by Aline Ash
“Okay. Coast is clear.”
I scramble up and into the bedroom and tumble as quietly as I can onto the floor.
“B’ecky, what the hell are you—?”
I shush her again and urge her to relax. “Don’t worry. I’m fine. Just stay calm, okay? I just... I had to get away and I needed someplace safe to go.”
“Why? What happened?” She’s getting agitated already, which can’t be good for the baby.
“Nothing in particular, okay? Just calm down. There’s no need to freak out, okay?”
“See, telling me that just makes me freak out more!”
“Just... Shhhhhh.” I take a couple of breaths and encourage her to do the same. Once my heart rate is down to a normal pace, and it looks like hers is, too, I explain the situation. I explain that the S’ulin Kara thing happened to me and S’oraj, then how he’s kept me locked up, and how my desire for him is getting unbearable and irresistible, especially since he keeps trying to make things happen between us. “I had to get out of there, Leese. I just needed to get away from him or I’m sure I would have given in and then... Well, then what would I do when I can finally get back to my family?”
She looks at me with tears in her eyes, nodding her head in understanding. “I get it, Beck. I get it. But look, I don’t know how you’re going to hide from him. Especially here. He’s the king. And V’orin has been his best friend since childhood. What do you want me to do?”
“I don’t know!” I’m getting worked up again, so I take a breath and try to calm down. “Can I just... stay here with you for a while and we can figure it out as we go?”
She takes a long, deep breath before speaking. “Fine,” she says. “It’d be nice to have some company during the day anyway. I’ve been bored out of my mind, stuck in bed like this.”
“I bet.”
We chat through the day, and I scramble under the bed to hide any time one of the staff comes in to bring food or retrieve dishes. Lisa keeps insisting that her appetite is strangely intense today so that I can have something to eat, too. I know that this routine won’t be sustainable, but I don’t know what else to do. It’s not until V’orin suddenly appears in the doorway as we’re chatting closer to evening that we realize exactly how crazy it was to think that I could just hide.
“What are you doing here?” he demands in shock.
“V’orin, let me explain,” Lisa tries, but he cuts her off with a stunned wave of his hand.
“S’oraj has been looking for you everywhere. There are military search parties all over the city trying to find you. How did you get out? And why?”
“Because he locked me in like a prisoner and I won’t be treated like that,” I snap. “Look, I know you two are friends and you’re, like, important in the military or whatever, but I’m an actual person. I’m not his property. He doesn’t get to treat me like I am.”
“He is the king!”
“I don’t care who he is!” I’m practically snarling at him now. I know I don’t sound rational, but good God I’m tired of being treated like crap by these guys. “If he’d listened to me from the start and treated me with any kind of trust or respect, I’d have been more inclined to stay, but the fact is, he’s treated me like trash and I won’t stand for it!”
“V’orin, just hear her out,” Lisa implores. “Becky. Take a breath. V’orin, sit down and let’s talk. You need to hear her out.”
He makes like he’s about to argue, but Lisa shuts him up with the same wave of the hand that he’d used only moments before. I guess he knows when she means business. He pulls up a chair and we talk. I explain the whole situation to him and do my best to make a convincing pitch that he should keep me hidden.
“I know this is asking a lot,” I say. “I know what I’m suggesting goes against everything you think is right, but I can’t stay locked up like that. I have to be allowed to be free to make my own choices. Keeping me locked in a room next to his is not okay. So, please. Please just... let me stay here. Let me hide out until I can figure out what I want to do. Please.”
His face is a mask of indecision and frustration, but finally he speaks. “Fine,” he grumbles. “You can stay here, and we’ll keep you hidden from S’oraj, but make no mistake if he asks me directly if I know where you are, I will have to tell him. I won’t tell an outright lie.”
“That’s fair—”
“And another thing,” he’s really on a tear. I can’t blame him, though. “If his condition gets worse – if he starts to lose his ability to think clearly because of your absence – I will be forced to reveal your presence here to him. No one knows how bad the S’ulin Kara symptoms can be better than I do. Separation like this may cause him to completely lose his mind and act impulsively and rashly. At this stage in the war, it’s not just about you or him; it’s about the entire planet. If it looks like this is going to endanger my people, we end this. Is that clear?”
“Yes,” I say. “Thank you, V’orin.”
“Don’t thank me yet.” He looks like he’s going to say something else, but instead he kisses Lisa on the cheek and begins to leave. “I’ll have a room arranged for you and I’ll keep the staff to a minimum until you decide how you want to proceed. But I’m asking you, as a favor in return, decide quickly. For all our sakes.”
“I understand. Thank you, V’orin.”
He shakes his head and leaves. I turn to Lisa and throw her a weak smile. “Guess we’re having a sleepover?”
...
Three weeks into my stay, I’m more confused than I was at the start. Spending the days chatting and hanging out with Lisa has been amazing, but watching her pregnancy develop into these final stages and, particularly, watching her relationship with V’orin blossom, has made me question everything.
Though he’s been sleeping in a separate room from her so that she can remain undisturbed and comfortable, he sits with her at night before going off to his own room, and the first thing he does in the morning is come to visit and talk with her while they sip tea and take in the morning together. Any time I’ve seen them disagree on something, they handle it with absolutely open honesty unlike anything I’ve ever seen, and every time it makes me wonder what it would be like to feel that.
I’ve never had a relationship I’d call healthy. All the man-children I ever dated were as worthless as they were whiney, and I finally just swore off the whole idea entirely. I had such high career ambitions that, until my mom’s diagnosis, that was all that mattered to me. Then when she got sick, my priorities changed, and she became the focus. I tried a few dates with a few guys my friends set me up with, but none of them could keep up and I could instantly tell they were all hiding crap about themselves that would come up sooner or later and ruin the whole thing.
But the way that Lisa and V’orin support each other and care for one another is something, frankly, out of this world. And all the while, watching them like this, I can’t help but feel like I’ve screwed something up by abandoning the idea of being with S’oraj so quickly.
“Lisa, I don’t know what to do with all this,” I tell her. She sips her tea and nods.
“I know, Beck, but you’ve been tearing yourself apart for weeks, and as much as I really love having you here, this whole thing is obviously killing you.”
“But... I mean, come on. You know me. I’ve never wanted any of this relationship crap, and now I’m watching you and him and wondering if these feelings are real and... Shit, Leese, I just don’t know what to do with all this.”
“Okay, just... lay it all out for me. As plainly as you can. Okay? No judgment. Hold nothing back. What do you want?”
I blurt it all out almost faster than I can think it, but I know it’s all absolutely true. “I want to be with him. I want to be held by him. And dammit, I want a baby of my own and I can’t see that happening with anyone but him. What the hell is happening to me, Leese?” Tears are instantly streaming down my face in a wildly uncharacteristic outpouring of emotion and I can see I�
�ve shocked her.
“Holy shit, Becky.”
“I know!”
We just sit in the silence of all that for a moment, and all the while I’m spinning out on how all it feels. I really do want a baby. I’ve never wanted a baby! So why now? And why with him? Why is this happening?
“Beck?” Lisa tentatively asks.
“Yeah...”
“Becky, listen. I know this probably isn’t what you want to hear, but I’m gonna be honest with you, okay?”
“Okay. Shoot.” I wipe the tears from my face only to have them immediately replaced.
“I think you should talk to him.” I shoot her a look that should have shut her up, but she keeps at it. “I know you don’t want to, and I know he’s been a dick up until now, but this whole thing is driving you insane and you’ve got to confront it. You’re the first person to always tell any of us to tackle our problems head-on, right? You need to take your own advice. I’ll make sure V’orin and I are here to back you up. If S’oraj tries to force any issue that you’re not comfortable with, we’ve got you. But I think you need to talk with him. At least. Because let me tell you, fighting the S’ulin Kara bond is only going to cause more problems the longer you try to resist it, so working out the issues now will help in the long run. Trust me.”
I stare at her and I can hardly believe that she’s the same shy girl from our stupid little hometown. She’s changed so much and gotten so much stronger and more confident in the months since we were first taken that she hardly seems like the same person. But I know she’s right. All I can do is nod, but she takes that to mean I agree. Which I do, dammit. Even if I don’t like it.
She changes the subject and we distract ourselves for a while before V’orin comes back and interrupts with news.
“L’isa, B’ecky, we need to talk.”
“What’s going on?” Lisa asks urgently.
“It’s S’oraj. The strain from this separation is wearing on him and I believe he is about to make some very foolish decisions in order to try to find you. I have to insist that we tell him where you are. I fear that if we don’t, he will set actions in motion that could very well set our war back by cycles, if not cause us to lose outright.”
The weight of his words, though obviously calculated, do the trick. I know he’s right. Even if I hate it, I know it. I look to Lisa who gives me an encouraging nod. I know she wasn’t lying. They’ll have my back if I need it, but V’orin is also right. I’ve been losing it being separated from S’oraj, and his responsibilities are desperately important as well. It’s time I did something about all this.
“Alright,” I announce. “Alright, fine. I’ll talk with him. I’ll try to work things out. Go ahead and call him, V’orin.”
He doesn’t waste a second before he taps his wrist communicator and tells S’oraj that he knows where I am. He tells him to come to the house immediately then hangs up the line.
“Becky... You doing okay?” Lisa asks.
“No,” I tell her honestly. “No, I’m not. And I haven’t been for weeks. But I think you’re both right. I need to handle this once and for all.”
Chapter 10
S’oraj
I’m sure I look like a monstrosity, but I haven’t been able to even look at myself in a mirror, bathe, or sleep in taks. With the Raxians breathing down my neck, still no sign of getting closer to discovering the identities of the spies, and now with B’ecky disappeared into thin air, the entire planet feels like it’s crashing down around me and it’s all I can do to stay standing, let alone actually function.
When my communicator chimes with an incoming message on a secure and private line, I answer it immediately. No matter what it’s regarding, it’s important.
“S’oraj. Are you there?”
“Yes, V’orin, what is it?”
“I know where B’ecky is. Meet me at my estate.”
I hang up the line and am in a hovercar quicker that I have time to realize what I’m doing. Wherever she is, if she’s been kept from me against her will, I’ll destroy anyone who stands in my way. My driverless car whines to a halt in front of V’orin’s door and I stumble out, sprinting up the walkway. He lets me in and forces me to sit.
“S’oraj, just sit down for a minute!”
“There’s no time! Where is she?” I’m nearly in a complete panic. This is the first news I’ve heard of her in turins and I don’t want to waste a single moment on anything other than going to her. My entire body and soul ache for her and I fear if I don’t see her soon, I may lose my mind completely to the mating fever.
“Just sit down!” V’orin forces me to sit in one of the cushioned chairs in his estate and, though I snarl at him for doing so, I comply.
“Just tell me where she is!”
“I will, but you have to take a breath first. I know what you’re going through. I know it first-hand. So, take a breath. Do it!”
I comply once again, and I do feel my fervor dissipate slightly.
“Good,” he says. “Now. What’s about to happen will shock you. But stay in that seat or I’ll be forced to make you stay in it. Do you understand me, old friend?”
What in the name of Oraj is he talking about? Stay in my seat? For what? Yet, the threat on the back end of his command is no bluff. V’orin’s always been able to out-muscle me, and after cycles of military service, his strength has only increased while mine has wasted away while I play politics and statecraft. I nod my agreement and he hollers off down the hallway. Then...
Sons of Oraj, I don’t believe this.
“B’ecky!”
I try to leap out of the chair, but V’orin makes good on his threat and pins me to it. “Sit there and shut up, you crazy b’ustat. She has a lot to say and you better listen.”
“Has she been here the entire time? You’ve been lying to me, V’orin?” I can’t believe what I’m seeing, but there’s no other explanation for what this could mean. How dare he betray me like this?
“I came here on my own, S’oraj,” she says. Her voice is like a balm on a wound, but I’m still on the precipice of losing my composure completely. “I came here because you wouldn’t give me my freedom and I knew that, despite that fact, I wouldn’t be able to resist the pull between us for much longer. But if we are going to have any kind of a relationship, you need to listen to what I have to say and agree to everything. No arguments. No questions. Just say yes and then follow through. Is that clear?”
“You’ve been here for three turins?” I nearly shriek at her. She recoils a step and looks at V’orin as if to say: “See? I told you this was useless.” He shoves me so hard my teeth rattle in my skull. I shut my mouth and try to steady myself again. I know she’s right. I did act rashly and impulsively before, and I do need to respect her wishes more, but she’s been hiding from me and under the care of my best friend who kept it from me for three turins! I’m allowed to be angry!
“This isn’t going to work,” B’ecky says, turning and heading back down the hallway.
“No, wait!” I shout after her. She stops as I pant under V’orin’s weight, but finally it all comes crumbling down around me. “Wait. You’re right. You’re completely right. V’orin, let me go. I won’t go anywhere. I need to hear her out and I need to do better.”
She turns and looks at me as V’orin warily releases me. I stay where I am but turn back to look B’ecky in the eyes. “I’m sorry. I’ve been horrible. And you never asked for any of this. I’ll sit here. I’ll listen. And I’ll do whatever you say. All I want is for you to be happy and healthy and safe. And you know that’s true because I cannot lie to you.”
She takes a deep breath and considers, but before she can say a single word, another shanin’s voice cries out from somewhere deeper in the house.
“V’orin! It’s coming!”
Oh, sweet Oraj. The baby!
We all race down the hallway and find Lisa, V’orin’s S’ulin Kara, soaking wet and wracked with the pain of contractions.
&nb
sp; “My car’s right outside,” I say urgently. In moments, we’re speeding toward the hospital where Lisa is rushed off to be taken care of, V’orin hot on her tail. B’ecky and I are suddenly left alone in the waiting area, panting and trying to catch up with everything that’s just occurred.
She turns to me and sighs. “S’oraj... You’re not a bad person... But you haven’t treated me fairly. If anything is going to work between us, that has to change.”
“I know, you’re right. You’re absolutely right.”
“I need you to just sit here and hear me out. Can you do that?”
How have I been so foolish as to risk losing her over fear and pride? I wonder. “Of course,” I say.
“Good.” She takes a long breath, then begins. She explains why keeping her locked up the way I did was wrong and hurtful. She also goes on to say that the only way anything will ever work between us is if we are completely equals, and that when the time comes, I have to be ready to let her go back to Pal. It’s difficult to listen to, and it’s even more difficult to recognize how hurtful my actions toward her have been.
“And there’s one other thing,” she continues. “I’ve spent thousands of hours studying military tactics, wartime strategies, and historical accounts of victories and losses, and the commentary about why things went the way they did. It was always an interest of mine and it’s proven to be remarkably helpful in business. A little Sun Tzu goes a long way.”
