“I thought you said you weren’t going to ask questions about my personal life!”
“I’m not asking if you’re in love now or for any details! Besides,” she shrugged, “I lied. The van needs to be fixed and I could use all the extra cash I can get.”
He huffed a laugh as he shook his head.
“So?” she asked. “Have you ever been really in love?”
Zeke frowned, then snapped, “Yes.”
Manny waited.
“That’s it?” she finally asked.
He nodded tersely without looking at her. “Yes.”
Manny sighed, “You know, considering this is your game, I don’t think you really get the whole notion of sharing secrets.”
“Says the woman who barely spoke to me for the first four days,” he replied drily.
“And now I don’t shut up.”
“True.”
“So, that’s all you’re going to say about that?”
“Yes.”
Manny shook her head. “Okay, well, you did answer the question. Your turn.”
“Have you ever been in love? Really in love?” There was a sharpness to his tone that had Manny curiously searching his frowning profile.
She shook her head. “No.”
“What – never?”
“Never. And don’t give me that look,” she sighed, turning her face away from the shocked pity in his eyes.
Zeke flushed. “I’m sorry – but don’t you – aren’t you – aren’t you lonely?”
Manny considered the question as they walked.
“Lonely?” she repeated slowly, thoughtfully. “Lonely.” She shook her head. “No. But I do sometimes get tired of living without...” she hesitated, searching for words, “I sometimes get tired of living without strong emotion, of moving through the days in shades of grey.” She laughed slightly, “But then I talk to Rebecca, or I hear about Daisy’s or Jaime’s failed marriages – and I count my blessings. Love is just too much like work.”
“It’s worth it, though,” Zeke assured her sincerely.
“Is it? You won’t even talk about it.”
They walked in rather somber silence.
“I was twenty,” Zeke said slowly. “She was...she was fascinating. A gleam in her eyes and a bounce in her step and she was just so...so hungry for life. She was adventurous and funny and smart and sexy and she...consumed me. She was all I thought about, all I wanted, all I needed. I would have done anything for her. I ended up defying my father for her – my friends – I walked away from everyone. For her.”
Manny watched him, her eyes clear and curious.
“What happened?” she asked quietly.
Zeke shrugged, his eyes once more on the dirt road in front of his feet. “She – uh – she sent me back, like I was a child who’d run away from home. And I never saw her again. I was just a fling, you see, something to do while the husband she’d never mentioned was away, working for the summer. I was her summer boy toy -”
“Her boy toy?”
He nodded, flushing. “She was forty. She told me she loved me – until I actually showed up, bag and baggage on her doorstep.” He shook his head, a rueful grimace on his face. “I was very young and very stupid and very deeply in love.”
Manny’s eyes were soft. “Oh, Zeke...”
He waved away her sympathy. “Anyway, that’s why I don’t talk about it.”
Manny bit her lip before asking, “What happened when you went home? With your dad, I mean.”
Zeke hesitated, slipping his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “I didn’t go home. I haven’t been home since.”
“What – not once?” she demanded.
He shook his head, refusing to meet her eyes. “No, not once. Oh, we exchange stiff little notes every now and then, and a phone call every couple of months. He finally got a computer last year, so now we e-mail occasionally. God knows how long it takes him to type anything -” He stopped abruptly, pressing his lips tightly together and shaking his head.
“What about your mom?”
“My mom left when I was thirteen,” he replied coldly, his voice clipped. “Last I heard she was in Auckland with a couple of kids I’ve never met.”
Manny gaped at him. She opened her mouth to ask another question but he forestalled her.
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
Manny looked at him sadly then nodded. “I think I’m done with this game for a while,” she said quietly.
“Yeah. Me, too.”
~~~~~
The sun was directly overhead by the time Manny and Zeke made it to the centre of the small town they’d identified on the map. The town was like something out of the wild west, with dusty streets and wooden sidewalks. Main Street was all of two blocks long jammed with small stores, most of which seemed closed for the noon hour. At the end of Main Street was a bar that had several pickup trucks parked diagonally in front of it. The bar sat next to what appeared to be a paved road and Manny felt unreasonably relieved at that small sign of modern civilization.
They trudged down the middle of the street, with only the sounds of insects chirping and their feet shuffling through the dirt to break the silence. Otherwise, there didn’t seem to be anyone moving in the noonday sun. There wasn’t even a dog barking.
“Did the world end and we just don’t know it?” Zeke asked with a puzzled frown.
Manny simply shook her head.
They walked towards the small general store that at least had an “open” sign on the door although they couldn’t tell if there was anyone actually inside.
Bells attached to ribbons jingled as Zeke pushed open the door. A twenty-something woman sitting behind the counter glanced up from her magazine and blinked at them. Her eyes widened as she took in their dusty, sweaty appearance and the naked relief on their faces.
“Good heavens!” she exclaimed.
~~~~~
“You guys ended up spending the night in the van?” Daisy said incredulously.
“Yeah,” Manny sighed, sitting on the bed and gratefully toeing off her shoes. She fell back onto the mattress, dirt and sweat and all, with a blissful sigh.
“How was it?”
“Surprisingly comfortable.”
“Manny! That’s not what I’m talking about and you know it! Come on – spill!”
Manny laughed. “There’s nothing to spill!”
“You didn’t cop even one feel?”
“Daisy!”
“My God – you really are a nun!”
“Thanks.”
“Well, did the thought at least cross your mind? I mean, even once?”
Manny bit her lip, then burst out, “Of course it did! He’s freakin’ gorgeous! And he just gets better looking the more time I spend with him! It’s awful! But I promised him his virtue was safe with me. Plus, he still turns slightly green whenever we mention me and sex in the same sentence.”
“Do you have a crush on him?” Daisy asked with real interest.
Manny thought about it, then said slowly, “No, I just like him. It’s just too bad that if I were to get lucky on this trip, I’d never be able to tell him. If I did, he might actually woof his cookies.”
“Ah, fuck ’im if he can’t handle it.”
“I can’t do that – he’d definitely woof his cookies then!”
Daisy was startled into silence for a moment, then they both began to laugh so hard tears ran down their cheeks.
“Thanks, Manny,” Daisy finally sniffled breathlessly, wiping her eyes and nose. “You have no idea how much I needed that.”
“Well, I had a five-hour walk today and now I’m sitting in a rather dingy motel room across from a small-town bar. I needed the laugh, too!”
They chuckled, then, with a sigh, Manny said, “How are you doing, Daisy? Hub’s moving out on Monday, isn’t he?”
“Yes,” Daisy said glumly.
“You sound like you wish you could change your mind.”
“T
here’s a part of me that does,” Daisy sighed. “Twenty-one years of marriage, twenty-four years together – all of it down the tubes, because...”
Manny waited then gently prompted, “Because?”
“Because – I don’t even know. Because neither of us cared enough to keep it going, I guess.”
“Oh, Daisy,” Manny sighed softly.
“The sad part is I never even knew we were in trouble.”
“Never?” Manny asked skeptically.
“What do you mean by that?” Daisy said, slightly defensive.
“You were at the casino every night rather than be at home with Hub. That had to tell you something.”
Manny listened to Daisy’s thoughtful silence before Daisy softly said, “Yeah. Yeah, it told me something. I just didn’t want to hear what it was.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I’ll just be glad when he’s in his own place. Right now, we’re sort of in limbo and it’s tense and awkward. It’s...a strange atmosphere. Weird, you know? I’ll be glad when we’ve moved on to the next step.”
“Has he told you anything about the other woman?” Manny asked delicately.
“Not a word. Of course, I also haven’t asked. I’m assuming the affair is still going strong.”
“You haven’t asked?”
“Hell, no! Right now, I’d simply end up screaming at him. And I just – don’t feel like I can handle hearing about how it’s all my fault and if I had only done this instead of that and blah, blah, blah. Not right now, anyway. Honestly? I don’t think I’ll ever want to know about it.”
“Can’t say I blame you,” Manny sighed. “Some things are just better left unknown.”
~~~~~
TJ laughed almost continuously at Zeke’s description of the previous day and night.
“But you’re safe and sound,” he said comfortably once Zeke was finished.
“Oh, yeah, although I’ve definitely been in nicer motels.”
“It’s a tiny little town in the middle of nowhere – you’re lucky there’s anything like a motel or hotel at all!”
“Yeah, that’s what Manny said, too. And it is spotlessly clean, just a little run down.”
“And you have a bed to yourself,” TJ added slyly.
“That, my friend, is an excellent point,” Zeke agreed fervently.
“Did you get any sleep last night? I mean, it must have been pretty uncomfortable – for a lot of reasons.”
Zeke hesitated, remembering the night before. He’d found it surprisingly comfortable, and he’d forgotten how good it felt just to sleep beside another human being. Even one who snored.
“Once I got her to move and she stopped snoring, I was out like a light,” he said now to TJ.
He didn’t mention how he’d carefully curled around her, to give her more room on the bed, before he, too, fell asleep. Or how he’d woken to find himself snuggled against her back while she’d apparently instinctively moved away from him and was almost plastered against the van’s wall. But in that moment before he’d been fully awake, he’d felt an incredible sense of peace settle over him as he lay next to her.
He suspected it was because of that memory of how comfortable and safe he’d felt with her that he’d told her about his disastrous first love affair.
“Zeke?” TJ asked. “You fall asleep on me, man?”
Zeke started. “No – sorry. You’re right, I wouldn’t say I got a lot of sleep last night.”
But he would say he was seriously confused by both his reaction to sleeping next to Manny and by his willingness to share his past with her.
“Listen, TJ – is Leah there?”
“Should I be jealous?” TJ teased.
“Why should you be any different than any other man?”
TJ groaned then laughed. “Sorry, she’s not here. She’s off bonding with her friends.”
“Drinking, you mean.”
“You say potato...”
Zeke laughed. “Well, if you could leave a message for her. Just tell her that I won’t be able to complete her latest assignment. There’s no story.”
“Will do. Can you share?”
“She wanted me to get more details about Manny’s past, particularly her love life. I know my readers are really curious, so I took the opportunity this morning to dig for more information.”
“Yeah? And there’s no story? What? She wouldn’t tell you anything?”
Zeke hesitated, feeling oddly protective. He shook his head, then remembered TJ couldn’t see him.
“No,” he told TJ slowly, “no, she didn’t tell me anything.”
They chatted for a few more minutes then disconnected the call. Zeke deliberately ignored the fact that that was the first time he’d ever lied to TJ.
~~~~~
That night, Zeke and Manny sat at a booth in the dim bar, cold beer in their hands as they waited for their meals to arrive. They looked around as the room slowly but steadily filled up. They received a lot of curious looks and more than one local walked over to strike up a conversation to get their story.
“They don’t get a lot of strangers around here, huh?” Zeke observed drily, watching the latest curious local wander back to his cronies.
That particular local was a middle-aged farmer, the sleeves of his plaid shirt rolled up to his elbows. His eyes had been sharp and shrewdly curious, but kind. He’d been the third local to inform them that the only mechanic in town had gone to the city for the day, but would be back sometime in the evening. In the meantime, the van had been towed into town by another local and was now sitting at the garage, ready whenever the mechanic returned.
“Probably not,” Manny agreed, taking a sip of her beer. She’d had a nap and was feeling comfortably mellow even if a little stiff and sore from the morning’s long walk. She watched as the door to the bar opened again and another group of people wandered in and were met with loud greetings from the people at a table in the far corner of the bar.
“Looks like it’s going to be a full house tonight,” Zeke observed.
“It’s Friday night in a small town,” Manny shrugged. “Unless you go into the city, there’s not much else to do but go to the bar.”
Zeke shook his head and continued to observe the occupants of the bar while Manny frowned thoughtfully at her beer and began to pick at the label.
“You look like you have something on your mind,” Zeke said casually, his eyes resting on a group of young women in snug blue jeans and tank tops sitting near the pool tables.
Manny shrugged glumly. “I was just thinking about life and the choices we make even when we don’t realize we’re making a choice at the time.”
Zeke gave her his full attention.
She returned his stare with a puzzled frown. He raised his eyebrow in question.
“Do you ever second guess yourself?” she asked plaintively. “Do you ever have regrets?”
Zeke lounged back in his seat and took a quick swallow of his beer as he considered her question. He set the beer back on the table and shook his head.
“No.”
“Never?” she asked skeptically, her gaze direct and unwavering.
“Never.”
“You don’t ever think about what you could have done differently with Dixie? You don’t ever think about leaving your dad behind? You don’t ever think about – others? You don’t have any regrets?”
Zeke slowly shook his head. “What’s done is done,” he said simply. “I move on.”
Manny puffed out her breath and dropped her gaze to her hands. She continued peeling the label from the bottle in front of her.
“Well, if you’re not lying, then I envy you. Sometimes I think I’ve done nothing but second guess myself. I’ve spent the last fifteen years toeing the line, working hard, and doing my best. Giving everything I had to the job – so much so, I couldn’t tell where the job ended and I began.
“But somewhere along the line, I lost my – my humanity. I lost my passion, my joy in lif
e, my connection to other people. The colour had been leached out of my world and I...felt nothing. Which is why I’m on this trip.
“But I hadn’t realized just how badly I’d lost that human touch until this afternoon, when I was talking to Daisy about Hub and the fact that their relationship is basically finished after twenty-four years. Oh, I said all the right things, but all I could think was thank God he’s finally gone.”
Manny shook her head and took a long swallow of her beer. She set it carefully down on the table with a tiny clink and met Zeke’s eyes with a self-deprecating smile.
“What a sister, huh?”
Zeke met her eyes steadily, his face expressionless, his dark, hazel eyes unreadable.
“You didn’t say that to her, though, did you.” It wasn’t a question.
She shook her head.
“You let her talk and made comforting noises, didn’t you.”
She nodded.
“Then I think...you were exactly the sister she needed at that moment.”
She stared, surprise in her blue eyes. Then she flushed as a smile tugged at the corners of her mouth.
“Thank you,” she said softly.
They glanced up as the waitress arrived with their food. They smiled and thanked her as they leaned back to let her put the plates down in front of them.
Zeke shrugged as he unfolded the paper napkin and put it on his lap.
“I’m just speaking the truth,” he said, picking up the ketchup bottle. “I don’t think there’s any law that says you have to actually like the guy your sister married. Not that I really know, of course. I’ve never met my sister.”
He offered her the ketchup with a raised eyebrow and a smirk. He dipped one fry into the ketchup and lifted it to his mouth, then paused.
“Come to think of it,” he mused, a thoughtful frown on his face, “I’m not sure my sister’s even old enough to be married.”
He popped the fry into his mouth and chewed rapidly.
“And don’t look at me like that, Auntie Em,” he said, his mouth full. “You said it yourself – you don’t miss what you’ve never had.”
Manny nodded awkwardly and dropped her gaze to her own food. She blinked rapidly, her lips pressed tightly together, and silently busied herself with the ketchup, salt and pepper.
A Life Less Ordinary Page 16
