by Lyn Gardner
Kasha’s initial shock had turned to horror. He was bending over her, whispering urgently to her. “Abbie! Abbie! Please don’t be dead. I love you. I love you. Oh, baby, baby, please don’t be dead.”
“She’s not dead,” said Tish. “I can feel her pulse. But I think it might be more than a faint. There’s something seriously wrong.” She looked sharply at Kasha. “You know her. Has she been different at all over the last week or so?”
Kasha looked helpless. “She kept saying how tired she felt. I just thought it was stress. She’s lost weight too, and she’s been drinking loads and loads of water. I joked that she was going to drink the taps dry like the tiger in The Tiger Who Came to Tea.” Tears began to fall down his cheeks. “After the show closed, we were going to run away and get married. We’ll have both turned eighteen by then. We were going to live happily ever after. In a cottage in the country. With a dog. An Airedale terrier. Like those push-along dogs that you have as a kid. Just us and the dog. We were going to close the door on the world. You see, we love each other.”
He said it so simply and so hopelessly that Tish blinked back tears and Jon put his arm around the thin shoulders of the teenage boy. There was the sound of an approaching siren and within minutes the room was full of paramedics. Very quickly they had Abbie strapped to a stretcher and were moving her into the ambulance. The other actors were huddled in a shocked, silent group at the door. Kasha wanted to go with Abbie but the paramedics wouldn’t allow it, so Jon said that he’d drive him to the hospital. While Kasha was getting his things, Jon turned to Tish. “Is she going to be all right?” he asked.
Tish shrugged helplessly. “I’m no doctor, Jon. But I think so. It’s only a guess, but it could be type-one diabetes. She’s the right sort of age for onset.”
“And?” asked Jon.
“It can be managed so that she can live a normal life. She’d still be able to act. Get married and live in that cottage with Kasha and their dog. She’d just have to take her medication and look after herself. But if it is diabetes, it could take time to get it stabilised. She’s not going to be playing Juliet any time soon.”
Jon nodded. “It doesn’t matter about the production. I just want to know that she’s going to be OK. At least it explains why she was so terrible. The poor kid was sick.”
Tish smiled. “And we also now know why Kasha and Abbie weren’t giving the parts their all. Their acting skills are even better than we thought. How could neither of us not have noticed what was going on? As soon as Kasha spilled the beans, it was so obvious that they’ve been trying to hide their relationship.”
“Yes,” said Jon. “Little did we know Romeo and Juliet was being played out for real under our very noses. But what still puzzles me is why they feel they’ve got to keep it a secret? Maybe Kasha will enlighten me on the way to the hospital.”
Chapter Eighteen
“I can’t believe it,” beamed Georgia. “I thought we’d blown it when Lara paired us up with Carly and Ava.”
“But it was some kind of test,” said Katie. “To find out just how loyal we were to each other.”
“Sneaky,” said Tom.
Georgia and Katie had just come out of Alicia’s office where Huff and Lara had told them that they were going to play the sisters in Family Life and that shooting would begin at the end of term. They had immediately rounded up the others to tell them their good news.
“Yes,” said Katie. “It was sneaky. Miss Swan looked pretty disapproving, but she was so delighted for us, she didn’t make too much of a fuss. Turns out what swung it was that both Georgie and I refused to work with one of the others, whereas both Carly and Ava were prepared to ditch the other if it meant getting cast. Which just goes to show that blood isn’t always thicker than water.”
“The other thing is that all those weird auditions were also part of the scripting process, so a lot of the things we did and said will find their way into the script.”
“So you’ve also been writing the movie,” observed Aeysha.
“I guess so,” said Katie. “Maybe we should demand a writing credit?”
“I’m just thrilled to be in a film! Even if it is quite a strange one,” said Georgia, her eyes shining.
“Miss Swan described it as being an ‘art house movie’. It’s not the sort of thing that Huff normally gets involved in, but apparently he’s known Lara since she won a prize at the Sundance Film Festival, and so he did it as a favour. He says she’s going to win more prizes. So maybe it will turn out that Family Life is a good project to be involved with. Maybe it will launch our careers?”
“Or maybe it will disappear without trace?” said Georgia gloomily.
“I don’t really care either way,” said Katie, looking fondly at Georgia. “It will just be lovely to spend so much time with Georgie and work together on something really cool.”
“Yes,” said Georgia, grinning at her friend. “I’m going to love that too. It’s being paid to spend time with your best friend.”
“Just think,” said Tom. “Liv and I will be touring around Europe together this summer with Jack, and you two will be making a movie. It’s all so exciting.”
“It is,” said Aeysha lightly. “And there I’ll be, all on my own, swotting up on chemistry to make sure I’m up to speed when I start my new school.” She gave a wry little smile. “I just know I’m going to be the envy of all my glamorous friends.”
Olivia frowned. Aeysha’s tone was light and jokey but she wondered whether her friend was having second thoughts about leaving the Swan.
Aeysha looked around Alicia’s office. Was this the last time she would ever sit in this cosy little room with its paisley throws? As the term had gone on, Aeysha had found herself beginning to count off all the last times she would do something. She’d already stood in her last first-day-of-term assembly, she had auditioned for her last role in acting class, and she had calculated that there were only twenty-nine school lunches left to eat. It made her feel sad.
Life at the Swan would go on without her. Olivia, Tom, Katie and Georgia were already making plans for life after she’d gone. She knew it was normal. The world wouldn’t stop turning because she had left a school. But it still felt strange to think of it all happening without her.
Of course she would come back and visit – she knew that. But it wouldn’t be the same as being part of the Swan. She wouldn’t be up to speed on the gossip; she wouldn’t know any of the new kids or teachers. She felt an unexpected tear slip down her cheek.
Alicia put a cup of peppermint tea down on the desk in front of Aeysha and, instead of going to sit behind the desk, she pulled another chair closer to Aeysha and took the girl’s hand.
“It’s hard to say goodbye,” said Alicia softly.
Aeysha nodded.
“I understand,” said Alicia. “It would be easier to stay, wouldn’t it? Stay here where everything is familiar, where you know that everyone likes you, and admires your talents. Where you have close friends. Where your path is clear. It’s far harder to strike out on your own, to begin again. To risk that you might be lonely, or discover that you’ve done the wrong thing, made the wrong decision.”
“I was so certain,” said Aeysha. “I thought so hard about leaving and what it would mean. I knew it would be tough but I thought I was making the right decision for me. I love the Swan, I love Georgie and the others. But it’s a vocational school and I know I don’t want to be an actor, a dancer, a singer, or even a tightrope-walker. I don’t want my life to be in other people’s hands, the people who do the choosing. I want to make my own destiny. I want to be the one who chooses.”
Alicia nodded understandingly.
“But,” added Aeysha passionately, “I never thought that when the moment came to leave it would be so hard.”
“Change is difficult,” agreed Alicia. “I’ll tell you a secret, Aeysha. I loathe change. I would do anything to avoid it. I like things to go on in the same cosy fashion that they always have. An
d yet however much I’ve resisted change, it’s always turned out to be a good thing when it has been forced on me. I couldn’t see a future when arthritis finished my stage career; I thought my life was over.
“But it made me start the Swan. I longed to have contact with my grandchildren, but I certainly never wanted them to come and live with me. I liked living on my own, having a place to retreat after dealing with children all day. But having Livy and Eel living with me has transformed my life, and all for the better. It has felt like an unexpected gift, even though I know it can’t go on forever.
“Most of us are like thistles in the wind, blown hither and thither by circumstance and whatever fate throws at us, but you, Aeysha, are one of the rare and courageous ones who think hard about what you really want, and who won’t settle for the easy option.”
“But what if I’m wrong?” whispered Aeysha. “What if I’ve made the wrong decision?”
“Better than making no decisions at all, better than just drifting along,” said Alicia. She smiled. “I could tell you that there is still a place for you at the Swan if you decide to stay. I could tell you that if you hate your new school and wish to return to the Swan you will be able to do so. And I would be telling you the truth. For you, Aeysha, the door will always be open. But I don’t think you need that kind of safety net. You’re an exceptionally clever girl, Aeysha, and a kind one too, and courageous. Eel would say that you are a Matilda, someone who defies the idea that life is fixed and that you can’t change it. Matilda writes her own happy ending; you are writing yours.”
“But I don’t feel happy,” said Aeysha.
“That’s because what you are doing is difficult. Most of us let fate or other people write our stories. We worry too much about what our friends think, so we don’t say and do the things we really believe. We want to fit in with the crowd and be part of it, go with the flow. Aeysha, I have such confidence in you. I know that you are a girl who is going to write her own life. The sooner you get going, the better.”
Aeysha smiled. Alicia had said exactly the right thing. She suddenly felt reinvigorated. “I’m going to try,” she said fiercely. “I’m going to make you proud of me, Miss Swan.”
“Aeysha, I am already enormously proud of you.”
Chapter Nineteen
Olivia and Jack were sitting at the table, poring over the map of France and plotting a route.
“When are you going to confirm all the gigs on the list?” asked Olivia.
“First thing in the morning,” replied Jack. “I might even make a start on the emails tonight after I’ve picked up Eel from Emmy’s. There’s still no news about Matilda and we can’t wait forever while they make up their minds.”
Olivia grinned happily. She was so looking forward to the summer.
“Livy! Jack!” Both of them looked up. Alicia was standing in the doorway. There was something about the way she said their names and the strange look on her face that made Olivia leap up and run to her gran’s side.
“What is it?” she asked urgently. “Is something wrong?”
Alicia shook her head, but she seemed to be having trouble speaking. “Something has happened. Something quite incredible. I’ve had Jon on the phone. He needs you, Livy. He wants you for Juliet.”
Olivia thought she must have misheard. “Me? Juliet? That can’t be right. What’s going on?” Her heart began to thump. She suddenly thought of Abbie. Had something happened to her? Her eyes darkened. Had Abbie and Kasha been found out?
“Abbie?” she asked.
“She’s fine, Livy. Well, that’s not quite true. She’s got type-one diabetes. She almost slipped into a coma during a rehearsal and now she’s in hospital. But she’s going to be completely fine once they get her medication sorted out and stabilise everything. I’m going to visit her tomorrow. She’ll be able to carry on acting eventually but there’s no question of her doing Juliet. So they want you.”
Olivia sank down on to the sofa. “Jon trusts me enough to do it?” she murmured wonderingly, almost to herself.
“Oh, Livy, you know he always wanted you for Juliet. He was under pressure to have Abbie,” said Alicia. But Olivia knew that they were talking at cross-purposes. She was astonished that Jon trusted her enough to give her the role even though he knew what she had done. He must realise that he was taking the most enormous risk, a potentially career-ending one. He couldn’t possibly know why she’d done it, so he was risking that she might do it again, maybe right in the middle of a performance.
Olivia felt real admiration for the director, and she remembered the speech he’d made after her audition about taking risks in the theatre. It made her think of walking the high-wire where the line between success and failure – getting to the end of the wire or falling – was always so fine. Only by risking that you might fail could you ever truly be any good.
The high-wire made her think about her dad. She glanced over towards him. He was sitting very still, watching her intently. If she said yes to Juliet, she knew that she would be letting him down. And Tom too. Could she do that to them? All the plans they’d made together for the summer would have to be junked. If she’d been offered the role after Jack had started accepting the high-wire bookings they’d been offered, she would have turned it down in a flash. A deal was a deal. When she was travelling in the circus, her dad had done most of his business on the shake of a hand. But they hadn’t yet said yes to any of the gigs. No deals had yet been made. She almost wished they had, so any decision was taken out of her hands.
The tension was making her stomach churn like a cement mixer. If she said no to Juliet she would be letting Jon down when he’d shown such faith in her, and she would devastate her gran. She could see from Alicia’s face how much she wanted her to play Juliet.
She looked at her dad. He’d never really understood acting. Toni had given it all up to be with him; would he have given up the wire for her? “But what about the tour?” she said, still looking at Jack’s watchful face.
“You must make up your own mind what you want to do,” said Jack quietly. She longed for him to say more, to say that it would be OK if she did Juliet, that he would understand her choice, but he said nothing. She felt as if a silent battle was taking place in the room between her father and Alicia.
The silence was broken by her grandmother. “Livy, darling,” she said. “I know how much you wanted Juliet. This is your chance, maybe the only one you’ll ever get. Most actresses go through their entire careers without ever getting a shot at the role.”
“That may be true, Alicia,” said Jack, “but Liv isn’t an actress. She’s a high-wire walker who has done a bit of acting. Her heart has always been with the circus.”
Before she could stop herself, Alicia snapped, “The circus doesn’t compare with this, Jack! This is one of the great classical roles—”
“I know you don’t rate the circus, Alicia,” interrupted Jack coldly. “You’ve always thought it was a lower art form than the theatre but—”
“But what?” Now it was Alicia’s turn to interrupt. “Livy can walk the high-wire any time she likes; this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Of course she must do it.”
“The tour could be the start of her high-wire career. It could be just as important…” began Jack.
Olivia couldn’t bear to see two of the people she loved most in the world fighting over her. It was as if they had forgotten about her completely, as if despite everything that had happened over the last couple of years they still inhabited entirely different worlds.
“Stop it! Stop it!” she shouted. “I can’t stand to hear you argue.”
Both Jack and Alicia looked abashed.
“Chick—” began her dad.
Olivia put up an imperious hand. “I don’t want to hear any more. You’re squabbling like children. I’m going to ring Jon to say thank you, and then I’m going to talk to Tom, and then I’m going to talk to Eel, who I sometimes think is the most sensible person in this family, and
then I’m going to make up my own mind what I’m going to do. What I need to know is that you will both support me in my decision, whatever it might be.”
Jack and Alicia felt her dark, burning eyes on both of them and instantly felt ashamed of how they had behaved. They both nodded.
It was the middle of the night. Olivia was standing in her pyjamas in the living room talking to her mother. Or, rather, to her mother’s portrait. It was so lifelike that it seemed to Olivia as if her mum was right in the room with her. She had told her dad and gran that she was going to talk to Tom and talk to Eel, but she hadn’t told them that she was going to talk to her mum.
Olivia had never felt in so much need of a mother. She knew that if Toni was alive she wouldn’t have been on Gran’s side or on Jack’s side. She would have been on her daughter’s side. She would have questioned her intently, talked her through the options, but she would have let Olivia make the decision. Not like Jack and Alicia, who had made her feel as if she was in the middle of a tug of war between them.
She had spoken to Tom earlier, who’d been as brilliantly understanding as she had expected him to be. Tom was always so easy to talk to. He’d said that of course he’d be disappointed if she chose Juliet over the tightrope tour. “I’m only human, Liv!” But he had pointed out that while they could do the tightrope act at Christmas, or sometime next year, this might be her only chance to play Juliet and if she wanted to do it, then of course she should.
“But what about Jack? Won’t he feel I’m rejecting him?”
“He loves you, Liv. Maybe he’ll be upset at first. But he’ll get over it. And if he doesn’t, he can always adopt me.” They had both laughed at this.
Eel had been even blunter. “Listen, Livy, don’t get so angsty. It’s your life, nobody else’s. It’s not as if you’re like Juliet who has to do what her parents want or end up in a convent. Ignore Dad and Gran, and do what you want to do. You can’t live your life forever trying to please other people, however much you love them and they love you. You’ll just make yourself miserable.”
