He glanced at her from the corner of his eyes although his expression didn’t lighten.
“Pulling locations randomly out of a hat – or baggie – while pretty fun in theory – isn’t very practical,” she conceded grudgingly.
“Thank you!” Zeke said, smacking the steering wheel in triumph.
“If you start singing We are the Champions, I’ll hurt you,” she warned drily.
“I’m sure I can find something more recent to use in tormenting you.”
She rolled her eyes.
“So,” she continued after another moment of silence, “are you going to start talking to me again or should I go to the back and have a nap?”
Zeke shrugged carelessly. “I suppose I could grace you with my wit and charm for at least -” he glanced at the fuel gauge - “the next twenty miles.”
“Or whenever we get to the next town,” Manny agreed.
“Whichever comes first,” he nodded, and flashed her a grin.
Now I’m jealous.
Manny glanced affectionately at Harvey.
You’re still number one in my heart.
...that may not necessarily be a good thing.
“So, what did you want to talk about?” Zeke said.
“Anything.”
“Want to play Ask Me Anything?”
Manny laughed. “At the rate you’re going, you’ll be paying for the whole damn trip if you’re not careful.”
“Hah! I’ll find something you’ll refuse to answer one of these times!”
“And I might find something you will answer one of these times!”
Zeke shrugged. “Fair point.”
~~~~~
Half an hour later, Manny was considering Zeke with a thoughtful frown. He’d once again had to buy the gas, and Manny was sipping on a coffee while he stood waiting for his turn to pay.
“What?” he asked as they walked back to the van.
“I was just thinking,” she said.
“I could tell,” he said drily, shaking his head at Manny’s outstretched hand and walking to the driver’s side.
She settled into the passenger seat again and watched him in silence as they pulled out of the gas station and back on the road.
“What were you thinking about?” Zeke asked when she showed no sign of speaking.
“That you seem to have an awful lot of secrets,” she replied.
Zeke shot her a startled glance and opened his mouth to protest.
“Come on,” she said, “you always lose the Ask Me Anything game.”
He frowned, staring resolutely at the road in front of them.
“You just ask the questions first,” he grumbled. “I don’t really have that many secrets.”
“No?” she asked skeptically.
He shook his head. “No. It’s just -”
“It’s just you don’t want to answer my questions – especially when I ask about your personal life.”
Zeke glanced at her. She’d sounded almost...hurt.
“I don’t answer anyone’s questions about my personal life,” he admitted grudgingly. “I’m not interested in well-meaning but useless advice.”
She cocked her head and steadily met his gaze. “I don’t give advice,” she assured him quietly.
Zeke stared at her for a moment then turned his attention back to his driving. He swallowed as he shifted in his seat, flexing his hands on the wheel. She’d looked sincere, he thought grudgingly, her eyes clear and blue and honest. He glanced at her again from the corner of his eye, wondering what was different before he realized some strands of her mousy hair had escaped and were hanging beside her face, softening her appearance.
He frowned, wondering if that was all that was different.
“Are you wearing your hair differently or something?” he blurted.
She turned to him, her jaw dropping in surprise. She closed her mouth with a snap. “Uh, no. No, I’m not,” she replied.
“Well, something’s different,” he insisted.
“I’m wearing new clothes,” she offered with a puzzled frown, trying to think what she might have changed.
He glanced over at her, and realized that yes, she was in something other than her shapeless sweats and t-shirt. In fact, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen her wearing them.
He shrugged off his confusion.
“What were we talking about?” he asked.
“Your secrets.”
“I don’t have any,” he said again.
“Which is why I always win the Ask Me Anything game.”
“You just have no shame,” he sniffed.
“Well, it’s not like I’ve ever done anything to be ashamed about,” Manny replied drily, a slightly wistful hint in her voice.
He glanced sharply at her, sensing he was on the trail of something he might be able to use for his blog.
“Come on,” he coaxed, “you must have done something!”
“I’ve lived a very sheltered life,” she replied, shaking her head.
“Good God – you’re not a virgin! Are you?”
She burst into laughter. “I’m not sure if you’re more appalled at the thought of me being a forty-five-year-old virgin, or at the thought that I’ve actually had sex!”
He grimaced ruefully. “I have to admit, both scenarios are rather disturbing. No offense,” he added quickly when she glared at him.
“Anyway,” Manny said pointedly, “the bottom line is: I have nothing to hide. I have to admit, the more you refuse to answer any questions about your personal life, the more curious I get.”
Zeke hesitated, his hands tightening even more on the wheel.
“I don’t really have anything to hide,” he said slowly, “but I’ve left people behind me for a reason.”
She considered him thoughtfully. “And once you’ve left them behind, you never – what? Think or see or speak of them again? You never wonder about the girl you left behind?”
“I – no. No. I walk away and I never look back. Oh, I’ll talk about them. Just – not with people I don’t know well.”
Manny gave him a glimmer of a smile. “Fair enough,” she conceded. “Besides, I guess we need to leave ourselves something to talk about later. We still have over five months to spend together.”
Zeke gave her a rueful grin. He continued driving in thoughtful silence for a few minutes before he said, “What about you?”
Manny gave him a puzzled frown. “Me? What about me?”
“Don’t you – don’t you have somebody – anybody – you’ve left behind? Somebody you’ve walked away from without a backwards glance?”
Manny carefully considered the question.
“I have people I’ve left behind, yes,” she replied slowly, “but I’ve never managed to walk away without a backwards glance. Or two.” She gave him a glimmer of a smile. “I do have some who got away...although, to be honest, I never actually had them in the first place. I’ve also had a couple who I should have run away from, but didn’t. But nobody recently.”
“So,” Zeke drawled, trying to lighten her somber mood, “you’re looking for some old-fashioned romance on this trip?”
Manny shrugged, leaning her elbow on the passenger door, her head propped on her hand as she looked at him.
“Not really. I’ve been around that block a few too many times. For whatever reason, I don’t attract single men. Or men older than twelve or younger than sixty-five. Or sober men, come to think of it.”
Zeke sighed dramatically. “Poor thing,” he said sarcastically.
“Your sympathy is overwhelming,” she said drily, “and unnecessary. I’m used to it. Anyway, no, I’m not looking for romance on this trip. I just want to have some fun. That’s it. See things, do things – just...have a good time.”
“Like sex?”
Manny laughed and shook her head. “Honestly? Sex just screws everything up. No, thank you. Mind you, if I should get an offer -” she shrugged.
Zeke grimaced.<
br />
“Yeah, thanks, asshole,” Manny snapped, suddenly angry.
“No, no, no,” he protested, flushing guiltily. “I didn’t mean -”
“Whatever. You know what? I think I’ll go take a nap.” She unbuckled her seatbelt and made her way to the back of the van where she toed off her shoes and slid under the covers on the bed.
Zeke shook his head as he swore under his breath.
~~~~~
Well, what did you expect?
Not disgust!
Harvey settled on his side on the bed with a sympathetic sigh. He leaned over her, his head propped on his hand.
You’re his Auntie Em, he reminded her gently. Nobody wants to think of their aunt getting laid. Not even by their uncle!
...doesn’t really make me feel any better.
I know. I’m sorry.
Me too.
With a soft sigh, Manny turned on her side. She resolutely closed her eyes, and concentrated on the sound of the tires on the pavement.
~~~~~
That evening, Manny settled on the bar stool beside Zeke and took a swig of her beer. She closed her eyes in appreciation as the cold liquid slid down her throat and hit her stomach.
“God, that tastes good,” she sighed.
Zeke slanted a glance at her and smiled slightly at her look of total satisfaction. She opened her eyes and smiled at him.
“So, you’re talking to me again?” he asked.
“Obviously,” she said drily. “Of course, I’ll talk to almost anyone who buys me a beer.”
He raised one expressive eyebrow and she chuckled slightly as she shook her head to forestall whatever comment he was about to make.
He leaned closer and said in a low voice, “Look, I’m sorry about earlier. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”
Manny considered him thoughtfully. “I know you didn’t,” she assured him.
“I just – you’re my Auntie Em, you know? I don’t really want to think about you and...you know...” he leaned even closer and lowered his voice, “sex.”
Manny blinked at him.
“You do realize you just whispered the word sex, right?”
Zeke flushed and ducked his head as he abruptly straightened in his chair. “Yeah, I know,” he groaned.
Manny laughed. “As much as I enjoy watching your discomfort, I’ll tell you what. I promise not to ask you about your personal life anymore – just to give you a fair shot at winning the Ask Me Anything game - and I’ll also try not to embarrass you by talking about me having sex. Okay?”
Zeke gave her a half-smile. “Of course, that first one kind of defeats the whole purpose of the game, doesn’t it?”
Manny shrugged as she took another sip of beer. “I’ve already discovered your Achilles’ heel; I know all I need to do to win is pull out a question about past loves or the girl you left behind. While I like never paying for gas, it’s not really a fair game, is it? I’m just trying to level the playing field.”
Zeke considered her somberly then turned his attention back to his own beer, taking a sip with a thoughtful frown.
“Look,” he shifted uncomfortably, “okay. All right. Her name is Dixie.”
He met Manny’s puzzled gaze. “The girl I left behind,” he clarified.
He hesitated, turning his beer bottle between his hands. Manny watched him and waited in silence.
“We lived together for just over six months, although we’d dated for almost two years before we moved in together. Things were...good. I thought we were happy enough. She’s a sweet kid – but there was always some underlying tension, some level of distrust...for many reasons.”
“On both sides?” Manny asked.
“Mostly hers. She never seemed to believe I...cared...for her. Things improved once we started living together, but she never seemed able to truly trust me. The end came because I’d called her from – from a friend’s house and Dixie saw a woman’s name pop up on the phone. She automatically assumed the worst and when I got home that night, all my stuff was outside, waiting for me.” He shrugged, deliberately casual as he said, “I decided it would be best to get away for a while.”
Zeke kept his eyes on his hands as he idly played with his beer bottle.
“Did you talk to her at all before you left?” Manny asked, her mouth twisted in sympathy.
He shook his head with a self-deprecating grimace. “There wasn’t anything to say,” he said.
“Not even you’re sorry? Or to explain? Or to try and work things out?”
“No. She’d made up her mind, and I wasn’t about to go crawling to her for forgiveness – especially when I hadn’t done anything wrong.”
Manny subsided into thoughtful silence, her own eyes dropping to her hands on her beer bottle. She quietly picked at the label as she considered Zeke’s words.
“What?” he finally demanded, his formidable brows lowered over wary eyes.
She glanced at him and shrugged. “I’m sorry about what happened, and I’m wondering if you’re regretting the fact you just walked away? I mean, without another word and without – without trying to – I don’t know – understand?”
He gave her a twisted smile. “Get closure, you mean? Isn’t that the word of the day?”
Manny shrugged. “Call it what you want. I just wonder if you have unanswered questions – or lingering guilt. Maybe giving her a call wouldn’t be such a bad idea.”
She took a sip of her beer and steadily met his glower.
He finally snorted and shook his head. “I thought you said you don’t give advice,” he growled.
She smiled sweetly. “I lied.”
* * * * *
Day 25
TJ and Leah walked wearily into their house.
“That was incredibly helpful,” TJ sighed as he threw his keys on the side table in the hall.
“She was good, wasn’t she?” Leah agreed, toeing off her shoes and hanging up her coat.
“You know, we could have saved ourselves a lot of time and effort if we’d just signed up for the counselling right away.”
Leah laughed. “Yes, but you know we would have just done the work afterwards.” She walked to him, slid her arms around his neck, and leaned in to him as she kissed him. “We both like to do our own research and make our own decisions.”
TJ chuckled. “And we both understand knowledge is power.” He kissed her again before leading her into the living room, their hands loosely linked.
“True,” she agreed, once they were snuggled comfortably on the couch. Leah thoughtfully stared into space and bit her lip.
“I’m definitely going to recommend the counselling, though,” she said slowly. “I’ve been getting some great responses to my blog entries about our experiences – and I think this can really help other women and couples who are struggling with infertility.”
“Well, she certainly helped us determine the best course of action,” TJ sighed and wearily rubbed his free hand over his face.
Leah nodded against his shoulder.
“So, a donor?” TJ asked, shifting into a more comfortable position on the couch.
“Yes, if the IUI fails. I guess the next question is whether we want to ask somebody we know, or use an anonymous donor?”
“Let’s consider somebody we know, first. Anonymous – I don’t know. I think I’d be looking for the differences, you know? Trying to put a face to the father. And what if there are serious health issues?”
“First of all – you’re the father, TJ. Biology alone doesn’t make a father. But if we ask somebody we know, would he want to be part of the child’s life? And would that make it awkward for you?”
TJ thought carefully for a moment before he sighed. “If he’s somebody we know well, then he’d already be a part of the child’s life. If he wanted to be an uncle figure, then why not? Of course, nothing is ever that simple or that...bloodless, I guess, for lack of a better term. Would you – do you think sharing a child with someone you know – and possi
bly someone you know well – create a – a bond?”
Leah lifted her head and smiled into his concerned eyes.
“There would probably be a bond of some kind – even if it’s only gratitude. You can’t pretend otherwise. But it’s not like we’d be making the baby the old-fashioned way. I’m not sure how close you can really feel to a turkey baster.”
TJ grinned and said, “Well, if you give the turkey baster a name, you might be surprised.”
Leah grimaced, and hit him with one of the couch’s throw pillows.
TJ laughed and gave her a smacking kiss. He pulled back and said, “What about Zeke?”
“I haven’t heard from him lately. Why?”
“No – I mean, as the donor.”
Leah’s jaw dropped. “He’s your best friend!” she exclaimed.
“I know -that’s why I thought of him.”
“He also works for me. I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”
TJ grimaced ruefully. “He’s got good genes, though.” He was suddenly wistful as he added, “It would be a beautiful baby.”
“See?” Leah exclaimed. “This is what I’m talking about! Would you be jealous? Would it strain your friendship?”
TJ sighed and yawned. “I don’t know. We don’t have to decide right now, anyway. I have my doctor’s appointment tomorrow; maybe he’ll be able to give me better news.”
“Maybe,” Leah agreed, carefully neutral.
TJ gave her a rueful smile.
“I just want to give you everything you could ever want,” he said quietly.
Leah smiled sweetly.
“You’re everything I could ever want. And don’t you forget it.”
TJ nodded and grinned as he pulled her in for another kiss.
* * * * *
Day 27
Rebecca answered the phone with a light-hearted hello. She quickly sobered when she recognized her daughter’s voice.
“Hi, honey. How are things going?” She felt a knot of dread forming in her stomach. Jaime’s phone calls had been sporadic during the weeks she’d been gone, and Rebecca sometimes suspected Jaime only called when she was reasonably certain Rebecca wouldn’t be home. That way she could speak with Tris without also having to talk to her mother.
“Nothing’s changed, Mom,” Jaime replied impatiently. “I haven’t met my dad yet.”
A Life Less Ordinary Page 9
