by Lena Nicole
We talk and joke for a while. I make her laugh which is the highlight of my night. I love her laugh and I haven’t gotten to hear it nearly enough lately. She seems happy and relaxed with me, and that makes me feel elated.
Before long I notice she’s yawning and I reluctantly ask if she’s ready to go. I take her back home and walk her to her door.
“Thanks for a nice night out, Colin. I enjoyed it.”
“Any time. I look forward to hanging out with you soon.” I want to kiss her so badly at this moment that I feel like I need to physically restrain my arms to my sides to keep from reaching out for her. I’m afraid if I cross that line it’ll send her running for the hills. She leans in for a hug and I relax into her embrace as her scent envelops me. I pull back before my willpower crumbles, wink at her, and head back to my car. I look back at her door and she’s still standing there looking at me. She waves so I wave back. I get in my car and drive away from the love of my life.
I’M NOT SURE when it happened, but after Pierce dropped me off at my house I noticed something. Pierce has been a great friend to me and a wonderful outlet to all this stress, but somewhere in between that he left a mark in my heart. Call it a school girl crush or lust, whatever it is it makes me nervous, especially since it snuck up on me. I have a great thing going with Pierce and I don’t want to complicate it with whatever this is that I’m feeling.
Feeling like I could use some fatherly advice, I drive to my parents’ house. It’s a two-story brick house with arched columns in the front of it. Above the front French doors is a large arched window showcasing the chandelier that’s hanging in the foyer. The long rectangular windows all around the house are floor to ceiling. The one thing I love the most about this house is the glass enclosed walkway that leads from the kitchen to the pool house. I remember as a child running as fast as I could through the walkway in my swimsuit and plunging into the pool. It is by far my favorite feature in this house. As I walk up to the door, I notice my mom’s car is missing. I let myself in and begin looking for my dad.
“Hey, Dad. It’s me.”
“Hey, pumpkin, I’m in the living room,” he replies.
I walk over to him and spot my dad sitting in his favorite recliner. It is a brown leather recliner that has definitely seen better days, but my dad refuses to throw it out. Something about taking years to get it cushioned the way he likes it. It drives my mom nuts and I think that’s why he keeps it. I lean down and give my dad a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
“It’s good to see you, Dad,” I say as I take a seat on the brown leather couch. “I noticed Mom isn’t home.”
“Ah, yes well when you called and said you wanted to talk to me I figured I wouldn’t tell your mother. I told her to go shopping for the day, so it’s just you and me kiddo. Are you hungry? I can make us something real quick,” he starts to get up from the recliner and I hold up my hand to stop him.
“I’m okay, but thank you.”
Dad walks over and sits next to me and crosses his leg over his knee at the ankle. “So, tell me what’s been going on. You have been so busy lately I’ve hardly seen you.”
“I know, I’m sorry. I feel stretched so thin lately. I’ve been taken off light duty at the hospital and trying to juggle work, friends and Colin. It’s all been so crazy. I’m just wondering if things will ever calm down and return to normal.”
My dad puts his hand on my shoulder and gives it a reassuring squeeze. “Honey, it may not feel like it now, but this is your normal. Until your memories come back, this is what your normal is. You will have to find a way to adjust to it, and once you do, things should settle down.”
“Well, that’s just it. I have been adjusting and every time I adjust to one thing it’s like something else comes along that needs ‘adjusting.’” I let out an aggravated sigh and throw my head back against the couch.
“Pumpkin, what is really on your mind?”
I love my dad. He can always tell when there is a bigger issue at hand bothering me. He always gives me good, honest advice. Whether I like the advice he gives me is another story. But one thing my dad never does is sugarcoat things. Deep in the back of my mind I know this is why I came to my dad to discuss this situation stirring in my head. He’ll be open-minded and honest, and right now I need that.
“As you know, I’ve been spending a lot of time with Colin and my friends.” My dad nods for me to continue. I look down and start fidgeting with my hands. “Well I’m having issues with lines being drawn. Or, I guess I should say, knowing where the line should be drawn. See, I know I’m supposed to have these feelings for Colin and I have tried so hard to will them back. But as much as I try, I get nothing. I even tried spending more time with him and that isn’t working. I feel horrible about it. Then there is Pierce. We hang out a lot and I love spending time with him. I can just be me around Pierce, not who everyone tells me I should be. Lately, I have been feeling a little – well, I don’t know what it is, but it’s more than just friends, and it makes me feel like a horrible person. How can I like someone I just met when I should have feelings for a fiancé I can’t remember? I feel like life is playing one sick game on me. What should I do?” I rub my temples and look at my dad waiting for his words of wisdom to help solve my dilemma. There is a pause in the conversation and I know my dad is waiting to see if I am done.
“I can’t tell you what to do, Addison, only you can make that decision. But let me point out that there is a chance your memories could never come back. So you can either live in the past until they do, or start to live in the now and move on. You can choose to move on with Colin or not. You can choose to move on with Pierce. Whatever you decide, make sure the decision comes from what your heart tells you and not from what is expected of you.” This is exactly why I come here for advice. My dad never judges me and I’m glad he’s not disappointed in me for liking a new guy.
“Well, what if my heart makes the wrong decision?” At this point I think I’m coming to terms with the fact that my memory will never come back. Maybe I should lay this Colin thing to rest and not look for a future between us. We can always be friends, but as things are now it’ll never be more. But what if my memories come back tomorrow? Ugh, I’m so confused.
My dad wraps me in a hug and says, “Pumpkin, there is no decision when it comes to love. When you love someone, you love them hard. It’s the only way to love. You will know the right decision because your heart will tell you. Listen to your heart, not your head.”
I squeeze my dad tight. “Thanks for everything, Dad. I better go before Mom gets home and starts asking me twenty questions. Tell her I said hi when she gets home.”
“I will and we will see you this weekend for your birthday dinner. Oh, and one last thing; no matter what decision you make, I will support it one hundred percent.”
As I drive home from my parents’ I realize I have a lot of decisions to make, and right now I decide I’m not making any. When the hell did my life get to be one big clusterfuck?
***
It’s the night of my birthday and I just finished dinner with my parents. I end up having a great time and eat far too much. I think my body is subconsciously storing food to brace itself for the amount of liquor I will need to consume for karaoke. Morgan joins us for dinner since she is driving us to the bar where we are meeting everyone. We have to stop at the store because Morgan ran out of lip gloss. I honestly don’t know how she goes through so much of it. I look at the clock and notice it is 9:40 by the time we pull up to the bar. We were supposed to meet everyone at 9:30, so technically we aren’t too late. As we park the car, Morgan has a triumphant smirk on her face. I shoot her a confused look and proceed to ask when we reach the door, “What are you smirking about?”
“Well, I noticed Jeremy’s car isn’t here. And since I drove with you he can’t blame me for making him late.” Jeremy. Huh, I wonder if this is the same Jeremy Colby was telling me about. Only one way to find out.
“Who’s Jeremy again
?”
A deep, male voice comes up from behind me nearly scaring the shit out of me. “Uh, that would be me. Jeremy, nice to meet you.” He holds out his hand and I shake it.
“Addison, but I’m guessing you already know that,” I say quietly tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. It’s a little weird not knowing who he is when he clearly knows me.
Jeremy laughs and looks at Morgan. “I do. I also know that for once I was on time to prove my point that Morgan always makes me late. She even managed to make the birthday girl late.” He crosses his arms over his chest as he stares Morgan down with a smug smile.
I look over at Morgan whose face is beat red. I have to give it to Jeremy, I’ve never seen a guy get under Morgan’s skin like this. Morgan shoves Jeremy with her shoulder while walking past him. “Whatever Jeremy, don’t be such a dick.” Jeremy is still laughing as she walks away.
“Jeremy, you will have to forgive me, but I can’t say I remember you. How long have we been friends?”
He puts my arm through his and walks with me in the bar. “Well Colin and I were both bartending the night you came into Docs. I was actually set to wait on you, but Colin told me I had some hot chick waiting for my number at the end of the bar and stole you right out from under me. It shattered my heart into pieces. It was lust at first sight.” He clutches his free hand to his heart as if this deeply wounded him. We both laugh and I immediately feel comfortable with Jeremy. I know he’s joking trying to make this less awkward and I appreciate him for that. “In all honesty, there was no girl waiting for me at the other end of the bar. Colin is lucky he’s been my best friend ever since I can remember or else I would have embarrassed the hell out of him that night.”
“So why didn’t you? Embarrass him that is. Sounds only fair.” I shrug my shoulders. Jeremy hesitates for a minute and I can tell he is deciding whether or not to continue. “Well?” I gesture with a wave of my hand for him to continue.
“Truthfully?” he pauses and rubs the back of his neck. I think I’m making him uncomfortable but my curiosity is getting the better of me so I let him finish. “I saw the way he looked at you and I have never seen that look on his face before so I knew you had to be something special to him.” Jeremy breaks eye contact with me and looks away.
I can tell he immediately regrets telling me this when his gaze drops to the floor. I don’t want anything ruining the night so I give Jeremy a big smile and say, “I’m glad you didn’t,” and pat his arm.
I see my friends at a table as I approach. I am a little nervous inviting Colin and Pierce out tonight, but they are both my friends and I want them both here to celebrate with me. My anxiety settles down a little when I see Pierce talking with Damon. His sister Lexi is talking with Colby, and Morgan is off talking to Colin—well, it looks more like yelling. I’m glad I suggested that Pierce bring his sister since she’s in a laughing fit with Colby. I knew those two would get along.
I reach Colby and Lexi and they both yell “Happy birthday!” This causes everyone’s attention at the table to focus on me. I am greeted next by Pierce. He picks me up and spins me around while saying happy birthday. Once he places me on the ground, he squeezes me one last time in a hug and gives me a kiss on the cheek. His warm embrace and exuberance at seeing me causes my face to split in a wide smile and my body to burst into tingles. I immediately put my emotions in check when I see all the color drain from Colin’s face as he gapes at us. I take a step back to put a little distance between us.
“Happy birthday! I hope you like it. Lexi says it’s outdated but I thought it was right up your alley,” Pierce says as he hands me a gift.
I look at the bag he hands me and look up and grin at him. Leave it to Pierce to find a birthday bag decorated in pennies. I’ll have to ask him where he found this later. I open the bag and in it is a roll of pennies and a little Aston Martin figurine with a tag that says, “Feel free to drive this as fast as you want. This one doesn’t need insurance.” There is also a small square box. I open it and see an old antique silver ring with a butterfly on it.
“I love this! It’s amazing! Where did you find it?” I say looking back up at Pierce.
Lexi answers for him, “At an old antique shop. Pierce said you like antique jewelry and we must have gone to seven antique shops to find the perfect one.” I’m a little shocked to hear the amount of effort he put in to find this ring. It makes me feel special and I love it that much more.
“But one question, why a butterfly?” I ask.
Pierce responds, “A butterfly symbolizes the change in the course of one’s life.”
I study the ring and all its unique features. The band is silver with fine scratches showing its age. The wings on the butterfly come off the band making it look like it’s flying. Each wing has a light, turquoise gem that catches the light reflecting blue beams of color off of it. This ring is very symbolic to my life right now as it is changing. Whether I like it or not, it is happening and this ring will forever mean something special to me.
“It’s perfect,” I say in a hoarse voice. This is the most thoughtful gift I’ve ever received and the fact that Pierce gets me is quite moving. I thank Pierce and Lexi again, giving both of them a hug and a kiss.
The rest of the gang greets me and gives me their gifts. I notice the whole time Colin is standing off to the side while everyone else talks to me. Once I’ve opened all my other gifts, Colin walks toward me with his head down looking at the floor. He has one hand in his pocket and the other holding a gift. Hesitantly, he gives me a quick hug and hands me a box, still not looking me in the eye.
“You can open your present now or wait until later,” he says quietly, finally looking up at me. The way he’s holding his posture and the downcast angle of his eyes lets me know he’s upset. I look into his eyes and see that he’s trying to hide his emotions.
I try to lighten the mood by eyeing him suspiciously and say, “Well, what is it?”
“What is the point of wrapping it if you’re just going to tell the person what they got?” he says with a half grin.
I open the box and inside is a bag of gummy bears. I rip open the bag and eat one. “I love gummy bears!” I say around a full mouth. “They’re my favorite.”
“I know,” he says with a bright smile, “but there’s more under the bag.”
I lift the bag and pull out a bracelet. It has a little bear charm that looks just like a gummy bear. “Aww, thank you!”
I take the bracelet out of the box and ask Colin to put it on.
Colby then announces that it is time to sing. My palms start sweating and I really want to fan my armpits—not the most ladylike gesture, I know, but suddenly the room feels really hot and I desperately do not want to go up on that stage.
Colby and Damon are going to go first. After about twenty minutes of playful banter on who should get to choose the song, Damon wins.
Colby pouts at Damon, “I still don’t know why I can’t choose the song, Damon.”
Damon shows no pity on his face when he responds, “Because we’re singing a duet by your request. If I don’t choose a song you will have me singing something completely absurd. I would still like to look like a man while singing a duet with my girlfriend.” I’m expecting Colby to smack Damon in the back of the head, but to my surprise she holds it back. I can’t wait to see them up there and am anxious to see what song Damon picked out. I know it’ll be a good one.
Before they can argue any more, the DJ calls Colby and Damon up for their song. The music starts playing and Colby immediately turns to Damon and hits him on the back of the head with the microphone as Queen’s Fat Bottomed Girls comes on.
And…there it is.
We are all laughing at the obscene gestures Damon is making with his hips and attempt to sing along. As the song finishes up, Colby announces to everyone, “I would just like you all to know that I had no choice in that pick! I wanted I Got You Babe,” she glares at Damon.
“And that is why you weren�
�t allowed to choose the song,” Damon replies, unaffected by the daggers she’s throwing at him with her eyes. Everyone in the bar is laughing and clapping as they walk off the stage. Damon takes a dramatic bow before jumping off the stage.
After several cocktails and a little time later, Morgan is called up to the stage. If I didn’t know any better, I would have thought Morgan and Jeremy were brother and sister. The way they bicker back and forth is tiring. As Morgan makes her way to the stage, the DJ is attempting to flirt with her. She snatches the microphone, totally dismissing him. She turns and looks toward our table with a flirtatious smirk on her face.
“This one is dedicated to my awesome neighbor.” Suddenly, all heads turn to Jeremy. He has a smile on his face until the music comes on over the speakers. TLC’s No Scrubs is playing and Jeremy’s smile fades into a straight line. As Morgan is singing straight to Jeremy, his lips press into a thin, tight line while his eyes narrow in on her. Morgan finishes up her song and he immediately strides over to the DJ booth. He says something to the DJ while handing him what looks to be some cash and takes the microphone. The DJ nods in understanding and turns back to his equipment.
“This one goes out to my neighbor as well.” He winks at Morgan and starts whistling when the song starts playing. I don’t recognize the song, but when I look up at the screen it says Whistle by Flo’ Rida. Listening to the lyrics makes my eyes go wide in complete shock that he’s singing this to her. He doesn’t break eye contact with her through the whole song. And, just in case there’s any question about who he is singing to, the DJ put a bright ass spot light on her. When she tries to move, the DJ follows her with the light. We are all laughing, and by the red in Morgan’s face, I would say she is quite embarrassed. I may not remember Jeremy, but he’s funny. I’ll give him that.
Pierce leans into me during Jeremy’s performance and says, “Your friends are hysterical. Are Morgan and Jeremy a thing?”
