“All our rooms are filled. The apartment over the garage is full of animals. There’s no heat in the barns, but there is lots of straw. There are no extra blankets or quilts. If you don’t like the idea of the barn, you can sleep leaning up against the wall. I want you out of here as soon as it gets light.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“See that corner of the wall by the fireplace? That’s your spot. The dogs won’t allow you to move. Get it through your head, Logan. You don’t belong to this family anymore. Take it or leave it.”
In the blink of an eye, Jack Valarian had Logan by the shoulders and propelled him to the designated wall. A hundred-and-thirty-pound black Lab named Sugar followed them, her teeth gleaming pearl white in the kitchen light.
“Good going, big guy,” Pete hissed in Jack’s ear. “I didn’t think you had it in you.”
“I hate that son of a bitch,” Jack hissed back.
Shaken to her soul, Kristine looked around at her family. “All right, let’s finish our weenies and marshmallows and retire to the living room, where we will sing our carols, drink our eggnog, and open our presents. It’s Christmas Eve, and we’re going to . . . to celebrate.” Out of the corner of her eye she saw total disbelief and hatred on her ex-husband’s face. So there, Logan. So there. She wondered if anyone noticed how badly she was shaking.
“Are we just going to pretend he isn’t here?” Cala asked.
“Yes, unless you can come up with something better,” Kristine whispered in return. “We’ll talk about it in the living room. I think I’m in shock. No, that’s not true, I know I’m in shock.”
“Mom, what about Woodie? His eyes are glazed. Now, that’s shock,” Tyler said.
“Oh, God.”
“Yeah, oh, God.”
“I have an idea,” Carol said. “Jack and I will do the weenies and bring them into the living room. Pete can bring in the little tables with the Jell-O and eggnog. You guys organize the dogs and the presents. It won’t take long, the fire’s really hot.”
“Bless your heart, Carol. It’s a great idea.” Anything to get away from Logan’s penetrating eyes.
“Come on, kids, we have to fix the dogs’ beds and get ready to sing ‘Jingle Bells!’ ”
“I love ‘Jingle Bells,’ ” Ellie said, as Woodie scooped her up and onto his shoulders. Mike grabbed a giggling Emily and did the same thing.
The dogs voiced their disapproval as the little people suddenly turned to giants. Suddenly every dog in the house was chasing after one another. They leaped over furniture, stomped on presents, lifted their legs, squatted, howled, and barked.
The moment Mike set Emily on the floor, the house grew quiet. “Everybody lie down,” the little girl said, clapping her hands. “I need more treats, Grandma,” she said.
Treats meant she had to go back to the kitchen, something she didn’t want to do.
“I have an idea, Emily. Since this is Christmas Eve, why don’t we cut up some of these nice hot dogs Aunt Carol made and share them with our friends.”
“Oh, goody,” Emily said.
“Woodie, please don’t look at me like that. Say something. Please.”
“I don’t know what to say, Kristine. In a million years I never thought this would happen. I guess I want to know what you think and feel. Your kids are in a state of shock. Hell, I’m in a state of shock myself.”
“I know. Like you said, in a million years I never thought this would happen. He’s here, and he brought the money. It must mean something. I knew it was all too perfect. For weeks now I’ve been waiting for the other shoe to drop. I know that sounds crazy. Right now I feel like I should be carted off to the mental ward.”
“I’ll tell you what I think it means. I think he came back for the rest of it. For all you know, the checks could bounce. I’m just assuming they are checks. What are you going to do, Kristine?”
“I’m not going to do anything. You know that old saying. When you don’t know what to do, do nothing. We’re divorced, Woodie. I guess the part about me having him declared dead is going to be a problem. The way I see it, it’s his problem. What should I do about the kids?”
“Nothing. They aren’t kids anymore. Mike and Cala have families of their own. Tyler will have a family someday. However they choose to deal with it, accept it. I imagine right now they’re wondering how and what you’re going to do. I think they’re waiting to take their cue from you. A word of warning, go slow, think things through, and don’t make mistakes that will come back to haunt you.”
“The amazing thing is he looks the same. A little older but the same. How is that possible? He’s got a perfect tan, he has all his hair, he’s dressed well. He waltzes in here like the eight years never happened. With presents yet. Did you get a look at those skis? Very pricey. Wherever he was, life must have been good.”
“Hot dogs! Jell-O! Pickles! Potato chips! Gummi Bears! Come and get it!” Pete shouted from the doorway.
“Oh, Daddy, you have to make more. We need treats for the dogs. It’s Christmas Eve, and we have to share.”
“It’s not a problem, honey,” Carol said, holding her tray aloft. “We have enough for everyone.”
“What’s he doing, Carol?” Mike asked through clenched teeth.
“He was leaning on the wall. Now he’s kind of squatting on his haunches. He’s afraid of Sugar. If he wiggles, she shows her fangs. I gave him a hot dog, but Sugar snatched it and ate it. What does all this mean, Mike?”
“It means if he stays, we go.”
“Oh.”
“He’s not staying,” Kristine said quietly. “It’s Christmas Eve. There’s a wicked storm going on outside. Tomorrow is another day. When he sees he isn’t welcome, he’ll leave of his own accord.”
“Don’t count on it,” Mike said, biting into his hot dog.
“He brought skis,” Tyler said. “Top of the line. He didn’t acknowledge any of us. Did you notice that?”
“We aren’t deaf, dumb, and blind, Ty. He really thought he could prance in here like nothing happened. I’m home! You did good, Mom. You okay?” Cala asked.
“I’m okay. I’m just as shocked as you all were. And he brought the money. I can’t wait to hear the reasoning behind that.”
“Life must have been real good. Did you see that tan? New hairstyle. Expensive threads. Yes, I’d say life has been real good to our old man. Before he leaves, I think we should all recite chapter and verse about how hard our lives were for a little while. I think he really thought we were all going to smile and welcome him with open arms,” Mike said.
“Boy these hot dogs are good. They’re almost as good as that Christmas eight years ago,” Cala said.
“Nah, those were the best,” Tyler said. “He wants something.”
“Time to sing the carols, then it’s off to bed for you guys,” Pete said to his daughters. “Remember, Santa doesn’t come until everyone is asleep.”
“How many presents, Daddy?” Emily asked as she snuggled with a fat little dog named Josephine.
“One. Pick the biggest one with the prettiest red bow.”
“Is it a wagon?”
“You have to open the bag to see what it is. Tomorrow morning when you wake up you’ll see what Santa put under the tree for you.”
“Will the dogs scare Santa?”
“Nope. He likes dogs. I bet he even brings them some presents.”
“Oh goody,” Ellie said as she snuggled sleepily against her mother’s chest.
Once during the robust caroling, Kristine thought she heard Logan shout, “Kristine, get this damn dog off me.” If the others heard him, they gave no sign. She ignored the sound, too, her brain whirling so fast the words to the carol she was trying to sing coming out garbled beyond description. No one paid any attention to that, either.
Later, when Cala returned to the living room after putting the girls to bed and Mike checked on Dillon, the family sat around in a circle on the floor with the dogs. There were no h
appy smiles, only tense faces and jerky movements. It was Pete who turned on the stereo to drown out whatever they were going to say to one another.
“As much as we say it isn’t spoiled, it is. It’s like someone zapped every bit of Christmas spirit I had,” Cala said. Her siblings nodded.
“Would you guys rather I went to bed?” Jack asked.
“No, Jack. You know the story. You held my hand for a long time. It’s okay. We’re just in shock. I don’t think any one of us knows what we should do or say,” Kristine said in a choked voice.
“What’s to decide? Tomorrow you boot his ass out of here just like you said. I want this right up front, Mom. Either he goes, or I go,” Mike said vehemently.
“That goes for me, too,” Cala said.
“I feel the way Mike and Cala feel,” Tyler said.
“Don’t any of you want to hear what he has to say?” Kristine asked.
“Hell no, I don’t. I can’t believe you’d even ask that,” Mike said.
“What could he possibly say that would interest me?” Cala demanded.
“Why are you all looking at me like that?” Tyler demanded. “If it was up to me, I’d boot his ass out right now, storm or no storm.”
“Mom?” the three said in unison.
“I agree, but I want to hear what he has to say. I for one need that one last little bit before the final closure. I know you don’t understand that. I just want to know. I think I have a right to know.”
“Then go out there now and ask him. Let’s get this over with once and for all. I don’t want him hanging over my head. I want him out of my life. I mean it, Mom, Carol and I are outta here if he stays,” Mike said.
“So are we,” Cala said. “Pete’s a good vet. He can get a job anywhere.”
“That goes for me, too,” Tyler said.
Kristine’s heart fluttered in her chest. It was all falling apart right in front of her eyes. All because of Logan. She couldn’t bring herself to look at Woodie. He wasn’t understanding any of this. If she didn’t do what her children wanted, she was in danger of losing them all over again. They would take her grandchildren away from her. Damn you, Logan. Damn you to hell.
“Listen, I think I’ll go home,” Woodie said. “This is a family matter, and I’m not family ... yet.”
“Woodie, please don’t go. It’s Christmas Eve. We should be all together.”
“There’s one too many people here, honey. I’m not comfortable with the situation, and I don’t want to say something I might regret later on. Do you want me to take any of the dogs with me?”
Kristine shook her head. Her face was miserable. Of course he was right. Woodie was always right.
“If you don’t mind, I’ll go out the front door.”
“Your jacket is in the kitchen,” Kristine mumbled.
“You know what, Kristine? I’d rather freeze than go back in there for it.”
“I’ll get it,” Pete said. He was back in a moment with the shearling jacket. He held it while Woodie slipped his arms into it.
“Merry Christmas, everyone,” Woodie said as he was about to close the door behind him. Kristine stood rooted to the floor, her eyes filling.
“We’re going to bed,” Mike said. Tyler, Cala, and Pete were on their feet in seconds.
“But what about the presents. I thought . . . Never mind, go to bed. We’ll open them in the morning with the girls. Sleep . . . sleep well.”
Kristine wiped at her eyes with the hem of the sweatshirt. “God, I need a drink.” She turned to see Jack behind her.
“No, you don’t need a drink. A drink is the last thing you need. What you need is a ton of guts. You got them—haul them out and use them. You got through eight of the worst years of your life. Your horizon is full and rich. I know I’m not family even though sometimes I feel like I am. The best is yet to come for you. Woodie is a hell of a guy. Your kids love him. Jesus, you love him, too. This... this, whatever this little visit is, is nothing more than a setback. Look it in the face, deal with it, and go on. You’re tough enough to do that. You’re an okay lady in my book. Please don’t screw it all up now. That’s all I have to say. I think I’ll go to bed. Merry Christmas, Kristine. If you need me for the dogs during the night, just come and get me.”
“Okay, Jack. Thanks for that little pep talk.”
“My pleasure.”
Kristine gathered up the glasses, napkins, and leftover trash to pile on the trays. She carried it out to the kitchen. She stared at Logan for a full five minutes before she called Sugar to her side. “You can sit at the table, Logan. Would you like a cup of coffee? I see that there is some left in the pot.”
“I’d rather have a drink.”
“I don’t keep alcohol in the house. I turned into an alcoholic when you didn’t come back. With the help of a dear friend, I overcame it. I’m still an alcoholic,” she said, pouring coffee she knew was going to be black and bitter.
“You aren’t . . . I expected . . .”
“I know what you expected, Logan. You thought I sat here pining away for you and that when you returned, I would throw myself into your arms. There was a point when I would have done that. That was a long time ago. All I want from you now is to tell me why you’re here and what it is you want. Tomorrow, I want you out of here. I don’t ever want to see you again. I think I speak for the kids as well.”
“You poisoned them against me, didn’t you?”
“I didn’t have to. You did that yourself. They turned on me, too, for allowing you to ruin their lives. It’s taken all this time to convince them I’m a worthwhile person, a mother who loves them deeply. They didn’t trust me any more than they trusted you. At best, our relationship is still fragile. I will not allow you to invade our lives and inflict harm on any one of us.”
Kristine fumbled in her pocket for a cigarette. She lit it, and then blew a luscious smoke ring that moved up until it circled Logan’s head like a halo.
“You don’t smoke. When did you take up that filthy habit?”
“That’s pretty funny coming from you, Logan. You smoked like a chimney. But, to answer your question, I took it up around the same time I started to hit the bottle. You still haven’t answered my question. Do it soon, Logan, or I’ll boot your ass right out the kitchen door. I will get great pleasure from doing that.”
“I’m trying to find the right words, Kristine. This is very hard for me.”
“Just tell me why you took my money? Tell me why you deserted us. That’s all I want to know. By the way, I sold the Kelly farm. I’m giving the money to the kids.”
“You can’t do that. That was my parents’ farm.”
“You should have thought about that before you deserted us and stole my money. My patience is wearing thin, Logan.”
“I didn’t spend it, Kristine. It’s all there in the envelope. At first I thought I was going to need it. I left you and the kids because . . . I’m dying. I didn’t want to put you through that torture. I knew you wouldn’t be able to handle my deterioration on a daily basis. I guess I thought . . . I had this cockamamie idea that I could buy a new kidney. To do that I needed a lot of money. Treatments were expensive. That’s the best excuse I can offer. The two specialists I consulted had different opinions. One gave me eighteen months, the other said with proper treatment and dialysis, I might last three years until a donor could be found. As the years went on, I didn’t get any worse, but I didn’t get any better either. There were a lot of really black days. Until a few months ago, when my condition worsened. My days are numbered. I wanted to come back, to try and make things right. I guess I want to die on American soil. I want to die with my family around me. I see now that kind of thinking was a mistake on my part. I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me that you would all be so hateful and bitter. I understand it, though. I don’t care about the farm. I’m surprised you got anything at all for it.”
Kristine tried to absorb what she’d just been told. She fired up another cigarette. “
I’m sorry to hear that, Logan.” Logan dying. She could feel hot tears prick her eyelids. Something stirred in her, something she hadn’t felt for a very long time.
“Not half as sorry as I am. This is a last-ditch effort on my part. There’s a kidney specialist at George Washington who I was referred to. I’ve seen him twice. The best he can do is prolong things for a little while. I’ll leave in the morning if that’s what you want. I can stay in a hotel in DC. In fact, that might be better. I’ll be closer to the hospital. I really wasn’t going to come out here today. Then I started hearing the Christmas music, seeing the holiday shows on television, and I got sentimental. Yeah, hard as that is to believe, I really did feel it. So, the way I look at it is this. We’re square. I gave you back the money, I apologized for leaving with what I thought at the time was a good reason. Look at you, Kristine. You look beautiful. You’re healthy, you have your family, grandchildren, and a business. Talk to me, Kris. Tell me about your life these past eight years. Tell me how I can make things right before I ... go.”
Her whole body trembling, Kristine got up from the chair to stand by the sink. She filled the sink with hot, soapy water to have something to do. “I told you, I turned into a drunk. I overcame it, started the business, and it’s thriving. It was hard on the kids. We just had enough money to get by. They worked all during college and during vacations. They hated me for a long time. I never saw them until they graduated. I never knew you beat them, Logan. I will never forgive you for that. Never! They don’t just detest you, they hate you. And they blamed me for it all. I allowed it to happen. How could you do that? How? They flat out told me in the living room that if I allowed you to stay, they would leave.”
“I guess I wasn’t a very nice person back then. You’re making me sound like some sadist.”
“I saw the scars, Logan. Good little soldiers don’t cry or tell tales. You were insidious.”
“It was the drugs I was on. I just learned that a few years ago. There were days I used to look in the mirror and wonder who it was I was seeing there. I knew I couldn’t get off the medication. I didn’t want to burden you. I hated myself for turning into that hateful person. If I explain, will they listen?”
Celebration Page 31
