Tori pulls up a picture of Kyan holding my face and looking into my eyes during my sister’s wedding. I hear her let out a little “awe” while placing her hand to her heart.
“This man cares for you, Calla. Look at the way he’s holding you. That’s not something that can be faked.”
Swallowing back my emotions, I take a close look at the picture, feeling my heart swell. He looks so loving holding me, that I get a little choked up.
“Next picture,” I say softly. “I need to focus on getting these done.”
Tori closes out of the folder and turns to look at me. “No, you don’t. What you need to focus on is letting that fine piece of man meat know how you feel. You and I both know that you won’t be able to function right until you do.”
I laugh, unable to help myself. “I so love your insanely, crazy ass.”
Tori shrugs and pulls the folder back up. “Yeah, I know. Get out of here so I can pleasure myself to this sexy man on the screen. Ryan has nothing on Kyan.” She winks and I pinch her. “Ouch.” She grabs her arm. “Now go. Get. I can’t take you anymore until you talk to him.”
Taking a long, deep breath, I stand up and mentally prepare myself. I’m not sure I can ever really be prepared for this conversation, but it has to be done. It’s killing me not to know. I need to know if he has feelings for me. Even just a little bit, will be better than none.
“Crap! Here goes nothing.”
Please don’t break my heart . . .
I’M JUST WRAPPING THE TOWEL around my waist when someone starts knocking at the door. It’s got to be at least past ten, so automatically I expect it to be Hunter at the door.
“Dammit, Hunter.” Pulling the towel tighter around my waist, I unlock the door and walk away, expecting him to shove it open and barge in. He doesn’t. His ass must be sick or some shit.
I pull the door open and walk away without bothering to look behind me. Part of me wishes that I didn’t even bother unlocking the door in the first place. Seeing him does nothing but stir emotions in me that I don’t like.
“What the hell do you want?” I ask, while walking to the kitchen and opening the fridge.
I hear the door lightly shut before I hear the voice of the woman that has been haunting me day and night—Calla.
“Sorry. I should have called first,” she says softly, her voice laced with pain.
Shit. The last thing I want to do is hurt her. I hate knowing that pain in her voice came from me.
Turning around, I quickly walk over to her and rub my thumb over her pouty bottom lip. I stare at it a few seconds too long, imagining me pulling it between my lips and sucking it. “I thought you were Hunter,” I say gently. “I would never talk to you that way, Calla.”
Her eyebrows pull together and I see the slight tremble of her bottom lip as she takes me in, taking time to remember every single feature as if she won’t be seeing me again. “I can’t do this, Kyan. I can’t do this anymore.”
She turns away from my touch, pushing my hand away from her face. Taking a few steps back, she sucks in a deep breath, before mumbling something under her breath.
Seeing her walking away from me only makes me want to come to her. Her pushing me away just now fucking killed me. “Can’t do what? Talk to me.” My jaw clenches as I stop in front of her and touch her again. I don’t want her ever backing away from my touch. It stings like a bitch. “I hate you backing away from me. Don’t do it, Calla.”
Her eyes turn up to meet mine and my heart sinks. She looks so damn tortured that all I want to do is pull her into my bedroom and comfort her. I want to keep her there until she knows how much I care. I’m fighting so damn hard not to do that.
“With you,” she breathes. “I can’t pretend that I don’t want more with us when the opposite is true. I want to be with you and I can’t deny it anymore. I’ve tried so damn hard. Trust me. I know you said you didn’t want anything more and I thought I could handle that, but I can’t. I’m sorry.”
My chest aches as I realize what she’s saying. If I want her in my life then I need to give her all of me . . . including my heart. The one thing that I didn’t want to give when this all started in the first place. I don’t know if I can do that. It hurts too damn much to think of her with Hunter. I fucked that up. I let that happen and now we’re both paying for it.
“Calla . . .” I let out a small breath and flex my jaw. I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to fucking hurt her. “I can’t.” I pull her face up, making her look me in the eyes. “Every time I fucking close my eyes I see you . . . I see you with myself and then I see you with Hunter. Every time I picture you with Hunter it makes me want to rip his throat out. My own fucking brother, Calla.” I shake my head, pushing my thoughts aside. “I’m sorry.”
Her eyes bounce back and forth between mine, watering as she allows my words to sink in. I see the smallest hint of a tear about to fall and it rips my heart out. “Then I should go.” She pulls my hands away from her face. “I need to go. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I came here. I didn’t mean to complicate things, but I can’t do this with you anymore. I’ll cancel my personal training and . . .” She reaches for the handle. “I’ll keep my distance when I see you.”
Opening the door as she gets ready to walk out, I grip her arm, pulling her back. I can’t let her walk out that fucking door without kissing her. I just need to feel her lips one last time.
Slamming her against my wall, I slam my lips to hers and kiss her harder and deeper than I’ve ever kissed anyone in my life. With each caress of our lips, my heart aches more and more.
Coming to her senses, Calla places her hands to my chest and pushes me away, turning her head away from my reach. “Don’t . . .” She fights to catch her breath, her eyes heated. “Do that again. Goodbye, Kyan.”
I stand here, hands in my hair as I watch her walk out my door and out my life. With the slam of my door anger bursts through me that makes me want to break everything in sight.
The worst part is that I know I only have myself to blame. I’m a stupid fucking dick and now because of that I’ve hurt the one person that I can’t stop thinking about.
I punch the wall and growl out at the thought of her possibly being with Hunter now. There’s nothing standing in her way. She could be at his door right now and he could be opening it and taking her to his bed to console her by fucking her. The thought makes me feel sick.
I stand here with my hands against the wall, just staring for the longest time. It takes me repeatedly reminding myself that this is it, for it to really begin to sink in.
Finally pulling my shit together, I reach in the fridge for my twelve pack and carry it into the bedroom, before tossing my towel aside and drinking my ass into a sleep induced coma.
So much for no one fucking getting hurt . . .
I’M TOTALLY LOST IN MY head, not even noticing the fact that Tori has been calling my name for the last five minutes. Her voice can get pretty annoying so I usually block it out anyways, but I must really be blocking it out right now. I finally snap out of it when she yells in my ear, causing me to jump and almost drop my damn camera.
“Tori! What the hell? Don’t do that to me. I was thinking,” I grind out. “Jeez.”
“Exactly.” She lets out an annoyed huff and walks around me to snap a few pictures of the bride and groom dancing. Apparently I’ve been doing a crappy job and have been kneeling here just staring like a moron. “All you’ve been doing for the last two days is thinking. Get out of your head before it drives you insane. Ever since you broke it off with Kyan or whatever, you’re barely even here. You need to snap out of it, honey. Don’t let this bring you down and ruin your career. My clicker finger hurts like hell. Now help. Snap. Snap.”
Shaking my thoughts off, I focus my attention on the happy couple lovingly dancing and practically groping each other for the whole world to see. It causes an ache in my chest, reminding me just how alone I have truly been for the last two years. I’ve been playin
g it off pretty well, acting as if it hasn’t affected me and that I haven’t wanted love again, but the loss of Kyan is making it crystal clear how much I really do. The last thing I need is a slew of happy couples rubbing it in my face that I’m completely miserable. This sucks.
I barely make it through the next hour without throwing my camera at the overly happy bride’s head. That sounds so bad, but she’s smiling way too much for my liking right now. Every time she smiles at me I get this feeling that she knows everything and is rubbing it in my face that I suck ass and will never have what she has. Really it’s just me being a miserable asshole, but oh well.
I have so much going on in my head that it’s making it hard to focus on everything else at the moment. The last two days have been a complete struggle and it’s actually been Tori yelling at me to get my ass in gear instead of the other way around. Talk about strange.
Another thing is that I haven’t even seen Hunter to tell him how I’ve completely fallen on my ass for his brother that doesn’t even want me back. I’m hoping that he’ll understand and not take it personal. He’s a good guy, but we both knew what it was to begin with. It was bound to come to an end at some point anyway. It was supposed to be the same with Kyan, yet I let myself fall like an idiot.
Hunter has texted me a few times over the last couple days, but I’ve lied and said I was busy. He texted me again this morning, so deciding that it’s best to get it over with, I replied back asking him to meet me downstairs at the bar around nine. I know by the time I get home tonight I’m going to be too tired to meet him anywhere outside of the apartment building, and the last place I want to invite him is to my apartment. That’s definitely a bad idea. I don’t want to give off the wrong impression.
Happily saying goodbye to the newlyweds, Tori and I pack our equipment before stopping for some fast food and heading home. The whole time I’m eating, I’m racking my brain of the best way to explain this all to Hunter.
It’s not that I’m worried it will break his heart, because I know he doesn’t have feelings for me, but it’s just an awkward conversation to have to begin with. This is all new to me; very new and I’m hoping it will be the last time I have to do this.
TAKING A SEAT AT THE bar, I smile when Dane makes his way over, holding a pretty blue drink in his hand. It’s the same one I ordered the night I met Kyan. He’s good. I like Dane.
He smiles at me and sets it down in front of me. “Feeling a little adventurous tonight?”
Laughing, I reach out for the drink and tug on the straw, splashing it around in the glass. Seeing Dane feels good right now. He’s just so easy to talk to and be around. Nothing about him is complicated. I need that for a few minutes. “Thanks, Dane. You might want to keep these coming tonight. I have a feeling that it’s going to be a long night. A really long night.”
Throwing his towel over his shoulder, he leans against the bar and prepares to listen as if he has all night. “Trouble with the Wilder boys?” He lifts a brow and smirks when I give him a surprised look. “What? You don’t think that I’ve seen you around here with both of them? I have eyes you know.”
I clear my throat and place my straw to my lips, taking a long drink. Mmm . . . this is so delicious. Too bad I discovered that it’s not as adventurous as I had originally hoped. Scrunching up my face, I look up at Dane and smile awkwardly. “This is awkward.” I clear my throat again and laugh nervously. “It’s a long story. Sort of . . . complicated . . . and twisted. It was all just meant to be for fun. I promise that they both knew. I would never . . .”
“I know,” he interrupts. “You don’t have to explain to me how the Wilder brothers work. Kyan has his head stuck in his career and Hunter has his head stuck in partying. I haven’t known of either one of them to make a commitment. Those two sleeping with the same girl was bound to happen at some point. Don’t feel stupid. I’ve seen other women try and fail to be in your position. You’d be surprised at how many girls practically beg to be with both Wilder men.”
I tilt my head, suddenly feeling a bit of pride. Is that weird? Hell . . . this is all weird. Does it even matter now? “They have?” Seriously? I never would’ve slept with Hunter had I known. It’s not something I seek. You know?”
Dane lets out an amused laugh. “I figured that about you. I’ve seen other girls attempt many times. They usually end up in Hunter’s bed first and then attempt to hook up with Kyan. Kyan always turns them away, but I see something different when Kyan is with you. I noticed it the first night I met you. It’s not the same with you, Calla. He’s different. That’s a huge step for him.”
My heart skips a beat from his words and I find myself smiling. Knowing that Kyan looks at me differently than other girls definitely sparks a little excitement in me. The problem is . . . he doesn’t look at me differently enough. Not enough for us to be together. “Yeah well . . .” I let out a small breath, feeling the ache take over again. “Kyan walked away from me. I told him how I felt and he didn’t want it. I fell for him, Dane. I fell for him like an idiot and now he can’t even be with me. I messed up by getting twisted up in this Wilder mess.” I shake my head and sip on my straw. “I’m here to tell Hunter that we have to stop what we’ve been doing. I’m done with the Wilder brothers now. I have to be.”
He gives me a small amused smile. “Here comes the younger one now. I hope you’re ready.” He grabs a beer and sets it on the bar, in front of the stool next to mine. “I’ll be around if you need me.” He nods behind me, saying hello to Hunter, and then turns and walks away to check on people’s drinks.
I stiffen when I feel Hunter’s hand wrap around my waist from behind. He quickly presses his lips to my neck before pulling away and taking a seat next to me. “Shit, you smell so damn good.” He smiles and reaches for his beer, sticking his thumb in the neck of the bottle. Lifting a brow he says, “I have a feeling you have something on your mind. What’s up?”
I look at him for a minute, remembering the high school Hunter and how all I wanted was to have a chance with him. It’s so weird that I got that chance and now it might be the one reason that I won’t get the person that I truly want to be with. It’s crazy how that works.
Pulling my eyes away, I take a deep breath and just let it out. The sooner I get this over with, the sooner I can start my process of forgetting the Wilder brothers and moving on. “I feel like an idiot for saying this. I feel like an idiot for being in this situation to begin with, honestly. I never planned to just have . . . sex; especially with two guys, let alone two brothers. I can’t do what we’ve been doing anymore, Hunter. I need to stop just doing this for fun.” I look up to meet his eyes and he doesn’t seem surprised. Not one bit. It’s as if he saw it coming.
He lets out a small laugh. “Because of my brother?” He tilts back his beer, taking a quick drink. “I know, Calla. I could feel it the last time we were together. You were there, but not really. Your head was back at the gym with Kyan. You care about Kyan. I’m not surprised. He’s a good guy. He deserves for you to care about him.”
“Yeah.” I say relieved. “He’s an amazing guy. Not that you aren’t . . .”
“I’m not too bad,” he says with a smile. “I’m definitely no Kyan though, right?”
“I’m sorry. It’s not . . .”
“I’m kidding.” He winks and pushes my leg, before gripping my knee and scooting closer to me. “You’re amazing and beautiful, Calla. You’re a good girl and I didn’t expect what we had to go past just one night of having fun. It’s just that I wanted to have sex with you so bad and for so long. I expected it to be once, but then it was so damn good that I let it keep going. It’s okay. No hard feelings.” He stops and brings my chin up, looking me in the eyes. “And Kyan? Have you told him how you feel? We haven’t talked much lately. He’s been shutting me out.”
I swallow back the hurt that rises in my chest at the thought of him walking away from both of us. I don’t want him to shut Hunter out and I hate him shutting me out too. Th
at last kiss has been taunting me for days, reminding me of what I could have had. “Yeah.” I grab my glass and take a long, needed drink. “He doesn’t want to be with me. It’s not going to work out. It’s fine though. I’ll be fine. I told him that we had to be more or we had to stop talking. I did my part and he wanted none of it.”
He glances over my shoulder before grabbing my face and pressing his lips to mine, completely catching me off guard. Stiffening up, I try to push him away, but he only kisses me harder, making a show of it.
I push him again, finally separating our lips. “Hunter! What the hell . . .”
Out of nowhere, Kyan storms over like a maniac, slamming Hunter against the bar. Gripping his neck, he carefully pushes me backwards and closes the distance between them.
I throw my hand over my mouth in shock and jump off of my stool as Kyan starts to go off on Hunter.
“What the fuck? Don’t you ever fucking touch her like that again, asshole!” He slams him into the bar again, but harder this time, before releasing him and allowing Hunter to get back to his feet. “Stay the fuck away from her. You don’t give a shit about her and you know it.”
Hunter walks forward, getting in his face. “Why?” He walks into him so that their chests are touching. Both of them stand tall, neither backing down. “Does it bother you seeing her with someone else? Did it piss you off seeing my lips on hers? Huh?” Kyan pushes him backwards, but Hunter steps back in his face again. “Does it hurt thinking of her being with someone else?”
“It’s none of your fucking business, Hunter.” He gives him another shove toward the bar, causing everyone in the room to stare. “Just leave her alone before I fuck you up.” Kyan presses his finger into Hunter’s chest, shoving him backwards. “Is that why you called me down here, asshole?”
Hunter pushes Kyan’s hand away and shakes his head. “No, brother. I called you down here so I could open your fucking eyes. You’ve fallen for her, but you’ve been so set on keeping your heart closed off that you’ve been fighting it like a moron.” He gets in Kyan’s face, causing Kyan to steel his jaw as he listens to what Hunter has to say. “You needed to see that Calla doesn’t want me. Not like she wants you. That’s why I called you down here. So open your fucking eyes before it’s too late. I’m tired of seeing you alone and miserable. Fuck! It’s been three years now.”
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