I am on my guard, feeling like he probably thinks he’s god’s gift to women with the way he joked at the Clan meeting previously.
He brings my hand to his lips and kisses lightly, leading me up the steps to what looks like a gallery that I have not seen. It must be new; or new for me, as in built while I was away from London. I hear the footsteps of Bruno and James behind me and know that they will be following us all evening, making this blind date even more awkward. I kind of feel bad for them too. Do they ever get to go on a date rather than watch mine?
But I try to loosen up and appear slightly interested but observant. I don't want this man to think I am inexperienced with the Clans even if he knows a little about my lack of participation or that fact that my mother was not my father's wife. My father did seem to be close enough to him to crack some jokes, so I just have to hope he knows little enough that I can fool him and play it cool.
I am going to fake it til I make it for my sanity right now; for my safety. And I think this is the first time that I realize just how easily I could be in danger. "Try not to be nervous. I am nervous too. But our family has been doing this for decades," he says with a chuckle." I glance at him and let one side of my mouth turn up for a moment as we walk in to see that we are the only ones here other than staff. If this was someone I meant to be here with, I might find it pretty damn romantic. But it just feels wrong; inauthentic. I wonder if this is what it always feels like for all of the women in the family, and my heart goes out for them. How do they do this? Why don't they fight?
"What reason do you have to be nervous?" I ask him, trying to break the ice as we wander through the many paintings and sculptures; lots of modern art that is hard to decipher. I never did understand the stuff, but at least this wasn't some pile of mud called art. I had certainly seen those before, and with the strength of the wine we had been handed by the server, I would be laughing my ass off and really embarrassing myself if that were the case.
"Well, I do not know why I was chosen for such an honor as to have dinner with the beautiful and powerful Ms. Adame, but I am thrilled that my bid might be accepted. I know there is a lot of pressure riding on this single date. Not like a first date out on the real world," he tells me with a wink. I shake my head and look down with a blush. I can tell by the look on his face he likes the way I look. He seems a charming and nice man despite his involvement with the Clans.
"Please, call me Willow. Since we are being pushed together, likely much faster than typical terms, we should likely be on a first name basis."
"Thank you, Willow. You may call me, Stefan, in turn, then. I hope you are enjoying yourself. I was not sure what you would expect. I am not being told much about you. Your father has sent little correspondence other than that you are his only daughter, which I already knew."
I look at him in shock but quickly wipe it off my face. It is quite likely that my father is being portrayed as still alive at the moment for my safety, and maybe to give me more time to find a man... or escape this hell, but I don't dare say that to anyone out loud.
Once we sit down for a private meal right in the middle of the gallery, I can’t say I am having a bad time, and nothing about Stefan's niceness seems disingenuous, though he is quite a bit of a flirt.
It's funny because I have never been into "nice" men at all. That is a flaw all my own I will admit to. But maybe that has always been my problem, I have never given a nice guy a chance. Even if I back away from my position with the Clans, I could learn that lesson form, Stefan, here.
At the end of the evening, he asks me if he can have his driver drive me home so we can have a few more moments together. I nod to the security detail that hasn't taken their eyes off of us in agreement. They can just follow in the car. I don't think this kind of man wants to hurt me. I think he is attracted to both my body and my power, thus, he would want me alive.
Even though I have no passion with this man, I let him kiss me down my neck and up to my lips as we ride back to the townhome. I feel warm and relaxed from the wine, and I just want to be nobody but Willow for a moment. So, I just pretend that my girlfriends set me up, and this is totally normal. For just a few moments, I am not an Adame.
Until we pull up and stop, and I see Duncan's face in the foggy night as he opens the door and practically yanks me out, telling a harsh goodbye to Stefan. It is like I am instantly sober.
I am furious as I take the lead back inside, turning around as I hear the door shut and ready to let him hear it. I am not in the mood for his shit after he was the one who sent me on this fucking date.
But I can't do it when I see what is behind his eyes. Those damn baby blues are usually full of anger or cockiness, or some kind of sarcasm, but for the first time, I see something else there. This asshole actually cares about me. What the hell should I do about that?
So, tipsy as I am, I decide to do what any hot-blooded woman would.
I plant my lips on his before he knows what I am up to and kiss the shit out of him to see what he does. If nothing else, this could be my best way to give the finger to this entire life. Duncan is far from our respectable Romanian man.
Chapter Seventeen
Duncan
I am a fucking idiot. In everything else in life, I am the biggest, the baddest, the best, the shit...but I can't seem to get my shit together when it comes to this woman. She is driving me crazy, and she isn't even here.
I have been pacing back and forth with a whiskey in my hand near the door for most of the night. I sent her on that date because her dead father, my domn, told me I had to. Everything I had learned since coming into his employment told me that I had to send her on that date and that I will have to send her on more until she finally picks the Romanian man she is to marry. The man she will be running can Adame alongside. But there is also so much I know that makes me want to find out where the hell they went and get her out of there and into my bed, never let her leave me again.
Is it her body? Oh yeah, there's that. That long, dark hair against her pale skin drives me hella nuts, but it's more than that. Her sass and the way she sees right through me makes me want to see through her too.
And to top it all off, even if I believed that Mariana had as much say in things as Ion did, I doubted anyone who would even be half a fit for Willow would allow her a say. Clan Adame is known for its ties, its familial ties, to some of the most ruthless people, in the world. The name is so damn powerful, too. Whatever man she chooses, or whatever man I choose for her, will use her for that position and nothing more, at the very best. At the worst...well, I don't want to think about that. I don't want to think she is even capable of allowing such atrocities to happen. She's too pig-headed for that.
But here I am, the man who never gets tied down by a chick, ready to claim one and never let anyone else touch her again as I wait to find out how much Willow liked the low-class pussy I sent her out with. And I feel like I am Leo DiCaprio in that damn scene when he's Romeo screaming about being fortune’s fool.
Such a damn fool.
I hear the sound of tires and go to the door, looking through the peephole like the desperate ass I am to see if it's her. And it is. But there are two cars. I practically break my glass to shards before setting it down and walking out the door. She rode home in the same car with that moron, and I don't care who he is or how much he likes her, this ends before a goodnight kiss.
I storm out and yank the door open, hoping I am choosing the right side. I pull her out, the smile that was on her face wiped off instantly while we go inside.
I know she is going to let me have it and rip me a new one with her words. I can feel the tension, but I couldn't help myself. My shoulders sag in defeat against my will as the door shuts, and I turn around to look at her and wait to hear what she is going to say now. I might just let her win this time and make up for it on a better day.
Only, her eyes soften, and she comes towards me faster than I can react to it, her lips pressing to mine. I don’t know what
the hell this crazy chick is up to, but damn do I like it, and I won't dare deny it. Not for one second. I just can’t.
So, the shock wearing off quickly, I give her what he clearly wants; a fucking reaction.
My hands go into that perfect hair of hers, a chunk in my fist. It will surely be messed up now, but she doesn't seem to care as she sighs against me. If this is a test, I intend to fail miserably, and if it’s not, then I am in big trouble come morning. But it’s better to ask forgiveness than permission, right?
I know I need to get her out of this room, out from the open and prying eyes. If we do this, no one can know. All these men may respect me, may take orders from the two of us because of our positions, but if they know I am breaking all the damn rules, that will change.
I lift her up, so easy, so breakable, and I carry her out of here, to my room. Her hands are still all over me even as I am trying to get us out of this room, and I am beyond ready to take her just the way I've always wanted just looking at her. And I would like to draw this out, tease and torture her for all the shit she gives me, but I don't think either of us is in the mood for that tonight.
I shut the door behind us with a kick and smirk at Willow before diving into that pretty face of hers again, my teeth tugging at her bottom lip as she moans into me.
I slide my hand up her dress, and I hear something rip. I don't care. She can get a new one. She can get a million new ones with the kind of money she's inherited. But tonight is probably the only night we get to do this, to pretend like there's no tomorrow and no consequences to face.
So, I throw her down on the bed with a growl as she scoots back away from me. We are predator and prey tonight.
I pull my shirt apart; who gives a damn about some buttons anyway? And I crawl onto that bed with her, snaking my hand back up her dress. I smile when I can tell that she likes it, her head dropping back and her breathing heavy. I grit my teeth as I feel my bulge pressing against my pants, and I let the dress rip all the way up with a forceful push until I can see her lace panties, her perfect skin peeking through at me form tiny places.
I am an animal, and I can't control myself anymore. I don't know whose clothes are off first, but I soon find my skin pressing against hers as my lips trail down the left side of her neck.
She sighs into me and I place myself right there at her entrance, my hand tingling in her hair once again as I use that as leverage to yank her up to me. I want to look her in the eyes as I enter her.
Her mouth opens wide as I slide in. She's so damn tight I feel like I am being squeezed out, but I press on; I have to. I have to have her now.
Her eyes go wide as I get more of my length in, and I sigh, barely j holding it together as I attempt to get deeper. I want to feel her all the way and be a part of her, even for just this one night. Maybe then I can let her go.
I thrust hard, and she calls out, but I place my hand over her mouth. Too noisy, and everyone will think someone's in danger. I want her all to myself. No one is stopping this.
I finally get in, a rhythm starting as she reached out and climbs on me, sitting on me with her legs wrapped around my body. Her nails dig into my back, and I arch it, enjoying and hurting at the same damn time. This woman is going to drive me nuts.
And she does, so many times I lose count.
Chapter Eighteen
Willow
I wake up, feeling groggy as the night before becomes clear in my mind. I am supposed to be in my bed, in my room, no access to anything or anyone else. Or is that rule gone since my father is gone to? It's so confusing; I have inherited a role, and I have yet to play it. I have no script. Nothing other than finding a Romanian man to marry me.
I try not to scoff too loudly at that thought as I do not want to wake Duncan up. I need to get back to my room quickly and quietly before we get caught. I know that all these men here are supposed to serve me or something like I'm some Queen, but I know just enough about this world to know that you can't trust anybody. Ironic that I'm trusting Duncan at all considering he is at my side always like a babysitter, ordered to do so by a man I consider to be Voldemort.
But the truth is, it's not really about trust, anyway. Being in a man's bed doesn't always have to be about trust.
There was a time I could say that I probably did trust Duncan. When we were in Australia. Otherwise, I would not have gone on a date with him. I'm still trying to reconcile that man that I knew with the one that I see here now. While part of me wonders how much of it was an act and how much was real.
I slide oh so carefully off my side of the bed one limb at a time and turn to take a look at this tousled hair. The burly American man looks so vulnerable sleeping like a baby. You would never know looking at him now what job he has, and I get why he can’t be so open or nice or sweet all the time. Yet, he makes himself vulnerable to me. I should give him credit for such a thing, but I don't know if I'm in the business of giving anyone credit for anything anymore.
I pad through the house like a ghost. I land in my room and shut the door and lock it as if I have never left.
At some point, I am sure I will pick a different room, something that doesn't seem so locked up tight or childish. And I am going to have to go into my father's office and go through his things to begin to learn all the secrets that I need to know to take his place. But doing so would mean admitting that this is my life now, and I don't know if I'm ready for that. But it has to be done. I have no doubt now that I am in danger and that I will continue to be in danger until I know everything I need to know to protect myself. But damn, I am afraid to learn what I don't know. I fear I will never be the same again.
I think back to Stefan then to the date I had with him the night before. I think about how nice Stefan was to me, always has seemed. But something tells me what happened with Duncan was for a reason, whether it was for my safety or about something else entirely. I don’t like the idea of deciding what Romanian man will rule by my side, but if I have to choose, Stefan is the best choice there is. It's funny how I was so brave before when my father was still alive, how I talked back to him like I was going to change things, but if he wanted me to change things then I didn't need a man, especially not a Romanian man. Here and now, I am thinking that I should just go with the nice guy who would be easily approved. Cut and dry. Everyone would get off my case. I may have some sass and attitude, that's for sure, but I don't go around pulling guns on people, don't know how to organize crime, or balance books of tons and tons of money that come from illegal activity. And I suppose that's where the fear comes in; me wanting somebody else who can do it for me.
As I recall the man that I left in his room just moments ago, I know what that means for us, if there ever could be an us. There just wouldn't be. But what would people say if I decided to go public, Duncan and I as an us? I don't foresee it going very well. Even if one or two come out and support of us, I believe the majority will never allow a non-Romanian man to marry me. I guess I could say it would be over my dead body. Literally.
Not that I should be thinking about the possibility of an us after some wild one night stand with this American asshole, but I have to consider the fact at the very least and weigh it against being bored and a man’s second best. A trophy wife who is better seen and not heard. What would I be with Duncan? I don't know if we would ever work. The finding out’s a hell of a lot better than some arranged marriage.
The solution hits me, and I feel like I need to tell him. But I'm not going to just go to him; it's going to be too obvious if I do. I'm going to have to wait until he wakes up and comes to check on me. Maybe I'll make up some lame excuse like him showing me around the office or something, to get us alone together.
Women in the twenties felt empowered by taking men whenever they wanted, however many they wanted. Many women were married and messing around with someone else or multiple someone else's, and it was a status symbol. Women then we're strong, and I can't remember what put us back in the background again. But this seems
to be my compromise. I don't have to compromise my wants or my strengths, at least not in private. I could be okay, content with a man like Stefan. I wouldn't want for anything monetarily, and he would help me navigate this mob life I have been thrust into. ;And then I can have someone on the side I can have my cocky Duncan on the side, and yes that pun is totally intended.
I go to my closet and change into something more comfortable, making sure I'm not in the same clothes as the night before. Nothing is more suspicious than that, and I don't need all these men here thinking I'm some floozy. I don't think that would bode well for me.
I go about my day, eat my breakfast, and then lunch, until finally, a knock comes at my door. I swing it open to see that Duncan is there. "Duncan, I've been waiting for you. I think it's time you showed me my father's things and I start taking on this role more seriously, " I tell him in my most serious voice. He gives me a strange look but nods, leading the way like a bodyguard or butler rather than a man I just slept with the night before. I don't know if it's for show so nobody suspects anything, or if he is thinking that I might feel what we did was a mistake. I guess that's one thing that's the same about the mafia world and the real world. You never know how to talk to the guy that you just slept with by accident the night before. Though, I feel at ease in a way that I haven’t felt at ease with a man in a long time, not since I lost the last one.
Anguish Page 33
