“I don’t think I can convince Garrett to help Will,” Arden said apologetically. “That’s a deeply personal decision. But I will seize any opportunity to persuade him to forgive you. For his sake and yours. The time we get to spend with our loved ones can be too brief.” If anything happened to Caroline without Garrett first absolving his mother, he would never find peace again.
“Thank you. I’m probably the last person in the world who should give another woman advice, but I’ll do it, anyway. As you may discover, Frost men are not always easy to love. But loving them is worth any trials along the way.”
Long after Caroline left, her words remained.
Arden could picture them hovering over her like cartoon thought bubbles. Love Garrett? That would be total folly.
Feeling suddenly claustrophobic in the house, she wrapped herself in a thick blanket and went out to the porch. Arden had thought herself in love once or twice in the past, but those men were dim memories now. She couldn’t imagine a time when Garrett would be a “dim” anything. The larger-than-life cowboy had made more of an impression on her in one week than a past boyfriend had made in a year. The pregnancy muddied the issue. Her feelings for Garrett were tangled up in the love she had for their baby.
If they’d met and dated without this automatic bond between them, would she even be having this mental debate? Was she falling in love, or was she simply overcome with gratitude? Not only had he given her Peanut, but this weekend he’d also given her a sense of home and family she hadn’t experienced in a long time.
Much as she adored her brothers, their family was undeniably fractured. She was increasingly frustrated by Justin’s glib refusal to let people get close to him, and it felt as though Colin were growing more detached every day.
Motion caught her eye, and she lifted her head, focusing. In the distance, a black horse galloped past, its rider clad in a dark brown duster and a familiar cowboy hat. Even at this distance, her body quivered with yearning, making a mockery of her deliberations.
Whatever she felt for Garrett Frost, it was a hell of a lot more than gratitude.
Chapter Ten
If Arden had thought she was discomfited on the trip to the Double F, with the ordeal of meeting Garrett’s parents looming large in her mind, it was nothing compared to the drive back to Cielo Peak on Tuesday morning.
Garrett had returned from his donor consultation the day before more withdrawn than she’d ever seen him. He’d told his father he wasn’t feeling well and asked Brandon to fetch Arden to the main house for dinner. At bedtime, he’d gone straight to the fold-out sofa and she hadn’t bothered to issue another request that he join her. He obviously craved space, and she refused to be that needy.
What had Caroline said on Sunday? That Frost men had to work through things alone?
Men were fools. Colin was also a believer in solitude over catharsis, but she couldn’t see that it was working out for him. Arden would have lost her mind years ago without Natalie and, more recently, Layla. Even Caroline, who’d only just met her, had said her talk with Arden left her feeling more unburdened than she had in a long time.
“I had a long chat with your mom.” Breaking the silence in the truck was far more jarring than she’d intended. Like a loud crash at midnight in a perfectly still house. Grimly determined, she plodded on. “It was very enlightening. I think if you heard what she had to say—”
“I’d what?” His head swiveled toward her, his tone lethal. “Stop caring that she betrayed her husband and her vows? Stop caring that I’m another man’s bastard?”
“Well, no.” She gulped, clinging to her resolve.
“Arden, I don’t want to talk about this.”
“Maybe not, but you should, anyway. You can’t just let it eat at you.”
“Actually, I can. I don’t answer to you.”
Perhaps his scornful tone would have deterred another woman, but she’d had a lifetime of practice with stubborn males. She continued as if he hadn’t spoken. “You know she messed up. What you don’t know are the extenuating circumstances, what she was going through at the time.”
“Yeah, you’re an expert at justifying deception and questionable decisions. No surprise you’re siding with her.”
Anger boiled up in her. She’d been sincerely trying to help, and he’d thrown it back in her face, not even bothering to see the big picture. “Do you even know how freaking lucky you are to have a mother who loves you? Who’s knocking herself out to win your forgiveness? Maybe I am siding with her—I’m glad she had the affair. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be here. And I care about you, you jackass.”
That stunned him into silence. The admission had come as a bit of a surprise to her, too.
After a moment, he snickered. “‘I care about you, jackass’? You steal that from a greeting card?”
She tapped her head against the window. “I guess it’s safe to conclude our child is gonna have something of a temper.”
“A fair bet.” A few minutes later, he added, “I shouldn’t have taken your head off. The donor consultation yesterday left me in a foul mood. That’s not your fault, and neither is what my mother did.”
He didn’t address the other part—when he’d accused her of deception and bad decisions. No matter how well they might get along at times, she was fooling herself if she allowed herself to believe for a second that what she’d done was behind them.
“I have to figure out what I’m going to tell my father if I check into the hospital for days on end. I hate having to lie to him. That’s the part I can’t forgive, you know. If she’d made an isolated mistake thirty-odd years ago, I’d like to think I’m a big enough person to let it go. But this isn’t an obsolete aberration, it’s ongoing. It’s my life. We’re lying to him every damn day. You think I’m a jerk because I haven’t forgiven her yet? Well, I’m having trouble forgiving myself, too.”
She squeezed his hand. “Garrett, you haven’t done anything wrong.”
“Really?” He flashed his teeth in a humorless smile. “Because it sure doesn’t feel like I’m doing anything right. What would Dr. Mehta say about my arguing with you when we’re supposed to be decreasing your blood pressure?”
“I promise not to rat you out,” she said solemnly.
“You’ll call me after the appointment Thursday, won’t you?” Garrett asked. “Put me out of my misery? Otherwise, I’ll worry. Arden, I...care about you, too.”
She wished he sounded happier about it, but, for now, she’d take what she could get.
* * *
ARDEN ALMOST THREW her arms around Dr. Mehta in an enthusiastic hug. Was that outside the bounds of an acceptable doctor-patient relationship? “So the baby and I are fine?”
Being a medical professional, he was hesitant to give a clear yes or no. They probably had to attend lawsuit avoidance seminars that trained them how to be so evasive. “Your blood pressure’s still elevated above what I would like,” he said, “but it’s gone down since last week. We’ll keep monitoring, but given the significant improvement, this probably isn’t a serious condition. Get plenty of sleep and hydration, and watch your salt intake. Don’t overexert yourself, and try to minimize stress.”
They talked about her being scheduled to work a bar mitzvah Saturday afternoon, and he cleared her to proceed as scheduled, as long as she tried to take it easy for the first half of the day. Garrett’s prediction that all she needed was a restorative weekend at the ranch may have been right on the money.
Once she reached her car in the parking lot, she scrolled through her contact list to find Garrett’s name, grinning in anticipation of sharing the news.
“Hello?” He yelled the salutation over the considerable background noise of some kind of motor. “Arden, is that you?”
She pulled the phone away from her ear, raising her voice so h
e could hear her. “Yep. Calling with important news. Guess whose blood pressure is down? This girl’s!”
Even with the background motor noise, she clearly heard his sigh of relief. “We definitely have to celebrate when I come to town next week.”
They’d decided that it made sense for Layla to remain her official labor coach since she lived locally and due dates were difficult to pinpoint. However, Garrett wanted to be part of the process and was planning to visit Cielo Peak to attend a couple of the birth classes. Arden couldn’t believe how badly she was looking forward to seeing him. How was it possible to miss him so much after only a couple of days?
Even sleeping alone was more difficult after the two nights she’d spent cradled in his arms. He’d rubbed her back when she couldn’t sleep, spoke to her in a low, drowsy murmur that seemed to even soothe the baby, taming some of Peanut’s wilder, 3:00 a.m. somersaults. Would it be a mistake to tell Garrett he could stay with her instead of the Connors? Hugh and Darcy had generously offered their guest room on an as-needed basis for the duration of Arden’s pregnancy.
“Thanks for taking the time to let me know,” he told her.
“Hey, we’re in this together.” And not just the pregnancy. On Friday, she sent him several non-baby-related texts after a hilariously chaotic photo session with a family of seven. Then around eleven on Sunday night, Garrett texted her to find out if she was awake because he couldn’t sleep. Upon discovering she was up, too, he called.
Arden lit a few candles in her otherwise dark bedroom and curled up in bed with some caramel-flavored hot chocolate and the phone.
“Is it too late to take you up on the offer to listen if I needed to talk about that kidney thing?” he asked.
Only a guy would call the generous act of giving part of yourself to save another human being’s life that kidney thing. “The offer stands,” she assured him.
“I’ve scheduled my check-in date for testing the week of Halloween. It’s going to require time away from the ranch. Would I be a terrible person if I let Dad believe I was coming to see you?”
Understanding how much the dishonesty bothered him, she knew it had probably cost him something to ask. “I’m happy to be your alibi if you need one.”
“Thanks. There’s only so much lying I’m willing to do, though. I’ve made a decision, and I need a second opinion. If, after they finish the blood work and paperwork and mental evaluations, they conclude I’m not a good candidate, then I’ll keep Mom’s secret. Why hurt Dad with the truth? But if I go through with this organ donation, she’s got to tell him. I could be looking at up to six weeks of not being able to do my usual activities around the ranch, and Dad’s gonna need a reason. Kidney and cornea transplants are pretty commonplace, there’s minimal risk to me.”
For her own peace of mind, she’d needed to hear him reiterate that. If anything were to happen to Garrett...
“The possibilities of rejection and dangerous infection are on Will’s end, but still, this is a major procedure. I can’t lie to my father about it.”
“I understand that. I imagine Caroline will, too. She knows more than anyone the kind of man she raised.”
“It doesn’t sound like extortion? You can have my kidney, but only if you bow to my wishes?”
“No. Just...try to be gentle with her. No one can go back in the past and undo their actions.”
There was a long pause, and she squirmed inwardly, trying to picture his expression. Was he wistful? Bitter?
“If you could go back,” he said, “would you have done things differently? Found me, told me about the baby?”
She bit the inside of her cheek. The easy answer was yes. Now that she knew what kind of man he was—and how lucky her child would be to have him for a father—of course she’d say yes. But she hadn’t known then. “I can’t change what happened, Garrett. I can only hope you forgive me.”
He was silent, not the response she’d hoped for deep down, but an honest one.
Changing the subject, he asked if Peanut had settled for the night or was awake and active. “Would it be weird to hold the phone to your stomach and let me say good-night?”
“Yes. I’d feel like a fool.”
He talked her into doing it, anyway, and she was smiling when they disconnected their call, mentally counting down the days until she’d see him again.
* * *
ARDEN’S FIRST BIRTH class was on a Wednesday evening, and she was touched that Garrett was making the trip even though he’d have to immediately turn around and go back. He and his father were driving to another ranch the next day to look at their herd and discuss trading some cattle. Garrett called her from the road to say he was running a few minutes behind and would meet her at the hospital.
True to his word, he pulled into the parking garage a few car lengths behind her. Her pulse stuttered in anticipation, and she smacked her palm to her forehead. She hadn’t even seen him yet—was she really so far gone that she was reacting to the front bumper of his truck?
He came to her side while she was pulling out a duffel bag of supplies and a large pillow from home.
“How long’s this session?” he teased, taking the duffel bag from her. “You look like you’re planning to spend the night here.”
“There are floor exercises. It said in the brochure to bring a blanket and pillow.” They fell into step with each other and headed for the maternity wing. “Look, Garrett, I really appreciate your coming with me. I just hope you don’t find these classes...silly. They’re supposed to cover multiple types of birthing methods and new-age relaxation techniques. Some of it might get pretty touchy-feely.”
He shot her a wicked grin. “Some of my favorite pastimes are of the touchy-feely variety.”
She laughed, appreciating his easy, cheerful manner. He seemed far more himself now than when he’d brought her home last week. “Have you had a chance to talk to Caroline yet about your proposed compromise?” Maybe he was feeling lighter because they’d reached an agreement.
“Nope. Dad and I have actually been really busy, and since I won’t have test results until November, there’s not much to say to her on the subject.” He reached forward to open the door for her.
“Things on the ranch must be going well. You seem pretty chipper,” she observed.
His gaze met hers. “Maybe my good mood is just because I get to spend the evening with you.”
And ten other couples, all of whom would be lying on the industrial-carpeted classroom floor, practicing pelvic positions and breathing. She grinned. If that was enough to put a spring in his step, then maybe she wasn’t the only one falling hard.
The classroom was plastered with informational posters and smelled faintly of bleach. About half the pairs were already present and the instructor encouraged students to mingle and get to know one another. “No one can fully comprehend what new parents are going through quite like other new parents,” she reminded them. “Make friends, compare notes.”
Garrett and Arden were the only couple in this particular session who weren’t husband and wife. Arden explained that Garrett was the baby’s father and would be present for some of the weekly classes, but that her friend and labor coach Layla would attend the others. As they began the first set of exercises, Arden realized that it was going to be a little awkward with her friend here.
They did a take on “passive massage,” where the men were supposed to lay their hands on their partners and visualize healing, supportive energy leaving their bodies and filling the mother’s. Accompanied by the somewhat cliché recording of soft jazz interspersed with the sound of rolling waves and seagull cries, it could have been comical. But Garrett’s touch made it an altogether different experience. She’d begun to crave his nearness the way some pregnant women ravenously craved peanut butter.
The exercise where she was supposed to
mentally link with her cervix, however, was far less sensual. Finally, it was time to watch the evening’s birth video. There would be one at every class, including footage of a water birth.
“Be warned, this may be pretty graphic,” she whispered to Garrett as the instructor dimmed the lights.
“Not to compare you to livestock, but I have witnessed plenty of births. I know what to expect.”
Yet ten minutes later, he was ashen. “It’s different with cows,” he mumbled when the class was dismissed. “I’ve never really thought about that happening to you before.”
He seemed to be taking this hard—but this was nothing compared to what she imagined Layla’s reaction would be to the explicit videos. I’d better bring smelling salts with me next week. She poked him in the shoulder. “Aren’t I the one who’s supposed to be a basket case?” she asked.
He looked chagrined. “Guess I wasn’t really student of the week. Give me another chance?”
As many as it takes. “Of course. Besides, you did way better than that guy in the back who hyperventilated. Thanks again for coming with me. I owe you.”
“Funny you should say that. I was actually planning to ask you a favor. Darcy’s been requesting, rather insistently, that we consider a double date with them Sunday night.”
Arden lost her footing for a second and grabbed his arm to steady herself. She stopped on the sidewalk, turning to face him. “Now, when you say date...” There were so many butterflies in her stomach that there was hardly room left for the baby.
HER SECRET, HIS BABY Page 14
