by Ann Bakshis
“You know the townspeople have been looking forward to this day for a long time. It’d be a shame to disappoint them because of one asshole we can easily control in our own home.”
“Just make sure no one knows what you intend on doing before you give out the new assignments, which shouldn’t happen until the night of the dance. It won’t give that spy, or whomever, much time to get word to Gregor about the change in security.”
“Agreed.”
“I’ll see what I can do aesthetically to the great hall and the foyer where everyone will enter, to circumvent any possible assault.”
“Don’t use any of the hidden cabinets,” Argus says as I head towards the door. “Everyone in the house knows about them and could turn anything you hide in there against us.”
I gently close the armory door and make my way back to the castle as I go over in my head every detail of how the rooms are to be decorated, where the carriages will be lined up, and how everything is to go for both days. I don’t want to be thinking this way, but I can’t go unprepared into this, or think naively that nothing could go wrong. If you run around with that kind of mindset when you know your enemy is approaching, it’ll be your death that he celebrates, not the other way around.
Nine
Ore
I sit at the kitchen table glaring at the pile of items that’s been shoved into the corner since I refuse to touch it, and neither my mother nor Caster will remove it. I don’t give a damn that Evan dropped off the pouch with his winnings, or that he even left me the longbow and arrow he used in the contest. What pisses me off the most is what I learned afterwards when the royal courier came with an invitation for me to the prince’s coronation, which by all accounts is to take place the day after tomorrow. The night before the ceremony is a grand ball, and inside the invitation is the time a carriage is set to arrive and bring me to Latrest, which will be in only a few hours.
“You need to make a decision,” Caster says as he sits beside me.
“Fuck off,” I grumble. “I blame you for this. You knew who he was, and you didn’t have the decency to tell me?”
“I told you before, I didn’t find out until during the festival,” he says defensively. “I couldn’t tell you because I couldn’t find you in time before you had to be at the archery stand.”
“You could’ve mentioned it after the contest when I lost, and not when the courier showed up.”
“At least Evan thought enough of you to give you the prize money and new longbow and quiver filled with well-crafted arrows, which you could really use,” my mother adds.
“The only reason he did those things was out of guilt,” I say, fuming. “He lied to me about not knowing how to shoot an arrow. What kind of person does that?”
“Someone who wanted to get to know you more than he already did,” my mother responds. “How can you be so hard on Evan now when just a day before the festival you were heartbroken with his leaving?”
“Things change, Mother. People change.”
“Not like that… and not that quickly,” she replies.
“Look, it’s clear you care about him. Your mother hears you crying at night when she’s sleeping in my room,” Caster says. “Don’t hold one mistake against someone you cherish deeply. You may never get a second chance.”
I know they’re both right, but I’m just so angry with everything that happened that I need to blame someone, and Evan isn’t here at the moment.
I’m usually very astute, but this just blindsided me. Of course I’ve never been around royalty before, so I wouldn’t have known what clues to look for to realize Evan was a prince. But if I’d known, I probably would’ve treated him differently and that might have influenced my feelings for him. Now that I know the truth, there’s no way I can be my normal self around him, at least not like I am down here. I don’t even know how to act when around someone of his caliber. If I do decide to go, I’m more than likely going to have to pretend to be someone else, which I’m already tired of doing.
“I’m going for a walk,” I mumble, grabbing my old longbow and quiver before bolting out the back door.
I sling them across my shoulders as I reach my favorite tree and climb. The slight breeze that brushes through the leaves cools me off in the warm summer sun as it shines brightly behind me, still rising from its slumber. I know the second chance Caster was referring to has to do with my mother and my father. How life would’ve been so different if they’d been able to stay together. It pained me greatly when I realized that Evan was the one who defeated me in the contest, but I felt more wounded when he left.
As I sit on the branch with my back against the trunk, I pull the silver chain out from under my shirt and rub the medallion as if calling to my father for advice. I want to be furious with Evan and Argus for deceiving me, and Caster for keeping the truth from me up until that invitation arrived. But I’m surprised that my mother is actually willing to allow me to go, with the condition that Caster accompanies me. It would be the first time I’ve traveled so far from home, but what if I don’t like the world I see? What if my mother and Caster have been right my entire life and that it’s only safe to stay hidden from danger instead of confronting it?
But that’s not a life, it’s simply being alive. I’d be cutting myself off from the possibilities of what a life with Evan could be like, if it even reaches that point. I want to go. I just don’t want to admit it to anyone. I do miss seeing his deep blue eyes and the way their corners crease when he smiles. Damn it… I hate it when they’re right. I climb down and return to the cottage.
“Fine, I’ll go,” I say as the two still sit at the table.
“All right, but there’s something you must do first,” Caster says. “Take off the medallion, pin it inside your quiver, and leave the weapon here.”
“What? No. I’m not doing that,” I protest. “This thing never comes off, not ever.”
“Ore, listen to me,” my mother says, taking my hand. “I know wearing that makes you feel as if your father is always with you, but he’s with you whether you have the medallion on or not. He loved you, my sweet girl, so much so that he knew you needed a life away from the hard one he was forced to live. I promise I’ll take great care of it in your absence, and when you return home you can put it back on and we’ll never ask for you to take it off again.”
I glance between the two of them, trying to figure out why it’s now that they don’t want me wearing it. It’s just a simple medallion. It doesn’t mean anything, that I know of, but I never really thought about it in that regard, only that it belonged to my father. Are they afraid someone might recognize it? The only other person who’s seen it is Evan. No one outside of our little family knows I wear it.
I go into the kitchen, take a small darning pin from one of the drawers, remove the necklace, and secure it at the bottom of the quiver where it’s less likely to fall out. I hand it over to my mother before retreating to my room where I pack what I can, though it’s not much.
“What do I wear to this kind of thing?” I ask as I drop my bag onto the couch in the front room.
“Well, you’re going to need a very fancy dress,” Caster says, and I notice him tensing up at the thought.
“And you’re not going to be able to find that in the market,” my mother says, then she holds out the pouch with Evan’s winnings. “This should be more than enough for a dress and shoes.”
“But how will I know what’s appropriate? I’ve never done this before,” I say, growing anxious.
“The women in the dress shop will be able to help you,” she says. “If the carriage is on time, you’ll reach Latrest by nightfall. The dance isn’t until the following evening, giving you ample time tomorrow to find what you need. Oh, and you’ll need to wear proper attire too,” she says, directing the comment to Caster.
“I’m familiar with the routine,” he grouses, then begins to pale as if he said something he shouldn’t.
Caster heads to his room to gath
er his things while my mother tries to calm my ever-increasing nerves. An hour later an elegant carriage pulls in front of the cottage and I suddenly feel overwhelmed. Dark cherry wood encases a plush interior while a young man in a white uniform sits high above the two dark horses waiting in front of him. Caster takes my bag before opening the door. I have to step on a runner that sits just below the frame in order to climb inside. Once our bags are secured in the back of the carriage, Caster sweetly kisses my mother then joins me in the lavish interior.
The main color of the seats is deep azure, as well as the carpeting that lines the floor, and the heavy wallpaper that covers the walls and ceiling. A small window in the framework in front of us is the only way we can communicate with the driver, but the glass is currently closed. Below the window is a small shelf of flasks filled with colorful liquids and tiny glasses to drink from.
As the carriage turns around, I wave to my mother until she’s out of sight. When we reach the main road, the horses pick up speed, but not enough to jostle everything around. I look over at Caster and notice he’s sweating around his shirt collar. It could be because of the heat, but there’s a nice breeze blowing between the open windows in the doors, so it has to be his nerves.
“What do you have to be so nervous about?” I ask several minutes later.
“Nothing really,” he replies. “It’s just been such a long time since I left your mother behind that I’m not sure how I feel about it.”
“Do you love her?”
“What kind of question is that?” he queries.
“I know my father had her heart at one point in time, but you’ve been with her for over seventeen years. You can’t possibly tell me you’re not deeply fond of the woman.”
He wrings his hands in his lap and turns to stare out the window beside him.
“I know she doesn’t just sleep in your room when she’s having a difficult time,” I say. “You two aren’t very quiet during your love making.”
“Holy shit, Ore!” Caster exclaims. “I can’t believe you just said that!”
“Well it’s the truth. Now answer my question. Do you love Elizabeth?”
“Yes, very much.”
“Then why didn’t the two of you ever get married?”
“We talked about it when you were little, but we both agreed it would’ve been a dishonor to your father.”
“He would’ve understood. I’m sure of it. He had to have known that the two of you becoming lovers was a possibility, especially if he knew he was never returning to her. Why do you think he chose you specifically? I’m sure you weren’t his only friend.”
“We were like brothers,” Caster says, hanging his head. “We’d die for each other.”
“And take care of each other,” I add. “And you’ve done just that with my mother and me. You owe it to yourself, and her, to be truthful to your feelings and no longer hide them from the world. Marry her already.”
“When did you become so smart?” he asks, grinning.
The joy I was beginning to feel falls away. “When my own heart became broken,” I reply, mourning my loss.
“How did this happen?” Caster asks, but it’s not a question that’s supposed to be answered. He then turns to look at me. “You barely know him.”
“I know him enough now to make up my mind,” I reply.
“This is still mind-boggling to me, especially since his feelings towards you are just as strong. Are you sure this is what you want?”
“I’m never sure about anything, but Evan was right. I can’t keep living my life in seclusion. It’s not really a life then, just an existence. If nothing comes of this, then I’ll try to move on, but I’ll no longer be afraid.”
“What could you possibly be afraid of?” Caster asks, looking at me quizzically.
“Being alone,” I reply. “It weighs on me heavily as the only people I really know are you and Mom. No one in the village knows who I really am, and I don’t spend enough time in the market to actually speak with anyone. I’ve never been anywhere outside of those places, so sometimes it makes me feel like I don’t actually exist.”
“I’m sorry, honey,” Caster says, pulling me into his arms. “That was never our intention. We just wanted to keep you safe is all.”
“But safe from what?” I ask, pushing away. “The two of you have never explained that part to me. Don’t you think I’m old enough now to know the truth about why my mother had to flee?”
“It’s complicated, Ore,” he says, leaning back in his seat. “And now isn’t the time to discuss this matter.”
“I knew you were going to say that,” I say, annoyed once again by being brushed off. “Then what do we do to fill the time? Sitting here in silence isn’t going to work for either of us.”
“I’ll teach you proper etiquette, like how to walk and talk, bow when you meet the king and prince, and the respectable way to address someone in the kingdom,” he replies. “You already know some of it because Elizabeth made sure you did, so I’ll teach you the rest.”
“And how would you know the proper way to do anything royal?”
“Your father taught me,” he says, which diffuses my growing hostility, but elicits more questions in my head.
When we reach the outskirts of Latrest, I’m exhausted and my mind is crammed with more information than it cares to contain. I just want a good meal and a comfortable bed to crawl into. The carriage stops outside an inn constructed of heavy wooden beams and cement that’s been thoughtfully decorated. I glance down the road and notice most of the buildings are styled the same way, but some have painted exteriors, where this one is pebbled. Caster grabs the bag after tipping the driver, who advises he’ll be picking us up at six tomorrow evening. I go to take my bag when Caster pulls it out of my reach.
“Let me carry these,” he says, then holds the door open so I can step inside.
Warm colors fill the lobby, along with exquisite paintings of a countryside I’ve never seen. Caster gives the matron our names and she hands him a key to a room on the second floor towards the rear. He thanks her and I follow him up the rustic staircase just off the lobby, then down a long hall to our room, which we have to share. Luckily there are two beds, though they’re small, and the lavatory is just down the hall.
“There’s a tavern across from the lodge if you’re hungry,” Caster says, setting our bags down.
“I’m starving.”
We head back downstairs and cross the street to the tavern. Strangers talk to us like we’re long lost friends as we eat. At first Caster is uncomfortable with all the attention, but he slowly eases into it when he’s plied with more mulled wine. I take a few sips and cringe at the taste. Caster pays for our food, we say goodnight to our new friends, and head off to bed. He’s sound asleep before my head even hits the pillow. The only thoughts racing through my mind is how I need to look for the dance tomorrow, and if Evan will be happy to see me.
After breakfast, I’m lost about what I need to be doing to get ready. I hold the pouch of coins nervously in my hand, while Caster speaks with a woman at one of the dress shops down the way from the inn , in the middle of hemming a gown, probably for tonight. I glance around the interior of the store, feeling extremely out of place and under-dressed given the poor-quality garment I currently have on, compared with the exquisite ones around me. Caster thanks the woman then rejoins me as I cower by the entrance.
“She’s going to help you while I go across the way to obtain what I’ll need for tonight,” he says, placing a hand on my shoulder. “I know you’re nervous, but you don’t need to be. Everything is going to be fine. All right?”
I nod and he heads out the door.
“This is your first ball, isn’t it?” the woman asks tenderly as she approaches, darning needles lining a cushion wrapped around her wrist.
“Yes,” I whisper.
“It sounds like your father has been to a few in his time as he knew what to request. Now, let’s step to the back where I can g
et your measurements and see what I have that might fit you.”
I follow her to the far corner of the store where she pulls over a privacy screen and asks me to disrobe. I feel self-conscious about being so exposed in front of a stranger, but I suppose this is no different than Evan coming upon me floating naked in the lagoon. She hands me a fur-lined robe and tells me to have a seat in the chair beside the block of wood she had me stand on, while she flutters behind a cloth curtain, away from my view. I grow anxious the longer she’s gone, especially since I don’t have any weapons on me. I doubt I’d be attacked here, but my mother has always drilled into my head to never become complacent about my surroundings.
The woman returns with a beautiful blue gown with long sleeves that taper at the wrist and an embroidered white bodice covered in lilies. She slips it over my head and pins back areas that are a little too loose, as well as the hem to get its length correct, so I don’t wind up tripping on it. I now notice it has a slight ‘V’ cut down the center of the bodice revealing some of my breasts, which I find uncomfortable, but there’s nothing I can do about that now. When everything that needs to be altered is marked, she removes the gown and places it back on its hanger.
“Now, you’ll need shoes, so why don’t you go look for those while I place this in the back to be worked on,” she says.
I redress before I go look over the shoes, as the entire world doesn’t need to see my assets. My back is to one of the shop’s windows when I feel someone watching me. I turn around and catch a tall, young man with red hair staring at me. He smiles when I notice him, so I smile back, uncomfortable with his presence, though I can’t figure out why. He leans into the man behind him who’s wearing a uniform I’ve never seen before, then the young man and his companions enter the store. I pray for the woman to return quickly.
“Hello,” the young man with the red hair says as he pokes his head around the corner, startling me. “Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten you.”
