hadn’t had an accent before. Had he been faking a perfect Canderabaian accent the whole time we were together?
“I wouldn’t hurt them intentionally. So that leaves someone else. Not you. You can’t fight them with this chain on your wrist.”
He rolled his hand around the chain, and then stood in the swaying palanquin and slowly unfolded into one of the fighting forms of the plains. It looked exotic, like something a big cat might do while stalking its prey. He flowed into another form, the chain never hindering him, and then—lightning fast—he assumed a third position. My presence there, chained to him, barely slowed him down.
“Ok, so maybe you. Are you threatening them?”
“At the moment, we are allies,” he said, and his face was stern, but cunning glittered in his eyes.
“Then who? Amandera?”
“Perhaps. How far does she go in service of the High Tazmin?”
“Are you suggesting that the High Tazmin would harm his own people? You may hate our ruler—my father—but he is not so faithless with his own.”
“He is if they betray their vows. Or am I wrong in remembering that Canderabai does not allow her soldiers or guards to leave the borders of her land without the permission of the High Tazmin himself on pain of death?”
He was not wrong. I had forgotten. My face was hot and my hands gripped the seat cushion too tightly. “They swore to me and me only.”
“I heard that. What I didn’t hear was any relinquishing of their former vows. You might want to ask your Captain of the Guard about it. There must be a reason she was sweating so intensely.”
I couldn’t look at him. I didn’t want him to see in my eyes that what he said made sense. I’d acted without thinking. And I might be risking them all.
Chapter Nineteen: The Accident
An hour later Jakinda called a halt at the side of a creek and as our elephants drank, we dismounted and gathered around her.
“So, here we are, Tazminera,” she said, refusing to look at me. Rusk sat on a fallen log at my feet. He was still finding any kind of exertion exhausting.
“We should take the palanquin off Alsoon. He isn’t a pack elephant and it is hard to carry,” I said.
“Your san’lelion is not fit to ride an elephant without falling off,” she said. She sounded like she wanted to quarrel.
“Fine,” I agreed, not giving in to her mood. We could always take the palanquin off at the next stop.
I looked around the group. They stood in a rough circle, sipping water from a skin they were passing around, kicking at clumps of dirt and avoiding my gaze. At least I knew a few of the names, but my cheeks heated when I realized that I didn’t know them all.
“Jakinda, Buhari, Conteh, Sesay, Toure, and...” I hesitated over my last guard.
“Noxolo,” she said.
I felt my cheeks heat. How could I win their loyalty and support when I didn’t even know their names? Maybe if I tried a speech? Something inspiring? I cleared my throat and they looked at me expectantly.
“There can be no greater honor than to win the race for the Teeth of the Gods. We will be following the hunt wherever it leads us. That means leaving this country.” Jakinda grunted. “Which is why I am offering you this: leave now. If you don’t want to come with me, you may return to Al’Karida and join my other armsmen and servants in the Hall of Doves.”
There. A brilliant solution to satisfy them.
“You insult us,” Jakinda hissed. “We swore to you. We followed you, and you suggest that our loyalty is nothing?”
“I don’t mean—” I began.
“We are not faithless!”
Around her the others murmured agreement. What had I done wrong? All I wanted was to give them a chance to return to Al’Karida unharmed. I wasn’t heartless. I mean, I didn’t know their names, but I was offering alternatives and speaking to them as people instead of assuming they were mine to do with as I liked—that was what they were looking for, wasn’t it?
“I never said you were!” I objected, “I am merely saying that I don’t want anyone to suffer or die for my choices.”
“We are your armsmen,” Buhari said proudly. “Suffering and dying is what we do.”
“Do not take away our honor,” Sesay said with a sneer.
I ran my fingers through my hair and they caught on my heartstone. Without thinking I took it down, staring into the clouded, flaring depths. Lightning crackled endlessly, like my life had since it first filled the stone. Were we connected somehow?
“Do as you will,” I said, my voice heavy with defeat. There was no winning with these people.
“Now that you’ve led us out of Al’Karida to die, please tell me that you at least have a plan,” Jakinda said.
I looked up from the stone and made eye contact with her.
“We find the Teeth of the Gods. We succeed where no one else has.”
“A pretty idea, but just saying ‘ride North West’ isn’t much of an idea.”
“Al’Toan.” I crossed my arms and tried to look mysterious.
“And what i
s in Al’Toan?”
“You’ll see when we arrive.” Did they buy it? I’d have to think of something fast. Pretending to be mysterious wouldn’t buy me much time. It probably wouldn’t even get me as far as Al’Toan. “I do not wish to see our plan known to our competitors.” I raised a hand as I saw Jakinda’s face begin to darken. “I trust my armsmen, but who knows what other ears may be listening?”
“None. We are in the middle of nowhere,” Buhari said, “And I checked our stop point myself.”
“Did you check for the spirits of our ancestors?” I asked, chin high in the air.
They exchanged glances with each other, lips curling and eyebrows raised.
“Until you can pierce into their realm to keep me safe, we must keep our council to ourselves.”
Jakinda sighed. Good. She didn’t really believe me, but she didn’t know enough to argue.
“You heard her. Refill our waterskins, and do what you need to. We will mount and ride again without delay.” As the others went to attend to their tasks, Jakinda leaned in to me and whispered, “If you have nothing more to go on by the time we reach Al’Toan, this little expedition will be over.”
Really? More threats? Did no one stop to wonder if another path might get them further with me?
“Keep your threats to yourself, Jakinda,” I whispered back. “You swore to me, and to me you will answer to my authority.”
I was going to lose the only friends I had at this rate.
“Watch yourself, princess,” Rusk whispered from over my shoulder as Jakinda walked away. I glanced back at him. He had his hood pulled up and his expression was sober. He was taking this san’lelion business very seriously despite his hatred of me and mine.
“I always do,” I said.
“I’ve never met someone more headstrong than you,” he said. “I don’t think you know what caution means.”
“Oddly enough, barbarian, I know what many words mean, and I could teach you a few if you insult me again. Would you like to learn the word ‘scourge?’”
“Maybe tomorrow. It looks like it might rain today.”
The shaking started slowly, rumbling under our feet. I glanced around to find somewhere to shelter, but there was nothing near. The elephants trumpeted, fighting against their tethers.
Alsoon! Hold fast. We will be fine if you are calm. Calm!
He did not reply, but I felt ripples of fear through our communication link as the waves of tremors kept coming and coming. Rocks and refuse bounced and flew through the air. I stumbled, no longer able to keep my balance. The ground was hard on my knees, but I pulled myself back up. Rusk crashed into me, leaning on me for support, and then I finally lost my balance entirely, falling onto my back and shaking with the ground.
My head hurt. My eyes hurt. I reached towards my head to hold it tight in my hands, and without warning lightning shot from each hand, swirling into the sky and in every direction. I gasped, willing it to stop, but it kept going and going and then suddenly I was both in the real world and the dream world and someone was over top of me yelling my name.
“Get yourself under control, girl!” An’alepp said, straddling me and shaking me by the shoulders.
“I don’t know how,” I said through clenched teeth.
The image of An’alepp faded out and in its place was Rusk, shaking me by the shoulders and pleading with me.
“Please, for the love of mercy, please...”
It was back to An’alepp. “Close off! Feel that flow of the Common going into you? Close it off like you close your fist. Close it!”
And as if I had always known how, I closed my ‘fist’ and the lightning stopped and I was looking at Rusk’s warm dark eyes inches from mine, seeing his lips quiver. Despite everything I wanted to kiss them, bruises, splits and all. I lay back, closing my eyes.
“Are you back? Can you hear me?” He was whispering. “Please. I can’t afford to let my sisters down. Please listen.”
“Yes,” I croaked.
“Listen, this is important. You’re in big trouble now. You need me as an ally. Forget everything else. Right now, we need each other.”
My eyes snapped back open and I pushed into a sitting position, shoving him off of me as I did. What did he mean that I was in trouble?
Jakinda stood five paces away with a look of rage on her face. One of the elephants was trumpeting as Buhari tried to sever its tether from a burning tree. The tree had the telltale swirl of missing bark around it that spoke of a lightning strike. Alsoon trumpeted loudly but seemed fine, as did the other elephant and Sesay and Noxolo were coaxing them to be still.
Beside the creek, dead fish were washing up on the bank and in the middle of them lay Toure, eyes glazed over and a waterskin in his hands. But how? Conteh closed Toure’s eyes with a hand and looked up directly in my eyes with black hatred flowing from his gaze.
The lightning. It must have struck the creek as well as the tree. Black marks on several rocks and a bubbling spot in the sand suggested that my lightnings had gone far and wide. I should feel relieved that only one of my companions was dead. Instead I just felt sick.
Toure was the second man I’d killed by accident with my magic. A nice, kind man I’d hardly known who’d given me lemon sweets to cheer me up. I didn’t want to think of that right now. I didn’t want to remember his gentle smile. Why couldn’t I just lift things in the air or whisper over long distances with it like my sisters? Why did I have to be the one who accidentally killed people?
I should give up this foolish race now, and go back. But then what? Everything would just go back to how it had been, but I would look like a headstrong child who killed innocent people for no reason except to indulge idle fantasies. I couldn’t bear that.
I cleared my throat. There was no apology that would be enough, so I wouldn’t apologize at all.
“We’d best ride.” I stalked over to Alsoon with the Prince of Hawks trailing behind me.
I heard a hissing overhead and looked up. There was already a vulture circling.
Jakinda crossed her arms over her chest and stepped in front of me, blocking my path.
“You will kill us one by one in this misadventure of yours,” she said. When I didn’t respond as the seconds leaked away, she eventually said, “I won’t forget Toure.”
What did she expect from me? I hadn’t meant to kill him. There just wasn’t anything I could do about that now. All I wanted to do was jump into the palanquin, hide and cry my eyes out.
“I said you could go back to Al’Karida,” I said, stiffly. They should all go and leave me here. It was the least I deserved.
“And live without honor? We would disgrace our families and our names.” Jakinda frowned.
“Do what you want.” I shrugged. I was watching Conteh out of the corner of my eye as he laid Toure out. My fault. I’d killed a strong, vibrant man for no reason at all. I couldn’t get the smell of lemon sweets out of my nose.
Chapter Twenty: My Own Way
Jakinda’s elephant was so far ahead that I had to squint to make it out under the intense noonday sun. Behind us the other elephant lagged further still. None of my guards wanted to be near me. Did I blame them? I still smarted inside whenever I thought of armsmen. Toure would never offer me lemon sweets again. Until a few days ago, I didn’t know who he was, and now he was dead by my hand.
Rusk fussed with the bandages on his ribs and head using a hand mirror that had been in the palanquin to look at his head. He’d been silent since we set out again. And the little crease down the center of his forehead suggested that he was worried. Did he think I would kill him, too? This was supposed to be an adventure. It wasn’t supposed to be a chance for everyone to learn how to hate me.
We were on the move for ten minutes before An’alepp appeared. I hadn’t intended to enter the meditation, but here she was and without warning I was straddling both worlds. The weaving of the Common in the meditation was becoming almost imperceptible to my eyes, but I could still fe
el it there like something on the edge of my vision or a sound I could just make out.
“You run bullheadedly where no one else would go,” she said.
“Thanks for being so confident.” I crossed my arms and hoped that I was only speaking with my spiritual voice.
“You are a fool and a child and you must listen to me,” she said.
If she wanted me to listen, she shouldn’t have started like that! Why did no one have confidence in me? I was the only one with any passion or inspiration here. They were all happy to just live the life fate had given them. It was me who was trying to be something more than I’d been born.
I kept my eyes on Rusk to avoid An’alepp. The bruises on his ribs looked terrible and the gouge was leaking pus. He winced as he applied a new poultice and carefully worked his arm back and forth, the thick muscles on it rippled and bulged as he moved. He was so graceful, like he was in complete authority over his body. No wonder he danced so fluidly.
“You aren’t attending,” An’alepp said, her voice grating. “I’m trying to talk to you of things beyond your understanding and you aren’t even listening to me. This world was laid out by the Gods. It is different than the worlds that came before.”
I knew all that. Did she think they taught us nothing in the Silken Gardens? It was part of the catechism.
“Yes. We were different than the worlds that came before,” I agreed in a sing song voice. “A refuge for those in peril. A place for the daughters of the stars and sons of the sky to find safety. And one day when we are called once more and the horn is blown, we will find the world above this world and fulfill the promise our ancestors gave.”
I couldn’t be more bored with reciting the old text back.
“Yes,” An’alepp said, as if I had said something amazing instead of quoting a tired creed.
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