Rebel slumped against the toilet. Shit, shit, shit. She glanced back. The door was cracked open and Rachel was staring at her with concern in her eyes.
She nodded.
Rachel stepped into the bathroom and closed the door behind her. “How far along are you?”
“A little over three months.”
“About the same as me,” Rachel whispered.
“Yeah, but at least you know who the father of your child is. I don’t have that luxury.”
“Is this a consequence of the rape you told me and Phoebe about?”
“Yes. I was raped, by my friends—well, men who I thought were my friends. Men I’d known. Men I’d worked with for years and trusted, but when civilization collapsed and they knew they could do whatever they wanted because everything was so chaotic, they knew they’d never get caught, or maybe they thought, what the hell, we’re going to die anyway, might as well go out with a bang. Whatever the reason, they broke into my house and raped me, both of them, taking turns. They beat me up and left me for dead, probably assuming I’d die from the virus. But I didn’t. So, as you can see, I’ll never know which of them is the father of my child.”
Tears burned in her throat. She tried her best to keep them back; she’d cried enough over this to last a lifetime, but the tears still fell, trailing down her cheeks.
“I’m so sorry, Rebel.”
Rebel slumped back onto the tile floor. “When I talked to Adam on the radio, I was so excited to find other survivors. The big plan was Justin and I would meet with all of you and possibly move in together if everything worked out. Then, the very next day I peed on a stick and found out I was pregnant. The next day I met all of you. Can’t you see my head is spinning? I haven’t even told Justin yet.”
“Have you told—”
“No. No I haven’t told Trevor. I’ve managed to keep it from him.”
“Why not?”
“Are you kidding? What man wants to be saddled with a woman pregnant with a rapist’s child?”
Rachel sucked in a breath. “Rebel, Trevor isn’t like that—”
“Of course he is. He is like that,” Rebel spat. “He’s like that because all men are like that. When the going gets tough, they get going.”
“But Trevor—”
“Trevor is wonderful, I know. Can’t you see that I know? He’s the man of my dreams.” And now that she’d said it, let those dreaded words out of their box, the rest of it came out in a flood of emotion. “He’s the one, the man for me. And that’s why he can never know. Justin was awake and alert for a while today. He’s getting better. I give it a few days and he’ll be better to travel. Then I have to go before my baby bump starts to show. I’ll go back to Carmel and take care of this myself, with Justin and with the other women too, if they’d like to join us. We can make our own group over there. I’ll be fine. I can take care of myself. I always have.”
“You can’t leave without telling him. That’s not right. You have to give him the chance to—”
“To do what? To dump me? To leave me? Why would I give him the opportunity to hurt me? If I leave now, before he knows about the baby and breaks up with me because he can’t handle the responsibility, we leave on good terms. My time here will always be a lovely memory unblemished by the drama of watching the man I admire turn into an asshole right before my eyes.”
“That won’t happen.”
“It’s happened before, so of course it will happen again.”
“Before? What are you talking about?”
“This isn’t my first pregnancy. I’ve been pregnant before.”
Rachel pursed her lips. “Oh.”
“Yeah. It didn’t go well. I was young, too young, only seventeen. My movie career was just taking off. My boyfriend at the time, another actor whose career was also starting, he didn’t want to have anything to do with me once I told him I was pregnant. I entertained thoughts, dreams, of being able to keep the baby. But none of it, the processing what to do, the eventual miscarriage—none of it happened with him there by my side. He wimped out the moment I told him I was pregnant. That was it, our relationship was over and I was expected to ‘take care of it.’ He basically seemed mad that I had gotten pregnant in the first place since he knew I was on birth control. But birth control isn’t one hundred percent. Before I could really decide what to do, whether I wanted to keep the baby or not, I had a miscarriage, so it was moot.”
“Oh, Rebel…”
“It’s okay, it was a long time ago. Ten years. I’ve grown up a lot since then, but I’ve learned my lesson well. Men aren’t exactly trustworthy. I was engaged once too, and he left me for my so-called best friend. Oh, and the icing on the cake, there were the men who raped me. As you can see, I’ve learned that men aren’t people you can count on. Trevor is wonderful. But he isn’t someone who has my back for the long term. I thought my first boyfriend and my fiancé were wonderful men too, until they weren’t. Trust me, the moment I tell him, it will be all over with. I’d like for this to last a little longer, at least until I leave with Justin. If I tell him today, he’ll turn into that other Trevor, that man who will disappoint me, and I’ll have to move out of the apartment and into the RV and awkwardly try to avoid him until I can leave. Please, just let me live my fantasy a little while longer. Just for a few more days.”
Rachel nodded. “Okay, I understand. I don’t agree, but I understand.”
“Thank you. I want you to know, I’m doing everything I can to bring this child safely into the world and to raise it happy, despite the mess this world has turned into.”
“Amen. I’m right there with you.”
Rebel smiled. Rachel had a knack for making people smile.
“Can you please do one thing though?” Rachel asked.
“What?”
“On that last day, before you leave, will you at least tell him? Don’t leave without giving him the opportunity to prove to you that you’re wrong, that he’s a better man than you think he is.”
Tears welled up in Rebel’s eyes again. A better man than you think he is. That hit her hard. “Okay.” She nodded. “I’ll tell him, right before I leave. I promise, I’ll give him that chance.”
“Good.” Rachel squeezed her hand. “Now, let’s get you cleaned up. You’re a mess.”
Chapter Twenty
Fifteen minutes later Rebel felt like a person again and was ready to step out of the bathroom. They could hear the fireworks exploding outside.
“Rachel? Rebel? Where are you? Get your asses out here. You’re missing this,” Krissy’s distinctive voiced shouted.
Rebel walked outside to the crack of fireworks and patriotic music playing. She smiled. It was pretty darn cool.
Josie was squealing with delight, a sparkler in her hand.
She turned her head to find her man…he was standing, his eyes only on her. And the way Trevor looked at her now, the way he always touched her. It was almost…reverent.
She walked over and sat back down next to him, returning to her old seat. He took her hand in his and rubbed his thumb across her pulse point. Her conversation with Rachel swirled in her head. The fireworks pounded in the background. Laughter, shouting. She couldn’t focus on it.
Instead she focused on Trevor.
He turned to shout out a comment to Adam about what they should light up next. She stared at his profile, lost in thought.
She’d known Trevor for a week, but it seemed like a year. Each day equaling months. Could she be falling in love with this man? In one week? How could she possibly fall in love with someone she’d known for a week?
Shit, it was like something out of a movie. Like this was a role she should be playing with lines to memorize, but for once, this was real life.
But there it was, that pressure on her chest, that warmth. A feeling she’d felt for her mother, the same feeling she’d had when she thought of a future with her unborn child, it was the same when she looked at Trevor. It was the same when she touched
him, fucked him, sat near him, talked to him.
Oh shit, he was the one, wasn’t he?
It was amazing how quickly her life turned on a dime.
She’d recently won an Academy Award for best supporting actress, so the roles were hitting her agent’s desk in stacks. She’d had work lined up for the next two years. And now? Civilization was gone. She was living in a new version of the Wild West with a band of survivors.
And in the midst of this she was pregnant and had fallen in love? Could this get more complicated? Well, yes. She wasn’t pregnant with her man’s child. She swallowed. That made life pretty damn complicated.
Her stomach was still flat but thicker than before. She had a pair of shorts she couldn’t button already. She knew Trevor couldn’t tell; he didn’t know what she looked like before, so he wouldn’t know. She rubbed her belly. Soon there’d be a baby bump. It could happen any day now. He’d figure it out soon. She needed to tell him.
Or leave before he found out.
Maybe she should tell him about the baby. Maybe he could handle it. Maybe he wouldn’t flake…
Rachel’s words again hit her hard. Her past was affecting her future. All that long-lost heartache. But, some of it wasn’t so old. Just three months ago she’d been betrayed again.
But, maybe she needed to take a leap of faith. Get past her fears. Maybe she could give him it all, her love, her admiration, and maybe he could be trusted to take care of her heart and her baby. She could tell him…tomorrow. Not today, she couldn’t do something so big so soon. She needed to think about exactly what she would say. How she would word such an important proclamation.
Trevor, I love you and I’m pregnant and it’s not yours and I’ve been keeping it from you this whole week. I didn’t care that you stopped using a condom because you can’t get me pregnant, I’m pregnant already.
Yeah.
She could make him dinner and talk to him about it in the privacy of the apartment. Tell him then, give him that chance.
Rachel was right. Dammit. She was right.
Rebel jumped as a large, screaming firework exploded into the night sky. She placed a hand over her racing heart and smiled at how much it startled her.
“You okay?” Trevor asked.
She looked deep into his magnetic blue eyes. Suddenly hopeful for their future together. “Yeah, yeah. I’m okay. I am.”
Chapter Twenty-One
The next morning Rebel walked to the RV to take over the morning shift and heard good news.
“Justin’s alert and awake,” Christian said. “And his temperature is normal.”
“Really?”
“Rebel, is that you?” a deep voice bellowed from the back of the RV. “Get your ass in here.”
Rebel couldn’t stop from grinning. “Now that’s the Justin I know and love,” she told Christian.
“A pain in the ass who won’t take no for an answer?”
“Oh, you know Justin too?”
“What are you two talking about? Rebel, get in here.”
Rebel giggled, giddy with the knowledge that her friend was finally over the hump and on the way to recovery.
“He’s still weak and needs to stay in bed,” Christian said softly.
Rebel nodded. “It’ll be a bitch keeping him down. He hates sitting around.”
“I can tell.”
“Rebel!” Justin roared.
“Okay, okay. Hold your horses. I’m coming.”
“I’m going to leave for a little while. I’ve got some things to do. I’ll be back soon. Are you two going to be okay while I’m gone?” Christian said.
“Yeah, yeah,” Rebel said over her shoulder as she walked down the hall, eager to visit with her friend. “No worries, I’ve got this.”
“Trevor.”
Trevor turned his head and looked back at Christian. “Hey.” He wiped sweat off his forehead and leaned back against the trunk of a tree.
Christian cut the engine to the ATV and stepped off.
“What’s up?” Adam gave him a chin lift.
Sebastian sat on the grass under the tree and gave a flick of his fingers in acknowledgement. All of them were sitting in the shade, sharing a water jug. They’d been working all morning, getting the little ranch house set up for habitation. None of them knew who was moving in yet, but it was a matter of time before some of them chose the house because of the space and the privacy. They needed to get it ready.
Trevor hoped like hell it was for him and Rebel. He considered this to be their future home. He hoped Rebel viewed it the same way.
“I’ve got good news and I’ve got bad news,” Christian announced as he walked over.
Trevor took a swig of water. “Good news first.”
Christian put his hands on his hips. “Justin is awake and alert.”
Trevor’s jaw clenched. This was bad. He’d seen it coming, knew it was any day now. But…
“That is good,” Sebastian said.
“That’s terrible,” Adam answered.
Sebastian chuckled. “Why would that be terrible? The guy was on death’s door and he’s back and recovered. This is good. We can always use another set of hands here.”
“No, I agree with Adam,” Christian said. “Obviously, I’m happy that he’s well, but this is problematic. I mean, Sebastian, look at Trevor. He’s not exactly presentable to outsiders. Rebel’s only able to handle it because she’s falling in love with him.”
“What?” Sebastian frowned. “I don’t see any problem. So he’s got a few tats…”
“I’ve got a few prison tats,” Trevor groused.
“So he’s got a few prison tats…” Sebastian corrected. “Wait, prison tats? Like, you got them in prison? You’re an ex-con? What the fuck?”
“What planet have you been on?” Adam asked. “Didn’t you notice the swastika on his neck? Who has a goddamn swastika on their neck?”
“Well, yeah, when I first saw him I thought he was probably some kinda racist, Nazi-loving asshole, which is why I kept Josie and Phoebe away from here in the first place and kidnapped Rachel to keep her safe. But once you get to know him…”
Adam shook his head. “Exactly. But first impressions are first impressions.”
“Well, I’ve learned something new,” Christian said. “I’ve talked some with Justin these last few days, during the times he would wake up coherent in the middle of the night. Last night he told me before the end he was a DEA agent.”
They were all quiet for a minute. Trevor let Sebastian figure it out for himself. He gave Trevor a sharp glance. “Does Justin know that Rebel is your woman?”
“Does he?” Trevor asked Christian. “Does he remember me?”
“I don’t think he does. He never mentioned it.”
“Didn’t Justin try to choke you when he first saw you at Casa de Fruta?” Adam asked.
Christian’s eyes widened.
“Choke you? Damn it, this just gets messier by the minute,” Sebastian quipped.
“Yeah, he tried to choke me. He woke up in the RV and spied my tats right away and knew what they meant. He told me to keep the fuck away from Rebel and tried to get his hands around my neck for a minute before he passed out.”
“What tats set him off? I’ve been looking at you this whole time and I don’t see anything that makes me want to choke the ever-livin’ fuck out of you,” Sebastian asked. “I mean, the swastika is disgusting and I wish you could laser that off, but still…”
“This one.” Trevor pointed at his swastika. “And this one.” He pointed at the four-leaf clover. Both on his neck. “The swastika signifies my unity with the views of the brotherhood, a right of passage, I’ve had it since I was eighteen. But the clover, I got that in prison after I killed a man to prove my allegiance to the gang. It shows to everyone that I’m a charter member of the Aryan Brotherhood. Seeing them both together, Justin took one look and knew what these meant.”
Christian crossed his arms. “Huh.”
Sebast
ian cocked his head. “Have to say, it’s a good thing I didn’t know that when I first met you. I didn’t trust you at first either, but not knowing about your past gave me a chance to get to know you. I just assumed at first you were some white asshole neo-Nazi who probably spouted shit online in your spare time and was into tats to try and look tough.”
Trevor clenched his jaw. “I’m not a fucking poser.”
“Hey, man, it’s actually better to be a poser than prison bait.”
Trevor took a deep breath. He supposed he deserved that.
“And not once, this whole time, have I seen you treat anyone with less than respect, no matter their color or gender,” Sebastian said. “You’ve come a long way, man.”
Trevor swallowed hard and took a deep breath. “Thanks.”
“Well, I’ve got to say this about Justin. I respect the guy—at least he was taking good care of Rebel.”
“My take on it exactly,” said Adam. “Makes me like the guy more. Sounds like if we can get him on our side and help him to see that Trevor isn’t the asshole he appears to be, that he’s made a complete three-sixty, then he’d be a great part of our team.”
“Thanks, man,” Trevor grumbled.
“No prob.” Adam grinned. “And this is exactly why I don’t have tats. I don’t want to be a walking advertisement or a living memorial. It’s just me and my muscles. Rachel digs that shit.”
Trevor flipped him off.
“Now, on to the bad news,” Christian cut in.
“Bad news? Wait, wasn’t that the bad news?” Sebastian asked.
“Nope, believe it or not, that was the good news. The bad news is that Justin’s awake, alert and walking around in the RV, alone, with Rebel. Right now.”
“Hold on, why is that bad?” Sebastian asked, then he turned toward Trevor. “Doesn’t she know you’re prison bait?”
“Does she?” Adam asked. “You told her everything about your past, right?”
Trevor took a deep breath and looked away, his gaze landing on the distant mountaintops. “No, she doesn’t know yet.”
Kill For You Page 19
